A woman heard that she was flustered and would calm down if she drank cold water. One day, she and her husband went out to play by boat, but her husband slipped and fell into the water. Seeing her husband in a panic, she shouted, "Don't panic! Take a sip of water! "

Rent a car

Traveling abroad alone. He took a lot of luggage and asked for a taxi. The driver told him that he needed money from 7 yuan, and his luggage was free. He said quickly, "Please take these bags to the railway station and I'll walk."

Not afraid of rain

A man is traveling in the mountains. He took a fancy to a rabbit skin hat in the home of an hunter in the mountains and said to the hunter, "I like this hat very much." I wonder if rabbit skin is afraid of water? "

The Orion said, "Of course not. When have you ever seen a rabbit open an umbrella? "

bread

A man is traveling. In the restaurant downstairs of the hotel, he pointed to the bread that had just been brought to him and complained to the boss, "I ate bread twice as big and three times as thick yesterday." Why is the same price so low today? "

The boss explained: "Because you sat in the window seat yesterday, pedestrians in the street could clearly see what was on your desk, so our shop always provided big bread for publicity."

misunderstand

A European tourist wants to buy a zipper for sportswear in a shop in Tokyo.

He made a long gesture to a salesgirl. Finally, the salesgirl understood, took out a sword for caesarean section and put it on the counter.

At home.

He politely asked the lady sitting next to him in the carriage, "Does my smoking bother you?"

"No, you just feel at home." He could only put the cigarette case back in his pocket and sighed, "I still can't smoke."

Maternal and infant waiting room

A male passenger in his thirties helped an old lady into the "mother and baby waiting room". The station attendant stopped him. "I'm sorry This is the maternal and child waiting room. " The male passenger pointed to the old lady and said solemnly, "Yes! She is my mother. "

Value is scarce.

Passenger: "Comrade, why is the rice porridge cooked in your dining car so thin today?" Is the price ten cents more expensive? "

Attendant: "As the saying goes, things are rare."

Recommended hotel

The train is about to enter Baicheng. Professor Witt asked the nearby tour guide, "Do you often come here?"

"Yes, several times a year."

"Can you tell me which hotel is the best?"

"Borg Hotel."

"Have you always lived there?" The professor asked again.

"No, I've been in all the stores except Bog Hotel."

1. Money is not a problem, but no money!

It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but also a panda. ...

3. I am drunk and won't accept anyone, just hold the wall!

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

Who says I'm white, thin and beautiful ~ I'll be good friends with him ~

7. "What is an optimist?" "This ... is like a teapot, my ass is burning red, and I am in the mood to whistle!"

8. Effect of contraception: adult if you don't succeed?

10. A friend of mine is an intern in China Unicom. One day, an old man came up and said, "Can you get me a mobile card?" Then the friend said without looking up, "Master, someone is coming to smash the venue!" "

1 1. I must be reborn as a man in my next life and then marry a woman like me.

12. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smart, then I should at least eat a pair of whales. ...

13. I walked through the south ~ walked through the north ~ drank water behind the toilet, ran over my leg on the train track and kissed a fool.

14. I am not a casual person! But whatever, it is not a person!

15. Bathing is a blessing to the ass and a pain to the head; Watching movies is a blessing on the head and a pain on the ass, but listening to you is a pain on the head and a pain on the ass.

16. The brothers in the dormitory decided to punish their roommates as follows: let them hold the telephone poles covered with advertisements of old Chinese medicine and cry with tears: My illness has finally been saved!

17. Signature of a male classmate: After watching the world AV, I naturally have no code in my heart.

19. How can a person float in the Jianghu without a knife?

2 1. Clear water means no fish, while lowly people mean invincible.

22. Don't treat animals that are still dead after bleeding for a week lightly. ...

26. Pregnancy is just like pregnancy. It takes a long time for people to see it.

28. Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well ~ ~ ~

3 1. Confucius said; Fighting is with bricks. It is not advisable to use too much force. Don't be chaotic, your head is fierce. Buddha said; I am merciful, so I should cut it with a knife, cut it hard, and cut it on the head!

34. Geography teacher: What will our world be like if the earth doesn't turn?

35. Only women and English are sad, only wives and jobs are hard to find! !

36. Professor Yang Zhenning told us that beauty is very important, and we need it when we get old ~

37. Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

38. Colleagues may be nervous when they meet customers. As soon as they opened their mouths, they said, "Hello, Mr. Liu. May I know your name? " Sweat ~ ~ ~ ~

40. A college student's life goal: peasant woman, mountain spring and a little field.

4 1. A female classmate is a little black, and her bf is a little too white. One day, the poisonous queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you'll have zebras ..."

46. Don't you have classes today?

B: Well, there is no class subjectively!

49. College students choose the zoo for their first meeting after work. Everyone agrees because only here can we feel that we are still individuals. ...

7 1. Hold your hand and drag it to feed the dog.

72. My mother always treats handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

74. Women should not read much, because in men's minds, junior college students are little dragon girls, undergraduates are Huang Rong, graduate students are Zhao Min, doctoral students are Li Mochou, and postdoctoral students are extinct teachers. It is even more terrible to continue studying-it is the legendary "Dong Fangbubai"!

Men should not read too much, because in women's minds: college students are Wei Xiaobao, undergraduates are Duan Yu, graduate students are Ding Dian, doctoral students are Chen Jialuo, postdoctoral students are Ouyang Feng, and both master students and doctoral students are studying-he is the terrible "Yue Buqun"!

75. Two journalists, a man and a woman, went to the countryside for an interview. The old farmer asked the female reporter: which unit are you from? Female reporter: from the newspaper; The old farmer asked the male reporter again: What about you? Male reporter: daily newspaper; Old farmer: Just say it's that couple!

76. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I thought there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

77. The male and female toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked "Who" loudly. The boy next door replied, "Lei Feng."

79. Once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

80. When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

8 1. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

83. Don't read the information, watch the chat effect!

Only when there is a long queue of Zhang Long, can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

When you put on the wedding dress of love, I also put on the monk's robe. ...

88. Marriage is like eating. You will definitely order what you like, but when the food is served, you can't help but look at other people's plates first. -What you can't get is the best.

89. I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

90. When in conflict with others, take a step back and broaden your horizons; When chasing a girlfriend, take a step back and go to an empty building.

9 1. Eat less sweets, I have diabetes!

92. A man's face is his resume and a woman's face is her income statement.

96. Driving is not difficult, I'm afraid.

After reading it, there was no lack of chatting. . . .