The script of Return of the Perfect Bi to Zhao

Narration: In 283 BC, the heroes were divided. The Qin State won the last place in the gang offensive and defensive war, and its power increased greatly. Hearing that King Zhao got a top-quality treasure and jade from killing the BOSS, King Qin offered to exchange it for a pet Suzaku, a mythical beast. At the same time, 200,000 Qin troops were ready and equipped, and when King Zhao refused, they immediately sent troops to invade Zhao. On this day, in Xianyang, the capital of Qin State

Scene 1, Xianyang, the capital of Qin State

Actors: King Qin, Minister A, Minister B, Qin Soldier A

Minister A (comes in excitedly to report): Your Majesty, Your Majesty, our two hundred thousand brothers have prepared their kitchen knives. Shall we go to Zhao State to grab territory today?

King Qin (kicked Minister A on the butt): How many times have I told you that we are civilized people now? Do civilized people understand? Don’t just grab territory and seize territory at every turn. Civilized people should be like this~~~(Facing everyone! Take a deep breath) Ah~~~The army is black and roaring, holding a kitchen knife in a rough voice, although it looks like a butcher, but it will never kill pigs~~What a poem , what a poem! ! (Intoxicated)

Minister B (hugs Minister A): Help~! ! The king is reciting poetry again~~~

King Qin (shaking his head intoxicatedly): I will personally inspect the army. (Looking far into the distance) You can't see anywhere at a glance~~~200,000 people are really a lot. Let's wait and see if anyone has arrived. One, two, three, four...one hundred and one, one hundred and two (sniffles) Uh~~Forget about where I counted~~Start over again! One, two, three, four... one hundred and one, one hundred and two...

Minister B (yawned, looked at the sky, and asked Minister A): The king is ready to count. When? My wife is waiting for me to go back for lunch! Minister A: I don’t know. I think I can finish counting before dinner.

King Qin: ...one hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-six, one hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-seven, one hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight, one hundred and ninety-nine thousand and nine One hundred and ninety-nine, hmm~~Why is there one missing?

Qin Bingjia: Report to the king, the second son of our class, his cousin got married, and he went to Tianjin for a wedding banquet, so he asked for leave today. King Qin (with an angry look on his face): Asking for leave~~~How can military and state affairs be such a trivial matter? How annoying~! ! ! (Suddenly remembering something) By the way~~ Call him and ask him to bring me some Goubuli steamed buns when he comes back! ~~

Qin Bingjia: Yes~~~ King Qin: The roll call is over, I am exhausted! It's getting late, dismissal. Let's go home and have dinner. Let's go to Zhao State tomorrow!

Minister A and Minister B hugged: Yeah~~~ Let’s go home for dinner~~~

End of Act 1

Narration: King Qin’s military parade is finally over On the other side, in Handan, the capital of Zhao State, King Zhao was playing mahjong with Lin Xiangru.

Act 2, Handan, the capital of Zhao Kingdom

Actors: King Zhao, Lin Xiangru, Minister A, Minister B, Zhao Bingjia

Minister A: Your Majesty, What are you going to do about King Qin exchanging pets for He's Bi?

King Zhao: Damn~~King Qin thinks I am a mentally retarded child~~My Heshi Bi is worth at least tens of billions of Dao coins, and his mythical beast Suzaku has no innate skills but is worth at most Over one billion, does he think my elementary school math teacher never taught arithmetic? ~

Zhao Bingjia (rushed in to report): Report to the gang leader...

King Zhao (rushed forward and beat him severely): How many times have I told you~~ We are no longer here The bandits who massacred the mines in Handan mines, we are a big country, we want to be called king, king. Go out and start again~~~

Zhao Bingjia: Yes, yes, yes~~ (covering his face, turned around, ran out and then ran back in) Leader of the King’s Gang~~ Leader of the King’s Gang (King Zhao and all the ministers covered their faces and bowed their heads and gave up ), according to reports from spies, a large number of gangsters armed with kitchen knives gathered in Xianyang, the capital of the Qin State, today, as if they were coming to our Zhao State to seize territory.

Minister B: Your Majesty, now that the enemy is strong and we are weak, I don’t think I can save He’s Bi. It’s not cost-effective for them to PK and return Daoxing! Just switch with him! At worst, we can organize the brothers to fight the BOSS tomorrow.

King Zhao (considered for a moment): (with the pain of bleeding profusely) Just treat it as a wrong price, I admit~~~Which beloved can take on the responsibility of this transaction?

Minister A: Oops~~Your Majesty, these two days are on those days of the month, and it is not suitable for traveling far away.

(with a shy and timid expression) King Zhao (touching his chin in deep thought~): What day of the month, (suddenly realized), damn~~~You are a man, okay~~~Get out of here ~~~~

Minister B: Your Majesty, the sow in my pigsty has given birth to piglets in the past few days and is still in confinement. I really can’t leave!

King Zhao (grabbing B by the collar): Why don’t you say that the sow is giving birth to piglets and you will die~~

Lin Xiangru (with an awe-inspiring look): Wei I am willing to share the worries of your Majesty, even if my body is broken into pieces, I will not hesitate to do so.

King Zhao (so moved that he hugged Lin Xiangru): Aiqing is really the pillar of the country, and now you are as brave, fearless, dedicated, loving to your post as Aiqing, not embezzling or embezzling public funds...

< p>Lin Xiangru (as if remembering something): By the way, Your Majesty, speaking of public funds, please pay more for this business trip! My wife said that it is rare to take the whole family on a public trip, and my son has long been clamoring to go to Xianyang Disneyland. Your Majesty, Your Majesty, why are you leaving? Your Majesty~~~ King Zhao exits, Lin Xiangru chases~~~

End of Act 2

Narration: Three days later, the palace of Qin State

Act 3, Palace of the King of Qin (Actors: King Qin, Lin Xiangru, Ministers A, B, C, and D)

Minister C: Your Majesty, the envoy of the State of Zhao wants to see you.

King of Qin: Announce him to the palace.

Minister Ding: It is announced that the envoys of the State of Zhao will come to the palace.

Lin Xiangru (suit and leather shoes): Here he comes~~~

King Qin: Who is coming?

Lin Xiangru (he straightened his suit and made a POSS): I am handsome, pure and cute. I have passed CET-2 in computer science and CET-4 in English. People in the world call me a pear blossom weighing down a begonia, nicknamed Lin Xiangru is wearing a jade-faced black robe and a small white dragon.

Ministers A, B, C, and Ding all come forward: Wow, Lin Xiangru, Lin Xiangru~~~signed, signed. . . (After signing) King Qin (expressed surprise): Lin Xiangru, it turns out you are Lin Xiangru! (Suddenly asked the minister next to him) Who is Lin Xiangru?

Minister A: I don’t know, I don’t know him! (Take the signed paper to wipe your nose and throw it away)

Minister B: Damn~~I thought he was famous! (Throw the signature on the ground and step on it with your feet) I step on it, I step on it~~

Minister C: Let me look it up in the dictionary~~~Hmm~~The name of the last SARS patient in Zhao State seems to be Lin Xiangru .

Minister Ding: Oh my god~~I just shook hands with him, and I have to wash my hands with alcohol when I get home at night.

The King of Qin (fearful): Lin Xiangru, why are you here?

Lin Xiangru (thinking thoughtfully): What am I doing here? Let me think about it~~~~(Suddenly enlightened) I remembered it, I am here to present the map!

The King of Qin and the Ministers: Presenting the Map

Lin Xiangru: Yes, you also know that it is very inconvenient for newcomers to ask questions without detailed map instructions. They don’t know how to kill monsters and solve tasks. Go, with this map, it will be much more convenient to find the ancient demon king, Tiangang Star, gold and silver jewelry, and the Moonlight Treasure Box. (Turns around to face the audience and makes an advertisement) The Taobao map is easy to carry and can be viewed immediately after opening it. It is really a must-have map for home travel and killing monsters and treasures.

King Qin (eagerly): Quick, bring it up quickly and show it to everyone.

Lin Xiangru (presenting the map and opening the commentary): You see, the Tiangang Star is marked here, and the ancient demon king can be found here. . (The dagger appears in the picture) King Qin, take your life~~~~ (Lin Xiangru holds the dagger in one hand and grabs King Qin’s clothes with the other)

King Qin (fearful): Help~~Help! ~~~

(Ministers A, B, C, and D looked leisurely, no one paid attention to them, and said to Lin Xiangru!) Wait a minute! ! My dear friends, why don’t you come to save me?

Minister A: Save you~~~The three Nuwa stones you borrowed from us last year have not been returned yet. Why save you!

Minister B: That’s right, that’s right~~~I asked you for jewelry yesterday, but you refused to return it.

King Qin: Didn’t I repay you 6 million last month?

Minister C: Please~~~Although the Nuwa Stone has depreciated, your 6 million is only worth one stone at best, okay?

< /p>

King Qin (angry): You are robbing money. I clearly stated that I would only add 1 million in two months, okay? Minister Ding (looking down at the IOU): NO, NO, it’s written in black and white on the paper. Don’t think we don’t know how to count.

King Qin: Impossible! (Pushing away Lin Xiangru’s hand and walking to Minister Ding), show me, eh~~~ It seems like it’s really 1 million a month~~ I remembered it wrong~~ Sorry! ! Okay, I'll pay you back the principal with interest next month, so you can save me, right?

Ministers A, B, C, and D (discussed): Okay~~~But you must remember to pay it back next month! ! !

King Qin (nods, goes back and takes Lin Xiangru’s hand and grabs his collar again): Help! ! Help! ! Who will save me? It's no use even if you scream your throat~~~ (wanting to stab)

King Qin: Wait a minute~~~

Lin Xiangru (impatient): What's the matter

King Qin: Hero~~ Is this the Spirit Snake Dagger you are holding in your hand?

Lin Xiangru: Yes, what’s wrong?

King Qin: The attribute is the totality plus 5?

Lin Xiangru: How did you know? King Qin (excited): Hero, can you lend me your dagger?

Lin Xiangru: Oh~~Okay! ! (Hands it to the King of Qin) King of Qin (stroking the dagger and putting it on his face): Xiaoqiang, Xiaoqiang, I finally found you~~~

All the ministers, Lin Xiangru (frightened): Xiaoqiang~~~~< /p>

King of Qin: To be honest, hero, I sold this dagger by mistake the last time I opened a shop to sell things. It grew up with me, just like my brother. I would pay any price to have it returned to me.

Lin Xiangru (moved, thought about it): Your experience is so touching. Since you are so sincere, I will ask a question. As long as you guess it correctly, I will give it back to you.

. King Qin: OK, let the hero come up with the question.

Lin Xiangru: How many green crystals do you think I have in my pocket?

Minister B: Objection, this question has no intelligence factor at all, and it is entirely based on luck. This is unfair! !

The King of Qin (excited, completely ignoring Minister B’s good intentions): Hero, was that the green crystal you just mentioned? Oh my God~~ I have wanted to have one for a long time. Can you give me the right answer? Give me one?

Lin Xiangru (general shape): No problem, as long as you answer correctly, I will give you all five in my pocket