Although you can't rely on your parents, there are still many parenting books to refer to, or you can find a lot of information immediately by searching online.
The problem is that this excessive information tells us that we should condemn, not reprimand and praise, and don't praise incompatible information like this. If there is a way to consider these contents carefully and decide what to do after you really understand them, that's no problem; However, there is no such time and leisure in the face of crying children. Finally, I think of the parenting style I learned from my parents and interact with my children in a trial-and-error and step-by-step manner.
Of course, this kind of upbringing is usually not smooth. When the child is born in earnest expectation, he is obviously looking forward to being with the child the next day, and I don't know how happy he will be; However, in the face of unsatisfactory reality, the interaction with children suddenly becomes hard and bitter.
Most parents often feel helpless when they encounter a reality that is not what they want. At night, the child cries and it is difficult to sleep; Children who talk against each other make their parents anxious and angry, and can't help but raise the decibel; Some parents will severely reprimand or even beat their children in the name of "discipline".
As long as parents involved in child abuse are found, the world will severely criticize them, but they will never talk about the upbringing of their children. These people don't realize that they are actually doing the same thing. On the basis of parents' vague understanding of how to treat themselves in the past, people who intend to apply it to their children, just like those who had surgery when they were young, think that they can operate for others when they grow up.
I don't think there are evil parents. Even if someone abuses their children, such parents are definitely not "evil" but "clumsy". Because they don't know how to get along with children.
I also think that there are no parents who don't love their children, but if you don't know how to raise and love children, the parent-child relationship will be deadlocked immediately. Although these methods can not be learned overnight, they are not difficult. As long as you have the courage to "get along with children in a different way", the day when you no longer feel anxious and bored because of facing children should not be too far away.
Shen Yuan's book fire. Com authorized to reprint the original source of Adler's famous words to let children grow up.