1. Manage emotions and build positive cognition.

I have emphasized the importance of managing emotions to you more than once. Managing emotions well can increase your success rate by half, and managing emotions badly will make your recovery 100% hopeless. Emotional management is the key and difficult point in composition. The difficulty is that it is anti-human, and you need to restrain your instinct. Why? Because people who are broken up and don't want to lose their other half must be hard to accept when the relationship suddenly ends. The other person's departure is like half of himself being hollowed out. Breaking up means that he was abandoned and denied. This kind of treatment is extremely unacceptable to anyone. Panic and sadness will make our emotions collapse, make us lose our minds in an instant and degenerate into a walking corpse dominated by emotions. In this case, we will instinctively want to re-establish "contact" with each other to alleviate the pain of being abandoned and denied, and even infinitely lower ourselves and beg each other not to leave.

But you should know that when you completely listen to your emotions and instincts, it will only make the result worse. The more this time, the more you need to use reason to overcome instinct and manage your emotions. The reunion is by no means smooth sailing. There will be many twists and turns and accidents, such as the ups and downs of the predecessor, the emergence of new suitors around the predecessor, the sudden rejection of the predecessor and so on. All these require you to continue to manage your emotions.

Managing emotions ≠ Suppressing emotions

Teach everyone a small coup to manage emotions: replace negative cognition with positive thoughts. In fact, there is no difference between good and bad in the objective world. What determines whether things are good or bad is our subjective view of things.

For example, the other party didn't reply to your message

Negative cognition: Why hasn't ta returned my message? Did you really put me down? Ta, why are you so rude?

Positive cognition: Maybe something happened to ta? I'll just ask ta tomorrow.

For example, the other party refused you cruelly.

Negative cognition: ta really doesn't love me! We are impossible!

Positive cognition: Why has ta become so heartless? What did I do before to make ta so angry?

For example, there is a new love around each other.

Negative cognition: finished, ta has a new ambiguous object, and I have been completely abandoned!

Positive cognition: We have broken up now. Ta is single and has the right to meet a new opposite sex, but that opposite sex is not necessarily more suitable for ta than me.

The meaning of emotional stability is by no means as simple as it seems. Standing behind is a person's strength and maturity. People with stable emotions are very attractive. On the contrary, an emotionally unstable person exposes his childishness and fear. Then do you know why people who are out of control can't be re-recognized by their predecessors?

2. Self-improvement and reconstruction of secondary attraction

As we said before, you can test your friends by organizing games and making random encounters and chats. Behind these skills, you must make yourself a better you in advance, start from the period of breaking off diplomatic relations, reflect on the reasons why the other party left you, find out the shortcomings that the other party can't stand, and then change. If you want your ex to notice you at the first sight, if you want to get a good response from the other party when you get back together, if you want your ex to agree to be friends, of course you need a better you to attract your ex to pay more attention to you and get to know you better.

Imagine if your ex broke up because of your poor looks, then when you contacted your ex with a new and more attractive appearance, you said you wanted to be friends with ta. Will ta join? If you haven't changed anything and are still sloppy, why should people add you back? Many people ask me why my ex got back together and ignored him. There are only three reasons. You can think about which one you are: your change is not big enough to make ta shine; Ta didn't see your change; Ta doesn't believe in your change. Attraction is the premise and foundation of all relationships, and skill is only a small accelerator to promote relationships.

3. The secret of breaking the ice: chatting with high emotional intelligence.

After everything was ready in the early stage, breaking the ice became the key-what was the first sentence of reunion? Sending a small composition is too demeaning, and sending a "Are you there" is very perfunctory. How embarrassed would it be if the other party didn't reply? Remember, any relationship consists of two parts: feelings and values. Emotional cards can't be played in the reunion stage because it exposes the sense of demand, but value cards are always uncomfortable in the ice-breaking stage. The key to reunion is to break the ice, and the key to breaking the ice is "value attraction". How to use "value attraction" to break the ice successfully

"Value attraction" is to attract each other with your value, because in a rational state, a person will instinctively seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and is more inclined to be close to those who bring him benefits. In the early days of the reunion, if you can't provide the other party with the value that ta needs, and you are just disturbing the other party with "true love" and "touching" and constantly conveying your negative emotions, then you are worthless to him and constantly disturbing ta, then ta will definitely stay away from you. Many students can't accept each other's rationality and stay in the perceptual stage when they are in love, which is wrong. When you are in love, even if you make the other person feel hurt, ta will not leave, because ta is still in the emotional stage. When ta transits from perceptual stage to rational stage, it will naturally break up. Even if there is still a little sensibility in ta's heart, it will be covered by stronger rationality and will not hurt himself a little. So how to use "value attraction" to achieve "same frequency" with the other party's state? Find a valuable communication entry point. The core of "value attraction" is that your communication should play a valuable role.