That is to say, once a person likes to argue when he meets someone, he will fight for money, and without any humility, he will be hit hard and be hindered everywhere.
In The Front and Side of Zeng Guofan written by Zhang Hongjie, a doctor of history, when he was young, Zeng Guofan, the protagonist, was a man who was too square in his work. He was arrogant and single-minded, and even the emperor dared to call a spade a spade. If he was ridiculed by the government and the public, he would stay away from him.
how did Zeng Guofan make himself thoroughly remould himself in dealing with people through self-cultivation? I summed it up in four words: inside and outside circle.
first, what is a "square" in dealing with people?
"Fang" is the foundation of being a man. It is a quality that determines the success or failure of life.
From an early age, our parents taught us to be upright, to behave, to be sincere and kind, to tell the truth, one is one, the other is two, and not to go astray.
Zeng Guofan was such a person when he was young. He was born in an ordinary family, and their family was transformed from his generation. He started from a scholar at the age of 27 and advanced all the way to the Hanlin Academy through reading, and Lao Zeng's family suddenly became noble from ordinary people.
His grandfather warned him not to be arrogant, but to be modest and honest. Therefore, Zeng Guofan entered the officialdom with full passion and dreams. However, at that time, the official atmosphere of the Qing Dynasty was dirty and chaotic, and the top-down authorities ignored the country.
The upright Zeng Guofan didn't want to be a nice guy. He said that the emperor wanted to rectify the unhealthy trend in the DPRK. As a result, his kindness and sincerity offended the civil and military officials in the Manchu Dynasty. The officials didn't like Zeng Guofan's obvious manner, and all his popularity did not come together. So, they joined forces to deal with Zeng Guofan and made him unable to move.
The emperor's fatuity made Zeng Guofan disappointed and full of indignation and dissatisfaction. Zeng Guofan, who was bent on saving the Qing empire, was driven by integrity, selflessness and a strong sense of responsibility. He took the lead and bluntly criticized the emperor. He hoped that he could wake up the emperor. As a result, instead of being woken up, the emperor flew into a rage at him.
Zeng Guofan was adamant. He didn't stop playing, but continued to write to the emperor and suggested that the court should be reorganized. At the same time, he enforced the law impartially and dismissed two important people from their posts for investigation. Under this circumstance, he moved other people's cheese, broke the unspoken rule of "officials protect each other" in officialdom and became a "heterogeneous" in the eyes of colleagues.
Finally, he was reviled, squeezed out and suppressed by everyone in power, and his colleagues isolated him one after another, making him feel ashamed. It can be said that during his ten years as an official in Beijing, Zeng Guofan was really miserable and mentally tortured.
It is reasonable to say that he is upright in character and dedicated to sharing worries for the country. There is nothing wrong with him, but why is he despised and hated by others?
Guiguzi said that talking too straight will hurt people, and talking too straight will hurt yourself.
when we get along with others, it's not a bad thing to be frank, but we speak frankly and tactfully, leaving no room for others, and ultimately it is ourselves who suffer.
in his youth, Zeng Guofan was alienated and isolated in the officialdom, that is, he was too straightforward in speaking and doing things, straight and right-angled, like a square, unable to move, and kept hitting a wall in the smooth world, which led his colleagues to stay away from him.
second, what is a circle in life?
getting along with people is too upright. You need to be "round". Round, that is, smooth edges and corners, can cope with all aspects very thoughtfully, which is a manifestation of wisdom.
as the saying goes, a single filament does not make a line, and a single tree does not make a forest. This sentence tells us that a person's ability is limited, and he can't do great things by himself.
Zeng Guofan realized this after middle age. Because of his own way and too honest and clean style, he suffered five humiliations in his life, and those humiliations were the result of his "inability to be a man", the biggest of which was Changsha's humiliation.
when Zeng Guofan first went to Changsha to establish the Xiang army, because he exceeded his authority, he asked the local green campers with corrupt military discipline to have daily drills with the Xiang army, but it caused dissatisfaction among those soldiers of fortune. Encouraged by the prefect Bao Qibao, Zeng Guofan was besieged by a soldier of fortune in his mansion and almost lost his life, but no one in the local officials defended him, which made him lose face.
Zeng Guofan, who was extremely wronged at that time, was besieged on all sides, and he made himself a loner. This humiliation made Zeng Guofan bear the burden of humiliation, which was also the beginning of his harmony.
So, he took his recruited Xiang army and went to the relatively secluded Hengyang to train. He went through many hardships, turned the Xiang Army into a strong force, and defeated the Taiping Army with fewer victories in the battle of Xiangtan, which fully proved his strength and successfully saved Changsha's humiliated face for himself.
but he still has no right to be without money. The emperor used him, local officials restrained him, and he was depressed. It happened that his father died, so he took the opportunity to ask the emperor for leave to go home to be filial. During a year's rest at home, Zeng Guofan studied the works of Saint Zhuangzi, which gave him unexpected enlightenment.
He began to really reflect on his bit by bit in getting along with people in the officialdom. After waking up, he felt that it was not all others' fault, but that he didn't know how to be smooth and soft, and his words were like a knife, and he was too straight, exclusive and angular, which caused discomfort and disgust to others.
He finally understood that tact is the necessary means to survive in society. Only by being tactful can we successfully pass through difficult barriers. Only by learning to be tolerant can he mobilize all forces to achieve his goals.
Zeng Guofan's way of thinking has undergone a major change since he realized the truth. When he returned to the officialdom, his communication with people began to become amiable, modest and thoughtful; He told the emperor, no longer so outspoken, but learned to express implicitly; He began to "go along with others"; He also manages the army with leniency and strictness.
He has not only grown up, but also changed. He knows how to be flexible in dealing with people. At this time, he didn't want to be smooth and hypocritical, but he learned to go with the flow when he was adhering to a group of righteousness. Since then, like Ji Xiaolan in Qianlong's reign, he has learned to be "tactful and upright at heart."
third, what is the inner and outer circle in dealing with people?
The inner circle and the outer circle are the wisdom of China people. Only when Fiona Fang is integrated and just right is a person's real way of doing things.
Zeng Guofan thoroughly understood the truth of the inner circle and the outer circle, so he was both clear and muddy. Especially in the case of the capture of Taiping general Li Xiucheng.
He adopted the strategy of attacking the heart and asked Li Xiucheng to write a self-report book. Li Xiucheng didn't hate him until his death. He privately edited some important contents in the readme, because he was afraid that the secrets in the Xiang army would be known, which witnessed his "tactfulness".
From then on, Zeng Guofan knew the essence of traditional political culture, and he had principles and flexibility in handling affairs. He understood the secret of officialdom's survival, and used tricks in time, but his honest heart was still clear, and his loyalty to the Qing Dynasty never changed.
His incorruptibility starts with himself, and requires his subordinates and his family to be diligent and frugal together. His legacy is only 18,2 silver, a house (rich hall) and books.
He wears simple clothes and doesn't pay attention to eating. He refuses to accept gifts, and takes care of what he wants. He told his subordinates to be diligent and love the people, and not to abuse power for personal gain. He told his family to be self-reliant and self-sufficient in everything. There are no servants in the huge government house, and the life of the whole family is extremely simple and simple.
His "turbidity" is manifested in "hidden rules". In eating, drinking and socializing, he tries to follow the customs. He is no different from ordinary bureaucrats in the gray income of sending officials, because this is a human exchange.
unlike Harry, he refuses to accept corruption. Instead, he deposited it in his own "small vault" and then used the money in the small vault to bribe, manage, eat and drink. He did not use this money for his own use like other officials.
Zeng Guofan is honest and upright in his bones, but on the surface, he is "in cahoots". Because his ambition is not to be an "honest official", but to do great things. He doesn't want to be stubborn and become the object of rejection. He wants to be a clear and muddy person, so that he can have great strength and achieve great things.
Zeng Guofan, who became a saint, told people: "Do not do what you want and do what you say.". It means that you should not be willful when dealing with people, be careful when you speak, and don't talk nonsense at will.
He has set a good example for us from the beginning to the softness, and then to the combination of rigidity and softness.
Summary:
In his early years, Zeng Guofan was cynical, single-minded and stubborn, and it was common for him to run into a wall everywhere.
after middle age, he finally became smooth in the struggle with officialdom. This kind of tact is not all in his nature, but he realized it from falling down again and again. His tact is based on simplicity and integrity, and it can't be compared with worldly tact.
in his later years, there was no change in his initial heart. He just no longer thinks that he can achieve his goal quickly by straightforward means. Instead, we should start from ourselves, influence the people around us, and cultivate a gentleman like him, thus affecting the whole social atmosphere and realizing the benign development of society. His devotion and diligence are unparalleled in the history of China.
We live in a vast world, and we need not only integrity, but also tact and sophistication, and more importantly, an inner circle and an outer circle. This is the way to behave.