The following is funny enough:

Funny version of Rose's Appointment

Location: Hunan Satellite TV's "Rose's Appointment" studio hall

Host: Jin Xiaoyu (female) & Feng Qi (male)

Male and female guests: sit in the guest seats to the right of the host They are all beauties of the same color: from No. 1 to No. 6, the introduction column in front of them reads: Bai Jingjing, Zixia, Chun Sanniang, Xiangxiang, Mrs. Niu, and Guanyin. The male guests sitting to the left of the host can be considered strange. From No. 1 to No. 6, the introduction column in front of the male guests reads: Tang Monk, Second Master, Supreme Treasure, Blind Man, Bodhi Patriarch, Erlang Shen.

The show begins!

(Amidst the music and the applause of the audience, the male and female hosts appeared with smiles on their faces and microphones in their hands)

Feng Qi: Invite happiness to be your companion, and go to the date with roses!

Jin Xiaoyu: Welcome all guests and audience friends to Rose Date!

(Warm applause and whistles)

Feng Qi: Jin Xiaoyu, do you know what Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang is?

Jin Xiaoyu: What clang clang clang clang?

Feng Qi: Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang, Dang (singing)

On--ly you--! Can you help me find a wife;

On--ly you--! Able to appear and be in the limelight;

Only you can promote me and make bachelors all over the world know me;

Your greatest ability is only you--!

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey...this song is quite familiar.

Feng Qi: (continues singing) On--ly you--! Don't blame me for being too impatient;

Go into the TV station and sit in front of the camera;

I'll find a girl, you can make a fool of yourself, and you'll work hard for a blind date!

The sacrifice is worth it, chant Amitabha!

Jin Xiaoyu: Did you know that you sang out of tune? Let me tell you...

Feng Qi: On-On--!

Jin Xiaoyu: On the size of your mother! Are you finished yet? (Knocks Feng Qi down with one punch) I've already told you it's too unpleasant, and you still want to go On-On-! On-On-! If you don't care whether you can stand it or not, if you get angry again, I will stab you to death!

Feng Qi: (Getting up from the ground and wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth) I won’t hit you because you’re a woman. Don’t think I’m afraid of you! Besides, I sang this song entirely for the needs of the show.

Jin Xiaoyu: KAO! Then it’s not your turn to sing. (Turns around to face the audience) Dear audience friends, let’s introduce today’s 12 male and female guests! First up is male guest No. 1, the original singer of the song just now, the famous Buddhist scholar and singer-Tang Seng! !

(The bald Tang Monk stood up with a smile on his face and greeted the audience. Warm applause rang out, and a young girl in the audience shouted loudly: How cool!)

Feng Qi: Hello, Tang Monk. We all know that you are a world-famous Buddhist monk, so why should you sign up for Rose Appointment today?

Tang Seng: In the past, I used to see things with my naked eyes. I thought women were all white-bone spirits (No. 1 Bai Jingjing across from me glanced at him). But the moment I became a Buddha after taking the scriptures, I began to see the world with my mind’s eye. I could see everything so clearly as never before... It turns out that the happiest thing is having a wife to sleep with. What a thing!

(Warm applause broke out, and the Tang Seng family and friends group held up a large banner that read: "Tang Seng, I will accompany you for a gentle life"!)

Jin Xiaoyu; said it very well. ! Now let’s introduce male guest No. 2, the second boss who is drooling!

(No. 5, Mrs. Niu opposite, secretly said to No. 6 Guanyin, No. 2, he is so ugly!)

Second Master: Dear female guests opposite, there is no denying that I look good. I'm ugly, but I'm gentle and I'll never lie.

Feng Qi: Yes, although our male guest No. 2 looks a bit sudden, through his unremitting efforts, he has now obtained a postdoctoral degree, which is what was previously called the number one scholar! ! Currently working for an online e-commerce company, with an annual salary of over one million. (Hearing this, the six female guests opposite gave No. 2 their most charming smiles.

)

Jin Xiaoyu: Next, let us get to know the youngest and most handsome male guest No. 3 today! That is Mr. Zhizunbao, the chairman and CEO of Wutaishan Ax Gang Robbery Co., Ltd.! !

(Applause and whistles sounded enthusiastically again. The proud Supreme Treasure was about to stand up to pay his respects when a loud shout came from the other side...)

Bai Jingjing: Is it you? ! Is it you stinky monkey? ! ! You did that to me before, and you still go out on a blind date?

Supreme Treasure; (extremely confused) Me? Stinky monkey? Miss, you got the wrong person!

Erlang Shen: Female Guest No. 1, if you have any grievances, just tell me! I am the male guest No. 6, Erlang Shen, and I am the deputy director of the Tiangong South Gate Police Station. If you have any difficulties, please call the police. If the people have any difficulties, I will take care of them!

Bai Jingjing: (Smiling charmingly at Erlang Shen, then turning to face the host) I was just joking with everyone to add to the fun. Although male guest No. 3 has been sorry to me before, I have written a best-selling book "Shuiliandong Baby" about my story with him, and I don't want to argue with him anymore. By the way, the two hosts have just introduced the three male guests. Now you should start introducing the female guests. Otherwise, I will sue you for "Rose Date" to discriminate against women!

Feng Qi: Of course, of course. Dear viewers, let’s introduce the 6 female guests attending today.

First of all, this female guest No. 1 is the famous "beautiful writer" Miss Bai Jingjing who was "born in the 1970s"!

Jin Xiaoyu: Hello, Miss Jingjing. We all know that you are a writer with an open personality and like to "examine men with your body", so why do you want to participate in a rose date today, which mainly relies on chatting to get to know each other?

Bai Jingjing: Now we are in the Internet age! It's all about attention economy. Although I can't use my body to inspect the six male guests opposite me now, as long as the hundreds of millions of viewers in front of the TV can see me and remember my outstanding figure, that's enough!

Feng Qi: So what kind of man does Miss Jingjing like? Do you think any of the 6 male guests across from you are suitable?

Bai Jingjing: You are crazy! How do I know who is suitable without going through a physical examination?

(Music and warm applause. The six male guests were restless, looking forward to the end of the program so that No. 1 could review themselves early)

Spring Thirty Niang: (full of envy) I KAO! As expected of a "beautiful writer", I admire YOU.

Feng Qi: The person I want to introduce next is Miss Zixia, a famous poet known as a "talented woman"!

Zixia: Good evening, everyone! I am female guest No. 2 Zixia, and I am very happy to come to the Rose Date. Here I want to say, (make an affectionate gesture)

There was once a sincere love in front of me, but I did not cherish it. I only regretted it when I lost it. It is the most painful thing in the world. Nothing could be further from this.

If God could give me another chance, I would say three words to that boy: I love you.

If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is... ten thousand years!

(Applause rang out warmly.

Audience A: I am so touched.

Blind man: Damn! These lines of her poem are plagiarized from my graduation thesis !

Bodhi Patriarch: (with wet eyes) There are so many articles in the world. The female guest No. 1 just copied other people’s articles, so she is still famous!

Jin Xiaoyu: Miss Zixia’s love story is very touching. So may I ask, why did you break up with him at that time?

Zixia: Hey...it's a long story. One time we went to the park together and he threw his finished soda bottles around. I couldn't help but say to him, You are so naughty too! I tell you not to throw things away. Throwing things is wrong. Oops, why did you throw away the lid before I finished speaking? Soda bottles are waste. Throwing them around will pollute the environment. What should you do if it hits a child? Even if it doesn't hit the children and hits the flowers and plants, it's not a good thing! You think, right? And...

(There was a slight commotion in the auditorium, some audience members began to cover their ears, and some people began to foam at the foam)

Feng Qi: You You're right, it's his fault for leaving you. (But I thought, you deserve it, why are you so wordy!)

Zixia: Alas... Another time, I bought a hat for him, but he thought It’s too small and very uncomfortable to wear.

I said if you don’t want to wear it, you can put it on your dog. This way we can recycle waste and let the Animal Protection Association praise us for being caring.

Although it looks a little big when worn, it doesn't matter. I know a tailor in Chenjiazhuang. His craftsmanship is very good and the price is cheap. He is an honest man. I can just ask him to change it some other day. …….

Audience B: (yelling) I can’t stand it! ! ! (Taking out a fruit knife from his arms, he stabbed it into his stomach and committed suicide)

Zixia: Why bother? Why bother? I just want to express my views on love before the party. Is this necessary?

Jin Xiaoyu: (Emergency) Dear viewers in front of the TV, I'm sorry, there were some minor accidents at the scene, and it's commercial time!

(The fun is yet to come)

Feng Qi & Jin Xiaoyu: Welcome back to the Rose Date live broadcast!

(Music and warm applause)

Jin Xiaoyu: Miss Zixia’s speech just now was so wonderful! So there are only 15 minutes left, so we have to speed up the program!

Feng Qi: Next I want to introduce female guest No. 3, Miss Chun Sansanniang! Female No. 3, can I ask you why you participated in Rose Date?

Chun Sanniang: (makes a squirming gesture) I got up this morning and happened to pass by here. I happened to see many people watching the excitement, so I signed up in a daze. You suddenly asked me why I participated. I... I haven't brushed my teeth yet.

Jin Xiaoyu: Well said! Now let’s introduce female No. 4, Miss Xiangxiang. Why do you come to participate in today’s show?

Xiangxiang: Do you need a reason to participate in the show?

Jin Xiaoyu: Don’t you need it?

Xiangxiang: Do you need it?

Jin Xiaoyu: Don’t you need it?

Xiangxiang: Do you need it?

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey, I’m just asking casually. There’s no need to be so nervous. Do you need it?

Blind man: (as if obsessed) No. 4 has such a character! But..........I like it.

Feng Qi: Okay, okay, the two beauties should stop arguing. Time is of the essence, otherwise the advertiser will curse again. Now we introduce female guest No. 5 - Mrs. Niu! !

Jin Xiaoyu: Huh? No. 5, don’t you have a husband?

Mrs. Niu: The relationship has broken down.

Feng Qi: Rare feelings should be cherished.

Mrs. Niu: Alas, when you find out that you have fallen in love with someone you shouldn't love, this relationship is the most fatal.

Jin Xiaoyu: Yes, yes, participating in Rose Date is to give yourself another chance. Let's seize the time and introduce the next one - Miss Guanyin No. 6! !

(Guanyin rose from her seat to greet the audience, and the whole audience was in an uproar! There were constant exclamations.)

Audience C: God! ?

Audience Ding: Monster! ? !

Guanyin: (nodding) Thank you!

Ancestor Bodhi: Idol! ! Sister Guanyin, I have always admired you. Please sign your name for me first.

Guanyin: You call me Sister Guanyin?

Ancestor Bodhi: Sorry, it should be Bodhisattva.

Guanyin: In the past, when I chatted with me at 3:15 in the middle of the night, I would be called dancing in the air. Now the new person is better than the old person, and I am called Bodhisattva!

Ancestor Bodhi: Flying lightly?

Guanyin: Do you think I worked so hard to come here just to impress so many people? It’s because of you, a heartless ruffian!

Feng Qi: Huh? Two gods, what is going on? It turned out that the two of them were old friends.

Ancestor Bodhi; Wait, wait, how do you know that I am the ruffian Cai, the number one killer of girls on the Internet? Could it be? Tell me how you met me, (there are too many women who have died under my keyboard.)

Guanyin: In the dark and windy and eerie chat room, I am dancing lightly. You are ruffian Cai, and this wonderful love begins with a PLAN written by you. As soon as I sent you a mail, you suddenly confessed your love to me. My whole heart was moved and I made a vow to never separate. It's a pity that happiness is always short-lived, and all I get in return is endless pain and sighs. Why do you stop talking to me after a few days?

I had to use the IP address to find out the truth, and finally I discovered that you are the Patriarch Bodhi! You are truly the killer of girls in the chat room. Even the Queen Mother fell into your hands!

Ancestor Bodhi: You...what do you want now?

Guanyin: If you see me, stop partying here. We will go back and get married right away!

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey, hey, why are you so serious and impulsive in life? Everyone in the chat room is hypocritical.

Feng Qi: Xiaoyu, how can you talk to Sister Guanyin like this?

Jin Xiaoyu: Wow! Shut up!

Feng Qi: You scared me again!

Jin Xiaoyu: You don’t know how sad I am! Ever since I watched "First Encounter", I had a crush on the ruffian Cai. I didn't expect that he turned out to be such a stinky old man!

Zhizunbao: That’s right, I cried when I watched it. I also love dancing lightly, but Sister Guanyin’s figure is too substantial! Give back my tears!

Zixia: Hey..., everyone, don’t be angry. Being angry will violate the aversion precept! Besides, the ruffian Cai didn't say that he was a handsome guy in the novel. Alas, there is always a big difference between reality and ideals. I have had painful experiences and lessons before. It’s a long story, and it has to start from when I first fell in love when I was thirteen years old... Ah! ! !

(Countless tomatoes and rotten eggs flew from the auditorium, and dozens of loud shouts: STOP!!!)

Feng Qi: Please be patient. Then I would like to ask Male No. 5, why do you want to write Qingwu Feiyang so well? What kind of person is she in your mind?

Ancestor Bodhi: Qingwu Feiyang is just a person I met online! I told a lie before to deceive her. I just felt a little guilty when I wrote about her so well. I hate her more and more! I'm almost going to have a successful party today, what do you want?

(Wow! Ancestor Bodhi’s words caused a commotion in the audience and guest seats)

Chun Sansanniang: I always thought you were the last infatuated man in the world! Unexpectedly...

Erlangshen & Xiangxiang: (said in unison) Liar!

Mrs. Niu: Alas, I originally planned to meet a netizen named "Abbott" in two days. Now it seems that this guy who calls himself "a new generation of handsome guy" is also unreliable!

Feng Qi: Okay, okay, everyone, please stop arguing. There are only five minutes left in the program, now let’s press the button to choose the person you like.

Blind man: Hey, hey! They haven’t introduced themselves yet! !

Jin Xiaoyu: You? ! Look at your character, you are sneaky, shameful, disheveled, and look like a dog, how could anyone fall in love with you, ah? If our director hadn't taken a liking to you as a homosexual, why would he have let you be on the show?

Blind man: If you don’t want others to introduce you, why are you scolding me? 555555555~~~(crying)

Feng Qi: Okay, okay, hurry up, please put your hands on the buttons and choose the other one in your mind!

(One minute later)

Jin Xiaoyu: OK! Now the results are out!

Feng Qi: Please look at the big screen!

Jin Xiaoyu: Three female guests chose male guest No. 2 as the second boss! They are No. 1 Bai Jingjing, No. 2 Zixia, and No. 3 Chun Sansanniang. Congratulations to male guest No. 2!

Second Master: (continues to drool) Hehe, hehe, Jingjing, Zixia, Sansanniang, none of them can be missing!

Feng Qi: Let us ask the three female guests who chose him, please?

Bai Jingjing: Because he is from an Internet company! I want him to put my naked photo on the front page of their website so more people will buy my book!

Chun Sansanniang: Isn’t the second boss just like Zhu Bajie? He has an easy-going temperament and is tolerant. Moreover, he knows how to eat, play and enjoy. He also has a sense of money and knows how to manage money. He is better than the other two. Senior brothers who don’t understand things are much better!

Zixia: Second brother! In fact, I have had a crush on you for a long time! (Emotionally excited) Isn’t your network bridge company located at No. 302, Building 7-5, Pioneer Park? I am located at No. 305, Zhulu Hefeng, Building 7-4, only 100 meters away from you. Every time you pass by the door of our office , I would secretly look at you from behind the curtains, and I would often run into your building and hang out when nothing happened, just hoping to see you! My love for you is as endless as the water of the Yellow River, can't you never see it? I.........ah!

(Countless tomatoes and rotten eggs flew from the auditorium, and hundreds of loud shouts: STOP!!!)

Feng Qi: Everyone, audience members, please don’t be impulsive. Take your time and take a look at the results below.

Jin Xiaoyu: Female No. 4 Xiangxiang chose male No. 2 Supreme Treasure, No. 4, why did you choose him?

Xiangxiang: I choose, I like it.

Supreme Treasure: YEAH! I also chose you! I will definitely give you happiness, believe me, that’s right.

Feng Qi: Mrs. Niu No. 5 chose the male No. 1 Tang Seng. Tell me your reasons.

Mrs. Niu: This monk is great. He is honest, clean and not greedy! (Advertisement for Diaopai Soap)

Jin Xiaoyu: Is it clean? You don’t want to party with him, you want to live forever by eating his flesh.

Feng Qi: Don’t mind female guest No. 5, Xiaoyu just likes to talk nonsense. This is the case for people who watch too many nonsensical movies by Stephen Chow.

Jin Xiaoyu: Let’s see next, the female No. 6 Guanyin chooses the male No. 5 Bodhi Patriarch!

Erlang Shen: How infatuated, it is so touching.

Guanyin: Sorry! Dear viewers, I pressed the wrong button just now. In fact, I didn’t want to choose male number 5!

Feng Qi: Then who do you want to choose?

Guanyin: It’s you!

(The whole audience was in an uproar! Ancestor Bodhi breathed a sigh of relief, but Jin Xiaoyu looked at her partner nervously.)

Feng Qi: Did I do anything-- ----wrong!

Guanyin: When I came to the Rose Appointment and saw you, I felt that it was not him I came back to find after passing through this heaven and earth, but you. You and I both believe that this is God's will and the legendary fate.

Feng Qi: Huh? !

Guanyin: Besides, you are younger and more handsome than him. If I don’t choose you, who will I choose? Women, you should always be kind to yourself. (Advertisement for Taitai Oral Liquid)

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey, hey! Wait, wait, wait~ Then I would like to ask Miss Guanyin, how much do you know about him? You have only known him for less than two hours? Can feelings be such a child's play?

Guanyin: That’s right. It's true that I just met him not long ago, but that doesn't mean I can't love him. If I say this is child's play, then all the shows before Rose Date and the confessions between the guests are all nonsense!

Jin Xiaoyu: This...this...this...this...

Guanyin : (Facing Feng Qi) Hehe, you can’t run away today! Everything is under control!

(Guanyin suddenly stretched out her long arms and grabbed Feng Qi from the opposite side)

Feng Qi: No~~~~~Help~~~~

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(The scene was in chaos. Some people were so scared that they were running around. Some people took out their mobile phones and started calling: "Hey, XX newspaper office, come quickly. There is a big scandal. Guanyin Bodhisattva raped a man. ~~~~")

The blind man: How pitiful, a tragedy is unfolding.........

Zixia: Hello, Guanyin Miss, how could you do this? Being a god is just like being a human being. You must have a kind heart. With a kind heart, you are no longer a god, but a human being.

Zhizunbao: "Human Immortal", you are so big, please find a way to save people.

Tang Monk: Sister Guanyin, can you listen to me first?

Guanyin: Just save it, no one will let me let him go.

Tang Seng: Sister Guanyin is a famous beauty on the Internet. I used to like the ruffian Cai so much. She must have liked his funny and talented personality. Since the ruffian refuses to pay attention to you now, why don't you use the host as a substitute?

Guanyin: Then who should I go to? Is it you, a stinky monk?

Tang Seng: No, no.

Nowadays, there are endless experts on the Internet. Let me introduce one person to my sister, that is the well-known talented and handsome guy in the NetEase community-----Abbott! He writes good articles and is much more handsome than ruffian Cai!

Blind man: Yes, yes, his signature is: "I'm not particularly handsome, I'm only a little bad." It's so cool!

Guanyin: Ah, there are such people, let me go and see them first!

(Guanyin released his grip on Feng Qi and turned into a burst of smoke and went away)

Feng Qi: Hu~hu (gasping sound) almost scared me to death! I announce that this issue of Rose Date is over! Thank you to all the guests and audience friends.............

(The audience left, the theme song played:)

The past, the present, the past, never to return, the red fallen leaves, buried in the dust, the beginning, the end, always unchanged, you on the horizon, drifting in the white clouds, in the sea of ??suffering, love and hate in the world, it is difficult to escape fate, blind date, inaccessible, or should I believe It's fate

A lover will never come back after leaving (What?) (That person looks very strange) (I saw it too) Silent and lonely Looking at the shore of this world (may we meet again in the future) (....just like a dog) although the flowers will wither, they will bloom again (for you) the love of my life will endure (wait) outside the white clouds

The sea of ??suffering , love and hate abound in the world, it is difficult to escape the fate of being on a blind date, but we are inaccessible, or I should believe it is fate