However, after hitting the child, she began to regret it again: it is normal for such a young child to make mistakes, and she knows that hitting the child is wrong, but her temper has come up, but she just can't help it. And every time she hits a child, she will think of being beaten by her mother when she was a child.
She hates such a mother and doesn't want to be such a mother herself. But she seems to have been kidnapped and can't help herself.
This made Xiaoling fall into deep remorse and inferiority. She doesn't know what's wrong with her. She clearly hates violence, but it has turned into violence.
It was not until she read Miss Hou's book Because I am a Woman that she realized that all this had something to do with her mother.
Teacher Hou is a national second-level psychological counselor. She has been committed to the development and research of "women" issues, focusing on helping women achieve growth from the inside out. She pointed out in the book that the relationship between a girl and her mother will reappear in her future work and life. Especially with husbands, children and colleagues.
If when you grow up, you often feel insecure, insecure and out of control, all this may have something to do with your mother.
Only by combing and reviewing the relationship between oneself and mother, repairing the trauma of one's mind and healing oneself can one find one's true self and become an independent and free individual.
One: Mother's special status makes her the core of a family.
A person's personality is determined by many factors, but the mother undoubtedly plays a decisive role.
Teacher Hou said in the book: "Mother is the mother of life and the soul of the family." Before we were born, we were connected with our mother's blood.
In the mother's womb, we can feel her emotions and perceive the outside world through her.
Many studies show that there is really telepathy between mother and child.
My friend Ayue always tells the story of her giving birth to a child, and she is always very emotional.
There are still 12 days before the due date, Ayue is inexplicably flustered. She insisted that her mother accompany her to the hospital, and she prepared the baby's clothes herself. It seems that the baby will be born soon.
When she came to the hospital, the doctor simply listened to the fetal heart and told her that the child was fine. Maybe Ah Yue was too nervous.
But Ayue never gave up and insisted that the doctor do B-ultrasound examination. As a result, as soon as I played B-ultrasound, I found that Ayue's amniotic fluid was almost gone. If the child is not taken out, she will suffocate.
Therefore, the hospital urgently performed surgery for Ayue.
Mother and child are inseparable. Mothers are not only important to children, but also irreplaceable in the whole family.
There is an old saying in China: "A good woman prospers, but a shrew destroys the whole family". Because of women's own characteristics, in a family, mothers generally bear the main responsibility of caring for the elderly, taking care of the family and giving birth to children, so a woman's personality and temper also determine whether a family can be harmonious and happy.
Moved by the characters in China in 2020, Chairman Zhang Guimei, the winner of the July 1st Medal, also famously said, "An educated girl can influence three generations."
Because of the importance of women to a family, the influence of mothers on a family, especially children, deserves special attention.
Two: the mother's influence on the child will go deep into the bone marrow.
We often say "look at the old at the age of three, look at the old at the age of seven". Scientists have found that the golden age of brain development is before the child is seven years old.
If the children in this period are taken good care of, their emotional intelligence and IQ can be greatly developed, but once the children are hurt, their influence will always accompany them all their lives, especially their hearts.
Xiao Qi married her husband. Before getting married, she didn't feel anything wrong with her mother-in-law. Every time her husband brings Xiao Qi back, her mother-in-law always loves to laugh and be considerate. At that time, Xiao Qi felt completely confident to get along with her mother-in-law.
The contradiction appeared after Xiao Qi gave birth to a child. During Xiao Qi's confinement, she felt that her mother-in-law was very stingy. Not only did she cook less, but she didn't taste as good as before.
Xiao Qi hasn't had a full moon yet, and her mother-in-law seems unwilling to help Xiao Qi with the children.
This made Xiao Qi very depressed, but he was worried that unnecessary quarrels would lead to other people's jokes. So, she tried to bear it.
Xiao Qi will think of his mother from time to time.
Since Xiao Qi was a child, Xiao Qi's mother often complained about Xiao Qi's grandmother, saying that she was so vicious, greedy and lazy.
Therefore, in Xiao Qi's mind, he hates the old. Perhaps because of this, Xiao Qi began to get tired of her mother-in-law.
Teacher Hou pointed out in the book: Mother's influence on children is deeply rooted in the bone marrow, and our happiness and misfortune are largely related to the way mothers raise us.
Miss Hou's life was also deeply influenced by her mother. Miss Hou was born in an area where boys are preferred to girls, and her mother is a contradictory person. On the one hand, she agrees with the concept of son preference, but she is "son preference" in behavior.
When Hou's mother was young, Hou's grandfather often beat her. This made her mother project her father's ill feelings on her son after giving birth, which made Hou's brother often anxious and irritable when he grew up.
On the one hand, her mother valued her son, on the other hand, she denied him, which made her very miserable. So she talks all day.
This also leads to the contradiction and complexity of the relationship with the mother. She appreciated her mother's kindness, but her mother's love filled her with pressure.
Influenced by his mother's personality, Mr. Hou was afraid to face himself for some time after he grew up. She has a low voice, flinches when things happen, has no self-confidence, and is often worried about not handling the relationship with her mother-in-law.
Fortunately, she knows psychology and will heal herself, so that she can gradually get out of the predicament and become an independent and free woman who can live in peace with her mother.
Three: heal yourself and become yourself.
Realize self-healing, get out of the shadows, break through yourself, and become a better self.
In the book, Mr. Hou pointed out the path of self-healing: separation-mourning-self-love-reconciliation-identification-development-breakthrough.
Xiao Qi has been thinking about it since she gave birth to the baby. Why do I think my mother-in-law is very nice, but she changed after giving birth? A person's behavior is basically stable after adulthood, and her mother-in-law is not two-faced. Besides, why do I often think of my mother's accusations and complaints about my grandmother? Is there any connection between this?
So, Xiao Qi began to reflect on himself.
She found that her mother often came to see her since she gave birth to the child. Mother will ask intentionally or unintentionally, is her mother-in-law good to herself? When Xiao Qi is found looking after the children while her mother-in-law is resting, her mother will appear unhappy, which makes Xiao Qi feel that her mother-in-law is not good to herself and often gives her a bad look.
But in fact, my mother-in-law has to buy food, cook, wash clothes and clean the room. When she hears the baby crying at night, she will come over to help coax the baby. She is very tired every day, so it is normal to have a rest.
Realizing this, Xiao Qi began to understand her mother-in-law and ignored her words. The relationship between Xiao Qi and her mother-in-law began to thaw.
After what his mother said, Xiao Qi just listened. She also understands her mother. In her mother's time, food and clothing were all problems, and her mother's grievances could only be vented through various channels.
But mother's venting can no longer affect Xiao Qi. While understanding her mother-in-law and mother, Xiao Qi began to understand herself.
As a woman, it is not easy for everyone. Especially when women get married. I am an outsider in my husband's family, and I am also an outsider in my family. If a woman does not know how to love herself, who can love herself?
Xiao Qi began to accept his imperfections. No one is perfect, and it is normal to have shortcomings. For example, it is normal to be harsh on your mother-in-law and bored with your mother. Just adjust it.
There are some things in the work, and there is no result after hard work. Xiao Qi also chooses to accept them frankly. However, don't give up, and don't give up. Xiao Qi lived his true self.
Xiao Qi's changing process is actually a process of self-healing and self-growth.
As women, we don't have to sell ourselves short or give up on ourselves.
Even if we are traumatized, as long as we can bravely come out, there is still a sky above us.
I am a woman, and because I am a woman.