People can't live alone, and people can't live without communication. Everyone is in political, economic and cultural relations and must deal with others. In interpersonal communication, like E, evil, closeness and separation are mutual. People who like to be close to us, we like to be close to them, and our people, we will also alienate them. This is the most basic principle of interaction in interpersonal communication. The following are some basic principles that we should master in interpersonal communication, which are all derived from the most basic principles of interpersonal communication. In modern society, the basic principles of establishing personal network are mutual assistance, peace, sincerity, sharing and maintaining the self-esteem of others.
1. Help each other
In the process of establishing interpersonal relationships, "reciprocity" mainly refers to the exchange of human feelings. Homans, a famous social psychologist, pointed out that interpersonal communication is essentially a process of social exchange. In our communication, we are always exchanging something, whether it is material, emotional or other. It is this social exchange nature of communication that requires us to attach importance to interpersonal communication and make others feel that it is worthwhile to associate with us. No matter how close the relationship is, we should pay attention to the "investment" in material and emotional aspects, otherwise, the original close relationship will become alienated, which will make us face difficulties in interpersonal communication.
First of all, we should make clear the purpose of establishing a network of contacts here. Interpersonal relationship is not a public meeting to show love, but a relationship formed to meet the continuous needs of both parties. You pay, you get; No pains, no gains.
While we are actively paying, that is, "investing", we should also be careful not to rush to get returns, not to be afraid of losing money, and not to be reluctant to suffer some losses. In fact, there is always a reward for giving, and loss is actually a wise and positive way of communication.
Step 2 be interdependent
A tourist was a little hungry on his way to a place and wanted to find a Hunan restaurant. He asked a clothing store owner.
"Besides this street, where is a Hunan restaurant nearby?"
"Biyun Hunan Restaurant, No.28, West Hunan Road."
"Hey, how far is it?"
It takes about a quarter of an hour to walk, he said, but you know what? This is the best Hunan restaurant in this area. "
When the tourists arrived at the Hunan restaurant, the hall was crowded with people. However, the waiter found a nice table for him. He spent nearly 200 yuan there.
When he finished eating, the waitress enthusiastically said to him, "thank you for coming, sir." It's rare to come here. Don't you want to bring a suit back for your girlfriend? " The clothes bought here have different meanings. Your girlfriend will love it. Hao clothing store is a cheap clothing store in this city. This is their business card. "Say that finish handed him a business card, which read:" Good clothing store, the northwest corner of Golden Times Square, a place where you will regret if you don't come. "
Maybe this tourist will go, maybe not, but there is no doubt that someone will go.
This is the principle of interdependence. If you are starting a business, you should consider how to find some potential interdependent alliances in the competition. Perhaps, many customers come to visit your company.
3. Equality
People always have to adapt to the new environment. This adaptation process itself is a process of gradually realizing self-control over the environment. In an unfamiliar environment, people are often in a state of high self-defense. It is not until you are familiar with the surrounding environment and know the people you often contact that you can truly relax and adapt.
In the process of interpersonal communication, if we want others to accept us from the deep heart, we must ensure that others can achieve self-control over the environment when they get along with us. In other words, let others communicate with us in an atmosphere of equality and freedom. If the two sides' control of the situation is unbalanced and one side is bound to be restricted by the other, then this relationship is doomed to be unable to go deep and will inevitably lack deep emotional connection.
If you are a leader, when you appear in front of others as an authority, no matter how strongly you want to know their inner world, it is difficult for them to really trust you and not expose their inner things.
4. Department of Peace
Peace is to deal with conflicts and solve conflicts by peaceful, dialogue, consultation and non-violent methods. If you want to achieve something, you must try your best to prevent conflicts with others, so you must do the following:
(1) We should be broad-minded and far-sighted, stress the overall situation, style and unity in everything, mobilize all positive factors and strive for common goals.
(2) Pay attention to investigation and study, keep abreast of other people's ideological trends, try to resolve various contradictions, and reduce or completely eliminate the gap between people.
(3) Look at others with an understanding eye and know that the world is colorful and people are all kinds. Others can't have exactly the same interests as us. We can't ask others as we ask ourselves. Everyone has his own personality and characteristics, and has different strengths and weaknesses.
(4) tolerate other people's mistakes and understand that there are no perfect people in the world, including yourself. Everyone has shortcomings and everyone may make mistakes. Giving others a chance to correct their mistakes is just like hoping others will forgive their own mistakes.
(5) Don't blame others, be confused about small things, understand big things, and remember that clear water is a fish. If you ask too much of others, you will become arrogant. If you are too hard on others, you will be rejected by people thousands of miles away If you criticize others, nobody will want to work with you.
(6) Unless it involves a matter of principle, we must make it clear about the right and wrong, and don't take some unimportant things too seriously, roll with the punches, roll with the punches, or even deliberately play dumb. Don't complicate simple problems. It's no big deal, but we should get to the bottom of it and find out who is right and who is wrong. The result can only be nothing in the world, much ado about nothing.
(7) Friends should make up and don't get married. If there are contradictions, we should try our best to seek understanding and communication, deal with the matter as it is, and do not expand the contradictions. Be brave in self-criticism and exchange your sincerity for others' understanding. To resolve conflicts, we must first start from ourselves, and remember that others will treat you as you treat others. If you want to enter other people's hearts, you must first open your mind.
Step 5 be honest
Sincerity is the most basic requirement of interpersonal communication, and all means and skills of interpersonal communication should be based on sincerity and mutual trust. Sincerity is not written on the face, but from the heart. False sincerity is more annoying than deception.
Respect others
People have faces, trees have skins and everyone has self-esteem. They all hope that other people's words and deeds will not hurt their self-esteem. Professor Dewey once said: "The desire for self-esteem is the most urgent requirement in human nature." Dr. James also said: "The deepest part of human nature is the desire to be valued."
Self-esteem is measured by self-worth. A strong sense of self-worth leads to a higher level of self-esteem; If self-worth is not strong, self-esteem will be low. People's sense of self-worth mainly comes from the process of interpersonal communication and feedback from others. Affirming others will increase people's sense of self-worth, while denying others will directly threaten people's sense of self-worth. Therefore, people are particularly sensitive to negative information from the interpersonal world.
In interpersonal communication, we should pay attention to play an active role, support others' sense of self-worth, and safeguard others and self-esteem. You know, if you respect others, others will respect you.
share
Sharing is the best way to build a network. The more you share, the more you get. Two things in the world are being shared more and more. One is wisdom and knowledge, and the other is strength.
When you are willing to share your best things with others, you will get the following two benefits:
(1) What you share with others is useful and helpful, and he will thank you.
(2) You are willing to share with others and have the willingness to pay. Others will think that you are an honest and sincere person and are willing to make friends with you.
Weaving a network of relationships is to create a harmonious living space for yourself and others. Because giving important information at an important moment or giving help in the right place is an important factor for the success of companies and individuals. Without a well-functioning interpersonal network, you can hardly achieve great success in your career.
In the process of weaving personal network, in addition to following the above basic principles of interpersonal communication, you can also use certain methods and skills to make yourself feel at home in interpersonal communication.
In fact, our "network of people" is much wider than you realize. The network we actually have extends beyond the people we contact every day, and more contacts include people we work with and have worked with. Classmates and alumni, friends, members of the whole family, and people we meet at seminars or other meetings will all be members of our network. Our network members also include those we know in the network and those who have contact with them.
Harvey mckay, an American expert, explored a good way for us to build a network of contacts and deal with so many interpersonal relationships.
When MacKay was young, his father taught him, "MacKay, if you want to succeed, you should care about everyone you meet from now on." He remembers everyone he met from then on, and he was very concerned. He wrote down his name first and then got to know him. On each other's birthday, he sent a New Year card, and on their wedding anniversary, he sent a bunch of roses to congratulate them. Later, he simply designed a system called McKay 66, which means that everyone has 66 blank questions, including name, gender, age, birthday, constellation, blood type, hobbies, and where to go to primary school, middle school and university. Where do you work? And his lover, and his child's name, gender, birthday, constellation, blood type, hobbies. ...
Once, MacKay went to visit the boss of a big company and asked the company to buy his envelope. However, no matter what MacKay said, the boss refused to buy it. Mackay still updates his Mackay 66 file, adds new records and keeps in touch with his boss. One day, he learned that his boss had gone to the hospital, and the staff told him, "The boss's son had a car accident." He immediately opened the file and saw the boss's son 1 1 years old, worshiping basketball star Michael Jordan.
Mackay is very popular. He happens to know Mike Jordan's coach of the Bulls. Mackay bought a basketball and gave it to the coach of the Bulls. Ask the coach to ask Jordan to sign with all the players. The coach of the Bulls gave MacKay the signed blue ball. MacKay sent the basketball to the hospital. When the child saw it, it was signed by Jordan. That's great. The child ran around with the ball in his arms, so happy that he couldn't sleep at night.
When his father came to see him, he was sitting there happily with the ball. His father asked him, "son. Why don't you sleep? "
He said, "Dad, what do you think this is?"
As soon as his father saw it, he asked, "How did you get the basketball signed by Jordan?"
He said, "Dad, Uncle McKay gave it to me."
Hearing this, his father said, "MacKay, isn't that the envelope seller?" I never bought his envelope. "
At this moment, the son said, "Dad, you should buy MacKay's envelope. He cares so much about me that you should care about him! "
The next day, the boss found MacKay to thank him and ordered a large number of envelopes from him.
MacKay's job is just selling envelopes, but who would have thought that he made friends with famous people in American politics, journalism and sports by selling envelopes. His experience is that when you associate with a great man, you should make him feel surprised, novel, amazing and admired. He said it was called "attacking the heart is the best." So he can know whoever he wants, because before he knew it, he had studied everything about this person, and then surprised others and liked it. When a person knows you very well, but you know nothing about him, who can not seriously look at this "mysterious" figure and make friends with it?
Establish a personal relationship file and ask others for help. This is the best way for McKay to establish such a good network of contacts. When you set up a personal relationship file, you can satisfy and surprise the person you want to meet when you need it most, or add icing on the cake, or send charcoal in the snow. This is not a calculation, but a basic principle of getting along with others: if you think of others, others will appreciate you and help you when you need it. Even if they don't know your care and love now, once they know that you have been caring for them, they will be more grateful and repay you doubly. So it can be said that when you set up your personal relationship file, you have already built the skeleton of your relationship network, and then you only need to complete one necessary thing.
In addition, when we weave our personal network, we should pay special attention to those relationships that are very important to us. Anthropologists believe that the number of pleasant and important interpersonal relationships that a person has established is limited. Regardless of geographical location, degree of socialization or cultural differences, important interpersonal relationships of all people are similar. You will find that interpersonal relationships also conform to the "28 Law".
Using the 28 Law, the experts came to the following shocking conclusions about interpersonal relationships:
In all our relationships, 20% gives us 80% value.
80% of the value of our interpersonal relationship comes from 20% of the relationship.
-We pay much less attention to the 20% relationship that generates 80% value.
We can draw a conclusion that the most important decision for a person in the process of starting a business is to carefully choose partners or allies. They know how to find people who can help them the most, spend time on important interpersonal relationships and cherish key partners or allies. Such a good network of contacts has brought rich returns to these entrepreneurs. Without close partners or allies, it is difficult to make great achievements in your career.
Of course, the world is constantly changing. While dealing with old friends and old friends, we should constantly deal with many new faces and make new friends. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly update personal network files and refresh personal networks. This requires us to constantly improve and add new content when maintaining the old network, so that our network is in the best state at any time. Let's see how MacKay established a good network of contacts and used it to run his MacKay envelope company.
Mackay used to work in Pinyuan Envelope Company. He is familiar with the process of operating the envelope industry, understands the operation mode, learns the sales skills and establishes his own contacts. Later, he started his own envelope company, and his previous contacts became the key to his career. After he started his own envelope company, he needed high-level advice, but there was no provider of high-level advice in the network he established in his previous work. This requires him to expand his personal network.
Mackay himself is a first-class salesman, but he basically doesn't know how to organize production. He asked members of his network to recommend a consulting company for him. Most network members recommend Spencer Tucker.
Thirty years later, McKay Envelope Company still adopts the cost system provided by Spencer Tucker. This system has earned a lot of money every year since it was installed. The consulting company has now cooperated with more than 75 envelope manufacturers, and in McKay's view, it has become a leader in this field. With the help of this company, MacKay Envelope Company became a famous envelope company in America.
MacKay's personal network can't provide the technical answers he needs. But I invited the best experts and got the best answer.
Maybe you need someone to help you plan your career, or the industry you want to join, or find an office building or factory building to provide investment advice and improve your professional skills. It would be great if you can get it for free from the internet, but sometimes it may not be possible. At every stage of career planning, it is best to seek the best advice possible. All this requires you to start weaving a good network of contacts.
Third, let others feel important.
"Treat others as you want them to treat you." This is the platinum rule of interpersonal communication. This can directly lead to a law of interpersonal communication: if you want others to think you are important, you should always make others feel that you are important. This is an absolutely important code of conduct. This law will bring us countless friends and eternal happiness. If you violate this law, we will encounter countless troubles and difficulties.
For thousands of years, philosophers have been thinking about the laws of human relations. I thought about it for a long time and only quoted one law. This law is not new, it is as old as history! This is the platinum rule in interpersonal communication: "Treat others as you want them to treat you." This can directly lead to a law of interpersonal communication: if you want others to think you are important, you should always make others feel that you are important. This is an absolutely important code of conduct. If we obey this law, it will bring us countless friends and eternal happiness. If we violate that law, we will encounter countless troubles and difficulties.
Alex, a salesman from Westinghouse, had a hard time selling two engines to Mr. Smith, an engineer from a big factory. Determined to sell him hundreds of engines, he went to see him again a few days later. Unexpectedly, Mr. Smith said, "Allison, your company's engine is too careless." Although I need hundreds, "I won't take you."
Alison was surprised and asked, "Why?"
"Your engine is too hot. It's so hot that I can't put my hands down. "
Alison knew it was useless to argue with him, so she quickly adopted another strategy. He said, "Mr Smith, I think you are right. The engine was so hot that no one bought it any more. Oh, the heat of the engine you want should not exceed the relevant standards? "
"yes."
"The rule of electrical appliance manufacturing is that a properly designed engine can be 72 degrees Fahrenheit higher than the indoor temperature, right?"
"yes."
"Then how hot is your factory?"
"About 75 degrees Fahrenheit."
"So, 72 degrees plus 75 degrees * * * is 147 degrees. It must be very hot to put your hand under the hot water plug door 147 degrees Fahrenheit? "
"yes."
At this moment, Alison suggested, "So, don't you put your hand on the engine?"
"Well, I think you are right." Mr. Smith smiled appreciatively. He immediately called his secretary and signed an order for Alison worth $35,000.
Please note that Allison didn't argue with Mr. Smith about who was right or wrong, but instead raised a question that Mr. Smith agreed with. After getting three "yes" in a row, he led the other party to the substantive issue. Professor Potop said in his book Behaviors Affecting Human Beings: "When a person says' no', all his personal dignity has already taken action, demanding that' no' be persisted in the end. Afterwards, he may feel that this' no' is wrong, but he must take care of his precious self-esteem and stick to it. " Therefore, if you want your opinion to get the consent of the other party, you must firmly remember: start with what both parties agree, and let the other party say "yes" at once; Never start by discussing different opinions. It is especially important for the other party to adopt a positive attitude.
If others' sense of self-worth is threatened in interpersonal communication, it will stimulate their strong motivation of self-worth protection and cause their strong rejection and rejection. At this time, we can't establish good interpersonal relationships with others, and the established interpersonal relationships may be destroyed.
This is a little thing Roosevelt did when he was governor of New York.
When an important position became vacant, Roosevelt invited all political leaders to recommend successors. For the first time, they recommended a person who needed "care". Roosevelt told them that the public would not approve of the appointment of such a person.
The second time, they recommended an old civil servant who only wanted to be foolproof, with little effect. Roosevelt told them that this man could not meet the public's expectations. Roosevelt asked them to find someone who was obviously suitable for the position.
The candidate they recommended for the third time is still not ideal. Roosevelt thanked them and asked them to recommend another one. This time, the candidate they selected was very ideal, which was exactly what Roosevelt thought was the best candidate.
Therefore, Roosevelt first thanked them for their help and attributed the credit to them. In this way, both sides can achieve their goals, and the relationship between the two sides is relatively harmonious, paving the way for future work.
In the process of interacting with others, few people like to act according to the wishes or orders of others. We will not be willing to accept anyone who forces us.
Therefore, if you want to win the cooperation of others, you must ask others' wishes, needs and ideas, so that others will think that you are voluntary. Everyone values themselves and likes to talk about themselves. Therefore, even if you disagree with others, you should not interrupt others' conversation. When others are anxious to have a lot to say, you just have to listen patiently.
Respect each other! Always make the other person feel important! You know, being an important person is everyone's wish. Respecting each other includes respecting their personality, acknowledging their wisdom and talents, and respecting their will and judgment.
Sometimes, even if the other person's opinion or request is unrealistic, you should not point out or refuse his request in person. Everyone sees things from different angles, and everyone's thinking and judgment are different, so it should be common for others to have different views from yours. We don't need to hurt our relationship for some unnecessary things. Especially if the other person is your boss or someone in position. Of course, this is not to ask you to disregard your own principles. Sometimes if you think about it more, you will find a solution that is satisfactory to both sides.
After Michelangelo finished carving the statue, he just secretly grabbed a marble and a handful of stone powder, climbed onto the shelf and posed on the marble statue, which gave us the best inspiration. That is, when encountering similar situations, the best way is to agree with each other's opinions, listen to each other's requirements, and make some improvements according to each other's standards, but actually act according to their own standards or principles. This can not only maintain each other's face, make each other feel important, but also avoid some troubles caused by quarreling. The result is naturally that both sides are satisfied and happy.
Even in our daily life and work, we should respect everyone around us. Some etiquette and polite expressions in daily life are actually respect and attention to others. Words like "thank you", "sorry" and "trouble you" can lubricate the monotonous gears of daily life. For example, a customer ordered shredded potatoes with vinegar in a restaurant, but the waiter brought them shredded potatoes with spicy sauce. At this time, if the customer says, "It's too much trouble, but I prefer sour." Most waiters will answer like this; "No, it's no trouble." And will be happy to serve the dishes ordered by customers. Because this customer showed her respect and attention.
Of course, respecting each other and making them feel important is not necessarily a compliment in person, but there are many ingenious ways. Most of the time, you have to think for yourself.
When Franklin was young, he invested all his savings in a small printing factory. In addition, he tried to get himself elected as a clerk in the Philadelphia state legislature. In this way, he can get a job printing documents for parliament.
However, one of the richest and most capable members of the state legislature disliked Franklin very much and even publicly scolded him. This situation may endanger Franklin's hard-won job, so Franklin decided to find ways to make the other party like him.
How can we win the senator's favor? This is not a small problem. Do him a little favor? That will arouse his suspicion and even contempt, and it will only be counterproductive.
At this time, Franklin thought of a wonderful way, that is, ask the other party to do him a small favor. What kind of help?
I heard that there is a very strange and special book hidden in the congressman's library, so Franklin wrote him a letter expressing his desire to read the book and asked him to lend it to him for a few days.
This requirement subtly expressed Franklin's admiration for each other's knowledge and achievements, satisfied the vanity of the congressman and made him feel fully respected. The senator immediately sent the book to Franklin. About a week later, Franklin returned the book to him with a letter to express his sincere thanks.
Later, when they met in parliament, the congressman actually took the initiative to greet Franklin and was extremely polite. From then on, the congressman was always ready to help others, and the two became good friends, and their friendship lasted for a lifetime.
A century and a half ago, young Franklin knew how to respect each other and the principles of interpersonal communication that made him feel important. He just asked the other side for a small favor, cleverly expressed his admiration for the other side and turned a mean enemy into a lifelong friend.
What is the reason? When a friend is superior to us, he can show superiority and feel important. But when we are in an advantageous position and above them, it will make them feel inferior and lead to jealousy and unhappiness.
A French philosopher once said, "If I want to build an enemy, I just need to crush him and occupy him anywhere. However, to win a friend, you must let him surpass you. " This sentence shows people's hidden and true psychology in interpersonal communication.