1. Stock investor Lao Zhao wanted to give a gift to his colleague Xiao Zhao. His wife said, you are the oldest in the company, why do you want to curry favor with a young man? Lao Zhao said: The main consideration is the medium and long term. Xiao Zhao has a postgraduate degree, a professional background, and belongs to the high-tech sector. Although he is young, he has outstanding achievements and is highly praised by all parties. He is really good at small business; his hometown is in Shaanxi, and he has some concepts about the west. ; Right now he is passionately in love with our director's daughter, which is a potential subject of reorganization; I heard that his father has a high position in the province, which means that the controlling shareholder is powerful... With so many benefits in one, Xiao Zhao's career will be certain. There is huge room for upside. Giving him gifts now is like collecting money from a low position. In the future, once he is listed on the stock market and becomes an official, he will inevitably pay me dividends or convert a large proportion of my capital into share capital.

2. The restaurant owner posted a recruitment notice, and three people came to apply... The boss asked the first person: "What are your specialties?" "I have been a trader." "How are your skills?" "It's nothing, it just can increase the stock price from 5 yuan to 50 yuan." "Great, I need a chef here, it's you." The second person handed over his resume, and the boss flipped through it. , said: "Oh, he is a stock critic. Well, your job is to stand at the door every day and pull people in when you see them. Is this not difficult for you?" He turned to the third person and asked: "What do you do?" The man blushed with shame and did not dare to say a word. The second person hurriedly said: "I brought him here. He is a retail investor. He can just arrange a job like washing dishes and sweeping the floor." The boss was a little embarrassed: "I am a very high-level person here. What do you want retail investors to do?" As he said, Suddenly I heard a noise coming from the lobby. The boss hurriedly called a waiter and asked her what happened. The waiter replied: "The buyer forgot to buy meat today, and the dishes ordered by the customers could not be delivered for a long time. He is losing his temper." The boss suddenly panicked. At this time, the retail investor next to him suddenly pulled out a sharp knife and stabbed it. He pulled up his trouser legs, cut off a large piece of meat with a sharp knife, and threw it bloody to the waiter: "Take it first for emergencies." He turned to the boss and said, "I don't have any other skills. I cut meat all the time. If you don't believe me, just ask. The two of them. "" Very good, let's go to work today

3. Men say to women: Women are like stocks. Once you buy a promising stock, it keeps falling. There are shortcomings and weaknesses that you couldn't see before. It's all exposed. Once you sell it, it becomes so cute in the hands of others. There are also stocks that you like, and you still feel cute after buying them, but there are too few such stocks, and there are also few such women. .

Women commented on men: Men are like stocks. Stocks with high prices may not necessarily make money. Although some stocks are not currently priced high, their prospects are very good. Such stocks are the best. There is hope. So when choosing a boyfriend, don't look at how much money he has now, but whether he has a future.

4. A veteran investor who has been in the stock market for a long time. After testing, he has achieved brilliant results and has a good character. He joked about the stock market after drinking, with a gentle manner and a lotus mouth. He was equivalent to a holy angel opening the devil's dictionary, which made a master or doctor with a professional background absolutely stunned when he heard it: "What is a stock?" , stocks are whores. Those with a high turnover rate are famous prostitutes, and those with a low turnover rate can't get rid of them. What is a stockholder? Stock investors are prostitutes; they usually live frugally but spend money like water on prostitutes. Prostitutes collect money and give away heartache. What is a brokerage? Brokers are pimps; if a client hooks up with a prostitute once, they will get some money to make money. What is a stock critic? Stock commentators are old military doctors. After asking you to dig into your pocket, you will be given an injection of penicillin of unknown origin that you dare not use for yourself. "There were several authentic stock commentators with consulting qualifications who were drinking at the same table. They all looked pale after hearing this. They all laughed heartily and worked together to further elaborate: "What is a performance report? That is the health certificate of prostitutes, which is published twice a year; in the United States, it is published once every quarter. Why speculate on interim results? It's nothing more than a prostitute who is pretty and has a temporarily negative HIV test. What are reservations? Remind stock players of the hidden dangers of the stocks they play and be responsible to investors.

Why no dividends, no bonus shares, no dividends? Pooh! You are not happy with the prostitution, and you expect the prostitute to give you a kickback, no way! "Short-term means one-night stand, long-term means having a mistress! To be bad means to start cracking down on pornography...

5. When you enter the stock market, you will be dazzled by the gentle fragrance of flowers everywhere. You can buy them for just a few dollars a day. Four or five stocks, Xiao Fang Xiaoyu is reluctant to let anyone go, and it feels a bit like polygamy. It doesn't take long for you to start to find that if you let a few stocks move in one place, you will lose a lot. It is more difficult for two women to be together without being jealous.

Practice makes you understand that although the risk of multiple stocks is small, the returns are even smaller, and non-professional retail investors like us have no energy at all.

Looking at so many stocks, you still have to carry a gas tank to wash diapers, right? Who threw rotten tomatoes in my face?

Tell you not to throw things away. The Moonlight Box is a treasure, so throw it away. It will pollute the environment. It would be bad if it hits children.

It would be bad if it hits flowers and plants.

Finally, I decided to love only one person and vowed to remain monogamous. Basic national policy, you are beginning to become a mature stock investor (man). Even if you are fully mentally prepared in advance, you cannot change your plan from short-term to mid-term. , changing the fate of the mid-term to the long-term, you begin to understand the famous sayings of the predecessors and martyrs, wives are always good for others

There are four popular sayings in Beijing, two of which are "speculating in stocks to become a shareholder and picking up girls." "Become a husband", compare the two, witty words. You start to be a shareholder.

The question is whether you can guarantee a sexy woman in a low-cut short skirt There are always so many myths and endless temptations in the stock market, so don’t use the profound Buddhism to arise from the mind.

Ideology teaches me, if you are not a monk and eat meat, be careful I slap you with rotten eggs. Didn’t Jiang Shan say:

I don’t blame you, the world is so complicated. Leave you alone in this world.

As if a spring breeze comes overnight, you will start an extramarital affair. In the past few months, China's B-share miracle is like an extramarital affair, B-shares

Open to domestic residents on 2.28 with unlimited daily limit for one week. For a man who has spent his honeymoon, the feeling is tempting but not tasteable

After one week, the daily limit of 60 will be opened, making most people become earth-centered again. Doubtful, just like most men have more or less sense of family responsibility. In your hesitation, B shares kept telling you her with a 150 increase.

Charming, when you finally decide to embark on the happy train of extramarital affairs at all costs to feel the sweetness of paradise,

It is when you are quilted on 6.1. This reminds me of a movie line: She is a fairy and so are you. Don't..., let alone there are no fairies in this world

(She seems to be referring to Liu Bei)

Once you can't bear it anymore, sell your stocks and look back indifferently, the lights are on. There is a beautiful woman in the dark with a flushed face.

Stocks are like women. What makes you most attracted to her is when her face is flushed. What chills you the most is when her face is ashen (

when green). You don't know how many expressionless or livid faces you have to endure just for a woman's face flushing once. Stocks are like women, you can never guess her mood.

Stocks are like An Hong, they miss you when they are hungry and want to sleep.

6. Old Oil Developer An old oil developer was favored by the Lord after his death and met St. Peter at the gate of heaven. St. Peter told him good news and bad news. The good news was that he Qualified to enter heaven, but the bad news is that there is no more room in heaven to accommodate oil developers. The old oil developer thought for a while and said to St. Peter that he just needs to say a word to the existing residents. St. Peter thought He agreed without any serious problems, and saw the old oil developer shouting into heaven: "Oil has been discovered in hell! Oil has been discovered in hell!" After a while, the door to heaven opened, and all the oil developers rushed to hell. Running over, St. Peter said to the old oil developer in surprise: "Awesome! Awesome! Now you can go in." But the old oil developer paused and said, "No! It would be better for me to go with them. Rumor has it that It might be true!"

7.

A seasoned trader from a large institution has been tested in the stock market for many years, with brilliant results and good character. When he was drunk, he joked about the stock market. He was polite and spoke lotus flowers. He was equivalent to a holy angel opening the devil's dictionary. Masters and Ph.D.s with a professional background were absolutely stunned after hearing this: What is a stock? A stock is a prostitute. Those with a high turnover rate are famous prostitutes, and those with a low turnover rate can't get rid of them. What is a stockholder? Stock investors are prostitutes; they usually live frugally but spend money like water on prostitutes. Prostitutes collect money and give away heartache. What is a brokerage? Brokers are pimps; once a client hooks up with a prostitute, they get some money to make money. What is a stock critic? Stock commentators are old military doctors. After asking you to dig into your pocket, I will give you an injection of Penicillium of unknown origin that you dare not use for yourself! !

8.

Xiao Liu just opened an account and came to the stock market.

I bought a securities newspaper at the door, and then someone said: "Hey! Become a new investor!"

Xiao Liu was stunned: "How do you know?"

The man said: "Except for the date, the rest of the newspaper is fake. How can any old stock investor buy it?"

Xiao Liu entered the hall, and there were already a lot of people there. , he stood behind someone looking at the computer, and someone greeted him: "Hey! New investors!"

"How do you know?"

"Old investors have come to occupy the machine early. How can you be so late!"

Xiao Liu heard the same thing and sat down to watch the big screen. Someone next to him said: "New investors!"

Xiao Liu was stunned again. : "How do you know?"

"All the old investors are playing poker, how can anyone watch the stock market!"

Xiao Liu took a look and saw that no, very few people were looking at the screen. .

At noon, Xiaoliu went outside and bought a lunch box. The lunch seller said: "Heh... Heh..., become a new investor!"

" How did you know!? "

"Old stock investors don't buy box lunches, they all go home to eat after 3 o'clock."

Xiao Liu felt a little annoyed at being told that he was a new stock investor all morning, and secretly made up his mind to study hard and strive to become an old stock investor as soon as possible.

After eating, he saw a bunch of people talking about stocks, so he went over to listen. After a while, someone patted him: "Hey! New investors!"

"How do you know!!"

"How can any veteran stock investor not speak after listening for 10 minutes!"

Xiao Liu had no choice but to say nothing.

In the afternoon, Xiao Liu decided to buy a stock. He was optimistic about a stock called Shenhua Holdings. Last month it was more than 8 yuan, but now it is only more than 4 yuan. When he was about to buy, someone beside him said: " Hey! New investors! "

" How do you know! ? "How can old investors buy ex-rights?" He gritted his teeth and stopped buying. He thought, he couldn't let others see that I was a new investor.

The market was about to close, and Xiao Liu finally decided to buy a stock. He bought 100 shares of 600839.

Not wanting to be seen, the person said: "Hey! Become a new investor!"

"How did you know!?!?!?"

"How can any veteran investor buy Changhong!"

Xiao Liu felt so regretful!

The market closed, and there was a stock review in the sales department. Xiaoliu was listening carefully. Someone said: "Hey! Become a new investor!"

"How did you know!!!! "

"How can old investors listen to stock reviews?"

Xiao Liu walked out and was blocked by someone, "Hey! New investors!" "

" How did you know! ! "

" How could an old stock investor leave without going to the bathroom? "

Wanting to go home, the old man looked at the car and said: "Hey! New investors!"

"How do you know!!!!!!!!!"

"How can there be old investors? Those who went home after the market closed were all talking about it in the sales department. There were no old investors who kept their cars, so they all left them in the corridor! "

Xiao Liu fainted. . . . .

After Xiaoliu fainted...

As soon as he opened his eyes, he found that the aunt was holding him up. Just when he was about to say "thank you", the aunt smiled like a mother and said: " My kid, are you a new investor?"

Xiao Liu was shocked, "How did you know? Did you fall in the wrong position just now?"

The aunt dropped it on the ground when Xiao Liu fainted. The magnetic card, code card and ID card were handed to him: "Be careful, kid, how can any veteran investor put these three together?"

......

Not long ago Step by step, a beggar stretched out his hand to ask for money.

Xiao Liu has been kind since he was careful and gave all the change left in his pocket to the beggar. A strange smile appeared on beggar Cai Qing's face, " Good guy, are you a new investor?"

Xiao Liu started to sweat, "Damn it!"

"How do you know!" ...too little?"

The beggar was afraid that he would ask for the money back again, so he quickly said: "I have been asking for money at this door for a long time. Those old investors who come often give me eight cents. , one dollar and six, these amounts, the one you gave me was one dollar and four. Old stock investors don’t like this amount..."

Xiao Liu was completely dizzy and did not dare to ride a bicycle, so he had to push it back. , an old man turned around and looked at him for a moment, "Young man, are you a new investor?"

Xiao Liu felt as if he was walking naked on the street, ashamed, because the old man was an elder , it’s hard to get angry, the old man smiled and said, "How can any old stock investor come to the securities department wearing green clothes to look at stocks? Look, there is a bear printed on your shoulder bag!!"

Xiao Liu then paid attention. There are a lot of old men, oh, they are actually wearing a bright red T-shirt with the Chicago Bulls' well-known team logo printed on the chest! The old man saw the disappointment on Xiao Liu's face, looked around, and said to him mysteriously, "Let me tell you, my underwear was handmade by my wife from pure cotton red cloth. It is breathable, durable and auspicious." ..."

Xiao Liu finally returned home in the dark, only to see a rosy-faced monk asking for alms from his wife Cuihua, "Master, are you back?"

Xiao Liu felt weak. Nodding, the monk clasped his hands when he saw him like this: "Amitabha, is this donor a new investor?..."

Xiaoliu fell to the ground again...

According to Xiaoliu's neighbor Tell me, Xiaoliu slept at home for three days...

Moreover, he would vomit whenever he heard the "Everyone on Earth knows..." commercial on TV. As for whether he just got used to "vomiting and vomiting..." ", I'm not quite sure yet.

Xiao Liu slept for three days and came to the stock market again today.

As soon as I entered, I didn’t even look at the market and just bought two stocks. A guy next to me laughed when he saw it and asked, “Are you a new investor?!”

Xiao Liu’s His face twitched, but he didn't fall down. The buddy smiled and said: "All the old investors are selling, but you are the only one buying. Didn't you watch yesterday's economic channel? Didn't Rogers understand what he said?!"

.. ...........

After the market closed in the afternoon, Xiao Liu looked at the two markets that had fallen in confusion. He slumped on his chair with dull eyes. A group of people passed by and asked again. : "Are you a new investor?"

Xiao Liuqi Weak Yousi: "Why do you say I am a new investor?"

"Old investors are used to losing money, only new investors can lose money." so".

Xiao Liu immediately spurted out dozens of taels of blood.

9. I recently recommended the stock 600642. After a friend followed up, power stocks immediately rose sharply. However, Shenergy only rose 11 points in 2 days, and SDIC Power reached its daily limit of 2. My friend was very depressed. Call me and ask me how to choose this stock? I said that I worked as a fortune teller for a period of time when I was down and out. Now when I buy stocks, I basically rely on the little "knowledge accumulation" I had when I was a fortune teller. My friend was stunned and asked me how I calculated.

I He said: I am telling you the Book of Changes. If you don’t move, let’s talk about splitting the characters. It’s simpler: Did you notice that the character Shen, without the U-turn, is the character A? Therefore, this stock cannot reach the daily limit, and it cannot be the leader. If you don't give it a try, it will get better later. If you don't believe it, just wait and see

My friend said: "Hey, this fortune teller is a bit interesting. Stocks do often rise and fall quickly. They are not lukewarm. The ones that are hot have staying power."

I said: "Look at the word "Shen" and remove the word "Yu", so you have to let it go. You're pleasantly surprised."

My friend calmed me down: "Your calculation makes sense," he couldn't help but praise me as a fortune teller.

Haha, I can't just let him know that he is happy. , poured some cold water on him, and I immediately said: "But. . . . . There are also things to be careful about. Look at the word "neng" in Shen Neng. If something goes wrong, it's on it. Add four dots under it and it becomes a bear, which means it's going to fall. So once this stock drops four points, be careful. ”

10. When you find that you understand the K-line, you will find that you are good at doing stocks; (original stage)

When you can read the moving average, you will find that it is easy to make money. Now, buy the golden cross and sell the dead cross; (original stage)

When you can read the indicators, you can already recommend stocks; (less than half a jar of water)

When you learn The short-term is the 54 cards of Yintang Nengtong, and you have begun to dream of a billionaire; (horror)

When you talk about multi-party guns, you will be out of luck (haha)

When you gradually doubt yourself, you start to make progress; (progress stage)

When you know the truth, you find that stocks are no longer a joke and can no longer Lazy - discipline! ; (progressive stage)

When you closely focus on the 3-day line and 30-day line (lifeline), your mentality begins to doubt - why do you go on the 3rd day? It rises at the same level, then rises for a while, and just got out of the market after a sharp rise in the early trading.

The 30-day line does not seem to be a lifeline. Stocks that have risen will have life immediately in a few days. When the 30-day line goes up, has the mid- and short-term peaked? (Progressive stage)

When you use 81 and 83 to select horses, the morning market comes, and it goes up. Why are you trapped? ?

When you use kdj*** to vibrate and your operations become more frequent, you find that your funds have stagnated or even regressed;

You only find out when you take a closer look at the short-term heroes. , it turns out that the old man only relies on these operations and does not rely on these operations. These are written for stock commentators to talk without practicing; (progressive stage)

When you gradually become tired, you find that it turns out that you only rely on iron. The lyrics are the most useful, “The soul is a mountain that has been cried. . . . . .

The heart is still the same and the intention is strong - "Keep fighting!!!"

When your whys become more and more, you discover Aoki's way to the top, you are saved!!!

When you understand the meaning of attacking what you don't defend, you understand the principle of buying low and the risk of chasing the rise;

When you no longer see a big pillar, it is called letting go. , you will become better at changing hands; (Great Progress Stage)

When you understand the meaning of the moving average flow, you will understand how big a difference there is between the golden cross and the dead cross above and below the moving average flow, 30 The daily line has also become a line in the river; (Great Progress Stage)

When you understand that when it rises, you look at support and when it falls, you look at pressure, your thinking begins to be reversed; (Looking at mountains is not the mountain stage)

When you know that arrows shot on cliffs and on flat ground are different, you understand what is useful knowledge and what is knowledge used to cultivate sentiment;

When you understand right and wrong. When success or failure turns to nothing, and God will be kind to everyone, your eyes will look further than others; (looking at mountains is still a childish type)

When you read like a friend chatting (log in) (Road to the Peak) 5 times, you suddenly find that you no longer know any moves (there are no moves at all in this book), but you can read stocks and understand them! ? It turns out that you have mastered the martial arts skills of the stock market! , it turns out that the mental method of practicing is the foundation;

When you experience the Multi-Fang Cannon again, you will feel like you are in another world! !

When you read it again! When you work hard, you will no longer envy others with a self-blame mentality (progress into a high-level stock investor)

When you think that there is no way to overcome it, you are wrong again; you Your skills are far from enough. You are an entry-level person in terms of mental skills. You are now worthy of being called "childish" when facing the world's top masters! ! In terms of quantity, you will find how superficial the K-line is; how much you have learned about the classic theory...

When you start to learn Gann theory, you will find that there is a lot of knowledge. It seems familiar. It turns out that Tang, Tie and Mu were on the same road but on different journeys, including Gann, including you and me;

When you gradually get to know stocks, you realize the value of knowledge, and you have After completing a cycle, you should not underestimate Tang Nengtong, Zhitie, and Qingmu... Just like you should not underestimate Teacher Xiao when you are in college, they are all your teachers when they are growing up. Internal strength cannot be expressed, but how much internal strength can be achieved only through cultivation?

When you feel confused and deny yourself again and again, you are moving forward and moving forward steadily. The most important skill you should practice is to find a high point and look into the distance every day. . As they walked out of the way, a big crocodile happened to crawl over from afar. In desperation, the little gecko stepped forward and hugged the crocodile's leg, and shouted to his mother, the big crocodile burst into tears: "Son, I just bought half of the stock market." She has become so thin in just a month!

12. A experienced big business owner in Shenzhen has been tested in the stock market for many years, has achieved brilliant results, and has a good character. He joked about the stock market after drinking. He was polite and spoke lotus flowers. He was equivalent to a holy angel opening the devil's dictionary. Masters and Ph.D.s with a professional background were absolutely stunned when he heard this: "What is a stock? A stock is a prostitute. The one with a high turnover rate is A prostitute with a low turnover rate can't get rid of her. What is a stock investor? A stockbroker is a pimp; he spends money on prostitutes while he is frugal. What is a broker? When a prostitute hooks up with a prostitute, they get some money. What is a stock critic? The stock critic is an old military doctor who will give you an injection of penicillin of unknown origin. An authentic stock commentator with consulting qualifications was speechless after hearing this. They all laughed heartily and worked together to elaborate: "What is a performance report? It is a prostitute's health certificate. It is published twice a year; in the United States, it is published once every quarter. What’s the point of speculating on interim results? It’s nothing more than a prostitute who’s pretty and has a temporary negative HIV test. What’s the point of reservation? We should remind investors that the stocks they are playing are hidden.

Why no dividends, no bonus shares, no dividends? Pooh! You are not happy with the prostitution, and you expect the prostitute to give you a kickback, no way! "Short-term is just a one-night stand, long-term is equivalent to having a mistress! If you are negative, you are starting to crack down on pornography.