When people reach middle age, they often feel that there are more people who depend on themselves, their responsibilities and face become heavier, and troubles follow.

I gave everything to others, but in the end I did nothing to please others.

I tried to prove my ability, and finally I was exhausted.

Even telling your happiness will get you into trouble.

There is a good saying: "No matter how important face is, it can't compare with life. No matter how beautiful your face is, it is not as comfortable as your heart. "

Don't be generous, don't show off, it is the most comfortable lifestyle for middle-aged people.

Colleague Jeff is very practical. She has a very good friend. Usually when they go out to play, Sister Xu pays the bill.

Three years ago, this friend wanted to open a shop and was in a hurry to use the money. Sister Xu scraped together to help her raise100,000 yuan.

Sister Xu sees her hard work and often goes to the store to help, and her friends are used to it.

Later, my friend's business got better and better, and he bought a car, but he never mentioned paying back the money.

Recently, Sister Xu wanted to decorate the house and asked a friend for money. The friend said that she had no money now. She also said, "We have been friends for so many years, can we still not pay them back?"

That kind of indifference and impatience makes people shudder.

Liu Tong has a thought-provoking saying: "In this world, paying with results is called paying, and paying without results is called paying."

Many times, the more embarrassed you are to refuse, the more embarrassed others are to bother you; The more generous you are, the more people will push their luck.

Goodwill is consumed excessively without gratitude, and it loses its sincere meaning to others.

Coincidentally, writer Xiao Bei also shared a similar experience.

After gaining some fame, people kept appearing in his sight, many of whom were not even familiar with him.

Today, someone asked him to help forward the advertisement in Weibo. Tomorrow, someone will ask for help and find a job in their company.

He thinks it's just a little effort. He can help if he can.

However, once things start, those people always keep looking for him and helping one person, and a group of people will flock to them.

Later, he began to deliberately not reply to the news, and it took several days to say hello politely. At that time, things were basically solved.

Moreover, if the other party is left out, it will give up.

Therefore, only by doing what you can, can you reduce the burden on your shoulders.

Bi Shumin once said:

Don't talk too much and don't mess around.

When people reach middle age, put away your generosity and kindness, and bring a little edge of rationality, so that you can be less confused and disappointed when interacting with people.

In the variety show Exciting offer, Tsinghua Xueba He Minzhe, as an intern, has a strong desire to express himself.

He took the initiative to translate documents for the first time.

He is willing to be in charge of the summary and finals of various debates, and seems confident.

When dealing with the tutor, he is also eager to show his ability.

Unfortunately, the strength was not worthy of ambition, which eventually led to the team's defeat.

He loves to be brave, which has aroused the unanimous disgust of his teammates and the audience.

Later, He Minzhe was also exposed to the problem of resume fraud, and the personnel of Tsinghua Xueba collapsed instantly.

It turned out that all his performances were just a bluff.

There is a thought-provoking sentence in the book The Power of Weakness:

People without strength are extremely fragile at heart. In order to refresh their sense of existence, they try to create a strong feeling and try their best to cover up their inner anxiety and inferiority.

As a result, I won a moment of scenery, but I can't stand the consideration of facts.

There is a couple, the wife is a famous sculptor and the husband is an ordinary clerk. They have been married for decades and love each other as always.

The wife has a successful career, but she is a "moron" in life. She doesn't even know the necessities, and her husband does all the housework.

My husband is ill in hospital and wants to drink a bowl of special bean juice.

My wife grinds the soaked mung beans into powder, covers them for two days, cooks them with low fire, then shreds the mustard tuber and drenches it with sesame oil, which is the taste of the old brand.

But the wife lied that the bean juice was bought in the store.

It turns out that her husband is only good at cooking, and she wants her husband to highlight his own advantages.

Although my husband complains, he is very busy.

There is a saying: "Only the weak will try to be brave, and the strong often know how to show weakness."

Why are you bluffing? Weakness itself is a kind of wisdom and strength.

If you are too strong and capable, you will not only suffer, but also make others feel that your abilities have nowhere to be put to use.

Learn to show weakness appropriately, let others feel valued, leave some gaps for them to care about you, and you will live comfortably.

It is said that "the more you show off your own shortcomings, the more you show off your inner shortcomings."

However, whether intentionally or unintentionally, showing off will always make people lose something.

Teacher Xiao Xie, a blogger, said that a girl's parents bought her a house in full, and when she told her friends and girlfriends, her friends blacked her out directly.

My best friend didn't show a trace of joy and blessing, but said sourly, "Your family is really rich."

That's exactly what I said: "The only people in this world who really want you to have a good life may be their parents."

Showing your superiority will only reflect the misery of others, make the other person's mentality unbalanced and naturally alienate you.

Therefore, instead of showing off, it is better to live your life quietly.

Wang Guowei, a master of Chinese studies, invited Puyi to his home to show his half-life treasure with great interest.

Puyi is not interested, saying that calligraphy and painting antiques are fakes.

After Puyi left, Wang Guowei went to identify it, which is exactly the case.

Puyi said: "I don't know any identification methods, but it is a little different from my family."

Life is alive, there is no need to show off, there are people outside. If you are not careful, it is easy to teach others to swim and expose your shortcomings.

People who are vain and lack self-confidence will want to gain recognition from others with great fanfare.

Those knowledgeable people don't need external things to show their abilities, and their actions are clear at a glance.

This is as Yi Shu said:

Because happiness does not live in the eyes of others, but grows in your own heart.

In the same way, a cultured person will keep his talent quietly.

Cao Cao was afraid that Liu Bei would compete with him for the world. Liu Bei concealed his ambition and pretended to be timid, completely relaxing Cao Cao's vigilance.

Really smart people are humble and low-key, looking inward and exploring outward.

They are rich and calm inside, quietly accumulating their own strength, and once the time is ripe, they will definitely make everyone sit up and take notice.

There is a law in psychology called the golden mean law.

In other words, we should grasp a degree in interpersonal communication. If it exceeds this degree, it may go to the opposite side of the situation.

The more generous, the easier it is to be disappointed; The more you try to be brave, the shallower you look; The more you show off, the more you expose your ignorance.

When people reach middle age, they should learn to be calm.

Can you help or not, do what you can;

Don't try to be brave in things beyond your ability;

What is worth sharing is to distinguish between occasions and objects.

It is most important to stay awake and keep a low profile and live a good life!

Author | Xu Hui can swallow fireworks and pretend to be a literary fan.

Picture | Weibo @ Zuo Jian-