However, in the study of childhood trauma, scientists found a strange phenomenon: among the ten people who also had bad childhood experiences, one person will enhance his confidence through adversity and make outstanding achievements in adulthood; The remaining nine people have been trapped in the shadow of childhood trauma.
The results of this research inevitably make us wonder: Why can't we be one of the ten people? Why are we more vulnerable and vulnerable to trauma?
the first step of spiritual enlightenment and consciousness awakening is awareness. When we find the problem, we can find a solution to it. In this section, let's talk more deeply. What are the factors that keep you from childhood trauma?
Best Endurance Point
There is a saying: "Those who like to talk about pain are often teenagers who don't know the taste of sorrow, while Beethoven, an old man who has suffered from human suffering, sings a ode to joy."
this wise saying tells us two important phenomena: first, teenagers are more susceptible to bad experiences; Second, even though they are full of trauma, some people can face adversity calmly in adulthood, accept the loss, get back on their feet, and even achieve brilliant achievements.
The second phenomenon was discovered by Professor neuroendocrinology of Rockefeller University, Bruce? S. McEwan called it "steady strain". "Steady-state strain" is a kind of ability that allows us to adapt to the tension and physical load, and return to a balanced state over time to regain happiness.
abraham lincoln lost his mother in childhood and suffered from severe depression. John? F Kennedy had a cold and controlling mother who "never told her children I love you" and even often "tangled Kennedy's hair". Kennedy's father suffered from autoimmune diseases.
Even though they suffered from bad childhood experiences, Lincoln and Kennedy succeeded in leading a country as adults and became presidents admired by thousands of people.
Some people may say that if the pain of losing parents or having a heartless mother can bring a person the spiritual strength and ability needed to lead the country, then it is a price worth paying.
but for most people, childhood adversity is more likely to hinder our progress. The study found that among those who experienced childhood adversity, "9% will be crushed by everything they experienced".
The root cause is that everyone's "innate" ability to withstand pressure is different. We will analyze the specific reasons later.
Then, someone asked, for these people who are born with low tolerance, should they not be allowed to experience trauma and live a happier life as adults?
the answer is not necessarily. Because no one's life can always be smooth sailing, there will be adversity when there is prosperity, and there will be pressure when there is comfort. Moreover, those who have never experienced adversity at all are as easy to be defeated as those who have experienced severe adversity.
To test this conjecture, scientists found three kinds of people with severe childhood trauma, slight childhood trauma and no childhood trauma, and soaked their hands in a bucket of cold water for 5 minutes.
The results show that people with minor trauma feel less cold stimulation than those with severe trauma and without any negative effects. Later, after investigation, these people really suffered less and were more satisfied with life when faced with pressure and adversity.
For these people, the adversity they experienced in the past has increased their psychological resilience under pressure and made them more adaptable.
Psychologists call this phenomenon the "tumbler" theory. The definition of "tumbler" theory is: staggering under the pressure of the pain and trauma of life, but not falling down.
there is a saying that can describe this theory very vividly: sometimes, we may be so fragile that we burst into tears at a word; Sometimes I find myself biting my teeth and walking a long way.
Of course, the "tumbler" theory does not mean that bad childhood experiences are absolutely "beneficial". Putting children under unpredictable long-term stress will still lead to a large number of inflammatory stress hormones in their bodies, which will lead to chronic physical inflammation, neuroinflammation and other diseases. However, if these pressures are not long-term, very personal, and are not caused by loved ones. Then, moderate pressure is good for increasing psychological resilience.
Your genes determine your endurance
Now let's turn around and talk about the reasons why everyone's endurance is different.
Generally speaking, there are two reasons for the different tolerance of individuals: genes and gender. Let's talk about genes first.
A person's brain development from birth to the age of 18 is shaped by experience, which is why childhood experiences are so important. In addition to experience, the composition of genes also affects the way the body and brain cope with stress.
Some people's genes determine that they are naturally more sensitive to the surrounding environment, and they are more susceptible when they encounter trauma or difficulties in childhood. In their view, "things are bigger than they really are." Others will not be deeply affected by the bad experiences of childhood. In their view, "things are not that serious".
The main reason for this difference comes from a sensitive gene called "the promoter region of serotonin transporter gene", which is carried by about 15% of human beings in the world.
This gene controls the neurotransmitter serotonin, which is a hormone needed by the body. Its function can help people relax and relieve anxiety, and it also affects our ability to recover from trauma and pain.
Moreover, there are two modes of existence of this gene: short and long, which can be divided into short-short, short-long and long-long through free combination.
People with short-short serotonin genes are very sensitive to anything they encounter in life. When they encounter trauma and stress, it is also difficult to recover quickly. However, the good news is that they are also easily influenced by positive factors, and correct guidance can make them do better in life.
It seems that nothing has a great influence on a person with a short-long serotonin gene. People with "long-long" serotonin gene have stronger ability to recover from adversity and are more likely to stand up again after trauma. For them, those wounds or difficulties that can crush others are like "water flowing on the back of a duck", which has no effect when it slips by.
There is an interesting saying in the field of psychology that people with "long-long" serotonin genes are like "dandelions" floating in the wind, and they can live and even thrive in any environment.
People with short-short serotonin genes are like the delicate Hu Jihua, and they are more picky about the growing environment. In a bad environment, they are likely to fall into anxiety and depression. But as long as they are cultivated in a suitable environment, they can also become happy and efficient people.
In addition to genes, the factors that make you more vulnerable to childhood adversity include your gender at birth.
First of all, in terms of physiological differences, women's bodies are smaller than men's, and their organs such as heart and lungs are much smaller. During women's life, they use their fragile bodies to do the same work as men, but they get less pay and have a lower sense of professional security.
Moreover, a woman should use her smaller body to conceive a child, and carry a fetus with necessary nutrients until full term. This is equivalent to doing twice the work with half the machines. This leads to a higher baseline level of estrogen in women than in men. The higher the estrogen level, the higher the glucocorticoid level. Glucocorticoid level can improve women's ability to regulate inflammation, and then, women's immunity will also improve.
Immune enhancement sounds like a good thing, but in fact, it will make estrogen increase the number of "autoantibodies" in women. Autoantibody is a kind of body that turns its head to attack and destroy its own organs and tissues when immune diseases occur.
When women encounter childhood adversity and the inflammatory hormone response is out of balance, something will happen in women that men will not: the glucocorticoid level in women will drop, and the body's ability to regulate inflammation will be greatly reduced.
It can be said that women's natural weakness makes them bear more adversity and pressure than men in their lives. For example, you must have heard that some parents are educating girls to say, "Girls should look like girls, run like boys every day, and be careful not to get married in the future ..."
Compared with boys, girls are more likely to be criticized, such as not sexy, too sexy, too fat and too plump. When a woman succeeds, she is likely to be regarded as aggressive rather than confident, sharp rather than strong.
In a word, under the influence of more adversity and weaker body, the chances of women getting sick are greatly increased, and it is even more difficult to get rid of adversity and succeed.
"secrets" that you can't tell hurt people more
There is a saying in psychology called "story healing", which means that as long as you are willing to tell everything you have encountered, you can repair yourself and reduce depression, anxiety and other emotions.
The fundamental reason why childhood adversity is difficult to cure is that things that happen behind the door are regarded as "unspeakable secrets" by children.
Kate witnessed the scene of her mother being killed by her father when she was a child, and later she sent her father to prison as a witness. When she grew up, her family never talked about it, as if it had never happened. She said that her childhood experience was always "unspeakable". She said, "I am ashamed to bear this huge and shameful secret, because no one loves me, and I am just an unlikable person."
Laura's situation is better in Biket. But she said that she was trapped in a small house by "mother's humiliation". However, her mother told her that Laura chose to confront her, and it was all Laura's fault. "So for many years, I have never mentioned these things to anyone."
Most bad childhood experiences occur at home or in relatively secret places. Parents or other adults will abuse, humiliate or even abuse their children in the living room, bedroom and dressing room. From the child's point of view, what is happening is a secret and a bad thing. Afterwards, if no one talks about it, the children will automatically think that it is their own fault that caused this bad thing.
Children don't regard "being humiliated and neglected" as an opportunity to stimulate their growth potential. They only know that these secrets that need to be kept by them are hurtful.
In this regard, psychologists say that when children regard their predicament as a "secret" that needs to be kept, they are unlikely to reveal their family situation to the outside world, and they are unlikely to go beyond their abnormal families and seek outside help and support. Under the influence of their bad childhood experiences, they will not only be psychologically shadowed, but also pay a high price for their health as adults.
In fact, this theory of "secrets that can't be told are the most hurtful" will not only cause secondary harm to children, but also to adults who suffer from domestic violence. While they are experiencing domestic violence, they still think that it is their own reason that they are subjected to domestic violence, so they regard domestic violence as an unspeakable secret and lick their wounds alone. It is by taking advantage of their psychology that the perpetrators are even more unscrupulous.
In short, it is very difficult to admit that your childhood was not beautiful, just like admitting that you were abused by domestic violence and that you loved the wrong person. However, only by facing the wound directly and removing the festering part of the wound can we get a real rebirth.
well, that's all for this section. I'll leave you with a question: Is there a "secret you can't tell" in your life?
So, what we will talk about next time is how to cure the harm caused by childhood adversity through some effective methods.