Education is a major function of the family, and family education is an important part of family life. It refers to the education and influence implemented by parents on their children in family life. From the day the family was born, the family has been responsible for the education of its children. As long as the family exists, it must perform this educational function. Therefore, family education is an eternal phenomenon. The object of family education is children. How to train their children to become useful people is the most concerned issue for every parent and the most concerned issue for the entire society. The development of anything is inseparable from both subjective and objective conditions, and the same is true for the growth of children. Analyzing from the perspective of family education, it is impossible for parents to be attentive but children are not attentive; it is impossible for children to be motivated even if their parents are unqualified; only when the parents' good intentions are organically combined with the children's personal efforts and they work together in a tacit understanding, can we receive the best education. The effect is to make children become talents.

Optimize the family environment

1. The role model of parents

Some people say: Family is the first classroom in life, and parents are the first teachers in life. Some people also say: The family is a banner for children, and parents are a mirror for children. In short, parents are the first and deepest people to influence children, and they are the earliest and most imitated images for children. Every word, deed, and action of parents has a subtle impact on their children.

Children grow up in the arms of their parents from birth. Parents not only inherit their biological and genetic advantages, but also shape their personality and quality. From a child who has just emerged from chaos to an adult who has learned to see the world from his own perspective, this growth process is inseparable from the words and deeds of parents. Parents who want to educate their children must start with their own words and deeds in daily life.

A friend once told me a conversation he had with his son as a joke. The friend said: "Son, you have been playing game consoles these days, can't you control yourself and put your energy into studying?" The son replied: "You are still talking about me. Grandpa often tells you not to play mahjong outside. "Why do you always play all night long?" This friend was at a loss for words. It can be seen that children often compare their behavior with that of their parents, and even some inappropriate behaviors in their parents' behavior are often reflected. It will become an "excuse" for some children to excuse their mistakes. In daily life, parents should pay great attention to their own words and deeds, often remind each other, communicate with each other, strive to establish a good image, have a healthy and positive influence on their children, and have a beneficial influence on their children in every little thing. For example: parents should be dedicated and motivated at work; they should be enthusiastic, generous and sincere in dealing with others; they should treat everyone equally and be consistent in their words and deeds. In addition, parents should pay attention to put an end to all kinds of "inappropriate" behaviors in front of their children. For example: Don’t talk too much about money issues in front of your children to prevent some negative effects.

Some people say: Children are the refractors of their parents. Children can reflect their parents' philosophy and principles of life. Indeed, it is difficult for a selfish parent to cultivate a child who is willing to give, and it is difficult for a narrow-minded parent to cultivate a child who is magnanimous. Parents' example to their children should be reflected in every moment and every moment of daily life.

Tolstoy has a famous saying: "All education, or nine hundred and ninety-nine percent of education, comes down to role models, and comes down to the correctness and perfection of parents themselves." This is why Educate yourself before educating others. Every parent should keep this in mind, as it plays a vital role in improving the personality of their children.

2. Education should start by transforming the mother

Since ancient times, our society has neglected the mother’s education more than the father’s education. It is believed that the mother is responsible for “raising” and the father is responsible for “teaching”. It is enough to explain from the "Three Character Classic" "If you fail to educate, it is the fault of the father".

All people are born from mothers and grow up under their mother's care. So the fate of human beings lies in the hands of mothers. The great educator Froebel once said: "The fate of the nation is not so much in the hands of those in power as the playground is in the hands of the mother. Therefore, we must work hard to inspire mothers, the educators of mankind."

An optimistic mother has a positive and beautiful influence on her children, while a mother who is depressed all day long has a negative influence on her children.

It can be said with certainty that every successful child has an excellent mother who has given him a perfect education. Mother's education cannot be replaced by any education. If we ignore mother's education, all our education will become a tree without roots.

Therefore, mothers should take their destiny into their own hands, strive for self-improvement, and comprehensively improve their own quality. Even if they cannot achieve impressive results in their careers, a positive attitude towards life itself will have a positive impact on their children. It is a kind of education and motivation.

The Wuhan Women's Federation and the News Unit conducted a special survey to select unpopular mothers. The following are the results of the children's evaluation:

Moms who love to play mahjong; slovenly mothers Mom; a mother who likes to quarrel and hit others; a mother who is away from home when her child is sick; a nagging mother who cares about everything; a mother who doesn’t know how to cook; a mother who doesn’t make money; a mother who doesn’t know anything; a mother who blames people without asking right or wrong. A mother who says the wrong thing in front of a teacher; a mother who often looks after her children; a mother who is indifferent to world affairs; a mother who stirs up trouble among relatives; a mother who smokes and drinks alcohol; a mother who has a lover outside; a mother who is unfilial to grandparents Mother.

3. Treat children's "centrifugal" tendency correctly

As children enter adolescence, due to their physiological maturity and broadening of their horizons, their sense of autonomy gradually forms. Yibaishun no longer exists. At this time, children begin to form their own understanding of life and society, and develop their own "self" values ??in their worldview, which often collide and conflict with their parents' subjective assumptions and traditional tutoring. As a parent, if you do not pay attention to the formation of independent personality in your children, do not pay attention to the new changes in their transition to adulthood, and still require them to follow the habits of childhood, the children will be very uncomfortable and even develop a strong rebellious mentality.

Parents must fully understand their children's "sense of distance" and "disengagement" and at the same time provide active "coordination" and correct guidance. We must respect children's independent consciousness, fully trust them to control their own behavior, create a good atmosphere for communication and talk, and let them consciously reveal their secrets in a harmonious atmosphere. Mothers, in particular, should bear more responsibilities. Obligation, take the initiative to communicate with children. You must have a cool head when encountering problems and allow children to have their own living space. You should pay attention to grasp the psychological changes of children at this stage and adopt correct handling methods so that the family is always permeated with a relaxed and democratic atmosphere.

4. Husband and wife should be consistent in family education

At present, the phenomenon of "one head sinking" in which yin is strong and yang is weak is becoming more and more serious in family education. If it continues to develop, it will be very detrimental to children. Some people Some defects in the child's character are directly related to this. Therefore, both parents should enhance their sense of responsibility and should jointly bear the obligation to educate their children.

In family education, the mother plays a very special and important role, but this must not lead to the entire responsibility for educating children being passed on to the mother. Children also need their father, who plays a decisive role in the family.

After in-depth research and discussion, psychologists believe that fathers create a sense of majesty in their children's subconscious minds, which restrains and supervises children who are not familiar with the world, making them afraid to Deviation from the norms of social behavior. In fact, when growing up, children generally like to take their father as a role model and imitate them consciously or unconsciously. This is a natural instinct.

In addition, men and women also have certain differences in their ideological structures. Men are often good at abstract thinking, have a higher ability to locate space, and focus on the things themselves when thinking. Women are good at visual thinking, and their verbal expression skills are generally better than men's. When analyzing problems, they pay more attention to interpersonal relationships, and they are sensitive and considerate. From their father, children can learn to be strong, confident and gain a sense of security; from their mother, children can learn kindness and experience more family affection. Therefore, only by cooperating with each other and learning from each other's strengths can the children receive a complete family education.

When it comes to raising and educating children, both husband and wife should maintain a high degree of consistency in understanding and action. In terms of ideas and specific practices for raising children, husband and wife should communicate in a timely manner to reach a common understanding; when criticizing children, both parties should have the same attitude. One party should not follow principles and strictly discipline while the other party indulges and dotes on them; when it comes to educating children, In terms of their obligations and responsibilities, both parties should not push each other, but should do their best to help the children as much as possible. There is no question of who should be the supplementary one. Couples should also be very careful to avoid arguments in front of their children, especially those involving children. Because of the constant inconsistencies between parents, children do not have a clear standard of right and wrong. If it becomes a habit, children are very likely to develop bad habits such as hypocrisy, which can sometimes lead to hatred and opposition to one parent, laying the foundation for family happiness.

Therefore, both parents must enhance their sense of responsibility for educating their children, jointly assume the task of educating their children, and actively enter into their children's lives, so that their children can grow up healthily under the dual education of their parents.

5. Let children grow up in happiness

This issue mainly refers to single-parent families. Tutoring in divorced families is undoubtedly more difficult than in normal families, because the breakdown of the family often brings varying degrees of impact and even harm to the children's immature hearts. It is unfortunate for a family to be broken up, but it is even more unfortunate for a child to be destroyed as a result. In family disputes, young and innocent children are most vulnerable to harm. Some parents who are in misfortune will use their children as scapegoats and spread rumors on their children. Too much "qi"; some people will regard children as their only sustenance and give children too much love, both of which will cause psychological abnormalities in children.

Single-parent families have a shortcoming of love, and only through the wisdom and fraternity of single-parent parents can this shortcoming be made up for. This mother solved the problem of tutoring so perfectly and perfectly.

The beauty lies in the mother's generosity, the beauty in the mother's wisdom, the beauty in the mother's fraternity, the beauty in the mother's affection, the beauty in the mother's skills, the beauty in the mother's personality strength and the role of role model. It is the mother's so many beauties. , has created the child's talent, making the child so open-minded, so eager to learn, so strong, so considerate, and so sensible. The family life of a single parent is hard and painful. For the sake of the child, this innocent person, the seedling of the victim, parents should use the power of example to lead the child to cheer up, overcome difficulties, and actively communicate, understand, and support each other with the child. And care, only in this way can children be saved from trauma, gain comfort, gain tenacity from difficulties, and gain new life from misfortune.

2. Teaching correctly

“Even ordinary children, as long as they get the Dharma, will become extraordinary people” - Helvetius.

1. Pay attention to cultivating children’s comprehensive qualities and allowing them to develop healthily both physically and mentally.

In the past, we attached great importance to the teaching of knowledge, and later to the improvement of abilities. Now we emphasize quality education and construct a trinity training model of knowledge, ability, and quality. This is a deepening of the understanding of educational ideas and a reform of the education system. A major improvement, it is also a major change that touches the essence of education. From the age of 7 to 14 years old, children are in another peak period of intellectual development. If they neglect the development and education of their comprehensive qualities, they will lose another "golden period" of quality education. During this period, parents should pay attention to cultivating their children. comprehensive quality.

For example, help him to be determined from a young age, and let him gradually develop a spirit of unwillingness to lag behind and strive to be the first. We should pay attention to letting him develop good study habits, requiring children to pay attention to lectures in class, complete homework on time, and write neatly. In view of the characteristics of children who tend to be sloppy in learning, we require them to be serious in their studies from an early age, to be calm, to sit firmly, to look carefully, to determine clearly, and to calculate accurately. Let children learn to survive, learn to learn, learn to create, learn to care, learn to cooperate, learn to do things, and learn to distinguish right from wrong.

Attention should also be paid to cultivating children's good ideological and moral character. Children should be supported to participate in classes, schools and various activities, enhance the sense of collective honor, and encourage them to bring glory to the class and school in activities.

This kind of family education and guidance can cultivate students' comprehensive qualities and lay a very solid foundation for future learning and development. Therefore, as parents, we should remember Mr. Tao Xingzhi’s famous saying, “Thousands of teachings teach people to seek the truth, and thousands of studies teach them to be real people.” In educating their children, they should proceed step by step, do a good job in quality education, and follow a path It is better to teach students in accordance with their aptitude and take advantage of the opportunity to become successful.

2. Use motivational methods to educate children

Is there any parent in the world who doesn’t love their children? Is there any parent in the world who doesn’t hope that their children will succeed? This love is so strong that it cannot be melted away, and this pair of children are eagerly waiting for it. Therefore, some parents often hate that iron cannot become steel. Once their children make mistakes in homework, especially when their children have poor test scores, some parents will use some harsh and mean words to ridicule and ridicule their children, "You are so stupid, so stupid." "You are really not a student. You will only collect rags when you grow up." "Looking at your lumpy head, you can drive people crazy" and so on. How could a little child with such pitiful self-confidence withstand such torture? In fact, self-confidence is like the driving force for children's development. Generally speaking, children with strong self-confidence will have their intelligence fully developed. Once a child loses confidence in himself, all aspects of development will be affected. Therefore, parents should carefully consider even a few words or a look. They should never say anything that hurts their children's self-confidence. They should never look down upon their children when they encounter setbacks. They should carefully protect their children's self-confidence.

The story of Einstein’s childhood illustrates how important it is to protect children’s self-confidence. Einstein, the scientific giant of the 20th century, did not have outstanding intelligence when he was a child. He could not speak when he was 3 years old. When he was 6 years old, he was considered a "bad fool" when he went to school. The teacher actually gave him "intelligence". Slow, unable to speak clearly, unable to become a talent." Einstein's parents did not view their children this way. They believed in their children and worked hard to protect their children's self-confidence. They often happily took their sons on outings to To broaden his horizons and cultivate his spirit of exploration, they often give children some unique toys and try every means to discover "things" in their children that ordinary people cannot see. Once, his father gave him a compass. Unexpectedly, he asked twenty or thirty questions about the compass. His parents affirmed his exploratory spirit and strengthened his self-confidence. In this way, the potential in Einstein's mind was fully realized. If Einstein met parents who called him "stupid" and "slow" every day, even a great genius like Einstein would have lost all his self-confidence and strangled the genius in the cradle. .

Water will not jump if it is not agitated, and people will not be excited if it is not agitated. Parents can adopt motivational methods to educate their children based on their children's competitive psychological characteristics. There are generally the following types:

(1) Goal motivational method: encourage children to establish lofty ideals and achieve their goals. Children have great ambitions when they are young, and encourage children to make step-by-step progress towards the set goals.

(2) Role model motivation method: First, parents should often tell their children some stories about how scientists at home and abroad, both ancient and modern, persevered and worked hard to solve problems, set an example for their children to learn, and help them correctly understand difficulty and ease, and work hard. Dialectical relationship with lack of effort, success and failure.

The second is that parents should use their own good behavior to influence, infect and drive their children. For example, they must abide by social morality in public places, be ethical and moral at home, and have professional ethics at work, so that children can be directly educated. , don’t always immerse yourself in playing mahjong, watching TV, making wine and other eating, drinking and having fun, which will have a negative impact on your children.

(3) Reward incentive method: When a child makes progress in thinking and learning, is rated as a "Three Good Students" or "Excellent Class Cadres", is commended by the school, and sometimes does good things for neighbors or classmates, he is rewarded. In addition to verbal praise and encouragement from classmates, parents should also hang or store their children's certificates to show honor and cherish them, so as to encourage their children to maintain a strong upward momentum.

Some people say that this kind of motivation method is "smoothing and stroking", which is more effective, but it must also be "polished". When children make mistakes, parents should point them out in time and avoid beating them to death with a stick. , completely negate it. Parents should adopt the attitude of loving rather than hating, teaching rather than punishing, and help their children analyze why they made mistakes, how to correct them, and how to avoid them in the future so as not to repeat them again.

3. Teaching must be good at seizing opportunities.

When Mr. Lu Xun discussed children's education, he said: "The world of children is completely different from that of adults. If we do not understand it first and act recklessly, it will seriously hinder the development of children." This tells us that when teaching children, we must pay attention to studying the child's psychology, children's wishes, and children's emotions, so as to choose the appropriate time, the appropriate method, and carry out appropriate education. As the saying goes, don't miss the opportunity and act accordingly. These are also useful for children. For example, in daily life, some parents nag regardless of time and place, criticize indiscriminately, preach regardless of whether it is acceptable or not, etc. The parents may be sincere, but the children are indifferent. Therefore, I hope parents can try the following educational methods:

First, be good at catching the times when children are prone to special psychological or emotional changes. For example, as mentioned earlier, when a child wins honors, achieves results, and receives some kind of trust, parents affirm and wish them well and at the same time further clarify specific or even higher requirements. When children encounter difficulties or suffer failures, parents should not reprimand them. They should encourage them, enhance their confidence, and provide analysis and advice to help them get out of the "difficulty".

The second is the timing of regularity in children's daily lives. For example, at the beginning of a new semester, children often have a new impulse to learn and a sense of freshness. If they take advantage of the situation, they will make new progress.

After the examination rankings are announced, no matter what the child's ranking is, parents should not fall into blindness. They should analyze the reasons for progress or backwardness with their children, so that the children will not be arrogant in victory and not discouraged in defeat.

When holding a parent-teacher meeting, parents should take the initiative to communicate with the teacher, not only telling the child's strengths but also raising the child's shortcomings. It is not appropriate to simply "complain" to the teacher, or criticize the child because the teacher criticizes the child's shortcomings. If you get angry, you should find measures and methods to help your children make progress in communicating with the teacher.

Whenever they see Bieyou achieving results in certain areas, driven by their competitive spirit, the child will often secretly make up his mind to make progress and even surpass certain classmates. Parents should seize the opportunity. At this time, help children determine appropriate goal requirements and formulate specific measures, so that they can turn their determination into action.

In fact, there are many opportunities to educate children in life. The key is for parents to be caring people.

In addition, parents should pay attention to the timing when criticizing their children:

Firstly, do not reprimand children during meals; secondly, when guests come to visit, do not expose your shortcomings in front of everyone, or use Blaming children with excessive language is detrimental to their healthy growth.

4. Parents can neither "take care of" nor "indulge" their children blindly.

With the prevalence of only-child families, there have been new changes in education methods. Because there is only one child, parents are afraid that something will happen to him, so they take extra care of him. Going to and from school, watching homework, eating and dressing, watching play activities... There are also some parents who are too pampered and indulgent towards their children. They bow down and obey in front of their children. They buy whatever their children want. Wearing famous brands, going out to restaurants, spending money lavishly - neither of the above is advisable.

The education of children should adopt the method of "macro management and micro liberalization", that is, grasping their development as a whole, such as: ideological and moral character, moral cultivation, learning purpose, sense of responsibility, and enterprising spirit , self-control ability, etc. You should pay more attention and guidance to these, and let yourself control the specific behavioral details with as little intervention as possible. In this way, children's awareness of autonomy, self-reliance, and self-improvement are gradually cultivated, and only then can they continue to mature.

There is an old saying: When planting crops, you must water them, but if you water them too much, the crops will drown; if you plant crops, you must apply fertilizers, but if you apply too much fertilizers, the crops will burn to death. Also, it is wrong to say "no matter how hard it is, it will not hurt your children"; it is right to say "no matter how rich you are, you will not make your children rich". This is summed up from many lessons and is worth pondering by parents.

Therefore, "care" and "indulgence" in family education are two completely opposite but extreme education methods. The correct method should be to be lenient and moderate, to be strict and appropriate, and to combine lenient and strict measures. As parents, we should be both affectionate and rational towards our children, in order to avoid almost ruthless "care" and almost unreasonable "indulgence".

5. Go to bookstores with your children more and less to stores.

The famous British playwright Shakespeare has a famous saying: "Books are the nutrition of the world. Life without books is like the earth without sunshine; wisdom without books is like a bird without wings." ”

Children who come into contact with books can not only absorb the nutrition of knowledge from books, develop intelligence and broaden their horizons, but also gradually develop their strong interest in books and develop a love of books and a good habit of reading. Habit.

Nowadays, people's living standards have improved, and they are becoming more and more particular about food and clothing. However, some parents do not invest enough in their children's intelligence. They are very energetic about buying food, clothing, and books. They even lack the awareness to buy books for their children.

You can also purchase books selectively. For example: journals and magazines for middle school students, popular science books, various classics, and some books on learning methods. Try to control your children from reading a lot of books about fashion stars.

In this process, parents should be able to lead by example, read and communicate with their children together, so that children can distinguish right from wrong in books, become flexible in mind from books, and master knowledge from books. Learning methods, be inspired by books to develop children's abilities.

There are no children who cannot be taught well, only parents who do not know how to teach!