When I was in middle school, a classmate in my class lent me a CD with the words "Minors are forbidden to watch alone". Very clever. I asked my parents to watch it together. My face was swollen that day.
On the 30th wedding anniversary, at breakfast, the wife hinted to her husband: Do you know your wife? We have been sitting in these two chairs for 30 years! The husband put down the newspaper, looked at his wife and said, do you want to change places with me?
Before, a friend asked me to borrow money for plastic surgery, which was quite successful. I can't recognize who lent me money anymore.
5. Bring your boyfriend home on weekends. He said he was nervous when he saw my dad, and he didn't know how to put his hands. I said if you are nervous, put it in your pocket. Then my dad pulled me over and asked me: Is your boyfriend sick? What is he doing with one hand in his coat pocket and the other hand in his trousers pocket?
6. I went to a restaurant with my friends, took the menu and looked at the drinks. I found several kinds of beer, so I asked the waiting waiter, "Little sister, tell me which beer is better." The waiter replied, "It's all the same. If you drink too much, you will spit it out! " "
7. Marriage is like this. If you find the right person, you will have a romantic life together. I've got the wrong person. I've been talking about swords all my life!
8. I was called to the conference room by the manager today, and he almost fired me. He said, "Why are you so careless about your work?" I argued, "No, I even dreamed that I was getting a haircut." When he heard this, he flew into a rage: "What reason do you have to fall asleep as soon as you get a haircut?"
9. The family went to see a play. They bought tickets upstairs, but the little boy kept looking down on the railing, only to hear a staff member come over and say, "Take care of the child and don't let him fall." Downstairs is the VIP table. If you fall, you have to make up the ticket ... "
10. My friend made a breakthrough in his career and improved his life. I'm so happy for him. But if it were me, I would be happier.
1 1. Every day when the alarm clock rings, there are 500 reasons in my mind to ask for leave and not want to go to work, but none of them are reliable.
12. On the road, I met an old man carrying something. I want to go up and help him move. I casually said, "old thing, I'll help you carry it."
13. Every time I walk alone at night, I'm so scared. It's so dark and I'm so beautiful. I'm afraid others can't see me.
14. I have a bad temper, bad grades, bad temper, bad personality and bad looks. The only thing that can make me proud is: easy to digest!
15. Seeing others working so hard, so diligent and so energetic on the road to success, ask yourself, don't you want to be a stumbling block to them?
16. I have a blind date with a girl. My mother likes her very much, so does my father. Finally, I recognized her as an adopted daughter and said that I was not worthy of her.
17. Honey, selfies are ok, but not too much. Otherwise, people will not only think you are ugly when they see real people, but also think you are hypocritical!
18. One day, my wife was watching a TV series. I played until a man and a woman were together. I deliberately teased my wife and said: There are no wild flowers at home! Who knew she wouldn't even talk to me? I said, aren't you jealous? Who knows the second-rate wife said: I am also a wild flower in the eyes of other men.
19. Teacher: "Imagine what you would do if a bad guy followed you." Xiao Ming: "Stop imagining at once!"
20. People who lose weight must not add any weight loss groups. On the surface, they can encourage each other, but it is useless. If you are not the fattest, you will relax because someone is at the bottom.
2 1. In the class of the head teacher, the deskmate sleeps at his desk. The head teacher was furious and winked at me. I understood at once, and then took off my coat and put it on the same table in front of everyone. What a considerate class teacher!
22. I also eat when I see other girls eating, buy when I see other girls buying, and ignore when I see other girls thin and beautiful.
23. There is a girl who weighs 200, runs a factory at home and has money! Dozens of blind dates, rejected every time, crying at home this time. Her mother comforted, don't cry, girl. We will always meet people who are greedy for money.
24. There are six brothers in our dormitory. Some time ago, in order to improve our English, we unanimously decided to communicate in English. Whoever speaks a word of Chinese will be punished by 5 yuan. In this way, a week passed and my English didn't improve much, but I learned two other languages, sign language and sign language.