Yes, we have "true love" for children, but it is not necessarily "true love".
There is a difference between the two.
"True love" means that we treat our children sincerely, and we can even sacrifice ourselves for them.
And "true love" means completely accepting the child, not interfering with or controlling the child's behavior. No matter whether TA is excellent or not, no matter what shortcomings he has, he must love him.
Many parents love their children, but there are conditions.
If you behave well and get good grades, your mother will smile at you and express her love, otherwise she will scold you.
Such conditional love is often covered with a coat: "I am doing it for your own good", "When you grow up, you will understand your parents' pains" and "It doesn't matter if you hate me, you will understand later" ...
These words, in the mouth of parents, are not easy to express love. In order to cultivate children, they do not hesitate to be wicked. However, for children, this is an emotional kidnapping that forces children to obey.
There was once a boy of 12 years old who tried to commit suicide and cut his wrist several times. His parents were so helpless that they had to take turns to stay at home with him.
Ask the reason, the child said that life is too tired, and the homework that can't be finished every day always counts down in the class. As long as I get my report card back, I will be scolded by my parents and sometimes beaten. He really doesn't want to live.
My parents said that we are all ordinary workers, and we don't know any education methods, only knowing that learning is the only way out for children. Our son studies unconsciously. If we don't force him to study, he won't work hard. However, we didn't expect that the parents worked so hard that the children couldn't understand it at all, which was counterproductive.
Poor kid, twisted the parent-child relationship.
Children are telling their parents with their own lives: please don't ask too much of me!
Children can't feel the love of their parents, only disappointment and disgust. His parents asked him to get high marks, but he failed. His parents scolded him, which made him feel useless and would not have a future in the future. It is best to get it all.
In such a family, love cannot flow. Parents' love is blocked by additional conditions, the family atmosphere is cold and stiff, and children are at a loss, unable to build self-confidence and have no healthy and sound personality.
Psychologist Rogers famously said, "Love is deep understanding and acceptance."
The child accepted us unconditionally. Why can't we accept the child's shortcomings? Why do we have to ask them to be perfect?
Parents who love their children, please don't impose your anxiety on their children.
Let go of those either-or concepts. Children's poor study does not mean that there is no way out in the future.
Most parents have to admit that they are ordinary people, and accepting their children may be mediocre.
Now parents have a general anxiety, which comes from four words: class solidification.
Everyone is saying that the social class in Europe and America has solidified, and the children of poor families have no hope of promotion. China will soon face the same situation.
Parents are anxious to think: our children should jump to the top before the class solidifies.
We enroll our children in excellent classes, hoping that TA will do well in school, and we enroll our children in interest classes, hoping that TA will have a skill in the future.
However, all this is from the perspective that parents think it is good for their children. We seldom care. Do you really want to learn these things, son? We didn't even think about it, son. Are you fit to learn these things?
There was a report that a single mother who picked up garbage earned only 1500 yuan a month, and her family was extremely poor. In order to give her children a Children's Day, she went to the supermarket to steal chicken legs.
It is such a family that she even sends her daughter to learn piano.
Deeply moved by people, the teacher inherited the wind and would rather suffer hardships or even be a thief, as long as all this is good for the children in the future.
Why can parents accept that they have nothing to look forward to in this life, but it is difficult to accept the reality that their children may be mediocre?
Because we stubbornly believe that the child is still young and everything is in time. As long as we work hard, we will get something. Son, we don't care for our parents, and we are as good as others on our own!
Parents who make efforts unilaterally, you may have overlooked some things, such as children's talents, children's interests and specialties, and whether children can accept your indoctrination and education.
The child is so small, just like a blank sheet of paper. Please don't write down your anxiety on this piece of paper when you lift TA above the class. These two words are shackles for children.
We always say "contentment is always happy", and we should have a normal heart to treat life. However, why do we often expect too much and lose our normal mind when raising children?
Because parents themselves are not satisfied, and their hearts are not at peace. We don't argue about our life because we are satisfied, but because we have been ground down and choose to compromise with life.
But we are not satisfied: this is my life, and my next generation must get ahead.
How can I get ahead? Get good grades, go to a prestigious school, have a good job and earn money.
Is that enough? If this is enough, why does Dr. Studying in the United States drag his parents and stay at home for 10 years, and complain that his parents control his life? Why do so many highly educated children join the Douban group called "Parents are evil"?
For children, having a healthy heart is far more important than getting good grades and going to a prestigious school.
Any industry has its own professional standards, and it is necessary to obtain a professional qualification certificate before taking up the post. For example, teaching requires a teacher's qualification certificate, and we also need to take a psychological counselor's certificate for psychological counseling.
However, it is not necessary to take an exam to raise a child, which is a "century-old tree". Parents have no entry barriers, anyone can do it, and they can plan their children's lives according to their own standards.
Raising children is a technical job, and this skill requires parents' self-growth.
Parents should first let their inner children grow up, see their own shortcomings, and have the courage to face their own trauma and fragility.
The child is an independent individual, and we should have a reasonable boundary with TA. Control your emotions and don't cross the line.
Accept children and accept yourself. Why do you have to let your children do what you can't do?
Don't pin your hopes on children. Understand that our life is what we want, and what kind of life we live, we must fight for it ourselves, not make up for it on our children.
But parents all over the world want their children to become better.
That's right.
Let the children become excellent and let TA gain strength and security. Without this premise, everything is empty talk.
Giving children a sense of security and inner strength requires parents' support and unconditional love and acceptance.
Family education is a process of letting go. Our love can let children know that although mom and dad let go of your hand and don't interfere with you, they will always look at you and love you. Baby, it doesn't matter if you fail. We will always support you.
In Journey to the Dream Ring, MiG, who has strayed into the world of the undead, must get the blessing of his deceased relatives if he wants to return to the world, and his great-great grandmother's three blessings to MiG reveal three realms of love.
Her first blessing was conditional: "I bless you, but you are not allowed to touch music again."
The second blessing is expected: "I bless you, please remember the love of your family."
Her third blessing is selfless: "I bless you unconditionally."
MiG finally returned to the world in the selfless love of his elders and gained understanding. His family stopped restricting him and began to support him in pursuing his musical dream.
True love should not be attached with any conditions.
We shouldn't complain that children are not good. Children reflect the true level of parents. They are like a mirror of us, reflecting all the bright spots and defects in us.
Only unconditional love can break through our lack of knowledge and ability to nourish children, give them energy and security, and give TA enough free energy to become better.
Wendy Maugourd, a famous American clinical psychologist and educator, wrote in his book Let Children Go: The beauty of parents is that if we love children because of themselves, not because of their achievements, they can give full play to their true potential.
Only our "true love" can help their lives.