He loves the sound of the wind blowing through the woods, the faint fragrance of the grass, and the sound of the gurgling water

The first couplet: 1 straight 2 on the road to run 3; the second couplet : 9 means 8 dares to marry 7 to buy a house; Hengbiao: Qi 456

Rice and steamed buns fight, rice has a large number of people, and will hit anything wrapped in it, including sugar buns, meat buns, and steamed dumplings. survived. Zongzi was forced into the corner. In desperation, he tore his clothes and shouted: Look clearly, I am an undercover agent!

By the way, that classmate was in elementary school at that time. One night before the final exam, he heard his parents discussing what to make for him for breakfast tomorrow morning. His mother said: How about making fried dough sticks and eggs? One fried dough stick and two eggs are one hundred percent. His father was silent for a while and then said: He has taken so many exams and 100 points is not enough. How about giving him instant noodles and eating the "Unified 100".

When the Chinese teacher turned around, he saw that the Yellow Crane Tower was vacant. The math teacher turned around and saw the axis of symmetry of the quadratic function. The English teacher turned around and added three grams of oil, sorry. When the chemistry teacher turned around, the carbon dioxide turned into gasoline. The physics teacher turned around and used a lever to pry the earth. When the biology teacher turned around, the test-tube baby swam in the water. When the physical education teacher turned around, Jordan switched to table tennis. When all the teachers turn around, the people of the world have no freedom!

When a fresh graduate applied for a job, his boss asked him: "What kind of working environment do you want?" He replied: "A monthly salary of 100,000 yuan, accommodation included, and 30 days abroad at public expense every year." Boss: "I'll give it to you. With a monthly salary of 200,000 yuan, I will give you a house and go abroad for 60 days at public expense." He said in surprise: "It's so good! Are you kidding me?" Boss: "You were the one who joked with me first." /p>

The sisters have a crush on a married male colleague, and they silently write a love letter every day and keep it in a draft in their mailbox. One day when she was drunk and overcome with grief, she decided to send him hundreds of emails in a daze. Not long after, she suddenly regretted it and asked me to help her find an IT expert to destroy that buddy's email address. As a result, the IT man sent tens of thousands of emails praising the motherland and the party to the buddy's mailbox... and escaped smoothly. The buddy was probably so angry that he deleted them all.

In the subway, Male A and Female B had a quarrel because of a slight collision. They stopped at the station. Female B hesitated as soon as she got off the train, rushed up to A, slapped her in the face and ran away. As a result, a group of people came up to her. , pushed B back again, and did not go down. Then A rushed up and kicked B, and B fought back. After that, they started fighting all the time, and they didn't stop after station N. At this time, suddenly a strong man stood up and yelled: Stop fucking fighting, I've seen you stand before you fight!

The company decided to ask me to lay off several employees through a test. I asked a question and filled in the blanks with the idiom: "Not at all ()". The Human Resources Department was puzzled, so I explained the answer: For those who filled in "Gou", the men would stay and the women would leave; if those who filled in "Han" were filled in, the men would leave and the women would stay.

There is always such a kind of person, which we call "Jing" - which means both horizontally and vertically.

When I first graduated: brothers, I will have a wife later; one year after graduation: brothers, I will have a wife later; later: brothers, I regret having a wife; and later: brothers, I will have a wife later. Ah; finally: Brothers, I regret having a second wife.

You are like a police car beside me. I have the urge to overturn you every day. Such love words are so heartless!

At the opening ceremony of a plastic surgery hospital in Wenzhou, two beauties wore clothes with "Zhou Libo" written on them. Breast augmentation can be done in seven days, Mamma Mia!

A thunder exploded in mid-air, which suddenly reminded people of an old song by Leo Ku: "It's so loud, so loud, so loud..."

The husband provoked his wife's IQ , asked: My dear, do you have the skills to say something that makes me happy and angry at the same time? My wife was silent for a while and said: I found that among all your friends, you are the only one who does not need to take Viagra.

I changed my QQ signature to "I love your wife". At this time, many people asked me if I was in love, but most people still insisted that my account was hacked. In fact, the truth is I put the space in the wrong place, so I changed it to "I love you wife," and everyone thought it was me.

When I was in college, I just lay down one night when I suddenly received a phone call. It turned out to be a call from my classmate in the room next door, "Come here, I have something."

"I got up reluctantly, and asked what we were doing after we passed by. "We were all lying down, and no one wanted to get up and close the door. Please close the door for me, thank you, haha. "I...

tan didn't understand why he was always despised by sin and cos. Later cot told him with tears: Because we have no lower limit...

In a building There are four weirdos living upstairs. The one on the fourth floor likes to sharpen kitchen knives, the one on the third floor likes to pee in the window, the one on the second floor likes to paint things green, and the one on the first floor likes to eat cucumbers. One day, the fourth floor accidentally dropped the kitchen knife... Look. Students who understand raise their hands~

Three elements of success: 1. Persistence. 2. Shameless persistence.

My mother said to me kindly when I was a child. Good boy, if you learn this skill, you will never be hungry for the rest of your life. So my mother taught me how to eat!

One day I had an urgent need to urinate, so I walked into the luxurious bathroom of a hotel and took a look. , with a few big words on it: “Don’t use it! "I chuckled in my heart. I am a quality person who has slept in five-star hotels. What scene have I not seen? After the incident, automatic induction and automatic spraying of water. The amount of water is huge! After getting wet, I suddenly realized: "Fuck, you will die if you put a comma. ah! ”

Don’t be a racist, be like Uncle Mario - he is Italian, but made in Japan, speaks English, can run like a Jamaican, can jump higher than a black man, and can Jews also love to collect gold coins...

The stupid bird has four choices: ① The stupid bird flies first; ② The stupid bird flies last; ③ The stupid bird flies randomly; ④ The stupid bird does not fly - blunt, tolerant, and leisurely , then lay an egg and place your hopes on the next generation!

The three obediences of the wife: never do laundry; never cook; never mop the floor. The four virtues of the husband: the wife must wait for her makeup. ; The wife must be willing to spend money; the wife must be patient when she is angry; the wife must be coaxed when she is angry.

A foreign guy participated in a Chinese dating show. Where will he live after marriage? Answer: Will he have a house with his grandma? , my father and my stepmother live together. The house is from the last century. Female: What do you do? What is your father’s workplace? Answer: I am a soldier. My dad is not married. BMW? Answer: Is the carriage okay? The lights are off. Host: Where are you from? What is your name? The young man replied in shame: Britain, others call me Prince William.

The circus owner received a call. , do you need a talking donkey? "The boss felt bored and hung up. After a while, the phone rang again. The other party still asked this question, and the boss hung up the phone again. The third time, the phone rang again. When the boss answered the phone, he only heard the other party saying: "Don't you f*ck hang up! Hit me with your hoof, is it easy for me? ”

The first thing a Japanese woman says on her wedding night is: “Please forgive me if the service is not good tonight.” "The first thing a Chinese woman says on her wedding night is: "Go and see how much money you have received today." "

Yesterday I finished cupping and went swimming. I was swimming happily when I suddenly heard a little girl behind me saying loudly: "Seven-starred ladybug!" "I didn't know what happened, so I looked back at her, and she immediately cried and said to her mother: "Mom, Ladybug..."

A person is about to starve to death in the desert. , then he picked up the magic lamp. Magic lamp: I can only grant you one wish, tell me quickly, I am in a hurry. Person: I want a wife... The magic lamp immediately transformed into a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: Hurry up. Starved to death and lusted after beauty! After saying that, he disappeared.

My classmate asked me if I knew Sophie had a 410mm super long night use. I asked her what was wrong. She said that this changed her world view. I was curious about how powerful this sanitary napkin was. She replied: "Because I found that I am only as tall as four sanitary napkins, and I feel so small." ”

There is a colleague in the unit who is a Mongolian and a great figure who often wanders around the world. He went home for a year’s vacation. After several days of vacation, he still didn’t come back. The boss called and he was on the phone. Li said: Leader, I am still riding a horse on the Hulunbuir grassland to find my home. My family is a nomad and I don’t know where they have moved.

A sexy girl was walking on the road and suddenly heard: Don’t move. Stopping her, MM became anxious and said, "I'll give you money, so don't rob me, okay?" The big man said, "Don't be verbose." Then he pushed MM down. "No," said the big man, "I'm so annoyed, please take off your stockings." , I rushed to rob the bank.

A Chinese couple went to Australia to work, and their youngest son also stayed in a local kindergarten. One day, the principal asked the children how much 1+1 equals, and the children were confused. At this time, the younger son was depressed, didn’t he know? Then he shouted, doesn’t 1+1 equal 2? The next day, the principal came to the couple's home with a serious expression and said: Look at what you have tortured the child to! Is 1+1=2 something he should know now?

I went to the toilet in an Internet cafe and saw a lot of writing on the toilet door. The first article reads: Women are cheap! And attached some vulgar curse words. Then a reply: Men are the meanest! There were also some curse words attached, which should have been replied by a woman. Several lines went back and forth like this, and in the last one, someone yelled: Stop fucking arguing, men and women are fucking mean! The most expensive thing now is pork!

The six places where Chinese women are most likely to lose their virginity: bars, Internet cafes, karaoke bars, offices, rental houses near universities, and Beijing Subway Line 1.