You must not be one of them - if you are suffering from one of these problems, find a solution, whether that means going to therapy, spending time alone, or just needing some time with you Chatting with your partner promises that you will change.

1. Always Want to Win

One of the fatal killers of love relationships is the competitive spirit. I don't mean the competitive attitude in tennis where you can't stand losing, but the attitude in a relationship where you see the relationship as a game in itself and want to win. People who regard a relationship as a competition always seek advantages, have the upper hand, and have some control over the other person's thoughts. If you feel that you can't tell the other person something for fear that he/she will use it to attack you, then you are in a situation where In a competitive relationship - but this relationship will not last long.

2. Distrust

There are two aspects of trust that are very important in the relationship between the sexes. The first is to trust the other person enough not to cheat or hurt you—and to trust that the other person trusts you in return. The other aspect is the assurance that no matter what you do or say, the other person will never leave you and will love you as always. If one of you takes advantage of the other's trust and does something unforgivable, that second layer of trust is gone and your relationship is over—even one that lasts more than a decade.

3. No communication

Many people will remain silent about things that make them depressed and upset in the relationship between the sexes. Firstly because they don’t want to hurt the other person by saying it, and secondly because they want to maintain a strong position (refer to point 2, a common situation is: “If you don’t know why I’m crazy, then of course I won’t tell you! ) This method may keep the other party at peace in the short term, but in the long run it will gradually erode the emotional foundation of both parties, making it increasingly weak and small conflicts pile up into bigger and bigger problems - because of your partner's car. Being immersed in the illusion of happiness and ignoring the contradictions that cause problems is even worse, being completely unaware of them can become a reason for you to be depressed. Ultimately, silence reflects a lack of trust - as I said, a period. The relationship is over.

4. Not Listening

Listening—listening with your heart—is rare. It’s normal to want to defend yourself when someone else seems to be blaming you. situation, so we often interrupt others to excuse ourselves, or we only care about how to defend ourselves instead of listening carefully to what others have to say.

But the fact is that you should listen carefully to the other person. Conversation, you should even hear the hidden meanings in the other person's daily chatter, in order to figure out the dreams and wishes that even he/she himself is not very clear about. If this cannot be achieved, at least for the person you love. For me, this is a problem.

5. Spending money inappropriately

This is a profound lesson for me - it directly led to the end of my 7-year relationship. When you are single, you can buy whatever you want at any time without thinking about what will happen in the future, but you only bear the consequences when you are in a long-term relationship with someone. After a relationship, this way of spending money becomes unrealistic. Your spouse—and your children (if you have or plan to have children)—will bear the consequences of your reckless spending.

So you'd better develop good spending habits, focusing on daily necessities. If you have a balance, discuss with the other party how to best use the money.

Current expenses. Problems lead to more and more conflicts between the sexes, because more and more people choose to separate their finances even after marriage. This arrangement is understandable in itself, but contrary to imagination, financial independence requires more communication between both parties. and participation. If you think that others are spending your own money and have no right to interfere, then your sexual relationship is destined to fail.

6. Afraid of breaking up

Enjoy a happy sexual relationship. People don't worry about breaking up. If you do, it's a sign that your relationship is in crisis, but often the problem stems from the worry itself.

Because it not only shows that you can't win over the other person but also shows that you don't have enough confidence in yourself - you worry that you are not good enough and that no one really has a reason to want to be with you. Sooner or later your spouse will wake up and leave you.

So you spend more energy on maintaining the glamorous appearance of this relationship instead of shaping your inner world and making yourself confident. Let me put it bluntly, not only will this not satisfy you, it will also not please your lover.

7. Too dependent

Support and dependence are a difficult balance to grasp in the relationship between the sexes. If you're dependent on your spouse—that is, you can't live without him or her—you've crossed the line. Your partner is now under pressure to take good care of you in every way, and this pressure can make him dissatisfied. If you're always expecting the other person to make the relationship work and you're doing nothing yourself - and by that I mean financial and emotional support - then you're in for a tough lesson.

Note: I’m not saying you need to contribute equally to living expenses—I mean if you can’t contribute to living expenses, you won’t be contributing anything else. Then this relationship is not normal, and of course it won't end well.

8. Expecting to be happy

The sign of a bad relationship is that one or both parties expect to make the other person happy or hope that the other person will make them happy. This is an unrealistic expectation for you and both of you—no one can make you happy but yourself—but it’s an unrealistic expectation for a relationship.

Getting along is not just about happiness, many times you won’t feel happy and you shouldn’t even feel happy. Having someone to lean on when you feel lost, in pain, depressed or sad is even more important than being happy all the time. If you expect the other person to make you happy—or worse, you feel frustrated because you can't make the other person happy—then your relationship can't handle setbacks.

9. Never argue

Occasionally healthy disputes are necessary. To some extent, arguments can resolve trivial matters before they merge into larger issues. But again, venting anger during an argument is a very normal part of the human emotional makeup. Your relationship must be strong enough to embrace the real you and not just the good things about you.

One of the reasons couples don’t fight is that they fear conflict—a reflection of a lack of trust and fear in each other. This is very bad. Another reason is that they believe anger is irrational and futile. They believe that quarrels are a manifestation of a breakup rather than an extremely natural part of the development of a relationship between the sexes. When a quarrel makes both parties feel unhappy, it can make both parties say things that are surprising to them - this can prevent them from tolerating each other to the point of breaking out. The fight for redemption.

10. Thinking too easy/thinking too hard

I have heard that there are two very problematic attitudes towards love in relationships between the sexes. One is that the relationship between the sexes should be simple. If you really love someone and intend to stay with him/her for a lifetime, it will naturally fall into place. Another attitude is that getting along is troublesome—and it is troublesome to get.

Both of these views will lead to you not bothering to manage this relationship. You don't pay attention because you think it should come naturally, so you don't need to work hard, or you think it is a trouble in itself. If you work hard, it won't be simpler. With two attitudes, you will quickly become exhausted - firstly, because the problem you are ignoring now does not solve itself as you expected, and secondly, because the problems you keep creating make you unable to do what you want, which is too much. A relationship that takes a lot of thought may suffer from the above attitudes, but a relationship that doesn't take a little thought is no better.