One day, my friend took a nap. Suddenly I received a phone call, and a strange man said, "Are you Xiao Fang?" Yes, do you live at No.28 Huiyuan Road? Is your money ready? " "Yes, what's the matter?" She was very scared and asked, how do you know? The man said angrily, "you arrived by express delivery, cash on delivery!" " "
"You are last again!" The math teacher patted the pointer. She looked out of the window and was silent. "As far as you are concerned, how to get into college in the future? How to find a job? Who will marry you? " "Whoosh-"A pen knocked on the platform next to the teacher. The person who was the first in grade got up slowly and looked at the teacher with a straight face: "My wife, I raise her."
When I was seventeen or eighteen, I was forced by life and collected some midnight tolls with some friends. The time and place have been chosen. Suddenly, a friend said, brother, please pay attention to it for us! When I am confused, I ask: Why? Answer: You seem like a good person. This is not appropriate. So the landlord watched them being taken to the car by the patrol.
As a park security guard, my daily job is to ensure the safety in the park and stop some uncivilized behaviors by the way. Last night, I was patrolling and found a girl walking into a small forest. I was afraid that she was in danger, so I followed her and found her urinating everywhere. So I quickly stopped it. At first, she was a little unconvinced. After more than half an hour of war of words, she finally admitted her mistake, put on her pants and left. I am a security guard, and I am proud. . .
Once I walked with my partner, who was near the building. Suddenly, a basin of water splashed all over him. He looked up and cursed. Who the fuck is so incompetent ... not finished? Another pot ... the buddy said, damn it, he got into a fight with ya and rushed into the building ... and soon the buddy came out. I asked why? He said that the paralyzed elevator is broken, which seems to be 16 floor. It's boring to climb up. Definitely not enough, then forget it.
I used to go to school outside, and my sister would take me to her house every Sunday ... Every time my brother-in-law saw me, he would say that the robbers had come again, because every time I left, I would sweep away all the milk powder and delicious food in her house, including Laoganma and pickles!
My sister invited me to dinner and asked me to go to the restaurant four hours in advance to help her get the number first. I think this restaurant is so delicious that many diners have to eat it four hours in advance. I think this elder sister is really considerate. Nima … I went to the restaurant only to find that it was the last day of the restaurant holiday coupon! I just want to say, sister … we can do a lot of things in four hours! I invite you to dinner!
When I was a child, I magnified firecrackers and liked to blow up cigarette cases and plastic bottles. On a whim, I threw one into the cesspit of the public toilet. There was a loud noise and an uncle rushed out without mentioning his pants. He flew into a rage and caught me. He looked at me for a while and didn't hit me. He just pushed me to the ground and said, "Boy, if you weren't blown all over your face, I would chop you to death today."
I like the beauty queen of high school. So I wrote a love letter and confessed to him. But the beauty queen also likes her, so I was bullied for three years, and I was moved by the beauty queen during the three years. Today we are getting married, and the rogue who bullied me also brought his wife to the scene. Later, I learned that the rascal who bullied for three years was my wife's own brother.
Dude, you are a good lobster.
Once I went to the station to meet the account manager, but I was surprised to find that I brought a beautiful woman. The beautiful woman dragged a suitcase behind the manager. Account Manager: This is Xiao Zhang, the financial manager. Talking about the hotel all the way, I decisively opened a large suite, and no one objected! On the way back, the driver said, "Boss, you want to open two rooms. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if you made a mistake? " Me: "Silly, two people are on a business trip with 1 suitcase. How can this be wrong? "
Last year, I tattooed a scorpion on my back, and gained 40 pounds a year later. Now, everyone sees my tattoo and says, "Dude, you are a good lobster."
My colleague's husband has an accident. Call his wife. His wife was there, so he took a photo and sent it to Weibo. "My husband has an accident, which hurts."
When my little cousin was in high school, she once came to my house for help: "Cousin, I met several perverts on my way to school. Can you pick me up from school? " Thinking of my aunt's kindness to me, I agreed without hesitation! That night, a handsome young man came face to face, and his cousin shouted, "That's him!" " "I tried to do it, but she stopped me and said to the young man," This is my cousin, a karate master. You can't leave today without my letter ... "
Don't shake the tin foil in your hand, the flame will follow the grain, you will stop when I knock on the table, and you can be a fairy! ! ! Does everyone know what this is all about?
Dad: "Daughter, I heard that you have a boyfriend. What does he do? " Daughter: "Just like you, a boss." Dad: "How old is he this year?" Daughter: "52 years old." Dad: "No, this age is two years older than me." Daughter: "Never mind, Dad, isn't your girlfriend two years younger than me?" "
When I was cooking in the canteen at noon, I pointed to the egg and said, "I want this vegetarian dish." Aunt in the canteen: "Eggs are meat dishes." Me: "Why?" Aunt: "Everything related to animals is meat dishes."
One day when I was at school, I went to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. I lost track of time when I was playing. It was past eight when I got home. I was thinking about how to lie to my parents when I entered the door. Suddenly I heard my parents talking to someone in the house, thinking that someone at home should not hit me. Open the door and lie down! Home visit of class teacher .....
When I went to the company's finance department to get my salary, I saw that they were all using calculators to calculate. Out of politeness, I asked, "What are you?" As a result, a man jumped up and slapped me and told me to get out.
Some people say that walking and playing with mobile phones is easy to cause accidents, and lying in the trough scared me to start running and playing.
I had some problems with my roommate and quarreled several times. As a result, my husband and brother came to me and asked me why. What's there to argue about? Some people say that I am too tolerant. I didn't want to pay attention to him originally. This is a trivial matter. Hearing this sentence, I lost my temper. What does it mean to listen to others? Is what others say authoritative? Such a brainless person. . .
You are amazing and very creative.
1, your adventure is very creative.
2. Were you kissed by a pig when you were a child?
3. You are patriotic, dedicated and have backbone.
4, really creative, really brave to live!
5. You are so fucking postmodern.
6. You look like the scene of a car accident.
7. Your appearance is not accurate and your proportion is not good.
8. Why cover your face with your ass?
9. I think there are only two kinds of people in the world who can attract people. One is beautiful, the other is you.
Your appearance is really refreshing! !
1 1, which needs to be rebuilt.
12, how can they call you a pig? This is outrageous! You can't judge a book by its cover! How can you say you look like a pig? That's an insult to pigs.
13, shit, you are so fucking easy to recognize.
14, you look very sci-fi and abstract!
15, I've seen ugly ones, never seen such ugly ones. It's ugly at first glance, but it's even uglier when you look closely!
16, you look innocent, you look sorry for the people and the party.
17, your growth slows down the network speed, and your growth consumes too much memory.
18, you chased me naked for two kilometers, and I'm a hooligan when I go back!
19, brother, can you lower the resolution on your face?
20. You broke the rules!
2 1, you have an international face, which is universal.
22. I looked at him sadly and said, "Can the operation be cured?"
23. Your appearance has broken through human imagination. ...
24. You are a fauvism! !
25, you haven't fully evolved, elephant man is really hard for you.
26. I want to see you talk, but why do you bury your face in your ass? ... oh? Sorry, I didn't know it was your face. What about your ass? I don't want to hurt you either. Go to the zoo to see if there is a job suitable for you. If you run around the street like this, it's easy for the police to shoot you.
27.MMD, I have never seen anything so archaeological.
28. Your flying sand and stones are wonderful.
29. You are invincible in the world.
30. Protect yourself and care for others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.
3 1, you were born ugly. Even your parents are afraid to see you. Are you afraid that someone will report you?
32.look at you. Look at your back. You are in a hurry. You turned your head and scared away millions of lions.
33. Your head is as big as B, and you were born 2B. Even pigs should be ashamed of you.
You eat and eat. You are not fat. Tell me something funny about being fat. Tell me about it.
1. If having money is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it. I am fat because many things are hard to lose weight.
I hate Qin Shihuang. He burned the book, but he didn't finish it.
I am not a casual person, but I am not a casual person.
5. You won't get fat if you eat it. Take a bite, take a bite, and you won't get fat. If you eat your period, you won't get fat. In fact, you are not fat, just a big skeleton.
6. To buy water, the boss said two pieces. I said the suggested retail price is1.a bottle of 5 yuan. The boss said: I don't accept his suggestion!
7. It is said that zombies only eat people with brains, so you are safe.
8. You don't have to fall in love with a beautiful person, but you must fall in love with someone who makes your life beautiful.
9. Russia runs towards the green light and deviates from your direction, but you are calmly drinking a cup of afternoon tea.
10. I finally accepted my ugliness, and I have to accept it again after cutting my hair, alas.
1 1. After seeing me, you will suddenly find that handsome can be so single-minded!
12. When I get up every morning, I don't rely on alarm clocks and dreams, but I have been urinating all night.
13. There are only two things I can't do in my life, neither this nor that.
14. I finally found a question that Baidu didn't know: Do you know when I will have my period?
15. Failure is not terrible, but success is the key.
16. My father expressed his views on my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but Han Hong was ill.
17. If you look fat, I'll take you!
18. Fat people, no, rude people. ..
19. If you are unhappy, you like to eat. If you eat, you will be fat. If you are fat, you will be unhappy.
20. The fat man is shouting, and the thin man is doing such a thing.
2 1. I looked good when I was fat, but I lost weight.
22. Ugly people like to say what you are looking at.
23. Give my future mother-in-law a bad review, and the delivery is too slow.
24. In the workplace, I should, like Conan, have a domineering attitude of letting others die wherever I go.
25. If I look listless, I may be tired, I may be sick, and most likely, I am hungry!
26. Children often cough badly, and most of them don't want to go to school to pretend. Just give them two meals.
27. menstruation is like a big wolf. When he leaves, he always shouts: I will definitely come back.
28. Actually, I'm not fat, but I'm too lazy to be thin.
29. Don't reveal your wound to others. There are not many doctors in the world, but many people sprinkle salt.
30. I've seen ugly ones, but I've never seen such ugly ones. It's ugly at first glance, but it's even uglier when you look closely!
3 1. Do you think the bell is a good voice in China?
32. Lonely women shake WeChat, while empty men search nearby.
33. I met a lover's signature: I can keep my word, and the person I like has to change every day.
34. You can't treat me as a holiday just because we have problems.
Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.
36. The fortune teller said that I would meet a woman who was important to my life when I was eighty. Her name is Meng Po.
I can use magic to make you forget that you are a pig. I am not a pig. You see, you have forgotten.
Don't try to cheat me, or I'll play along.
39. You are a big beast with a face like a TV set. I wonder if your face looks like a TV socket.
40. The direction against the wind is more suitable for flying. I'm not afraid of 10 thousand people blocking me, but I'm afraid of surrendering myself.
Please hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry! !