When I was born, everyone in the room cried in the toilet. The dean slapped his mouth, hated him for being greedy for money and occupied my business. Motherly love is great. She didn't dislike me and raised me. But she wore a picture of a skeleton on my face to relieve the psychological pressure of her old man. In the third grade of primary school, the whole class was the most curious. There is a classmate named "Li Dadan" in our class. He said I took off my mask without paying attention. Since then, Li Dadan has suffered from a strange disease. He was in a trance, his eyes glazed over, and he could not speak. He just said, "Ugliness is the best ugliness!

Mother had no choice but to send me to my second uncle's house in the country. In that village, dogs stopped barking, chickens stopped fighting, crops were confiscated, and the only old well in the village dried up. When I grew up, I returned to the city. I've never seen a red light when driving. It's green all the way. The quiet life is so boring that I signed up for the challenge host. It was not until they met me that Shao Gang and Ding Dong regained their confidence in life. Xu never wants to lose weight again. Say, why are people like us so difficult to understand? (Say that finish, take out a paper bag and put it on your head. )

Goodbye, friends!

An old man once said: Half of men are women, and all women are men. This woman is water and the man is mud. What is together? Not cement, but black sesame paste! This also shows that the relationship between a man and a woman is really broken and chaotic. So let's talk about the difference between men and women today.

First of all, men choose sweat and women choose tears. Men choose sweat because bleeding is too expensive, too much blood will lead to anemia, and tears are too cheap, which will be laughed at: not manly enough.

It's much easier for women to cry. If she is wronged, frustrated and lovelorn, this woman's tears will come at once, and you can't stop it.

Second, men choose cars and women choose children. This car is a mobile ornamental, a symbol of men's identity and status, and the first choice for men to attract women. The child is a static ornament. In most cases, women spend much more time with their children than men. Why? Because she's thinking about the man in the room.

As the saying goes, behind a successful man, there is a strong woman, and behind a successful woman, there must be a disappointing man.

One afternoon, I met a young man in his twenties by the roadside. He squatted on the side of the road, his head drooping. He wrote a line of chalk in front of him: "I am too hungry to find a job." I haven't eaten for days. Good people give me a bite to eat. " I think all smart people should know that this is another liar who uses the sympathy of good people to cheat money.

I frowned at that time, and I immediately thought of it. I rushed to a small restaurant next to me with lightning speed and bought five big steamed buns made in Shandong, totaling two and a half pounds. Then I ran to take it out and said to him, "Brother, you have suffered. Come on, I have steamed bread here. Please eat it while it is hot. " Several old ladies passing by also echoed: "Oh, look how kind this young man is! Young man, eat quickly, and you will have the strength to find a job after eating! "

Finally, with our unanimous encouragement, he had to start eating. When I saw him eat the first one, it went well. The second time, it was a little rough. The third time, every bite hurts.

Comrades and friends, the best time has come, because he is going to start eating the fourth one. I saw him take a bite, two bites, three bites ... Wow, he had a close contact with the ground. Then I wrote four sentences in trembling handwriting: "I didn't lie to you when I set up the game." Two pounds of steamed bread almost killed me. " Seeing this poem, I also wrote a book and replied to him in six big characters: "Challenges are everywhere!" " "

..... When it comes to raising children, he is not as good as me. I have taught many good children before. The first one I went to, their children were admitted to Tianjin University, the second was admitted to Oxford University, and the third was admitted to "Rubber Band University" and "Rubber Band University". You may not know, their mantra is: take out people's rubber bands and make a slingshot to hit people's glass. ..... Say something practical, better than doing housework. I clean the floor, you don't need a mirror at home, and you have to chop the flies when they land on the table I clean! ..... Look at me, I am a knife, a gun, a stick, an axe and a fork. I am proficient in everything. I want to be a nanny in your home. There is absolutely no possibility of thieves and robbers within 100 miles of Fiona Fang, Fiona Fang. In a couple of days, the neighborhood committee will send you a big plaque called "world without thieves"! ..... My figure, poetry, playing and singing are all unique skills. Do you think it's wonderful that I sing a song, play a song and play a song for you every day at dinner? You don't have to watch the Spring Festival party. I give you a Spring Festival party every day. I often invite my friends to our house for drinks, but even if we need a companion, we still need a woman. If you sit next to us, do you think we can drink? ) Wei Chi: Don't you think I'm actually quite delicate? (Please pay attention to the orchid finger when taking a bath) ... Listen to one of my poems. You need me on a business trip. Don't worry; You put me at home, you worry; You chat with me, you are upset; You will get hurt if you look at me. (Ma Dong: So, can you be my nanny? ! ) Wei Chi: Yes, because challenges are everywhere!

Hello, audience friends! Welcome to How to Make Money from Bathhouses. We will introduce several ideas of starting a business and making a fortune in each program, and the business of making a fortune brought to you today is beans. If this bean is good, you will get rich directly. If the beans don't move, there are three other situations that can be handled:

First, retting beans into watercress, watercress; If the watercress doesn't move, marinate it again. If the lobster sauce is still moving, we can add water to ferment and get soy sauce.

Second, make beans into tofu. If you accidentally harden them, then we will have dried tofu. If you accidentally thin it, you are tofu; If it is too thin, simply soy milk; If this tofu doesn't move, we will put it for a few days and replace it with stinky tofu; Stinky tofu does not move, let its long hair rot completely, and then our tofu milk.

The third situation is to let the beans sprout, bean sprouts; The bean sprouts are not moving. Change them in a few days. This thing is also very popular now.

In fact, there is no shortage of wealth in life, only the eyes that find it. If you have any good ideas for getting rich, please share them with us in the program. Ok, that's all for today's program. Beans are good, extraordinary, and make money! Continue next time ~ ~ Thank you!

Foreign language westward journey

As for me, I have a foreign friend who has just arrived in China recently. He had just started learning Chinese, and when he died, he had 100 words. As a result, one day he told me that he had finished reading The Journey to the West, one of the four classical novels, and he chatted with everyone about his feelings after reading it. He put it this way: The story tells the story of a China monk traveling to the west, which is an adventure in essence. He rode on a white horse with a servant named Friar Sand. In order to pass the loneliness of the journey, he also took a pet monkey and a pet pig on the road. Along the way, they passed many rivers and climbed many mountains and mountains, and they were frightened a lot. It is said that the monkey brought by this monk is very capable and cleared many obstacles for the monk along the way. What about the pet pig? It doesn't seem to have any effect, just as a tool to relieve boredom during the trip. That servant is really useless, carrying a pair of broken luggage all day and being pushed around. As a foreign friend, my biggest feeling when I watch Journey to the West is that China people loved pet pigs more than 1000 years ago!

Mutual praise and criticism

Description of Wang Guanmei: I want to start with the details, starting with the eyebrows of the crown. There is a song about the eyebrows of the crown: (singing) Your eyebrows are thin and long, like the crescent moon on that tree. ..... Except for the eyes, which are so big, to what extent, I can't wear contact lenses and can't stand falling. ..... It is said that God created human beings in five processes, and you have 50! ..... Some people say that love is proud and the casino is frustrated. Presumably, if Bill Gates saw you today, he would be poor after midnight. ...

Describe the inner beauty of the crown: Speaking of her kindness, I would like to quote a famous saying of teacher Zhang Shaogang: blank! ..... Kindness is blank! ..... needless to say, the characteristics of the crown, first of all, she looks beautiful, and second, when I just listened to her first two links, I really found that she is very talented. I believe that if she continues to stand on this stage, more talents will be seen by everyone. ...

Describe the ugliness of the crown: how to say, the crown is definitely not a beauty in modern times, but in the era of Yuanmou people, it is a first-class beauty! ..... I went to see an abstract art exhibition the other day. I fell in love with a painting. Wow, I really like it. This is an abstract painting. Then I said I wanted it. As a result, the staff said: no, this is a photo of the crown. Don't! ..... Give you a beautiful crown! I look like Stephanie at close range and Su Xiaomei at a distance, because my face is very long. Not far away, there is a female version of Li Yong ... (Xu said: This is not to say that people are ugly. People say that a person is ugly. People say this: Wei Chi is ugly. He looks like Zhang Shaogang at close range and looks like a jingle at a distance. )

Wei Chi: Hello, Xiao Sheng Wei Chi, outside the bathhouse.

Qingyuan: Hello, little girl is polite!

Wei Chi: Oh, I can't answer it!

Debate whether liberal arts students are better or science students. Wei Chi: Science students are better.

Qingyuan: Last time you chased your girlfriend, didn't you ask me to write you a love letter?

Wei Chi: That's impossible! Your love letter to me is, Cui Hua, you are a kitchen knife and I am a pickle. You are pants and I am a belt. We science students also have our science students' poems, "I am zero, and you are all real numbers." We ride me, we add you! "

When the sun rises, we know it's time to go to work. The sun goes down, and if we haven't got off work yet, we will say to the boss, boss, we have to deal with the money today!

Wei Chi: Good liberal arts students.

Wei Chi: Ma Dong, I want to ask you a question. Are you a liberal arts student or a science student?

Ma Dong: I'm a science student!

Wei Chi: Really? Oh, that's ... what a coincidence!

1, Ma Dong: Wei Chi, to tell the truth, I saw you for the ninth time in this circle, and it was a little ... (Wei Chi took the words himself)-aesthetic fatigue!

2. Wang Hua: I've heard a lot about you. I finally met you today. Nice to meet you! Wei Chi: To tell you the truth, your singing is really good. But I speak better than I sing! :)

My friends, there was a movie called Twenty, Thirty and Forty last year. I don't know if you have seen it. Then I want to say that if I introduce this 20-year-old girl, she will ask, "Is he handsome?" If you introduce someone to a 30-year-old woman, she will ask, "Is he successful in his career?" If you introduce someone to a 40-year-old woman, she will ask, "Where is he?"

My mother is my sister-in-law, and my father is my big brother. I always call it that.

7 (Wei Chi teases her to relieve her mother's nervousness) Look at the camera, 60 seconds, go!

This is the seventh time that I have stood on the stage of challenging the host, and it is also the seventh time that I have been associated with two issues before the naming system. Then the number 7 means a lot to me. You should not know that my birthday is July 7, 2008, and I was born at 7 am. When I was 7 years old in primary school, I got the first prize in my life, which was the composition prize for primary school students and a pencil box. /kloc-When I was 0/7 years old, I won the first prize in a speech contest. The prize was a walkman. Now, although I am not yet 27 years old, I think I must win the championship for such an important person. However, you 17 took the exam of 727 14, alas ~ ~ don't mention 72 1. If you can make me the champion of 749, I will thank you even more!

9 (Challenger meets champion for the first time) Ma Jie: Nice hairstyle, I like it!

Wei Chi: I am the Wei Chi who is eight feet tall and eight feet waist.