The biggest problem for arrangers is that they don't feel that they are arranging music, but they are still very busy. The arranger is accustomed to being busy and paying, and at the same time, it will inevitably make the arranged person (child) accustomed to receiving and enjoying. Inertia, as one of human nature and nature, should be restricted or even shrunk and degraded in autonomy and diligence. However, due to the unremitting efforts of the organizers, children's laziness was awakened in advance, stimulated and bred, expanded like a tumor, and even evolved from benign to malignant, devouring children's ambition and enterprising spirit, and it was difficult to get chemotherapy through education.
What kind of behavior to arrange is the first clear question.
In family education, ostentation and extravagance is obviously derogatory, because the object of our education is children. How to define between arranging and caring for life? This is the first clear question.
In fact, from the perspective of education, arranging means that adults ignore children's dominant position as learners in their daily life and study, and adopt arranging or replacing methods to make children lose some or all opportunities to experience and learn, which has adverse effects and even great losses on children's knowledge and experience learning, will and emotion cultivation. Such educational behavior is an arrangement.
We oppose arranged arrangement, which is to make children become masters of life, subjects of study and practice, awaken children's independent consciousness, stimulate children's consciousness, and cultivate children's independent personality. This is the basis for adults and talents.
In fact, children come into this world as independent individuals, and their nature is mostly the pursuit of freedom and independence. This is a life instinct endowed by nature, which contains great development potential that we can't predict yet, but their nature has been strangled by bad education methods and environment, and their potential has shrunk and dried up because they can't be developed in time.
Among many unhealthy education methods, arranged education cannot be ignored because of its universality, constancy and concealment, especially in the one-child family, which is the main problem and contradiction of education.
1. General
There are two main reasons why homework is common in family education in China. First, in the traditional family concept, we attach great importance to the whole, which is the collective standard. Everyone, including children, is only a part of the family, and their thoughts and actions must come from and belong to the family; Its body and mind are born from parents and can only be subordinate to parents. In life, parents consciously or unconsciously think that there is no difference between me and my child, and the child itself is mine; This aspect is obviously different from the western countries' concept of attaching importance to individual independence. Therefore, children's experiences and ideas as independent individuals have been ignored since infancy, and when they can be taken seriously depends on their parents' ideas and wisdom. Secondly, the family structure in modern China makes the universality of arranged labor more prominent. The family structure in contemporary China can be summarized as "42 1", "1" represents a child, "2" represents parents and "4" represents grandparents. Six pairs of eyes staring at a child, six people thinking about the child, almost all have the determination, will and action to go all out. In the absence of recognition of independent personality cultivation, it is more difficult for children to gain real autonomy without arranging substitutes.
Step 2 be firm
If universality is discussed as a whole in scope, constancy is analyzed as an individual in time.
What constancy reveals is that arranged arrangement, as a bad educational way, runs through the educational process. The process determines the result, and what kind of children are there in the education process. As mentioned above, since the arrangement comes from a traditional concept, the "love" behavior of a certain family structure for children naturally and permanently runs through the growth of children. The more children grow up early, the greater the influence of finishing, because this is the most critical period for the formation of independent personality and conscious habits.
Step 3 hide
Concealment is a characteristic embodied in universality and constancy. What is revealed is that in family life, arranged behaviors are not easy to be detected by themselves and others, so they are ubiquitous and have lasting influence. On the one hand, although there are different requirements for children's upbringing and education, they are two aspects of the same process in the process of children's growth, which makes it difficult to distinguish between caring in life and arranged behavior in education. In family life, even if parents have the idea of cultivating children's independence, they can only control it by personal experience. But everyone's experience and experience, knowledge and experience are different, and it is generally impossible for people to go beyond their own experience to solve problems. Arranging behavior has more or less become a part of family life. On the other hand, the research results in the fields of pedagogy and psychology are difficult to be translated into specific operation methods and promoted in the family, and parents' ability to transform experience and learn related knowledge is very different. They don't know enough about the law of children's growth and the harm of arranged behaviors to nature, and they don't want to change their original habits subjectively. It is not easy for people to accept new ideas before they get rid of their old habits. Similarly, before new ideas enter and change the original ideological structure, bad habits are naturally maintained. Therefore, concealment is related to the knowledge, experience, thoughts and habits of adults, which makes the solution of arranged problems one of the biggest problems in family education.
Speaking of the harm of ostentation and extravagance, it mainly comes from the word "package". As mentioned above, blindly and indiscriminately choosing a position ignores children's main position as life experiencers and learners. What children can do or can do after guidance is always covered by parents or other adults. The reasons are often very direct and simple, such as: children are too young, too slow, prone to mistakes, and afraid of being tired. Life is the real big classroom for children, and they are the real learning masters in this classroom; Things in life are carriers and opportunities for children to learn. For adults, this is a task, for children, it is just learning. If this is the case, it is equivalent to forcing children into the corner of the classroom, even outside the classroom, which has a negative impact on children's education and future growth.
The harm of the arranged work can be seen everywhere. Here, around the children's physical and mental health and future study, it is mainly discussed from three aspects.
1. Experience and experience
Children are the masters of future life. Today, they really experience things and phenomena in life through personal experience, and think and experience in confusion, mistakes and success. For example, most parents are reluctant to let older children do the dishes. On the one hand, I don't want my children to do dirty work, on the other hand, I think it's not worth it. You might as well read your writing homework. Therefore, children don't know how much water to save, how much detergent to put, why warm water with the same detergent is better than cold water, and they can't understand the process, feelings and reasons of getting greasy.
In the future, even if they learn the knowledge of organic chemistry, they will get nothing but equations and symbols, and it is difficult for them to think and create independently from life. Of course, they will not feel the hard work of their parents in housework, and feel the preciousness of learning time and conditions. It is more profound than any gratitude education and learning attitude education: cherishing based on responsibility and cherishing based on love is the real growth and education.
Children of different ages should seize the opportunity to experience and accumulate life experience, which is also the beginning of understanding the world and truth.
2. Intelligence and physical strength
In real life, some parents consciously or unconsciously take care of their children, not only for their feet, but also for their brains. They feel that only in this way can they be conscientious and feel at ease. There used to be a saying that a diligent mother is a lazy child. In fact, such a mother is blind and lacks reason and long-term vision. A mother who is used to holding a walking child in her arms and carrying it on her back, not only replaces his feet, but also often replaces his hands, skillfully dressing and putting on shoes for him, quickly packing toys for him, and so on; Instead of letting the child's brain think about what should have been his own thinking, the outstanding performance is that he likes to tell him how to do it. As for why, how to do it better, the child has no chance to think about it; As for learning from mistakes, there are even fewer opportunities. Children's physical exercise ability and independent thinking ability are seriously affected, but parents don't know it.
Children's laziness in doing things and thinking is the result of what their mothers call "diligence"
3. Emotion and will
Emotion and will are not created out of thin air, and they are not forcibly instilled or planted in children's minds by empty preaching. They originate from life and are based on children's real experiences. Only through children's active participation and thinking can they germinate, develop and mature. The main reason why our education in emotion and will is pale is that we preach more and experience less. Emotion without experience and will without exercise are empty. Children can truly feel the beauty of the environment and labor after carefully cleaning indoor hygiene and carefully placing vases; Only when you are confused in the circle of difficult problems and suddenly realize, will you enjoy the happiness of thinking and be willing to think; Only by facing difficulties directly and being trapped by them can we cultivate their firm will. Therefore, it is very important for children to let go when it is time to let go and give necessary guidance at key points, instead of just doing everything.
To sum up, arranged arrangements have caused serious harm to children's physical and mental health and many aspects of future study and development, and once these injuries become a fact, they are irreversible and irreversible. In particular, some hazards will be magnified in children's later life, affecting their lives. Because of the arrangement, children's subjectivity is replaced and their initiative is suppressed. Therefore, independence, as a key condition for the success of education, was stifled in the critical period of forming and cultivating education.
The harm caused by arranged arrangement to children is also the serious lack of foundation and preconditions for children's subsequent development caused by arranged arrangement, which is the last thing the arranged person wants to see or even accept. Therefore, it is necessary to explore the psychological basis of the arranged work.
One is fear of making mistakes.
In fact, by analyzing the word "Bao", we can outline the psychological state of the organizer. Why are you afraid to "package" the slightest mistake? You're afraid of making mistakes. On the one hand, I am afraid of making mistakes or not doing my best to cause harm to my children. This is the most unforgivable thing for parents. Therefore, no matter how hard and tired you are, you can't be careless, so that you can feel at ease and have a clear conscience. On the other hand, they are afraid of children's mistakes, and they are often irrational in their instinctive exploration and adventure. The harder they work, the harder their parents work. The reason is not complicated: first, the stricter the package, the greater the psychological contrast with the child, so the responsibility is: I broke my heart for you, even if you don't have any advantages, you can't always make mistakes! As everyone knows, these mistakes are all "packaged" and will be more and more in the future. With the growth of age, it is more and more difficult to correct them, and there is even no chance to correct them. Secondly, uglification and distortion, beautification and loss. It stands to reason that your children know best, but because there are too many emotional factors and subjective colors, it is normal for children to make mistakes, and even a good opportunity for education. Parents affected by emotions lost the opportunity of timely guidance because of disappointment. Similarly, the encouragement of children's excellent performance also needs rationality and prudence. Losing praise and beautification will also make children lose the objectivity of self-evaluation, leading to new deviations in grasping thoughts and behaviors.
We lack an objective, rational and scientific attitude towards mistakes, and the fundamental reason is that the psychology, thoughts and experience of educators are not mature enough.
The second is doting.
If the fear of making mistakes comes from the more rational judgment and choice of the arranger, then doting is a perceptual and direct expression.
It is natural to love your children. It is because of our deep and wide love that we will care about his future and teach him to be a man. Love itself is an educational force, even a source of strength. Spoiling is also a true and strong expression of love for the arranged son, but emotion is more than reason.
The problem of doting is doting. "Drowning" has two meanings in modern Chinese dictionaries: ① submerged in water; Indulge in ignorance. As far as the arranger is concerned, irrational love is also a kind of drowning of children's rationality, which begins with the ignorance of adults. I love him so much because I love him so much that I am addicted to it. I didn't realize that this kind of love is also an education. Children, on the other hand, are immersed in the love of their parents and elders, get carried away, don't distinguish right from wrong, and take all their parents' handling, hard work and sweat for granted. Everything they enjoy is regarded as a natural existence like their brothers and sisters, which is hard to cherish.
Gratitude, pity, cherish, filial piety and sense of responsibility are all faded and lost under the immersion and scouring of this abundant and overflowing love. And the arranger is still busy for selfless love unconsciously.
The third is the lack of life consciousness.
Teachers should have a clear and strong sense of life, cherish life, cultivate life according to scientific laws, and make life healthy and happy.
In the hard and selfless busyness, the arranger lacks life consciousness in the way of educating his lovely children, and is in a state of lifelessness.
Children are immature and fresh life, and their young bodies contain great development potential. It is his nature to actively grow up, imitate and learn, and it is his instinct to pursue independent personality and free thinking. As long as we let nature take its course, use wisdom, create and guide the environment, and respect the objective laws of its growth and development, education will become a very happy and natural thing. We are too hard, even painful, because we have destroyed the law of education and the growth and development of life.
The arranger regards children as static objects, thinking that the more wrapped, the safer and the more naive. And children are changing all the time, seeking opportunities for active and free expression. We can only guide and standardize, but we can't replace and restrict him. Parents still mistakenly believe that the more love they give, the better. In fact, for the growth of life, love is like spring rain. Although valuable, enough is enough. Too much is not conducive to its growth and maturity, and it will also cause disaster. At the same time, in the process of life growth, the formation of each ability and quality has a critical period of production and development. If you do everything blindly, you will ignore the critical period of growth and miss the opportunity of education, and the consequences will be irreversible and irreparable, which will inevitably lead to lifelong regret.
Lack of life consciousness is the root of the arranged person's violation of educational laws.
To sum up, in family education, ostentation and extravagance is a phenomenon that cannot be ignored, a big problem among many problems and a big contradiction among various contradictions. Fear of their own negligence has caused the lack of independent personality and sound personality cultivation of children, and caused irreparable defects in children's independent learning in school and independent development in society. Personality defect is not easy to be detected, because it is gradually revealed in the process of growth. Only by in-depth reflection and long-term careful observation can we perceive the causes and consequences of related phenomena and problems.
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