2. A close person is suddenly unfamiliar and his hope is completely lost. This feeling is like drinking cold water and setting himself on fire.

You have never been in this play, but I lost myself.

I didn't like eating when I was a child, which led to my short stature now. I love eating now, which makes me fat and short.

There are 100 people out of 100. I am an angel and a bitch.

6. From a small woman to a big woman, it is because of helplessness; Returning from a big woman to a small woman is because of happiness.

7. Time takes away our past and our past.

8. Only when you are down and out will you know who is a fool who is worried about you and who is a stranger's asshole.

I met you very late, but I will stay with you for a long time.

10. From staying with me for a long time to drinking with me, from loving you to being by your side, from moving to letting go.

1 1. He is still here, but this life has nothing to do with me.

12. If I get you as easy as blowing off dust, I won't be sad even if you run away with someone else, but if I try my best to get you, do you know not to let anyone touch your possessiveness?

13. I only have one youth. I don't want to disappoint anyone. You are sincere to me.

14. The story is not touching enough, but the storyteller always cries.

15. Every girl has a dress in her closet called: I used to be poor and now I feel ugly.

16. Stay with whoever is comfortable, regardless of friendship and love.

17. Why do you sleep in class? Because we young people need dreams.

18. No matter who we are, I always feel that it is immoral for God to try to cool us down and freeze us into dogs without our consent.

19. At that time, I was also an infatuated seed, but I was drowned by a heavy rain.

20. When I was young, I finally woke up in this glass of wine full of north wind.

Childhood and now are two different things.

1. Since you missed the stars, don't miss the moon again.

2, others dog you behind your back, not only because you dare not play with you face to face.

3. Lower your expectations and reduce your dependence, and you will live well.

4. Don't let life lose to your mood.

5. Be kind to others and be good at losing money.

6, people will die, and their words are good.

7. A gentleman is a patient wolf.

8. Don't surrender to life, hope is always arrogant.

9. When you are still unfinished, everything is just right.

10, I always liked to be lively when I was a child, but now I just want to keep the circle clean.

1 1, angry needs capital.

12, keep my ambition and respect my experience.

13, when things are still unfinished, everything is the best.

14, people know each other, you know each other.

15, radical words are more likely to stab the heart than any weapon.

16, there is no absolute good or evil. When you are weak, there are the most bad people.

17, the courage not to be afraid of starting over.

18, don't let life exhaust your ambition and yearning.

19, lost, cherish more.

20. There are no misunderstandings that can't be solved, only people who don't want to be solved.

2 1, the end of the desert must be an oasis.

22. Everyone is struggling and no one is superior.

23. There is nothing we can do. This is life.

24. It is better to be angry, complain and change than to live up to expectations.

25, make friends, less emotional.

26. The college entrance examination is the last fair competition in life.

27. Study hard and go to bed early.

28. Only by becoming excellent can my soul be enriched.

29. Don't pass negative emotions on to others.

30. Never lose the courage to start over.

3 1, exchange time for talent, the harder you work, the luckier you are.

32, born to be human, must be kind.

It is not difficult to give up, but it must be cool to insist.

34. It is really important to find that people get along and understand each other.

35. All persistence is because of love.

36. Your mind is too much, but it will make people embarrassed.

37. Don't bring negative emotions to others.

38. Only in the deepest despair can you meet the most beautiful scenery.

39. All human sufferings are anger at their incompetence.

40. Do more interesting things and ignore people who don't care.

4 1, life is a continuous rotten storm.

42. The past is unremarkable, and the future is outstanding.

43, no matter how small the effort, multiplied by 365 is obvious.

44. All luck is hidden in kindness.

45. Divide life into two parts, the first part has no hesitation and the second part has no regrets.

Funny phrase: everyone looks like you, but don't be short and ugly like me.

Lead: My classmate put a turtle on the back of my clothes when I was not looking. I never found it. I posted it for several days without telling me ... then I finally found it and asked my mother: didn't you see this piece when you were washing clothes? Mom said: I saw it! I asked, then why don't you help me take it off? Mom said innocently, I thought it was a trademark. I was afraid of washing, so I took it off and washed it, and then I dried it and stuck it on you …

1. Today, I heard a girl say to a boy, "You are so dark, why are you carrying an umbrella?" The boy took a look at the girl and said, "I have the same purpose as you." The girl's face is black.

Today, I went out to play with my three-year-old nephew. A beautiful woman in a floral skirt walked in front of me. He ran directly to lift her skirt, touched her ass, and then ran over to me and said, Uncle, you also touch the black underwear you are wearing. . . .

Xiao Ming: "Dad, this is my first time cooking. Give it a try. " Xiao Ming: "How does Dad taste?" Dad: "Well, you fried this salt well, with a faint smell of eggs!" " Xiao Ming: "........."

4. A diaosi went up the mountain to find the master and said, Master, I have seen through the world of mortals. Please help me shave. Master: You come to see me for a haircut every month. How much can it cost to go out for a haircut?

I asked the teacher a question with my paper, "What should the teacher do?" "Get out!" "Hey, how can teachers do this now?" I had to walk out of the ladies' room with a disappointed face.

6. I lined up at the ATM to withdraw money, and there was a super beautiful girl behind me. In order to show off in front of my sister, I chose English operation and deliberately let my sister see it. Finally, the ATM machine successfully swallowed my card. . .

7. When the teacher talks about power, he means it. She also quoted Yang Mi. Her parents' surname is Yang, and she is Yang Jiafang, so her name is Yang Mi. If there are three people surnamed Yang in the family, she can also call them Yang. . . Then Xiao Ming stood up and said, "No, it's Yang Yangyang!" " Teacher: Get out! ! !

8. I finally know why men like to hide private money, just to run away from home at a critical time. Anyway, I'm still wandering the streets penniless. It's all my fault that I met too late! ! !

9. My daughter is two and a half years old and likes to eat meat. Once she cooked dried beans and barbecue, we reminded her to eat more beans and less meat to avoid getting fat. While she kept digging meat into the bowl with a spoon, she pretended to be unhappy and frowned and said, why am I so unlucky? All I dug was meat.

10, one day my mother spoiled: I am my mother's intimate little cotton-padded jacket. She hugged her mother and was pushed away by her mother: don't wear a small cotton-padded jacket on a hot day.

1 1. Today, I saw that the team leader was not looking well and asked her, "What's the matter, the schoolbag was thrown out by Zhang Milk Powder?" "Nothing, it's just that my sister was picked up by a boy ..." As soon as I heard this, I immediately turned off the light and shouted at the players: "Look, is the team leader shining!" Team leader, stop! Don't hit your face!

12, I took my niece to take a taxi. My niece has to play with my mobile phone. After getting off the bus, my niece proudly asked, "Aunt, guess where I hid your mobile phone?" I smiled and asked, "Where is it?" "Hide the car!

13, go to the morning market to buy food. I saw the satisfactory celery. He asked, "Boss, how much is this dish?" Boss: "2 yuan a catty, I planted them myself." 3. There are no products. Green and environmental protection. . . "I wanted to talk about the price, so I asked," Do you sell 1.5 yuan per catty? " The boss immediately changed his face and said, "I can't even get in 1.5." "Do you still let me live?" Oh, I said boss, didn't you grow it yourself? . . . . Very contradictory.

14, I saw a Taobao comment today. Customer service: How about your clothes, sir? Customer: She is so handsome that my girlfriend will break up when she sees it. Customer service: I still have a girlfriend to sell here. Do you want one?

15, wife "How do you know that the four flies you killed were two males and two females?" "Because I killed two in the bottle and two in your mirror!"

16, that is, I forgot to bring money for dinner, and told the boss to make it up next time, but the boss didn't want it! When I got angry, I called 10 more guys and finally took all the money for the meal!

17, "Honey, who do you want our children to be more like?" "I like anyone, just don't be like me, short and ugly!" "Well, why didn't you say so earlier? Scared me! "

18, I heard that a man with a woman said that there was only one room, and the man tipped the waiter 100 yuan. Today, a man brought a woman to check in and asked me if I had a room. I just blinked. I immediately got the message and said, "Sorry, there is only one room." I just heard the man say, "Oh, well, let's change." Playing cards is totally unreasonable.

19, cook at noon, scramble eggs, put the pot on the fire, and then knock eggs. When the egg was knocked, I saw the pot on the fire, which was full of smoke. I quickly poured the eggs into the pot until I was dizzy and forgot to put oil in the pot.

20. Bajie was banished to the world, met the Tang Priest, and worshipped him after passing Gao Laozhuang. One day, the Tang Priest asked, "Pig, why are you here?" "I remember one day after drinking, the Jade Emperor asked me to finish my daily tasks," Pig said. I was so stupid that I misunderstood. "

2 1. How ugly is the photo on the ID card? Let's put it this way: if you meet a policeman on duty, please show me your ID card, or we will shoot! I would say, drive.

22. Before leaving, the woman's mother told her that "the honeymoon must be reserved and you can't sleep naked at night!" A month later, they came back. The groom asked his mother-in-law, "Mom, why does your daughter always sleep in a hat at night?"

23. I remember coming back a few days early from my last business trip. I was drunk with my buddies before I went home. When I knocked at the door, it was a man who answered the door. I saw it was a beating. The man kept apologizing and then ran away. I woke up the next morning and found that it was not my wife lying in bed, but my neighbor's wife. Haha, I really enjoy the consequences of getting drunk and entering the wrong house.

24. I met an old classmate in the street. A woman was holding a child and thought it was his wife and child. To put it mildly, this child looks just like you! Then I felt that my classmate and the woman were shocked at the same time, and then I heard the woman whisper, brother-in-law, is it really obvious? this ......

25. I like going to the bank in summer. On the one hand, you can rub the air conditioner, on the other hand, you can check the balance, so that your body and mind will suddenly be much cooler.

26. I pulled a young female passenger today, handsome and beautiful, with a short B skirt. I asked her, "Where are you going?" Then I took another look. The girl is unhappy. what are you reading? Drive! I said, "I see you're wearing a skirt instead of a bag. Where did you get the money? " The girl lifted her skirt and pointed to the elastic band on her underwear and said, "From here! ! ! ! "

27. Two scum are talking about college. A said, "I want to take the Fudan exam." B said, "If you can get into Fudan, I'll get into Peking University." A: "Then I'll take the Tsinghua exam." B: "I'm going to Cambridge." A: "I'm going to Oxford." A buddy came over and said, "Who will take the Oxford exam?" A: "I." He said: "This is your beef tendon, one * * * twenty-five, and a kidney. How about it? "

28. Just now, while waiting for the elevator, I met a beautiful woman dressed in fashion and looked at her from head to toe. Then I said to her, "Beauty, what is this for?" Beauty: "Send fast food" me: "But I see you have nothing except a bag?" Beauty: "..." "Take all the goods away, and get quick results with less investment!" Me: ...

29. In a senior high school entrance examination, a candidate fell asleep and the teacher didn't call him. But half an hour before the next examination room, the teacher woke him up and said, "Students, get up and dry the papers, or you won't be able to bind them."

30. That year, 18 told herself with tears that she must find a better girl than her. A few years ago, 26 cried and said that I must find a good woman. Last year, 29 said with a wry smile that I must find someone. I'm 30 years old and still a virgin. I don't think it really matters whether I'm human or not. .

Editor's note: When I left the school gate, I saw a fruit stall, which was very popular. The stall owner shouted with his horn: 1 Yuan 2 kg, 2 yuan 3 kg, 3 yuan 4 kg, 4 yuan 5 kg, 5 yuan 6 kg! Take a closer look. Everyone buys 5 yuan and 6 Jin. ...

My fat is temporary, but your short is permanent.

Years ago, I once sent a courier to my aunt, and my head may be stuck. The recipient column is filled with the word aunt! ! ! The courier brother called my aunt with an embarrassed face: "Please ... is it my aunt?" Then I went to my relatives' house to play during the Chinese New Year, and my aunt let me out. I still have to face it. . .

One day, my boyfriend came to meet me at the subway station on a motorcycle. I deliberately teased: "Master, how much is it to the garden community?" The boyfriend said, "No money, just give me a kiss." So I kissed him and got in his car. A "motorcycle" master next to me was stupid and kindly reminded me: "Little girl, don't be fooled!"

A fat woman and a short woman quarreled over a trifle. The short woman said, "You are a dead fat man who nobody wants." The fat woman said, "Don't curse, don't make me angry." The short woman said, "I called you that." What are you going to do with me? " The fat woman said, "My fatness is temporary, and your shortness is permanent."

Once I ate snacks in class and my mouth was full of biscuits. Then I took a sip of yogurt and stuffed it in. The head teacher told me to get up and answer the questions. I stood up and stopped talking. My mouth was almost full. First, the yogurt liquid came out of my mouth bit by bit, which seemed poisonous. He was so frightened that he came over and asked me what was wrong. My sister couldn't help laughing. It was all sprayed on his face and head. He is bald.

At the age of fourteen, the color TV at home broke down, so I took out my black-and-white machine that had been useless for a long time. In those days, adults kept instilling that TV would explode when it fell to the ground. Then one day, my uncle's little sister dragged the plug of the black-and-white machine down with the TV, and the black-and-white machine smoked. When I saw it, I ran away. Then I thought that my little sister and grandma were still inside, so I ran back and pulled them out in good conscience and told them that they would explode. So we stayed outside for ten or twenty minutes before we dared to go home.

My buddy went to the hospital to see a doctor, and the doctor specifically told me that I couldn't eat this and that. He complained angrily that he couldn't eat anything, so he couldn't let people live. At this time, a buddy next to him said faintly: Brother, are you satisfied? The doctor told me to eat whatever I wanted. ...

I happened to be sitting next to the goddess at the company meeting, thinking about what to say. Suddenly, it began to rain heavily outside. It's very big. I asked her how you would go back when it rained. She said that my boyfriend would pick me up in a Mercedes later ... I ... thought sourly: pick it up and drive. Why do you have to say the word Mercedes? !

A few years later, the child looked at his mother with knowledgeable eyes and asked: Mom, what is aunt? What is a little brother? The mother gently stroked the child's head, looked up at the sky at 45 degrees, and her red lips gently opened: it was a group of ancient creatures that were finally eliminated by family planning.

Every afternoon, an old man took a rhubarb dog and sat on the stone bench in the community, staring at the sky in a daze. I asked him curiously: Grandpa, why do you sit here every day! Grandpa said sadly that my daughter-in-law used to go out with me to walk the dog at this time. Since the car accident, I quickly said to my grandfather, I'm sorry, it reminds you of a sad thing! Grandpa shook his head at me and said, since the car accident, my daughter-in-law has been inconvenient to walk around, and her family has taught her to play mahjong. Now she has recovered. Every afternoon, she will find some Ma You to play mahjong at home, and because my rhubarb dog is barking, she will let me take the dog out every afternoon. ...

When I was a child, the landlord especially liked to eat rice! But my hometown does not produce rice. Rice is very expensive, and my mother seldom buys it ... One day, the landlord cried and insisted on eating rice, but there was no rice at home. Mother was angry and scolded: I will throw it to you if I make trouble again ... The landlord wiped her tears and begged: Mom, can you throw me to the place where rice is planted? When I grow up, my mother will find a husband's family for the landlord. There is only one condition: grow rice! ! !

Seeing a woman chasing a man, she is so cute. She said, "Will you be my boyfriend?" Just do it. No, I'll find a way! "