A drunk staggered into a Catholic church, entered a confessional and sat down, but said nothing.
The priest coughed several times to get his attention, but the drunk just sat there.
Finally, the priest knocked on the wall three times.
The drunk replied, "it's no use knocking, and there is no paper here."
A man went to church and started talking to God. He said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?" God said, "a penny", and then the man said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "One second", and then the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said "at once"
A man walks into a church and talks to God. He asked, "Lord, what does a million dollars mean to you?" God replied, "A penny." The man asked, "What about a million years?" God said, "One second." Finally, the man asked, "God, can I have a penny?" God replied, "Right away."
Four best friends met in the hospital because their wives were having a baby. The nurse came up to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you have twins." The man said, "It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." Men are like, "Well, strange, I'm the director of three musketeers." Finally, the nurse walked up to the third person and said
"Congratulations, you have twins x2." The man was very happy and said, "Ironically, I work for a hotel" for four seasons. "All three of them were happy until they saw their last partner jumping around, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work for 7-up!
Four good friends met in the hospital, and their wives were having a baby. The nurse came to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to twins." The man said, "It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." Men like it very much: "Well, what a coincidence. I .. you got two pairs of twins. " The man said happily, "That's ridiculous. I work in the Four Seasons Hotel." All three of them were happy, but the fourth partner was as anxious as ants on hot bricks, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work in 7-up! "
Hehe, one is more efficient than the other.
Canadian Osama bin Laden and President Bush were walking in the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it, and an elf came out and said, "I will grant everyone one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I hope the soil in Canada will be fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama looked surprised, so he wanted to build a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush said, "Tell me more about this wall, Genie," and the Genie said, "It is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! !
Osama bin Laden, Canadians and President Bush were walking down the street and saw a golden lamp. They wiped the lamp and an elf appeared. The genie said, "I want to grant each of you one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I want to make the land in Canada fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama was surprised when he saw it. He wants a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush asked, "Genie, please tell me about this wall." The genie replied, "The wall is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing inside can get out and nothing outside can get in." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! ! "
My child swallowed a bullet.
Young mother: "doctor, my baby swallowed a bullet." What should I do?
Doctor: "Don't let him point at anyone."
notes
1. Swallow a bullet.
Step 2 point: aim ...
allybaby
Once, two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down accidentally. He rolled his eyes and seemed to have stopped his fear. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and called the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly, "First of all, you should make sure that he is dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone, and then he heard the hunter ask, "What should I do next?"
Two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them accidentally fell down and his eyes turned white, as if he had stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and dialed the emergency number. The operator said calmly, "The first step is to make sure that your friend is dead." So, the operator heard a gunshot on the phone, and then heard the hunter ask, "What's the second step?"
Fool _ Fox
Title: I am the boss.
Content: The other day, the boss complained in our staff meeting that he didn't get any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local Kassar novel. I went to the store and bought a small sign that said "I am the boss". Then he put it on the door of the office. Later that day, when he came back from lunch, he found that someone had put a note on the sign, which read. "Your wife called, and she wants her brand back!"
Note: Staff meeting: Staff meeting.
A photo of his wife.
A businessman walked into a pub, sat down at the bar and ordered a double martini with ice.
After drinking, he looked in his shirt pocket and ordered the bartender to prepare another double martini. After drinking that glass, he glanced at his shirt pocket again and told the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender said, "listen, man, I'll bring you martinis all night." But you have to tell me why you look in your shirt pocket before ordering a refill. "
The customer replied, "I'm peeking at my wife's photo." When she began to look good, I knew it was time to go home. "
Note: pubs and inns
Martini martini
peek/pi； Take a quick look.
English jokes, stupid jokes.
One night, a thief broke into a house. He took photos everywhere with a flashlight,
Looking for something valuable, when he picked up a CD player and put it in his bag,
A strange, disembodied voice echoed from the darkness.
Say, "Jesus is watching you."
The thief got a fright, snapped off the flashlight and froze.
After a while, when he heard nothing, he shook his head and turned on the light.
Go back to the car and start looking for more valuables.
Just as he pulled down the stereo to disconnect the wires, it was clear.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you." Frightened, he used his lamp to shine around.
Frantically searching for the source of sound.
Finally, in the corner of the room, the beam of the flashlight stopped on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He booed the parrot.
"Yes," the parrot confessed, "I just want to warn you."
The thief relaxed. "Warning me, huh? Who the hell are you? "
"Moses," the bird replied.
"Moses? ! ! "The thief smiled. "What kind of fool will say a.
Moses the parrot? "
"Maybe the same people will name a Rottweiler Jesus."
The bird replied
A bad beginning leads to a bad ending.
A bad beginning leads to a bad ending.
Bad things never go away.
Be remembered for thousands of years.
A poor craftsman always complains about his tools.
A poor craftsman always complains about his tools.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A braggart and a liar are cousins.
A braggart and a liar are cousins.
A bully is always a coward.
A bully is always a coward.
It is not too heavy to pick your own burden.
It is not too heavy to pick your own burden.
Candles illuminate others and consume themselves.
Candles illuminate others and consume themselves.
A cat has 9 lives.
A cat has 9 lives.
The cat can see the king.
Everyone is equal.
A close mouth catches no flies.
Diseases are transmitted through the mouth.
Regular customers are not welcome.
Regular customers are not welcome.
Actions speak louder than words.
Facts speak plainer than words.
Adversity brings prosperity.
Poverty leads to change.
Adversity makes people wise, not rich.
Adversity makes talents.
A fair death honors a lifetime.
A fair death honors a lifetime.
Faithful friends are hard to find.
A bosom friend is hard to find.
A fall into the pit, a gain in your wit.
A fall into the pit, a gain in your wit.
The fox will get old, but it will never get better.
A leopard can't change its spots.
Misfortune tests the sincerity of friends.
Unfortunately, it tests the sincerity of friends.
It is easier to lose a friend than to find one.
It's hard to get friends, but it's easy to lose them.
It is not until a person needs it that he knows he is a friend.
It is not until a person needs it that he knows he is a friend.
A friend without faults will never be found.
There are no perfect friends.
After you is good manners.
It's polite for you to go first.
A good beginning is half the battle.
A good beginning is half the battle.
A good beginning has a good ending.
A good beginning has a good ending.
A good book is a good friend.
A good book is a good friend.
A good book is the best friend, today and forever.
A good book is accompanied by a lifetime.
A clear conscience is a soft pillow.
Do nothing wrong, not afraid of ghosts.
A good reputation is better than a beautiful face.
A good reputation is better than a beautiful face.
A good husband makes a good wife.
A good husband makes a good wife.
Good medicine is bitter in the mouth.
Good medicine is bitter in the mouth.
A good wife and good health are a man's greatest wealth.
A good wife and health are men's greatest wealth.
A boaster is a big liar.
A boaster is a big liar.
A hedge between keeps friendship green.
A hedge between keeps friendship green.
Jokes don't turn enemies into friends, they just lose friends.
Jokes don't turn enemies into friends, they just lose friends.
The rivers and mountains may change, but not one's essential nature
Old habits die hard.
No one believes a liar when he tells the truth.
A liar will not be believed even if he tells the truth.
People who are in a happy mood live long.
Quiet to cultivate one's morality.
Small bodies often breed great souls.
Concentrated are all fine products.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Little knowledge, self-deception.
The small pot will soon heat up.
A dog can't hold four taels of oil in its stomach.
Everyone was brave when the enemy fled.
When the enemy fled, everyone became a soldier.
All good things must come to an end.
All good things must come to an end.
All rivers flow into the sea.
All rivers flow into the sea.
All roads lead to Rome.
All roads lead to Rome.
A good ending is a good one.
Everything is fine with a happy ending.
All that glitters is not gold.
All that glitters is not gold.
The hardest part is actually in the beginning
Everything is always easy from difficult.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
A person becomes learned by asking questions.
People who are not ashamed to ask questions can learn.
A man can do no more than he can.
You should do what you can.
One can't spin a yarn and a reel at the same time.
One can't spin a yarn and a reel at the same time.
A man can know him through his friends.
What friends do people make?
A man of words and no deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
A man of words and no deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
People who have no money are not people at all.
People who have no money are not people at all.
A happy heart goes all the way.
I am relaxed and happy, and everything goes well.
A miss is as good as a mile.