When we feel sad and want to cry, a voice will quickly come to mind: "You can't shed tears, it would be too embarrassing." So, we start to disguise ourselves with a smile.

When our interests are violated and we want to protect our own rights and interests, a voice will appear: "This will create conflicts. You don't want to get into the trouble of quarrels." So, we begin to suppress our inner feelings and needs. , used to face external aggression with escape, silence or even a smile.

When we suffer setbacks and feel depressed, a voice will fan the flames in our minds: "You are so bad! You can't do anything well! You are a waste! You are finished..." So, in Beyond the pain of reality, we continue to suffer from self-judgment.

In fact, it is not just visitors who encounter psychological difficulties. Almost everyone in life has had similar feelings: there seems to be not much to do, but they just feel a lot of pressure.

What causes all these unpleasant feelings is the internal friction caused by self-fighting!

Internal friction is the root cause of psychological pain that continues to amplify and intensify! To solve internal friction, we must first understand the root cause of internal friction. In the book "Anti Internal Friction", Yu Dezhi, a wall-breaker in the psychological service industry, pointed out that the root cause of internal friction is our cultural environment and brain structure.

The root cause of internal friction: culture and the brain

In modern life, people’s fears mainly stem from two points: one is being rejected by the group; the other is revealing one’s true self and inner vulnerability. To escape the experience of fear, we disguise ourselves and cater to others.

Since childhood, we have been taught repeatedly to "be a positive, happy, positive person" and "don't spread negative energy such as anger, sadness, fear, etc., because no one will like it." "Don't be afraid, that's a sign of cowardice" "Don't cry, it will make you look weak"... Under the requirements of the general environment, in order to cater to the expectations of others or society, almost everyone begins to work hard to cover up their shortcomings and hide them. Being unhappy and trying to put your best foot forward.

Seeking belonging and protecting oneself in fear are the fundamental driving force for the development of all self-control behaviors. When you are not paying attention, the self-talk in your mind may be like this:

"If I let them see the real me, they will be disappointed!"

"Can't relax, even if I have already achieved some results. I must be tougher on myself and have higher standards, otherwise I will be thrown to the bottom of society and be looked down upon.”

“Oh my god, I don’t know this problem. Understand, this is too embarrassing, I must not let my subordinates know this, I have to restrain them!"

"I have to be careful, I must not make a mistake!"

Driven by these self-talks, we control our lives by disguising ourselves and continuing to hide our vulnerabilities: striving for perfection, ignoring the truth, rejecting change, and giving ourselves the illusion of being in control!

The social culture of fearing mistakes and pursuing perfection is the root cause of internal friction, but it does not exist in isolation. Behind the cultural influence is the functional division of labor and collaboration mechanism of the brain.

Cerebral neuroscience believes that our brain can be divided into several different parts such as the emotional brain and the rational brain. The emotional brain is responsible for feeling emotions and making intuitive judgments and choices. More than 90% of our daily life Time and the emotional brain control everything we do; while the rational brain is responsible for analysis, judgment, selection, and decision-making. As a high-energy-consuming mechanism, it is activated less than 10% of the time daily. When the emotional brain and the rational brain work well together, we will feel calm and satisfied; once they fall into conflict, as mentioned above, we will enter the internal friction mode: reason suppresses emotion, or emotion overwhelms reason.

Research by James Gross, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, shows that when we try to put on a mask and suppress our true feelings, our blood pressure increases. On the contrary, when we stop trying to pretend, but recognize our feelings and become consistent, our blood pressure will naturally decrease.

We realize that internal friction originates from life and physiological structure, and internal friction is difficult to stop. We must always seek ways to relieve anxiety, stress, entanglement, etc. that hinder the quality of life. Yu Dezhi wrote in "Anti Internal Friction" The book introduces three solutions:

Stop Internal Friction One: Build a New Cognition

A large number of psychological studies have proven that cognition affects our health.

In 2012, Professor Kohler and others from the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health released a research report. In the study, they tracked 30,000 Americans who had different attitudes toward stress over eight years. The results found that in years when stress increased, those who believed that stress was harmful to their health had a 43% increased risk of death; those who did not believe that stress would affect their health had a risk of death that was even lower than those of low-stress people.

Professor Jameson of the Harvard School of Psychology and others released another stress study at the same time. They measured the physiological responses of subjects under stress and found that: under stress, the blood vessels of ordinary subjects Will automatically contract - We know that continued contraction of blood vessels will cause various harmful reactions to the body; but those who think that stress is harmless have no obvious contraction reaction in their blood vessels under pressure!

So, the researchers came to an important conclusion: to a certain extent, stress does not necessarily affect health; but if it is believed that stress is harmful to health, stress will definitely pose a threat to health!

The value of updated knowledge is that it changes the way we solve problems.