I have one, I don’t know if it’s good or not—
If you see my avatar is gray, it means I’m not online. No matter how many messages you send me, I won’t. I can't answer you; if you see that my avatar is colored, it means that I am online, no matter how many messages you send me, I will answer you; if you see that my avatar is colored, but you send me No matter how many words you send me, I don't answer you, that means I'm in the toilet; if you see that my profile picture is gray, no matter how many words you send me, I will still answer you, so what does that mean? Correct answer! I logged in invisible!
Tricky Expert
▲Is your Mandarin standard? Please recite with me: Wan Wanwang, Wangwang Wanwang, Wanzhiwangwang, Wanwang Wanwang... Okay, dogs, stop barking and eat bones.
▲Read the following words, and you will get a job with a monthly salary of 2,000,000. The test questions are as follows:簟璁醭歙艽绱癀穑魍恃偬彘窭筙祽琱.
▲A pig and a penguin were kept in a cold storage at -20°C. The penguin died the next day, but the pig was fine. Why? you do not know? By the way, pigs don’t know either!
▲Hello: Today is International Women's Day. On behalf of the International Women's Federation, I would like to officially inform you that all women's toilets and women's baths are open to you free of charge. Please come.
▲Please read aloud:: The plum blossoms are smelling the flowers again, and the branches are full of sadness. Invite to hear that the rocks are broken, and the dampness reaches the spring green.
▲I have always wanted to say something to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, we may not even be friends, but I can’t control my feelings! Now I have the courage to say it to you. You said: When will you treat me to dinner?
▲Remember, first: I am always right, second: if I am wrong, please refer to the first point.
▲Both you and I are not at fault. We are all caused by bickering. It’s better not to say sorry and pay for the meal together.
▲You are angry. If you are angry, just cry. . Hee hee hee!
Super funny
▲Break the wife’s lifelong system and implement the aunt’s shareholding system. Introduce the young lady competition system and promote the lover contract system.
▲ Holding my wife’s hand, it feels like my left hand is holding my right hand; holding my young lady’s hand, it feels like I’m back in the 1890s; holding my female classmate’s hand, I regret not having done it in the first place.
▲Give you some sunshine and you will be brilliant; give you some flood and you will flood. I asked the old lady to put on red lips to give you some color.
▲Hope: The leader will follow you, the car will let you go, the money will stick to you, the court will favor you, the official career will be with you, the school will take care of you, the real estate will be whatever you want, and your lover will love you!
▲ p>
▲For men, 20 is Pentium, 30 is Microsoft, 40 is Panasonic, and 50 is Lenovo.
▲Singleness is understanding, falling in love is a mistake, breaking up is enlightenment, getting married is a mistake, divorce is awakening, remarriage is stubbornness, not having a lover is trash, and having too many lovers is an animal.
▲Love at first sight, infatuation again. Work hard all day long to win your heart. It's painstaking and exciting. Don't you understand my heart?
▲Stupid man + stupid woman = marriage; stupid man + smart woman = divorce; smart man + stupid woman = extramarital affair; smart man + smart woman = romantic love; us?
▲If you blink your eyes, I will die. If you blink again, I will come to life. If your eyes keep blinking, I will live and die!
▲The wife must follow when she goes out, obey the wife’s orders, and blindly follow the wife when she is wrong; the wife must wait for makeup, remember the wife’s birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure the beatings and scoldings of the wife.
▲ I wish you to get rich on the Marlboro Road, your career to climb the Hongta Mountain, your lover to be better than Ashima, and your wealth to spread throughout Greater China.
▲I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I saw you were so impulsive, so I just cooperated with you. Although I am not a gentleman, I will not take advantage of others!
▲Who said I have cross-eyes? I just focused my attention on one point to change my previous view of things!
Funny mobile text messages
▲The king wants 100 pigs. The minister only brought 99 heads. The king said: "There is another pig"? The minister said: "There is another person who is reading the text message!"
▲After system detection, your mobile phone has been infected with the WAP virus. Please open the fuselage immediately and bend the circuit board to a 90-degree angle!
▲A king was asking his minister to find a hundred turtles, but the minister found ninety-nine turtles. When the king asked why, the minister said: The other one is looking at his mobile phone!
▲The rooster and the hen are husband and wife, and they are busy hatching chicks all day long. The chick has a mental problem and does not eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are anxious and hide aside to watch the chick. Ji didn't pay attention and was secretly looking at his mobile phone.
The funniest short messages
[1] Animal category:
▲I met you by chance, and I was so confused that I didn’t know what to do. I can't avoid your loving eyes. I understand your heart. I ran away desperately but you followed me closely. I cried: "Whose dog is left unattended?"
◆I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river, cuddling with each other.
You raised your head and stared into my eyes, and uttered three words affectionately... woof woof woof
●The crow said: I am a charcoal burner among swans; the sparrow said: I am an opium smoker among peacocks; the parrot said : I am the one who takes the throne among the swallows; the roast duck said: I am self-immolating
[2] Disgusting category:
▲I will give you the heaviest amount of shit since I started having shit. Gift, you will definitely eat a pound, and you will be full of more. If you feel that the amount of stool is not enough, please help yourself!
◆Who has never had poop in his life? Who can defecate without paper? If you don't use toilet paper, you must use your fingers!
[3] Adult category:
▲The lineup for a certain Japanese competition: the male contestants include Kamito Masao and One Night Five, and the female contestants include Umegawa Kuko and Mijun Tokuko. The referee is South Korean social and economic giant Park Sung-sung
◆A nun went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound, and a careless nurse gave her the test sheet of a pregnant woman. After reading it, the nun sighed and said: "These days, even carrots are unreliable."
●"Is it tight?" "Not tight!" "Can you go in a little further?" "Be careful. It should be fine! ""Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt! Just buy this pair."
▲"Hello, sir, it's been verified that your penis has been rubbed for tens of thousands of times. The scrapping period has passed. Please bring your household registration certificate to the city's sexual intercourse association to go through the scrapping procedures. If you don't go through it, you will be forcibly removed according to law. I wish you a happy "leftover"!
[4] Love category:
▲We should miss each other every day, but we should not see each other every day. I am responsible for being beautiful and charming, and you are responsible for working hard to make money. You can fall in love with others, but don't let me find out. If I meet you, hum... you'll be cooking noodles with rat poison!
◆Read this message, you owe me a hug; delete this message, you owe me a kiss; save this message, you owe me a date; if you reply, you owe me everything; if you don’t reply, you You're mine
●You, the lovely one, have stolen my love and my heart. I decide to go to court? After the judge went through all the records and cases, the jury unanimously agreed: You are sentenced to stay with me for life!
[5] Demeaning humanity:
▲I heard that you were abducted and trafficked, which really scared me. Although you are a child, you are harmless to society. Who is so bold? How dare he sell you, I'm really worried about him, it would be strange if he could sell it!
◆Do you know? I have always had a crush on you, missing your face, your lips, your tongue, your ears, but I was too poor to confess. Now that I have money, I can loudly say, "Boss, cut that pig head in half for me." ”
● Dear, do you know? You have lost a lot of weight recently! I see it in my eyes, but it hurts in my heart. The New Year is about to come, but your body is worrying... Who doesn't want to kill a few more pounds of pigs?
[6] Insulting humanity:
▲Congratulations on winning the grand prize. Please go to the People's Bank of China to claim it with your saber, shotgun, and cannon masked at 10 o'clock tonight. .
◆I was born to be useful, but I can’t understand it! One day, the emperor came to me in a dream. After getting up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, you will understand after eating the cake (try reading the third word of each sentence and you will be surprised)
●Warning: Hello! Because your mobile phone has an ugly appearance and outdated style, which has seriously affected the city's appearance, we decided to send a signal to destroy the phone.
[7] Various situations in the world:
▲On a crowded bus, a girl suddenly shouted: Stop crowding! Stop crowding! Squeeze out all the milk from others! (She is holding yogurt)
◆Couplet in a certain public toilet: The heroes of the world all bow their heads and kneel here; the virgins and chaste women in the world take off their belt skirts when they come in; horizontal comment: The righteousness of heaven and earth
●Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, chief! The commander patted a soldier on the chest and said: How well trained these muscles are! Soldier: Report to the leader, I am a female soldier
[8] Fool:
▲I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote it on the beach I wrote your name, but I was taken away by the waves; I wrote your name on the street, but I was taken away by the police
◆A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems necessary Artificial breeding. The farmer hesitated for a long time, then plucked up the courage and said, "Okay, okay, I'm just afraid it will bite me."
[9] Blessings:
▲Give you a snack: First level, considerate! The second level is caring! The third level, romance! The fourth floor, warm! The middle layer is sweet! I wish you a good mood every day!
◆In the new year, I wish you all the best, two dragons soaring, three sheep prospering, peace in all seasons, five blessings, good luck in six and six, seven stars shining brightly, wealth coming from all directions, ninety-nine concentric hearts, and perfection
● I wish you good health and may you lose all your teeth; have a good trip, but you may disappear along the way; may you go well all the way, but may you fall down along the way; may you be happy every day, but may you always be abnormal; may you always smile, and you deserve to die laughing!
Wonderful Football Commentary
▲The score on the field is now 0:0, with Team XX leading.
▲ The Chinese team took a shot and was bravely saved by Ou Chuliang...
▲ Team XX is like a computer with a large memory, as big as the Pentium II generation. But it doesn't run fast, maybe because of a virus. It seems that the head coach needs an anti-virus hard drive! ! ...
▲ "... Dear viewers, the Mid-Autumn Festival has just passed, and I would like to wish you all a happy old age..."
▲ There is a strong smell of gunpowder on the court now, and the two teams The players are competing for each other on the court, and the coaches of the two teams are also jealous off the court.
▲ XX shot the ball into the gate,...let's take a look at the slow motion,...oh,...it was shot with the head.
▲ Suddenly, like a spring breeze, three defenders are popular in Serie A...
▲ I just calculated it, and I was surprised to find that the total number of goals scored and the total number of goals conceded are exactly the same. !
▲ XX was still suffering from a high fever a few days ago, with a high fever of 36 degrees 8; the goalkeeper is 1.82 meters tall and weighs 28 kilograms.
▲ As the goalkeeper blew his whistle, the game was over.
▲ The goalkeeper passed the ball back to the goalkeeper...
▲ Player XX shot a long shot from 30 kilometers away! "China Good Network" is a good website for you and me to enjoy!
▲ Players must strengthen their physical fitness and confrontation training in their daily training in order to adapt to the intensity of the competition, otherwise, they will look like It falls over like a tumbler...
▲ Some viewers may have just opened the elevator, let's compare the scores...
▲ Team XX has played 7 games, 2 wins and 2 wins. Draw and 4 losses...
▲ XX dribbled the ball into the penalty area with a pursuer in front and an interception in the back...
▲ The head coach punished the referee of team XX Outside the field...
▲ Standing on the platform now is the referee of the British team...
▲ After ten rounds of the A-League, Juventus ranked first.
▲ The defender of XX team committed a serious foul, and the referee sent forward XX off the field.
▲ Because XX is shorter than the opponent’s player, his elbow hit the opponent’s face during the fight.
▲The most annoying text message in 2004
1.
I have been friends with you for so long, and you have always cared about me.
But I often cause you trouble. I really don’t know how to repay you...
So...I will work as a cow or a horse in my next life...I will definitely pull grass for you to eat...
2.
It’s okay! fine! fine! fine! fine! fine! fine!
It’s okay! fine! fine! fine! fine! fine! fine!
I told you it was fine and you still pressed your butt!
3.
I miss you very much, but I am embarrassed to call you,
I am afraid that you are busy, I am afraid that you will ignore me, I am afraid that you will think that I am harassing you,
I really want to contact you, but...
The phone bill is really expensive, please call me!
4.
If you were a shooting star, I would chase you.
If you were a satellite, I would wait for you.
If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. ,
What a pity...you are an orangutan~I can only see you in the zoo!! Alas...what a pity!!
5.
I am so confused now..I don’t know what I am thinking..
My mind is almost bored to death..I really don’t know what to do?..
Can you tell me.... I really don’t know whether to eat Dagan noodles or Ah Q bucket noodles!
6.
Thank you for accompanying me when I was most frustrated.
You gave me a hand when I needed help the most. No words can express my gratitude enough.
I just want to tell you:
"Nothing good has happened since I met you! You are so bad!"
7.
I'm sorry~~I sent you a text message so late~~
If I disturb you~~I want to say something to you~~
You deserve it~~Who told you to go to bed earlier than me~~~Haha!!
8.
Meeting you is the beginning of my heartbeat
Falling in love with you is my happy choice
Having you is my most precious wealth
p>
Stepping into the red carpet is my eternal motivation
The person I will love forever is you
Unfortunately, I passed the message to the wrong person
< p>10.Because of you, I believe in fate; because of you, I believe in past and present lives.
Perhaps all this is destined by God, pulling us both secretly.
Now, I really want to say...
I was created in my previous life. What a sin!
11．
Starting tomorrow, the city government has decided to eliminate all mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detract from the appearance of the city!
Pack your things quickly and go out to avoid the limelight. Don’t tell anyone that I informed you, remember! No thanks!
12．
God saw that you were thirsty, and created water;
God saw that you were hungry, and created rice;
God saw that you had no lovely friends, and created
However, he also saw that there are no idiots in the world, and he also created you.
13．
If the government stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I would rather that person be you.
I have no regrets and will remain loyal until death!
But the government doesn’t regulate it... Then forget it!
14.
Missing you is a happy thing!
Seeing you is a happy thing!
Loving you is what I will always do!
Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing!
But to lie to you, it just happened! Ha ha!
15.
The phone rings once, which means I am thinking of you!
Twice, it means I like you!
Three times, it means I love you!
When the seventh tone rings...
Damn it, I really have something to talk to you about, why don’t you answer the phone quickly!
16.
According to statistics, more than 99.9% of pig-headed people use their thumbs to press buttons to read text messages!
Hey, there’s no need to change hands, it’s too late. Pig head! Hahaha
17.
I wrote your name in the sky, but it was blown away by the wind;
I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea;
I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea;
p>
I wrote your name in every corner...
**, I was arrested by the police!
18.
If being good-looking is a mistake...I have made a big mistake
If being cute is a sin...I have committed a heinous crime
Being a human being It’s so difficult!… You’ll be fine~ You’re right and you’re not guilty… I really envy you
19.
When the white clouds drift by, that is the sign that I miss you;
When the sun shines, that is the feeling that I miss you;
When the rain falls, That's the evidence that I miss you;
When thunder and lightning strike, that's when I pray to the sky that you will be hit... Ha--ha--
20.
If burning incense for one year can meet you,
burning incense for three years can get to know you,
burning incense for ten years can meet you. Cherish each other,
For my happiness in the next life, I am willing to...convert to Christianity
█╋━━╋ ┏ ≈☆Love☆≈ ┏I love you┃Heaven and Earth┃ ㄖ↘ The lover in my heart↙ㄖ●╭○╮ ┃As proof┃ ┛Since I love you┗ /█∨█\? ╋━━╋ →☆The sea is dry and the rocks are rotting☆← ∏ ∏
Because I am a stranger, I am brave, Because of the distance, it is beautiful┏━━┓I ●╭○╮ I┏━━┓ ┃天长┃think°☆ /█∨█ ☆ love┃once┃ ┃地久┃you∏ ∏ you┃have┃ ┗━━┛ · ☆Love you all my life☆· ┗━━┛
College got off me, and while tying his pants, he said, "You stay in youth, you go." At that moment I realized that it was not me who went to college, but the university who went to me.
Use fighting as a physical exercise,
Use negotiation as a practice of eloquence!
Use blackmail as a source of income,
Use robbery as a response Practice!
Take kidnapping as an intellectual game,
Take jail as the ultimate goal
I want a healthy and ordinary person who can scramble tomatoes and eggs, and can operate She works at a washing machine, she may have a little freckles on her face, she blushes when she sees strangers, she knows how much a bottle of soy sauce costs, and she wipes my sweat when I carry rice home. Is this a high request? If there really is such a girl, then God, I pray that you will give me one!
I have always thought that if I am invisible, others will not be able to find me. It is useless. A popular man like me, no matter where I am, is like a firefly in the dark night, so bright and so bright. Outstanding. The melancholy eyes, the sparse beard, the miraculous AK shooting, the cup of 1982 Martini and the toothpick given by Fa Ge all betrayed me deeply...
Say You don’t listen,
Listen but don’t understand,
Understand but don’t do it,
Do it but do it wrong,
Wrong But they don’t admit it,
They admit it but don’t change it,
They change it but they don’t accept it,
If they don’t accept it, they don’t say anything.
People are very world-weary and extremely contagious. Please chat with me accompanied by rescue personnel to avoid tragedy caused by failure to rescue. I am not responsible for any consequences caused by chatting. (
Cows are not herd
God created the brain, so I learned to think
God created feet, so I learned to run
God I created my hands, so I learned to surf the Internet
After thinking about it, I ran to surf the Internet
Chat with others, 6 cents per word, half price for punctuation, 8 for more than 1,000 words Discount!
Pay first, chat later, chat as soon as payment is received. I am not responsible for taking the initiative to talk to non-professionals. If the Internet is false, I will not bear any responsibility if you are injured or deceived.
A tree without bark will surely die; a man without shame will be invincible
My composition: 55% handsome, 40% cool, 1% slightly shy
< p>Applicable scope: PLMM aged 18-22 years oldIndications: unhappy mood, lack of friends, boring life
Warning that long-term use will cause serious dependence and other men Repulsiveness
This guy is very smart and left nothing behind
, ┎┈┈┰┈╱╲Who bullied me
┆~~~~┃ ~~◣╱└┈>
┆~~~~┃~~~~┆I’ll take a note and write it down. Hum
┖┈┈┸┈┈┛