Shout for the teacher's encouragement.
It will be nearly twenty years since I graduated from primary school. After such a long time, some people will write "forget me", "bon voyage", "Pepsi-Cola", "people I like" and "people I secretly love" on the graduation rosters of primary and junior high schools (I remember I couldn't tell the difference at that time? ), "lucky color" and "favorite food" (and insist on writing in Japanese) are still one of the hottest topics.
A while ago, a sixth grader was holding a graduation autograph book and invited me to sign it and leave a message on the day he finished consulting. It is not difficult for me to write a yearbook. I often mix with my junior high school and primary school classmates. But when I wrote down the column of "the most influential teacher", I put down my pen and thought for a long time, trying to search in my mind which teacher had the greatest influence on me during my more than 20 years of study.
The word "most influential" is a bit vague, meaning the one who has been together for the longest time? What impressed you the most? Love to punish students? Or the most terrible?
After thinking for a long time, I finally picked up a pen and wrote a name that I hadn't mentioned for a long time in the fancy yearbook.
He is Han Minrong, a junior high school math teacher in our country for three years. We nicknamed him "Shout for Dreams" (Taiwanese).
He is in his fifties and always speaks Taiwanese in class. I guess his biggest hobby is drinking, because every time he passes by, he will smell a strong smell of wine, and the huge red nose hanging on his face is probably the best evidence of his hangover every day. Pale, square face, red nose, and his gray curly hair, I feel very much like the role of "Qin Jiaxian" in the puppet show.
Calling classes has his usual special rhythm. He often explains simple principles for a long time, but sometimes he solves difficult formula reasoning in an instant. Sometimes the class will present a dead end without an answer, and later it is discovered that it is his calculation error; Sometimes it takes a long time to find out that he brought the wrong textbook and the progress was wrong; Occasionally mixed with some jokes, and then he would laugh on the stage. By the time we understood, he had moved on to the next topic.
To put it simply, we often don't understand what he is teaching. If you don't understand, don't listen.
We students who are tutors outside often finish the progress of his next teaching in the cram school, or make up for what we didn't hear clearly in class, so we often make a scene in his class. When he flew into a rage, we confidently took out the homework that had already been written and left him speechless.
"When he taught us, we didn't even know it was a few years ago. To tell the truth, for a while, I always suspected that this old man who was drunk every day could walk in the right classroom, which was amazing. How does he teach math well?
Students who perform well in class can be roughly divided into two categories. One is talent, which is called "winning at the starting point". This kind of person has a good understanding ability, and it will be scary if he works hard. The other is the acquired complement type, which has good qualifications and can perform well after considerable efforts.
There are four people in our group. Wang Shaowei, who won the first place in every exam, is of course the former, while Tyre and Shunza belong to the latter. Unfortunately, being good at talking does not mean being good at exams. I am classified as "even if I work hard, I will fail accidentally" or "even if I work hard, I still have to rely on luck to do well in the exam"
Although we usually form a group in the class and do everything together, even the best friends will inevitably compete with each other in the face of the comparison of exam results.
After school, three other people gathered in front of my seat and began to compare the math scores of this monthly exam.
"A hundred." Wang Shaowei is very common.
"ninety-six." The tire shrugged.
"Ninety-six, tied." Shunzai spread his hands.
"Hey ~ it's your turn." Wang Shaowei gave me a push.
"..." I don't say a word.
"A few minutes? It is a big deal to be laughed at by us. Being laughed at won't kill you. The consistent style of tires sounds particularly locomotive at the moment.
"There are more than one hundred points? I mean, three times. " Junko propped up the corners of the mouth.
"..." My face is expressionless.
The three men didn't want to talk when they saw me. After a while, they had to leave with their schoolbags on their backs.
Everyone has left, and I am still sitting alone in the classroom, holding a math test paper full of red letters and failing, and my heart is full of frustration and confusion.
What the hell is going on! I also play when others talk in class, and I pinch when others pinch the teacher. As a result, they did well in the exam. How can I get the score of "Damn Sadness"?
The exercises and reference books that should be written are all written, and the formulas that should be memorized are also memorized. The progress I didn't hear in class was also made up in the cram school, wasn't it? But why can't I work out the questions on the test paper? At this rate, the chances of going to high school are likely to be slim.
Sitting in the seat scratching your hair, blame yourself or yourself.
"What's the matter?" When I was walking in the classroom with a pile of homework, I saw that I was in a daze and came in to ask.
"Teacher ... excuse me, how can I learn math well ...? "Courage, for the first time in my life, I shouted in such a respectful tone. I failed the math monthly exam three times a semester, and each time I got worse. At this time, it doesn't matter if you are ridiculed. Who told me to be so rude to him?
The shout standing next to me didn't answer immediately, and I didn't dare to look up at him. The faint smell of alcohol and the long silence on the caller's body condensed into a strange atmosphere in the air.
"You always drive yourself crazy ..." After a few seconds, he shouted.
As I expected, I was ridiculed when I asked.
After all, exams are all about strength. They are not as smart as others, and they don't work hard. They like to make noise in class. How can they get good grades with such a learning attitude? The reason why I can't do well in the exam is obviously on myself, and I have no shame to ask how to do well in the exam.
Thought of here, the original low head pressure even lower.
"It's a pity," Shouting said unexpectedly, gently and tactfully. "When you first entered junior high school, I was the most optimistic about you." "You are very careful and determined." Many teachers praise you in private. 」
"Ah?" I stare blankly for a moment, looked up and shouted in surprise.
Did I hear you wrong? I didn't take this opportunity to scold me severely, but told me that I just didn't work hard enough.
"There are only two kinds of minds in martial arts: humility, diligence and invincibility. He then said in an encouraging tone, "If you really want to study, listen carefully in class later, and I will teach you what you don't understand after school." "You don't lack strength, only determination and hard work." Word by word from the mouth of the caller reached my ears.
In my impression, when I shouted these words, the golden soft sunset behind me made his old man look wise and full of happiness.
"I know! Thank you, thank you teacher! I don't know where I injected the feeling of hope into my body. I put away my depressed expression and clenched my fists with both hands. I completely changed my view of the old man and decided to turn over a new leaf and have a good class.
That's what people do. Many times they just need some sincere encouragement, which can often make them full of courage to face challenges again.
Cultivate your inner strength. As a result, shouting is cheating.
Because he wasn't there when I went to the office after school to ask him about math. I guess he went for a drink again. I vowed on the spot to "save my class" and made up my mind to study hard all night and listen carefully in class. Even when the other three people were noisy, I tried to calculate and deduce the formula synchronously with the cry of solving problems on the stage. Even if they teased me, I was indifferent.
Although he disappeared after work, what he said that afternoon completely changed my learning attitude, and I felt very guilty about my previous fooling around in many teachers' classes. The results of the next few mid-term exams, although still not comparable to Li Shaowei, have improved a lot from time to time. Finally, a few months later, I successfully passed the Tuizhen exam and was admitted to Pingtung High School.
On the day of graduation ceremony, I didn't shout thank you, and I didn't even ask him to sign the graduation yearbook. Now that I think about it, it may be because I have to face him directly, and I still have a lot of guilt in my heart. Anyway, I will meet you on the road in the future, and it should be ok to thank you then. But many things are not done now, and then there is no chance. Ten years later, I overheard someone mention him, only to know that his old man had gone to another world.
That cry not only gave me the courage to face terminally ill mathematics at that time, but also silently influenced my attitude towards "people" in my later educational consulting work. No matter whether his encouragement to me that afternoon was from the heart or just a passing gesture, he was willing to pay special attention to me sitting alone in the classroom, not to criticize my problems, and even to help me see the positive energy in me when I was frustrated, thus conveying his trust in my ability. Although he didn't directly tell me which problems should be solved by which methods, his words alone were enough to make me grow up the will and energy to face challenges again, and even affected my learning attitude.
The same is true of efforts to consult psychologists.
Many people may be curious about what psychological counseling really does. Is it the same as the counseling room in domestic high schools? Why does it seem that life will be better after consultation? Do counselors help people solve various problems? What the hell is going on in that closed consulting room?
In fact, many times, psychological counseling does not directly help individuals solve problems, but helps individuals find out what ways they are used to facing problems. Escape or meet the challenge? Do you consciously or unconsciously reuse some failed ways? What positive problem-solving abilities do you have? In other words, counselors attach importance to the courage to face challenges and the willingness and ability to solve problems with cases. However, this concept is easy to say, but it is difficult to implement in practice. Especially the novice psychology.
How can I put it?
We have been taught the concept of helping others since childhood, and it is an innate virtue to lend a helping hand when others are in trouble. Nowadays, as a helper, it is of course duty-bound to help others solve their difficulties. However, novice psychological counselors are often frustrated that they can't help the case solve the problem, especially when they see that the case entered the consulting room with hope at first, but then left in frustration because the problem could not be solved. For the first psychological novice who is full of blood and tears and wants to give full play to what he has learned in class, he is likely to feel depressed and blame himself at this time.
"I must be too poor to help him ...", "He should be disappointed in me, right? Will he want to talk to me next time? " "I didn't help him, but I really wasted his life for an hour", "Alas, should I consider giving up being a psychiatrist ..." Seeing the case of leaving the consulting room in disappointment, I suddenly felt guilty and suspicious about myself.
Not only novice psychologists, but also many teachers and parents may have had such setbacks in education and consultation.
However, can we help solve all the problems?
I came to consult the case because I owed a large amount of debt, which was very depressing. If the huge debt can be paid off at this moment, I believe the counselor need not say anything, and the melancholy mood of the case will be revealed immediately. Since this method is so concrete and effective, will you help him raise this huge sum of money? If the case is regrettable because you didn't have time to apologize to the important person who passed away, is there any way for you to find the time machine and let him go back to the past and complete the impossible task? More seriously, if the case has been sexually assaulted, can we stop the misfortune that has happened?
No, of course not. More cruelly, there are not only many problems in life that can't be solved, but some problems can't be solved even if you try hard. In this case, as a helper, educator or parent, can we only stand and sigh?
The reason why they don't help each other solve problems is not only because the types of problems are ever-changing and full of difficulties, but because the goal of consultation is to help individuals grow their courage to face problems, their ability to solve problems and their willingness to accept challenges. If we habitually help each other solve his problems, although it may give him a temporary relief, he has no chance to experience the pressure he should experience and try the methods he should try. When faced with similar difficulties again in the future, he can only stand there and wait for another savior to help him deal with the problem.
Extraordinary difficulties can often create extraordinary abilities.
If a person can increase his inner strength, he will still have the will and courage to face challenges even in the face of difficulties he has never experienced before. More importantly, when a person thinks that he has the ability to solve problems and create a better life for himself (called self-efficacy in psychology 1), his self-confidence will be enhanced accordingly.
Perhaps one of the best times in life is when you feel that you have the ability to accomplish something. This is also the reason why many people like to read inspirational books and biographies of great men, because after reading them, they will feel inspired, and it seems that they can break some restrictions that they thought could not be shaken, and then complete some things and accumulate some achievements, just like the characters in the story.
More importantly, this idea makes me feel that I have a sense of hope to continue to face the future, and hope is one of the most important beliefs to support people to live hard and face challenges bravely in this world!
Psychological counseling classroom
1? Self-efficacy refers to the degree to which individuals feel that they have the ability to face the difficulties they encounter or that they have the ability to accomplish something. A person with high self-efficacy is willing to try and challenge even though he may have few resources in the face of difficulties, so he may get more chances of success. And such a successful experience will help to enhance the individual's inner sense of self-efficacy.
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