1. Look at your facial features, each has its own characteristics, and no one is convinced by the other.

2. If you like a handsome guy, please don't take immediate measures. You should get to know him slowly first. Soon, you will find that his friends are more handsome.

3. On the tenth wedding anniversary, the wife said to her husband affectionately: "My dear, tell me about your feelings in the past ten years." The husband sighed and said: "Marriage is risky. Be careful when applying for a certificate! ”

4. If a friend you have a good chat with online suddenly ignores you, then you should think carefully about whether you posted a selfie online.

5. Forgive me for attending the event dressed up, holding a pen in hand, frowning, writing furiously, just to help the top students at the bottom.

6. People who are better than me must work harder than me, otherwise why would they be better than me?

7. Everyone says I am single, which is really funny. Aren’t we all the same? Who can have twins? Even Nezha, with three heads and six arms, is just one body!

8. The old lady on the bus is afraid of passing the station, and always asks questions at every stop. When the bus arrived at a stop, she kept poking the driver with her umbrella: "Is this an exhibition center?" "No, these are ribs!"

9. In fact, ancient people were quite optimistic, and they spent all their spare time thinking about it. How to live forever? After a busy day, modern people calm down and collapse on the bed, with only four words in their hearts: I don’t want to live anymore!

10. When you are hungry, you go downstairs to buy some food and shout to the boss: Come and pack the cage. The boss probably didn't respond and replied: What kind of stuffing do you want for the cage?

11. My friends all say that I am a famous musician, because every time I go out to karaoke, they sing other people’s tunes, and I am the only one who composes the music on the spot!

12. The farthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death. But I stood in front of my future mother-in-law, but I could only call her aunt.

13. My friend cried to me and said that he often fell out of love because he was too poor. I immediately despaired of this society: He is also poor, why can he have a girlfriend?

14. I don’t know if I’m awesome or not, but when people say to me, “The earth will still rotate even after you die,” I feel like the earth is holding on.

15. I just made a divination for myself. The five elements are lacking a house, the life is lacking land, the card is lacking money, and the love scene is lacking love. I calculated with my fingers. This divination is really accurate, except that no one will hurt me. It hurts everywhere.

16. Recently, in order not to disturb nearby residents, the aunts in our community invented square dancing with Bluetooth headsets. Last night when I went downstairs to buy things, I found that the square was silent, and dozens of aunts were smiling. Dancing gracefully, here I go, it’s much scarier than before. I haven’t been out for several nights!

17. One month before the exam, my signature was "It all depends on people"; one week before the exam, it was changed to "Everything depends on fate"; after the exam, my signature was "Participation is the key."

18. The same word means different things to different people. For example, the rich man's Dink is called Dink, and the poor man's Dink is called Dink.

19. If you post a selfie, someone will call you ugly. But as long as you keep posting, and post every day, no one will say that again, because they have already deleted you.

20. Don’t ask me how I am doing, it’s not like you don’t have my Alipay.

21. When I was a child, I always heard people say to me: "It doesn't matter if I don't look good now. I'll look better when I grow back in a few years." More than ten years later, I haven't grown back, but I want to look good. .

22. When I went to a driving school to practice driving, the instructor said before others got in the car: "Don't be nervous, relax!" Before I got in the car, the instructor said: "Everyone, get out of the way and stay away!"

23. Son: "Dad, do you have any horror books to read?" Dad: Yes, Dad has been reading them for 20 years, and I still find them scary. My son was curious: "What kind of book is it?" Dad said seriously: "Marriage certificate!"

24. Losing weight is the most anti-human thing in the world. If you don’t eat, you will feel hungry and want to hit others. After eating, you will want to hit yourself.

25. There were a lot of people on the bus after get off work today. An aunt felt car sick and opened the window a little. The aunt next to me said fiercely that I couldn’t blow the air, so she closed the window with a bang. . Here comes the classic one. The aunt who opened the window earlier said angrily: You are ashes! It falls apart as soon as it blows?

26. I really hope that when I receive a red envelope during the Chinese New Year. It says "One More Pack"

27. White shirts tend to turn yellow and are difficult to wash off with ordinary washing powder, which causes many people a headache. Here is a little trick for you: before washing your white shirt, take some painkillers and your head will not hurt so much.