The recently released "Mysterious Superstar" brought tears to many viewers. It is not so much an inspirational film as it is a warm family film.

The girl who loves to sing in the movie said this when she finally won the award: In fact, the real mysterious superstar is my mother.

Why do you say that?

The girl’s father and mother happen to be at the opposite ends of the spectrum of family education. The father wants to establish authority and will beat and scold the family if he doesn’t get what he wants;

The mother makes the family happy and gives freedom to the children. For her daughter's dream, she dared to challenge her husband's authority and stole his money to buy a guitar for her daughter. In order to give her daughter a computer, she sold her only necklace.

Many Chinese parents have neutralized the image of parents in the film.

They love their children, but they do not have good methods and dare not encourage their children to pursue their dreams;

They are reluctant to beat their children and dare not smash their children's things easily. , but often use language as a weapon, and every word hits the child's heart.

Wang Meng (pseudonym), an international student who graduated from Peking University, recently wrote a 10,000-word article and sent it to his close friends, warning young parents about "what they cannot do."

Growing up, he didn’t even have the right to choose clothes according to his own wishes. Almost all clothes were purchased according to his parents’ wishes and aesthetics.

When he was in fifth or sixth grade, Wang Meng took the Mathematical Olympiad exam and found that his folder had been daubed and scratched, and he was full of grievances. But when he got home, no one comforted him. Instead, his mother said: Now you know how wonderful the outside world is!

When he was a child, he was teased by his classmates because he couldn't peel eggs. Later, his relatives found out and he was teased N times again. His parents' reaction was always: What's the big deal?

But these have become obstacles that Wang Meng cannot overcome.

While studying abroad, Wang Meng would always think of these things for a while and had difficulty concentrating, so he went to psychological counseling.

In the first consultation, he talked for more than 6 hours. "The consultant said that I had almost all the symptoms of traumatic stress disorder," but his parents always disagreed.

Since 12 years ago, he no longer went home to celebrate the New Year; 6 years ago, he wrote a "breakup letter" to his family and blocked his parents; he was even preparing to study for a doctorate in psychology, so that he could Solve your own psychological problems caused by long-term depression.

In the interview, he said that his character weaknesses are "introversion, sensitivity, and unsociable". "My parents' love is actually hurt, and my past experiences cannot be reconciled with my understanding."

My father also said that in the past, he always used general principles to demand his son in everything, and asked him to be responsible for everything. Everyone should be kind to others, but they ignore that everything is different.

Someone said in the comment section of the news that the misunderstanding of modern education is that corporal punishment has decreased while verbal violence has increased.

Many parents do not know that those blurted out words may cause irreparable harm to their children.

I am doing this for your own good

This is the "golden reason" for parents to force their children.

No matter how excessive the request is, as long as you say this sentence sincerely, you will occupy the moral high ground.

It is for your own good that the university does not allow you to fall in love; it is also for your own good that they urge you to get married after graduation.

When you were a child, it was for your own good to let you work hard; when you grow up, it is also for your own good to let you go home and find a stable job.

There may be half a century difference between what parents think is good and what children think is good.

Fu Seoul said in "Qi Pa Shuo" that he bought shoes worth more than 2,000 yuan for his son, but his son said they were ugly. He also asked her why she didn’t have a pattern of armored warriors. Those are the most handsome shoes in the world. The most handsome shoes cost 35 yuan a pair.

Education expert Sun Dexuan also told such an example:

The mother of the child grew up in a single-parent family and very longed for a complete family.

Her husband had an affair, but she insisted not to divorce.

Whenever the child is disobedient, she will bring it up and say: "It's all because of you that I didn't divorce your father. It's all because of you that I put down all my hobbies." ."

My daughter always feels guilty when she hears such words and can only be obedient.

Children who grow up with resentment and accusations feel guilty and sorry for others but have no opinion of their own.

Parents will have this logic: I have paid so much for you, why don’t you appreciate it?

The child thinks, I have worked so hard for your request, why are you still not satisfied?

Look at other people’s children

Everyone’s childhood has a child from someone else’s family.

Although I always think that the baby is my own, I refuse to make my child proud in words:

Other people’s children study well, are beautiful, can play musical instruments, and can dance. Perfect white swan, look at you.

The difference between food and clothing is compared with the poor, and the comparison between learning and good;

I have not achieved much in my life, so I always let my children have a say in the future.

I never asked for a promotion or salary increase for myself, but I focused all my energy on urging my children to be first in grade.

I won’t smile even if I get the first place in the exam, and I won’t boast a word or two to others. I can’t be proud if I continue to do so.

In the comparison between parents, children will naturally have a rebellious emotion. Why do mothers prefer other people's children?

Xiao Han from Anhui is very dissatisfied that his mother always praises other people’s children, Xiao Jiang.

"Look at Xiao Jiang, who goes to school with you, he has a good temper, good grades, and a good job..."

The mother originally wanted to give her child a sense of urgency, but she didn't expect it. Xiao Han angrily wanted to go to Xiao Jiang's house to cause trouble, but the police didn't stop him until they arrived.

Comparison is the behavior that is most likely to give people a sense of inferiority. Under a post on Weibo about parenting, there were countless comments from netizens:

"My parents never praise me in front of outsiders. My parents always tell everyone that my grades are average, even though everyone knows that I have been promoted to junior high school." I was first in the school. I was 11 years old at the time, and I didn’t understand why my first place was average in their eyes.”

“They only told me that people should be humble, in case you are in middle school. My grades have dropped, and my former first place looks embarrassing."

"Yes, my first place is getting fewer and fewer, and I will never get first place again."

Don’t listen to your mother, she doesn’t understand

Sexology expert Pan Suiming found in more than ten years of investigation that the love between couples continues to decrease. In the past, the love between husband and wife, which was "two little white rabbits hugging each other and warming each other", is increasingly moving towards "two hedgehogs being stuffed into a hole" and "fighting in a nest".

Passion is as fleeting as fireworks. After life has worn away all the brilliance, all that is left is firewood, rice, oil and salt.

Some people are often addicted to the excitement of love and cannot accept this normal state, and start to blame and blame each other.

"Qinggege" Wang Yan took her son Qiuqiu to participate in the reality show. Qiuqiu's rudeness to her mother is surprising.

Qiuqiu contradicted her mother and called her a pig. For an eleven-year-old child, he would only cry to deal with the slightest problem.

Qiuqiu said that her mother’s only advantage is that she is beautiful. And I think my mother is stingy. My father gives me 20,000 to 30,000 yuan every time as pocket money, but my mother only gives me 1,000 yuan.

These words are not original to a seven-year-old child, but more like words used by husband and wife to accuse each other. Through Qiuqiu's complaints about her mother, it is not difficult to imagine Wang Yan's status in the family.

Parents’ educational concepts should be consistent in front of their children. Accusing each other in front of their children will leave a bad impression in the children’s minds.

Over time, children can realize who has the final say in the family, and the slightly weaker parent will lose authority in the child's heart.

I am your dad (mom)!

Some parents believe that parental responsibility comes from the identity of the parents, and authority must also come from the identity of "father" and "mother".

In the third season of "Where Are We Going, Dad", Lin Yongjian and Xia Keli were rehearsing the show with several children. Four-year-old Dajun failed to follow Lin Yongjian's instructions in time, and Lin Yongjian reprimanded him in public.

Dajun asked: "Are you a devil?" Lin Yongjian criticized even louder: "I am your father."

Afterwards, Lin Yongjian walked out of the house angrily and left Xia Keli took the children to rehearse.

The reason why a child is a child is that he does not understand many truths on his own and needs parents to guide and correct him and tell him what he should do and what he cannot do.

But when he shouted "I am your father" lazily, the warm part of his father was gone, and all that was left was a stern and cold commander.

The Chinese parent-child relationship emphasizes "filial piety", and the essence of "submission" lies in the supreme authority of parents.

Putting "I am your father" is also to maintain this unequal relationship at all times.

Chinese children have been afraid of their father since they were young. When they hear their father calling their names, they always tremble and go over. When they see the WeChat messages and text messages he sends, they will be startled. When doing things, they will first I will think about whether it will make my father angry.

Some people think that if I raise a child to eat and drink well, he must listen to me. If he doesn't, I should beat him.

If you think about it carefully, isn’t this the logic of domesticating animals?

The hidden subtext of the sentence "I am your father (mother)" is that I am your master, your boss, and your breeder, and the only thing you have to do is to be obedient.

What’s the use of giving birth to you?

A netizen told a story that when she was young, her father cheated on her and abandoned her and her mother.

Her mother seemed to have changed. From then on, her only value to her mother was to ask her father for money.

When there is no money, my mother will say, "What's the point of having you?" "You are as heartless as your father."

She said that every time she heard her mother’s scolding, she felt that her life was meaningless.

"What's the use of giving birth to you?", as if he has regarded the child as his own tool.

Several teenagers in the Shenyang Detention Center mentioned their experiences of being scolded by their parents in interviews.

"My mother scolds me every day and often tells me to die."

"Call me useless, call me a waste."

"Never After praising me, he scolded me most for being a pig.

”

A bad word is like a dull knife. It doesn’t hurt when you cut it, but when you feel the pain, you are already covered in bruises.

After reading a passage by Hu Shi, you can give it to someone like this Parents:

“I think this child did not freely decide to be born in my family. We, the fathers, gave him a life in a confused way without asking for his consent. Besides, we had no intention of giving him this life. How can we take credit if we have no intention? How can you think you are grateful to him? "

Why did he only bully you?

The child was wronged and wanted to talk to his parents, but he was blamed by his parents, "Why did he only bully you?" ", "Why are you so useless? ”

When there is a conflict between children, many parents are accustomed to looking for the reason from their own children.

A parent on Zhihu wrote a story in the comment area :

My daughter has been losing her temper with her good friends recently, and every time the little girl feels aggrieved and goes to her mother for comfort, which is very distressing to see.

So this person is very distressed. The parents criticized their daughter every time and asked her to apologize to her friends.

As a result, I saw with my own eyes that my daughter was very happy to share her toys with her, but when she wanted to play with her ball. , but the little girl refused to give it and said, "I won't let you play with it."

When her daughter burst into tears, she realized that she had wrongly blamed her daughter for treating her daughter like this. Children can only make children think that their parents are unreliable and untrustworthy. Gradually, the distance between parents and children will become more and more distant.

Just like when some sexual assault incidents occur, parents will become more and more distant. Instead of caring, you blamed your child. Did you dress too revealingly? Did you seduce him?

I thought that home was a place to shelter from the wind and rain, but I didn’t expect that the biggest storms were caused by my parents. . If the slut-shaming from society is the starting point for girls to feel inferior and autistic, then the parents’ indolence blocks the last possibility for children to communicate with the outside world.

Being hurt is not the most tragic thing, but the most tragic thing. What's sad is that parents force their children to apologize for the harm.

What do you know?

When I was a child, I was often asked by my relatives, "Mom or Dad, which one do you like?" "What will you do if your parents don't want you anymore?" This once made me break down and cry when my parents left.

When I grow up and talk about these things with others, I realize that I am not alone. At least eight children were asked this incomprehensible question, and the original intention of the relatives was just to make a joke, "just to amuse the children."

Later, I read the news and found out that the celebrity family is pampered. Children are not immune to these malicious jokes.

At the award ceremony, Guo Degang made a joke about Hu Ke and Shayi in front of An Ji, saying that An Ji was Hu Ke and his son. "Hospitable."

In an interview afterwards, Hu Ke said that Anji actually knew what Guo Degang meant, but even if he didn't know, little Anji could tell that the smiles of the adults around him were not out of kindness.

Parents who think their children don’t understand anything fail to notice their children’s sensitivity and fragility.

A girl said that her mother always likes to fuck in front of many relatives during the Chinese New Year and holidays. Stop her: "Come here and tell your uncles and aunts about your embarrassing story. "

She was forced to repeat her most embarrassing experience over and over again, which made her relatives laugh.

She privately begged her mother to stop talking, but was scolded, "Little My child, why are you so proud? ”

Many times, it’s not that children don’t understand, they just don’t know how to express themselves.

Babies have no self-awareness. In the process of growing into young children, adults were the only ones who authority.

I hope parents will not abuse this authority