Whether it is in life or work, we will always encounter people who make us very unhappy. How do you deal with it?

A common approach is to get rid of the person who makes me unhappy with you. To be honest, that’s what I did in the past. Now that I think about it, it’s so childish and psychologically dark. Now I’m particularly looking for opportunities. , I would like to apologize to those who have been squeezed by me.

Another rare approach is to find a way to get along well with the person who seems unhappy. This is a kind of maturity of thinking, and it is also a kind of wisdom in dealing with people. In reality, few people can actually do it. Of course, those who can do it will definitely not be ordinary people.

In the past few days, I have been reading "The Front and Side of Zeng Guofan" written by Zhang Hongjie. It talks about the relationship between Hu Linyi and Guan Wen, which made me very inspired. It also made me sigh again why Hu Linyi was named " "Four Famous Officials of the Qing Dynasty".

During the fight against the Taiping Army, Hu Linyi was the governor of Hubei, and his immediate boss was the governor of Huguang, Guan Wen. But at that time, as a Han Chinese, Hu Linyi led troops to fight, and the court was inevitably worried. The Manchu official documents were placed there to monitor him. However, Guan Wen had little ability and was a bit petty, so Hu Linyi looked down upon him. The relationship between the two and the relationship between his subordinates was very tense for a time, and they almost had to fight with each other.

But after the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom was pacified, Hu Linyi wanted to make a difference in the officialdom, and officialdom became the person he couldn't get around. Therefore, he must seek to normalize or even close the relationship. Moreover, Hu Linyi knew that although Guan Wen had good intentions, he didn't have any big dreams. He just wanted to be rich and powerful, so he was relatively easy to win over and use.

So Hu Linyi started his own performance. First of all, he publicly told his subordinates that the previous conflict with Guan Wen was a misunderstanding, but now it has been resolved, and no one can say anything bad about him in the future. This makes Guan Wen particularly happy. Then Hu Linyi also made proper use of the women around Guan Wen. Many official matters were taken care of by his concubine, so Hu Linyi tried every means to please her, and even asked his old mother to adopt the concubine as his adopted daughter, so they became a family. In the future, if there was any difficulty in communication between Hu Linyi and Guan Wen, Hu Linyi would let Guan Wen's concubine blow the pillow wind, act coquettishly and get angry, and all problems would be solved.

Perhaps you will say that Hu Linyi is playing power by handling the relationship with the government in this way, and he is doing something against his will. I thought so at the beginning. But now I feel more and more how clever Hu Linyi is.

Let me talk about why we should get along well with those who make us unhappy:

1. According to the law of large numbers, those who make you unhappy will always exist.

I don’t know if you have ever felt that, even if you try your best to finally get rid of someone who makes you unhappy, then a new unhappy person appears again. It can be said that "wild fire cannot be burned out, but the spring breeze blows it again."

To a certain extent, people who make you unhappy will always exist, because they are the product of the system and cannot be controlled by individuals.

For example, Lao Yu mentioned a brain experiment in his "Life Algorithm Lesson": According to statistical rules, about 100 homicides occur in a European city every year. As a hypothesis, if we could take a time shuttle and go back in time, find these 100 murderers in advance, and lock them up, would it reduce the city's homicide rate to zero?

It sounds wonderful, but the real results may be difficult to achieve. Because even if you catch these 100 suspects in advance, others will still commit new crimes.

Kettler, the father of modern statistics, explained the reason in one word. He wrote in a letter in 1836: "It is society that creates evil, and guilty people are just tools to carry out evil. Hanging In a sense, the victims on the rack are the atonement victims of society.”

This sentence sounds very philosophical, but it points out the truth that crime is inevitable in a social system. Phenomenon, it is the product of a system. Changing individual choices will not make crime disappear from society as a whole.

This is true not only of crime rates but also of other statistics.

In 2017, 37,133 people died in car accidents in the United States. In 2016, the number was 37,461. Why these two numbers are so close, as if the God of Death also has a KPI, is actually because car accidents are the result of a system.

Just like the existence of those people who make you unhappy is also the result of the system. It may be the company system or the society system. Killing this single person will have no effect unless you can Change the system.

Since you can’t kill all the people who make you unhappy, it’s better to save your energy and do something valuable.

2. Seeing the good in others is self-salvation and forgiveness.

A person makes you extremely unhappy, and your mood becomes bad when you see him. It can be said that this person has created a black hole for you.

This person must make you unhappy because of certain aspects of him. The more you stare at these aspects, the more unhappy you will be. This is simply a kind of self-torture.

Why do we torture ourselves? This is asking for trouble.

In the words of Confucius, "When three people walk together, there must be a teacher." Even if this person makes you super unhappy, there must be something we can learn from, and we can learn from it directly, and we will treat the shortcomings as Reflect, when you look at him with the perspective of "seeing the good in him", you will gain a more peaceful mood, and you will also be able to grow yourself.

3. Help rather than resistance.

If you try to get rid of those who make us unhappy, then these people will resist and create resistance for us. This can be said to be the resistance we ask for. There are many unpredictable obstacles to accomplishing something. If we create some resistance for ourselves out of thin air, we are asking for trouble. It is an approach of "losing your wife and losing your troops".

If you can help each other in harmony with these people and turn resistance levels to help, wouldn't it allow you to achieve your goals faster? This is a win-win situation.

4. Sharpen your character.

We often use "young and energetic" to describe immature people. The "qi" here means being unable to tolerate all kinds of discomfort. As we grow older and mature mentally, we become more and more able to control our emotions and face the people and things in life more calmly. Getting along with those who make us unhappy is a kind of training. Let's start If you look at these people calmly and think about why they have these words and behaviors, you can understand more about human nature.