Smoking fake cigarettes, drinking fake wine, watching fake football matches, and listening to fake singing. Wearing fake name brands and fake headgear. Only the bastard in the world is real and is called a turtle. The following are some of Guo Degang’s classic quotations that I recommend for everyone. Welcome to read and collect them.

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1. Spend one yuan to buy a bottle of mineral water, take a sip and spit out, fake! Why did you mix it with water?

2. Talk about cross talk You have to work hard, I'm sweating now, you see, people don't sweat, they sweat.

3. We are going to let Yu Qian commit suicide to thank the world... …

4. In my heart, Yu Qian is a perfect person... This person is finished.

5. Brain kernels are like pine nuts, just boil them in a bowl after opening.

6. People live for fame and fortune, which is fine. I just want to make money. If I eat well, dress well, and live well, I can speak cross talk well. If someone throws 100 million away, I will talk about cross talk every day and do nothing.

7. There is a bright moonlight in front of the bed. I suspect it is frost on the ground. I look up at the bright moon. My name is Guo Degang.

8. Go your own way and let whoever wants to tell you.

9. Does their family have a bad reputation? If you don’t pick up something in the aisle, it will be thrown away.

10. Many crosstalks are made up, but this one is true

11. I went to a restaurant to eat, do you have chicken? Waiter: Shh! I am! < /p>

12. My cross talk will ruin the Spring Festival Gala!

13. Thank God for giving me the stew

14. A scientist with good ethics

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15. Yu Qian is a good person, no matter how he deals with people or on stage, to be honest, bah!... No, there was a little bug in his mouth just now...

16. Someone introduced me to a girlfriend. She is so beautiful, and her face looks like someone from a car accident. ——Quotes from Guo Degang's sketch

17. He is so rich that he drives a Cadillac with 13 doors. As soon as you hear the sound, you can tell that it is a good machine. It is imported from Germany. It has a "chu-duk-duk-doo" sound. There is only one driver in the front row. The steering wheel is different from others. It is usually round. His wheel is made of sterling silver. Long, bent at both ends. Oh, Sanbengzi. As soon as you start driving, half of Beijing will be filled with black smoke, and the traffic police will shout directly at you: "Elder Sun, please take away your magical powers."

18. Is there a two-foot-long lobster? Sorry, there is no two-foot-long lobster. They only have two-foot-two lobsters. What shabby restaurant doesn’t even have two-foot-long lobsters, just a plate of shredded potatoes.

19. He scolds me, and I take a step back. He scolds me again, and I take another step back. There will be a wall behind me, and he still scolds me. Damn it!!~~

20. Yu Qian, what a good actor! Talking about learning to sing and singing...it's okay

21. Do you care? Do I have to deal with this with you? I'll do it with you But this! - Guo Degang's famous sayings

22. Don't tell me what you are called here. If you say it, it will be a scolding

23. There are four dishes on the table, and the first chapter begins. Look at one, hehe! So good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! Look at the fourth one, a plate of vinegar!

24. I took a job and could earn 300,000 yuan... I took the blueprints and saw that a 40-meter chimney was built. Frustrated, he was asked to dig a well.

25. There was a frying pan under the Yincaobao Palace. The little ghosts held steel forks and lifted the recently deceased people into the frying pan. One person went down, and two people went down together to fry them. Stretched into squares and deep-fried... fried dough sticks?

26. People have plasma TVs, so I got one too and saved it from friends. It was as big as a wall, and it was a Motorola brand... It looked like there was no one around, and the TV made a sound: The TV you are watching is not in the service area... It makes no sense, these 300 yuan were not wasted.

27. The animals in the mountains include swallows in the clouds, cattle and sheep on land, fresh food from the sea, monkey heads, bird's nests, shark fins, bear paws, scallops and deer tail tips! Shake off your cheeks and open your back molars.

The food is like flowing water from the Yangtze River, like the wind and the remaining clouds, just like being poured into a box of earth...

28. If the law didn't care, I would have killed him long ago!

29. I have been an artist for more than a week ~~~~~

30. Pancakes rolled in steamed buns and eaten with rice

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1. The cross talk is great! Promote truth, goodness and beauty , Musk Zhengqi

2. English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslavian, North Slavic, West Slavic... can speak 8 foreign languages, and does not use the same words when yelling at the Eight-Power Allied Forces

3. This matter is not far away from now. If you have elderly people at home, you can go back and ask -----during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period

4. Who knew the gangsters knew martial arts? It can’t be stopped

5. Which school did you graduate from, and I graduated from Tsinghua University! Tsinghua Pool? Well, Tsinghua Pool is for bathing! You said that is from Hufang Bridge!

< p>6. Guo Degang: I went to a restaurant to eat, do you have chicken here? Waiter: Shh! I am!

7. Smoking fake cigarettes, drinking fake wine, watching fake football, listening to fake singing, and wearing fake clothes Brand name, wearing a fake headgear. Only the bastard in the world is real, and is called a turtle.

8. Origin, descendant of eunuchs~~

9. The moonlight is bright in front of the window, I suspect it is frost on the ground. I look up at the bright moon, I am Guo~de~gang!

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10. You are so fat. In the big circle chair you sit on, the flesh on your body is stuffed into the empty space of the chair. It is full. When you stand up, you pull the chair down.

11. Your *** looks very much like my charm back then.

12. There is no door that can stop him, no lock that can stop him. Even the bank's safety lock can be opened by him with a piece of celery.

13. Brain kernels are like pine nuts, boiled in a bowl when opened.

14. We fall in love with cross talk on TV. Why? It’s easy to say! The director arranged for someone to lead the applause. As soon as I came on stage, "today", wow~~, "we", wow~~, "for everyone", wow~~, "tell me a story", wow~~, "sound", wow~~, "can't you tell me "Good", wow~~, even if you say it poorly, you can applaud! Praising: Every word is a drum! - Guo Degang's famous sayings

15. When so-and-so was born, his father fell ill. After returning home, , his mother had the hardest time. Here is the husband, here is the child, both have to be taken care of. Feed this child with milk, feed that child with medicine, feed him with milk, and give him medicine. Give me medicine, give me milk. His father is very strong, and the child took the wrong medicine.

16. ——It’s a denture ——throw it away quickly. ――Don’t throw it away, what a pity. ―What's the matter? ―Tie a small stick on it and use it as an itch.

17. ——Wenshun, what did you get? ——My mother brought eggs. ――Give it to me. ――No... Guess how many there are. ――I guess you give me one. ――...If you have to guess, I'll give you both of these―――……5?

18. There were about twenty people standing at the door of the White House, some men and some women. I have all my pockets ready - reporters! I have to be careful what I say, so as not to let them catch me and embarrass the Chinese people. Going downstairs, this group of people came over: "Master, do you want a plate?" "Plate seller! What do you think the White House Cultural Bureau does for food?"

19. It was cold and I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I unzipped the buttons and put them in my pocket.

20. Hey! There was once an opportunity to make money in front of me, but I didn’t cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I hope to tell the village chief: I am willing to go. If I had to add a limit in front of that salary, I hope it would be: 400 yuan.

21. 0 Recommendation Guo Degang: I took a good job as soon as I arrived, building a chimney of more than 70 meters! Yu Qian: It’s really good! Guo Degang: I got up early and worked late at night to finish the work, and then someone came to check and accept it. They won’t pay us! Yu Qian: The quality is not good? Guo Degang: I started to take down the drawings, and they asked me to build a well!

22. Birthday boy:: Jade Emperor Jade Emperor!~ Something happened. Jade Emperor: What’s wrong? Birthday boy? Birthday girl: Do you have hammers and nails? Lend me some help. My sika deer chewed up the railing. Jade Emperor: Birthday girl, what did I tell you? It doesn’t matter if you ride the deer, you have to feed it!~ < /p>

23. Withered vines, old trees and dim crows, small bridges and flowing water. The horse is thin in the west wind on the ancient road, the sun sets in the west, and the heartbroken man is in the hospital

24. The horse is thin and hairy but has fat hooves. A son who steals his father is not considered a thief. A blind old man married a blind old lady, and neither of them saw each other for more than half their lives. < /p>

27. One or two beers and four nuts, wait a moment...

28. The Spring Festival Gala is just on a two-meter step, but I am standing At the release meeting, he was on the 43rd floor of a building. I was taller than them!

29. My family was rich and they drove a Cadillac with a 13-door door. As soon as I heard the sound, I knew it was a good machine, imported from Germany, "chu tu tu tu tu", oh, Sanbengzi. As soon as you start driving, half of Beijing will be filled with black smoke, and the traffic police will shout directly at you: "Elder Sun, please stop your magic."