This "appropriateness" means that you should consider the occasion, pay attention to the object, and conform to your identity.

Chapter 6 of The Analects of Confucius Ji Shi Pian,

Confucius said, "There are three kinds of people who serve the monarch: if you don't speak, you will be impatient, if you don't speak, you will hide it, and if you don't look good, you will be embarrassed."

Confucius said that a person is prone to make three mistakes when he speaks: rushing to speak before his turn, which is called impatience; Don't talk and be silent when you should talk, which is called concealment; Talking rashly without looking at the face of the object is called blindness, and the key point is blindness. It can be seen that speaking is an art, and it is not easy to say yes. Here, Confucius gave us some useful guidance. To choose the right time to speak depends on the situation, that is, to speak with the right person at the right time, in the right occasion.

Chapter 8 of The Analects of Confucius and Wei Linggong,

Confucius said: "If you can talk to others without talking to others, you will lose people;" Don't talk to it in words, it's rude. He who knows does not lose people or words. "

Someone is trustworthy and can be trusted as a friend. If you have something to say, you can't open up to him. In the long run, you will lose this friend. Someone is obviously a "transit station" of words, unreliable, and can't make any valuable suggestions, but he confides in him and has nothing to hide. This is looking for the wrong person and saying the wrong thing. A wise man should keep an eye on the target of his speech, neither leaking people nor wasting words.

Confucius talked about a specific problem here and mentioned two concepts, one is "losing people" and the other is "gaffes". Confucius believes that if you should say something to a person, but you don't say it to him, you are sorry for this person, and you are losing someone; What you shouldn't say to a person, but what you say to him, is that you misread the obedient object and let it slip. Whether it is a slip of the tongue or a slip of the tongue, it involves a problem, that is, it is not appropriate to see the object of speech clearly.

In history, many people were killed because of their "slip of the tongue", and a few lucky people were able to go down in history like Wei Zhi. Many times, because I didn't meet a wise king, I insisted on telling him directly, and the final result was to be killed or demoted. For example, Guan Long Ting was killed by Xia Jie, Bigan was cut off by Zhou Wang, and Han Yu opposed the lowering of Buddha's bones ... They all lost their manners.

In modern society, speaking has become an art, which depends not only on the occasion, the opportunity, but also on the object. To survive, you have to deal with all kinds of people, and everyone has different personalities. If you say different things to different people, you must recognize the target, otherwise you will not only lose people, but also slip your tongue.

A gentleman's words should also make people see self-cultivation. Be calm and calm, and don't be angry and rude easily. A cultured person must be calm. The Analects of Confucius chapter 18,

Confucius said, "Quality is better than literature, and literature is better than quality. Gentleness is a gentleman. "

Confucius said: "Simplicity is more than literary talent, so it is inevitable to be vulgar, and literary talent is more than simplicity and it is inevitable to be vain." The perfect combination of literary talent and simplicity makes you a gentleman. "

This is a famous saying handed down by Confucius. The reasonable complementary relationship between literature and quality and the personality model of a gentleman are highly summarized. Literature and quality are unity of opposites and complement each other. Unprocessed simple, simple and frank, but easy to appear rude. The acquired ornaments, though gorgeous and impressive, are easy to become vain. Simplicity and literary talent are the relationship between content and form, and they are equally important. Only by cultivating literature and quality can we become a qualified gentleman. Gentleness, generosity, humility and politeness should be the pursuit of a gentleman.

The Book of Rites says that a gentleman is "deliberate and leisurely". A gentleman seems to be thinking about all kinds of problems all the time, with a calm voice, a calm smile and a quiet and clear speech to convince people. Be careful not to let your voice affect the people around you in public. There is also a saying in the Book of Songs: "A gentleman is as gentle as jade."

The ancients said, "Words are also sincere." What to say and how to say it, in the final analysis, comes from inner cultivation and knowledge. Therefore, persistent study and self-cultivation are the key to a gentleman's speech being better, more touching and more influential.