When I was a kid, my dad was having a great time playing cards. When he touched the cigarette case, there was no cigarette left. Before the cards were played, he was too embarrassed to get up and threw me 100 yuan. Let me run errands. I was engrossed in watching cartoons and didn't want to go. My father coaxed me. You go downstairs to buy a bag of red flag canal for me. You can keep the flowers for yourself when you find the steel pail. Ten minutes later, I came back carrying more than 90 pieces of steel in plastic bags. . . Facts prove that wit is useless? It's not just a beating.
Yesterday I went shopping and saw two naughty kids fighting. One pushed the other to the ground. The two fought until their faces turned red and their necks were thick. I was about to start a fight and suddenly I was pushed to the ground. Say to the other "Hit me later so I can pee." Another said "Whoever runs away will have a grandson". Sure enough, the one who was pushed to the ground lay down on the ground again after urinating, maintaining the same posture as before, and the two naughty children started again. . . Emma, ??there is a timeout for fighting
In the Haagen-Dazs ice cream shop, the waiter brought a glass of lemonade and asked: "Sir, what do you want to eat?" I took a sip of water, opened the menu and flipped through Looking at it, he raised his head and asked her: "Excuse me, are there knife-shaped noodles?" She looked surprised at first, and then said rudely: "This is not a Shanxi noodle restaurant!" I said with a smile: "Sorry, I entered the wrong store. "After saying that, I walked out, the sun was burning like fire, and I didn't feel as thirsty as before...
My cousin is very eloquent and often changes his girlfriends. We are very envious of him. He recently dated a girl, so I went to watch. After observing once, I found that my cousin was stumbling and nervous. He had nothing to say and only the girls were chatting. Afterwards, I asked him why you were so nervous and so talkative. As a result, he said disdainfully: "When you get nervous, she will take the initiative!"
When I was in elementary school, two classmates performed a skit in the class. One of the plots was that the two people had a conflict. Who knew the performance? During the performance, the two got upset and rolled to the ground and started fighting. The students applauded and said that the performance was too real.
While surfing the Internet at an Internet cafe, five or six police officers rushed in, and one of them walked straight towards me. I felt so nervous. I am underage and will not come to check my ID card! Instead of looking for me, he walked towards a few online lol people next to me, looked at them, and then said to the other policemen: Come here quickly. Now that you are suspected of cybercrime, come with us. ...The policeman at the end muttered as he walked, what a great game, and how dare he call us rubbish...
My colleagues spent 2/3 of their monthly salary on lottery tickets. I asked him if it was worth it, and he smiled and said it was just for fun. Until one day his dad drove a car worth more than one million yuan to the company. I believed what he said just for fun, it was true. But I buy hundreds of dollars from him every month, which makes me feel sad just thinking about it.
I went home with my boyfriend to meet my parents. As soon as I walked in, I could feel my aunt’s alienation from me! After dinner, I endured all my doubts and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, but I accidentally heard my aunt scolding her boyfriend: "How long have you been playing with me when you call me a king?" Just change it. Do you have a conscience?
When my little cousin was in high school, she once ran to my house to ask for help: "Cousin, I encountered a few perverts on the way to self-study. Can you pick me up from school?" Thinking of my aunt's kindness to me, I didn't hesitate. Hesitantly agreed! That night, a handsome young man walked towards me, and my cousin shouted: "That's him!" I stepped forward and held him down. Just as I was about to take action, she stopped him and said to the young man fiercely: "This is my cousin, a master of karate." , If you don't add my W letter today, don't think about leaving..."
When I went home today, my dad asked me to shave his head. That clipper didn't work very well at first, but I didn't know that it became better after my dad oiled it. I still pushed him with the same strength as before, and he was done quickly. My dad said that the back of his head was burning and hurting. When I saw that I had pushed him, there were several bloody wounds, and I didn’t dare to tell my dad. . . .
I handed my daughter 20 yuan and asked her to go downstairs and buy me a pack of cigarettes for 16 yuan. My daughter took the money and said to me in a mature tone: "Dad, it's not easy for you to hide a little private money. Can't you smoke some cheaper cigarettes?" Suddenly I felt that this girl was starting to become sensible and knew how to help. Dad thought about it, and felt relieved! After a while, my daughter came back and threw me a pack of cigarettes worth 11 yuan. She also held a pack of potato chips and a can of Coke in her hand.
One night I went to the squid barbecue stall to buy barbecue. There were several people lining up in front of me, and I was also waiting in line. At this time, an old woman passed by with a child in her arms. The child was crying and wanted to eat squid. The old woman said, "We won't eat that. It smells like daddy."
Tongue twisters for tongue fighting
Basics:
1. Go out of the south gate and run due south. There is a noodle shop facing south. There is a blue cotton curtain hanging at the door of the noodle shop. Pick the blue The cotton door curtain, the front shop still faces south, hang up the blue cotton door curtain, and take a look, the front shop still faces south.
2. There is a boat in the river. There is a white sail on the boat. The wind blows the sail and the boat moves forward. When there is no wind, the sail falls and stops the boat.
3. One star is lonely, two stars shine brightly. There are many stars, three, four, five and six, shining brightly all over the sky.
4. The rice is delicious, let’s all try it. Eat quickly and be full without dropping rice on the table.
5. The hen scolds the chicken, you stupid thing. I teach you to giggle, but you prefer to chirp.
6. This is a silkworm, that is a cicada. Silkworms often hide in leaves, and cicadas often sing in the forest.
7. Walk seven steps out of the west gate and find leather pants patched with chicken skin. It is chicken skin that mends leather trousers, but it is not chicken skin that does not need to mend leather trousers.
8. My family has a fat, white, eight-pound chicken that flew into the Zhang family’s backyard. There is a fat, white, eight-pound dog in Zhangjiayuan, and he bit my fat, white, eight-pound chicken. I used his fat, pure and fair eight-pound dog as compensation for my eight-pound chicken, which is pure and fair.
9. The pole is long and the bench is wide. The bench is not as long as the pole and the pole is not as wide as the bench. The shoulder pole should be tied to the bench. The bench does not allow the shoulder pole to be tied to the bench. The shoulder pole must be tied to the bench.
10. If you eat grapes, you won’t spit out the grape skins; if you don’t eat the grapes, you will spit out the grape skins.
11. Eight hundred pacesetters ran to the north slope, and the artillerymen ran side by side to the north. The pacesetters were afraid of touching the artillery, and the artillerymen were afraid of touching the pacesetters.
Improvement:
1. If you can stew my stewed frozen tofu, come and stew my stewed frozen tofu. If you don’t know how to stew my stewed frozen tofu, don’t pretend that it will spoil. Got my frozen tofu stew.
2. You will paste my pink living Buddha niche to paste my pink living Buddha niche, but you will not paste my pink living Buddha niche. Don’t fool around and damage my pink living Buddha niche!
3. A lame man came from the south, carrying a load of eggplants, a plate in his hand, and wooden pegs nailed to the ground. I didn't pay attention to the peg, which tripped the lame man, spilled the lame man's eggplants, smashed the lame man's plate, and made the lame man pick up the eggplants with his waist. A drunk old man came from the north with a cigarette bag tucked in his waist. He came over to buy eggplants from the lame man. The lame man wouldn't sell them to the drunk old man. The old man got angry and robbed the eggplants from the lame man. The lame man picked up the eggplants with his waist, picked up the plate, pulled out the prongs, and chased the old man. The old man When he was angry, he didn't give the lame eggplant and picked up his tobacco bag pin. He didn't know that the old man's tobacco bag pin was tied to the cripple's eggplant, and he didn't know that the cripple's pin was tied to the old man's tobacco bag pin.
4. There is a basin in the car, and there is a bottle in the basin, pong pong pong, ping ping ping, I don’t know if the bottle is touching the basin, or the basin is touching the bottle.
5. Male actors wear blue uniforms, and actresses wear cotton uniforms. Blue uniforms are cotton uniforms, and cotton uniforms are blue uniforms. Male actors wear blue cotton uniforms, and actresses wear cotton blue uniforms.
6. Old Tang served egg soup and climbed the pagoda on a stool, but because the stool was too slippery, the soup was poured on the pagoda and burned.
7. Xiaoliang met a wolf while herding sheep. The wolf wanted to eat the sheep and was afraid of Xiaoliang. Xiao Liang beats the wolf to save the lamb, and the wolf dies and the sheep survives on Xiao Liang.
8. Cowherd loves Liu Niang, Liu Niang misses Cowherd, Cowherd falls in love with Liu Niang every year, Liu Niang misses Cowherd every year, Lang Lianniang comes to mother to miss Lang, Miss Niang loves mother to miss Lang. Lang, I miss my empress.
9. Red phoenix, pink phoenix, red and pink phoenix flower phoenix. (Say it five times)
10. Measure the window, bed and wall. Jump on the bed and measure the window. Then lean against the wall and measure the bed. The wall is longer than the bed, the bed is longer than the window, and the window is not as long as the bed. , the bed is no longer than the wall, so the wall is longer than the bed and the window.
Difficult chapter:
In the first month of the first month, two sisters went shopping for lanterns. The eldest sister was named Pink Girl, and the second sister was named Pink Girl. The pink girl is wearing a pink coat, and the pink girl is wearing a pink coat. The pink girl holds a bottle of pink wine, and the pink girl holds a bottle of pink wine. The sisters found a deserted place to drink Liu Ling from cup to cup. The pink girl drank the pink girl's pink wine, the pink girl drank the pink girl's wine and became pink, the pink girl drank and got drunk, and the pink girl drank and got drunk. The pink girl grabs the pink girl and beats her, and the pink girl grabs the pink girl and twists her. The pink girl tore off the pink girl's pink coat, and the pink girl tore off the pink girl's coat. The sisters gave up and bought thread to sew by themselves.
The pink girl bought a pink thread, and the pink girl bought a pink thread. The pink girl sews the pink coat in reverse, and the pink girl sews the pink coat in reverse. Talk about dreaming about fighting with others
Because I have no memory, I feel that the recent days have been a bit difficult, so remind yourself and look at the past days, weren’t they like this? Didn’t they come over too? . I remember that there was a time when I wrote a word on my wrist to remind myself at any time, and I traced it every day. After a week, I finally couldn't stick to it. I hope I can remember it longer this time. Think more about happy things. I just dreamed that I was fighting with my sister, and I woke up laughing afterwards. She is too stupid
Talk about dreaming about fighting with others
1. Xiao Yao woke up in the morning and told me that he dreamed last night that he had been cut on his arm when he fought every day. It was a deep gash, and then he looked at his arm, thought for a while, and added, maybe my arm was numbed by you when I was sleeping
Twenty or fifteen years ago, I dreamed I got into a fight with a stranger and didn't take it seriously when I woke up. More than a month later, I got into an argument with the cook in the canteen and knocked the bowl away. When I went to the kitchen to pick it up, I got into a fight with him. When we arrived at the police station, the man took out the mask and hat. I was stunned at the time. He was exactly the same as the person in my dream. I had never seen him before. It was absolutely true. Four years ago, I dreamed that I left home to work in a small county east of my hometown. Within half a year, due to some things, I was forced to go to the county in the east of our city, and I have been there until now. Do people’s dreams really have premonitions?
3. Dreaming about fighting or escaping, and waking up with back pain.
4. After sleeping for more than ten minutes, I would wake up with nightmares. I dreamed of fighting with someone I had fought with in college. Damn it!
5. I dreamed that I was fighting with someone again... The fight was quite fierce, but later I found out that the other person was a wife, Cao Zhihua. I don’t know if there is such a person... ..and then they became friends again after apologizing to each other...Uh, what a ghostly dream
6. When I went to bed at night, I vaguely dreamed that I was fighting, and my emotions were in place and my movements were perfect. I was about to lift my foot and kick it over. The key point came. I really raised my foot and then fell freely on the guardrail of the bed. I woke up instantly and the pain was so bad that now my calf is blue
7. I had a dream today. I dreamed that I and you were fighting. Later I checked Weibo and found that this passage was very good. This can very well explain why they broke up a few years ago. I'm too lazy to argue with you, and I don't want to tangle with you for the rest of my life. That's right, that's right.
8. I dreamed of fighting with someone last night... I was fighting with two girls, one on two, and it seemed that I was pregnant.
9. I ran to the bed, Her soft little body got into my arms, her little hands touched my face, and she said sadly: Mom, I had a dream last night. I dreamed that you were fighting with others and they beat you. I woke up and wanted to come over to see you, but grandma wouldn't let me, so I had to come over in the morning.
10. Last night I dreamed of a fight with a female classmate from elementary school. I fought so fiercely that I pulled my hair and hit the wall. I don’t know how much hatred there was.
10 1. I have taken the time to watch Marshal Ma in the past few days. As a result, every night I dream about Marshal Van Der Puma fighting. I am so exhausted that I can no longer watch it. It is even more dreamy than an idol drama.
12. I woke up intermittently several times during the night, with several incoherent dreams, dreaming about fire, dreaming about fighting, dreaming about scars, dreaming about someone knocking on my door desperately, and I hid in the house. I didn't dare to say anything. I dreamed that the door couldn't be closed. Every time I woke up, I hurriedly touched my cell phone. It seemed that he was the only one who could give me a sufficient sense of security.
13. I dreamed that I was quarreling and fighting with others. I could not quarrel or fight with others. So, I vowed in my heart that I must exercise well and have the strength to fight again! I am so angry. Every time I am wronged and angry, I have strange dreams. It turned out that fighting in the dream was so tiring.
14. I dreamed that I was fighting. The character was a thug driving a smart car. I forgot the details of the fight. In short, it was very powerful and it was very satisfying to hit people. It was easy to catch and throw it out, which was what everyone expected. That kind of thing.
The villain is similar to a class tutor. When the fight is high, we invite our professional teachers and then have to stop obediently. When I wake up, I feel like I'm awake, but all my resentments and worries have dissipated~
15. I had a dream. I dreamed that two bears were fighting in a shopping mall. I was shooting a video on the second floor of the shopping mall. My hand shook and my phone fell. In order to save my phone, I jumped off the second floor.
16. Yesterday, I dreamed of going to Sri Lanka with my children. Today, I dreamed that I was helping the children to fight. Although I was the one who caused the trouble, it was too much. Halfway through the fight, I was showing my dignity. The children pushed me to wake up. Get up and go to work
17. Complications of moving, my arms were sore after I woke up this morning. I dreamed of fighting during my nap, but now I feel sore all over my body.
18. When I woke up, my back and legs hurt. Could it be that I dreamed of fighting with someone?
19. Who can understand the feeling of waking up six times a night and constantly dreaming of quarrels and fights? Waking up once every half hour and dreaming every half an hour is so frustrating!
20. I want to say something, but I don’t know where to start. Marrying the wrong person or marrying the wrong person? I often dream of quarreling and fighting with my parents-in-law, and getting divorced because of them. Everything in the dream is so real, maybe it is my true thoughts? Today is my birthday, a day that no one remembers, but I actually had a quarrel with my mother-in-law. If there is a first time, there will be a next time. Maybe one day the dream will come true.
21. I dreamed about a group of snakes fighting. There was a big black and thick python that kept entangled with other small snakes. Our cat and I jumped around to watch them tearing apart. Beating, tearing them apart, they disappeared. Then our cat stared at me in horror and kept barking at me. I turned around subconsciously, and the big black python rushed towards me from behind. Fortunately, Dodged.
Twenty-two. I had a dream last night. I dreamed of fighting with others. Maybe the fight was too intense. As a result, I punched myself twice and woke up in pain.
Twenty-three. I I have dreamed about fighting with others for two days in a row. Today at noon, I dreamed about fighting with a new person. This indirectly reflects my recent manic mood. I can’t solve anything that I can’t do in my dream.
24. The day before yesterday I dreamed about fighting with dementors, and today I dreamed about fighting with pirates and I was so tired even after sleeping
25. The night before yesterday I dreamed about fighting with someone, and when I woke up in the morning, I was so tired The clothes hanger fell on me
26. Two days ago, I dreamed of quarreling with someone, and there was a different person every night. Last night, I dreamed of fighting with someone, and I won, riding on someone else and jerking off. A slap in the face.
Twenty-seven. The annual income of 145 is finally over. I once dreamed that I was fighting with her and grabbed her hair. If you talk in China, you will be chased across provinces. Yeah, let’s get to know each other
Twenty-eight. I dreamed last night that I had special powers and I fought all night long
Twenty-nine. It’s really good. A few days ago I have always dreamed of fighting, and yesterday I dreamed of killing people.
At 30, I had nightmares again, dreaming about going out and everything going wrong. Then I dreamed of fighting ghosts with Zhu Zhu
31. I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was a rebellious girl who fought, smoked and drank. I forgot why I liked that boy. Later, the boy died, and I was very sad. There was a field at school where people standing at the front could call out the souls of the dead through telepathy or excessive thoughts. There were many people queuing up there every day. I seemed to have changed. I was so obsessed that I lived in a haze every day. The only thing I remembered was to line up there and talk to his soul, which became my daily spiritual sustenance. But one day he suddenly found out that I was a girl who fought, smoked and drank, and thought I She was not a good girl, so she left angrily. I felt very sad and wanted to call him out again, but he didn't come out. I was asked by the people behind me to leave quickly. You have been occupying me for so long. I left, aimlessly, and came to a forest. When I came to a stream, I saw a smooth marble and sat down. , looked at the stream for a long time, got up to leave, and found that the stone moved. After taking a closer look, there was a big black dog underneath supporting the stone. After I got up, the big dog also left. I was sighing. The big dog is so energetic. At this moment, a little gorilla suddenly came out. It expressed something to me, but I didn't understand it and woke up from the dream.
Thirty-two. I dreamed that I was fighting with someone, and I kept kicking her...but in the end I was sent to the hospital. A piece of flesh was cut off from my hand by something similar to a nail clipper, and it was bloody. Wow...but I obviously won this war!
Thirty-three. I dreamed of fighting with others. I hit two girls one at a time and beat the two girls to tears. Then they went to sue the teacher and asked the teacher to comment, but the teacher said that I was right. Then I woke up laughing and kept pretending, pretending, pretending...
I like clothes with pockets, otherwise I don’t know where to put my hands.
If I am so poor that I only have life left, let me love you with my life.
Why did you speak so irritably today? Is that coming...
Loving you is my exclusive property. See who dares to do illegal things.
To explain is to cover up, to cover up is to be dishonest, and to be dishonest is to be unjust!
◆◇丶If the love between two people lasts for a long time, it should be when they get married.
I live like a fool, but I don’t know that there are idiots laughing at me.
I never make excuses for why I have gained weight. I only say that my clothes have lost weight.
?﹏? Outside the Chang Pavilion, beside the ancient road. A group of egrets heading to the west? ﹏?
﹌Don’t be like a trash can, keep pretending, pretending, pretending... 20xx funny signature phrases
Never hang yourself from a tree, you can go to the surrounding trees Try Xanadu a few times
My world was flattened by you, but your world is at war for her.
The test paper is all white, so that’s okay. It also counts for neatness. Mood personalized signature phrase funny
): If one day I go down. Remember, I'm coming for you.
// - To those self-righteous women, it is purely polite to smile at you.
When I was young, happiness was a very simple thing; when I grow up, simplicity is a very happy thing.
. °Don’t look at me as a deputy now. I will become a rich man in the near future ご
A little secret love is a successful pantomime, but it becomes a tragedy when told
I am not the Mona Lisa, I will not smile at everyone .
I don’t want to move, I don’t want to talk, I just don’t move, even if I don’t move from China Mobile...
I am a noble, fraternal, great, honest, responsible, tolerant, kind, upright, courageous, humble, strong and intelligent person. people.
Don’t forget to take advantage when you suffer a loss. This is what “taking advantage when you suffer a loss”.
The reason why people live a tired life is because they can’t let go of their arrogance, lose face, and can’t resolve their complexes.
I admit that my laughter point is low. After watching 2 minutes and 40 seconds That time completely overturned my childhood memories...
Someone asked me, are you handsome? When I said I wasn't handsome, he punched me and said, "You lied."
Whenever I miss a girl, I will put a brick on the mountain, so there is the Great Wall
Men are like hands and feet, and women are like clothes, right? Then sister, I will let you run naked. Mood personalized signature phrase, funny
I once had a pair of wings, but I didn't use them to fly in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup.
My mother said that you should have a temperamental melody when playing the piano, but no matter how long I played, it was all cartoon theme songs
Get used to keeping yourself, because only in this way, when you leave, your heart will not pain.
- I don’t expect time to stand still, but I don’t want to run too fast. We haven’t had enough yet, so I don’t want to run too fast.
To explain is to cover up, to cover up is to be dishonest, and to be dishonest is to be unjust!
Usually some non-mainstream girls like to change "I" to "E", which actually implies...
Makeup means that I can still recognize you after you take off your makeup.
Life is like my singing voice that is sometimes unreliable and sometimes out of tune/
The so-called low-key is a high-key without showing any trace
I know you are not doing well, I squatted in front of my house and laughed all afternoon.
Companion means that I am always there whether you need it or not.
゛ Mom said that the word lady is very different from me.
The mood at this moment can only be described as fog, rain and wind.
Even if you have a dream, you are still just a dreamer.
When I get up every morning, I always feel the urge to take a nap.
The most romantic thing I can think of is to appear on the same missing person notice as you
Deliberately throwing your emotions far away, but accidentally hitting others.
Like windows, corners, and the habit of curling up.
I like clothes with pockets, otherwise I don’t know where to put my hands.
If I am so poor that I only have life left, let me love you with my life.
Why did you speak so irritably today? Is that coming...
Loving you is my exclusive property. See who dares to do illegal things.
To explain is to cover up, to cover up is to be dishonest, and to be dishonest is to be unjust!
◆◇丶If the love between two people lasts for a long time, it should be when they get married.
I live like a fool, but I don’t know that there are idiots laughing at me.
I never make excuses for why I have gained weight. I only say that my clothes have lost weight.
?﹏? Outside the Chang Pavilion, beside the ancient road. A group of egrets heading to the west? ﹏?
﹌Don’t be like a trash can, pretending and pretending and pretending...