Let the evaders take the initiative to find you.
What are they thinking when they avoid their lovers in cold violence? Do they really miss their partners? How can we get them to contact us? These are the hottest questions for couples who are frustrated in love. Eight tips to prevent lovers from contacting us actively. They include.
First, the dynamic observation method. The first method is to pay full attention to avoidance. Whether he sent a circle of friends, or sent a vibrating video, or what news * * * has with his friends, you should analyze it. At the same time, pay attention to those "related to you" developments.
I have always believed that as long as a person has emotions, it is impossible to hide them absolutely; And a person who cares about you and loves you can't be without emotions. Therefore, if the evasive person has not been looking for you, you should try to figure out his mind according to his private "little tricks".
In fact, the avoidance type is the best at this practice, and everything likes to come quietly behind the scenes. So if the avoidant still misses you, I may not tell you, but there will be all kinds of small moves. Why? Because of them, endure-not-live! They may have all kinds of temptations, or all kinds of dynamics, or all kinds of inquiries:
Your avoidance may be that you hung up as soon as I called you, depending on whether you didn't notice it and whether you were so sensitive to call him back; Your avoidance may be to secretly build a group and quit the group to see if you have blacked it out; Your withdrawal may be sent to you in a private letter. Withdrawal is very interesting at this time. If you can reply, he will feel comfortable and will reply with you. If you ignore it, you will feel very hurt if you avoid it, and his coquettish operation will not work.
If you want him back, you must be sensitive enough to these developments. This is the first method. The specific situation has to be analyzed in detail.
Second, take the initiative to provide value.
The second method is to provide the value of avoidance. Avoid looking for you, largely because looking for you is boring. You can bring him nothing but quarrels and waste. Imagine, if you are short of money or even money to eat, you lend him money at this time. Do you think he is willing to find you? Don't tell me, I got a case like this.
Of course, we can't just talk about money. Competition is a sensitive topic. But the big principle will not change: to provide him with the value he wants according to the need of avoidance. If you avoid looking for a job, help him find a job: if you avoid lack of money, you can borrow some money; If you avoid liking beautiful women, you will make yourself more beautiful.
If you avoid depression, you will accompany him to see a psychiatrist; If avoidance is eating goods, cook for him or send him snacks. If avoidance is a man show, you should learn to coax him! In short, the closer the value you provide is to his inner needs, the more willing you are to take care of you if you avoid it.
Many people will say, I don't know what value it provides. If there is, you can refer to what attracted the evasive type when he first started chasing you. This is usually an evasive demand.
Of course, he may have encountered some practical difficulties at present, such as debt crisis and entrepreneurial failure. Then you should try to give him some help in view of his actual difficulties, even if you help him analyze his current debts and help him out of trouble, so that he can feel that you are helping him where he cares most. This is a value regulation. Of course, it would be better if you give generously and help him solve the problem directly.
Third, the method of continuously providing emotional value. That was providing value just now, and this is focusing on providing emotional value continuously. This method comes from one of my cases. I once had a case of being hacked after breaking up. At that time, you could send text messages, and WeChat QQ was hacked.
He came to me for a consultation plan to save it. How do I operate it? I will edit a short message and send it to each other every two days, and then I will send seven messages. If not, I'll let him disconnect again. As a result, when the fourth message was sent, the other party released QQ (they usually communicate more on QQ). Then I chatted with him on QQ, with a little metaphysics, and they got back together three months later.
So, what is the principle of continuously providing emotional value? Is to constantly give each other emotional value. You should pay attention to every corner that can give the other person emotional value, and then try to make the other person feel good and try to make the other person feel your contribution.
If you have the ability, you can leave a good comment to support and encourage him; If hacked, edit some short messages that make him feel comfortable and slowly soften his ears; If the other person has some jobs you can support, help him; For example, on his birthday, give him a basketball with a star signature, and so on ... This article is very similar to providing value.
But it emphasizes providing emotional value. Pay attention to, appreciate and deceive people, and it is continuous, and more importantly, it does not actually provide material value for him to do anything.
Fourth, continuous * * * love method. Continuous * * * love, in fact, is waiting for the escape of EMO and looking back for their own opportunities, seize the opportunity to empathize with him, * * * love him. What is the most common situation of this method? It's time for your family to avoid breaking up with you and have a new love, and you want to save it.
At this time, we should be calm and rational and wait for the opportunity. You have to believe that they are lovers and there will be quarrels! Moreover, because your other person is avoiding, the new relationship will certainly have its ups and downs, and he will certainly have his own EMO. He often thinks of you at this time.
In this way, when he needs you and comes to you, you can seize the opportunity to chat with him and have fun with him. The more times, his attachment will shift from his new love to yours. This is also the reason why avoidant people always miss their predecessors: because they want to talk to someone when their working relationship with their current job is not harmonious and EMO, and their ex, who has been isolated for a long time, has played down past contradictions and left beautiful memories, which is the best person to talk to.
Of course, to do this, there are two conditions: first, there must be bedding. Second, your emotional ability should be strong enough! The foreshadowing is that although you don't have a good relationship with him now, or you broke up.
But you must give him the impression that you are constantly loving him or understanding him, or you want to understand him at the moment, and you have been waiting for him. There is a universal saying called "I will always be there" and "I will always wait for you", which is very applicable. * * * Emotional ability is strong enough. This is a hard skill, and you can find someone to guide you.
Fifth, introduce third-party competition.
It is stated in advance that this method must not be tried indiscriminately, otherwise it may cause irreversible risks. Introducing third-party competition is actually introducing someone who likes you and making the other person jealous. But this method must have a strong scope of application, so how is it suitable for use? We must abide by three principles:
First, you must make sure that the avoidant heart still likes you. If I hate you enough, forget it.
Second, there is a certain emotional foundation between you. What do you mean? For example, the evasive type just chased you, and it didn't take long for you to get the third party out, and he would retreat and stop chasing. However, if you have been in love for two or three years, but the middle is not very smooth, then a competitor will work, but at the same time, because of the emotional foundation, you can also bear the damage here.
Third, the influence of competitors should be silent. In other words, if you are not so obvious and let people know that you are intentional, then the functions inside will be gone. Running away will only disgust you. Once there is a competitor, it means that there may be two situations, the other party cares and the other party doesn't care. If the other person cares, your relationship will become very subtle at this time. If you avoid it, you will have an impulse to come to your "theory" and ask for an explanation, otherwise you will not be able to stand it.
Anyway, these are the motivation for him to come to you to communicate. At this time, you must hurry up, be * * *, and don't be stupid! What if the other person doesn't care? First of all, you have to find out whether he pretends not to care or really doesn't care. If installed, continue to wait; If you really don't care, you can only say that your relationship is already very bad. You can call a professional to give first aid.
Sixth, the third party is involved.
Third-party intervention is to find a third person to help you and persuade you to avoid it. Don't underestimate this trick, because if it is a third party, onlookers will listen, and it may be more useful to avoid listening. I'm tired of what you said, and I'm even more deaf. This situation is especially suitable for explaining some misunderstandings and making the other person feel that you really care.
For example, there is an argument between you, and the escapist is very tired at work, but you still make a scene and say that he doesn't value you. You fought a cold war. At this time, he occasionally chats with your girlfriend, and her girlfriend tells him that, in fact, you often tell her that you think he is very hard (escape) and feel sorry for him, so you silently cook soup for him, all of which are found online to reduce stress and reduce fire, and you dare not spend money indiscriminately, let alone spend his money, and feel sorry for his hard work and difficulties in making money.
If you say this, it won't be so profound. To avoid misunderstanding you, he will know that it is not easy for you to understand him. But because you are lovers and parties, some words can't be expressed, and the misunderstanding between you hangs in the air and you can't see each other.
Third-party intervention is a very special method, and there are also principles of use. The first is that you can't arrange it deliberately, so that the other party will refuse to communicate if it looks like it; The second is careful planning, paying attention to what can be said and what can't be said in this process.
Seven, soft grinding hard foam method.
Is it useful to soften hard foam? Yes But you must insist, and you are doing well. For example, if you send ten short compositions a day, people will be too lazy to pay attention to you at home because they have too much to read; But if you send one every three or four days and keep sending it, someone will reply one day.
Softly grinding hard bubbles is not the same as continuously providing emotional value. Continue to provide emotional value, and the content you send to the other party should be considered in advance, and the other party must be comfortable and love to watch. So the accuracy of your speech is very important! But the content is not so strict, it pays more attention to your frequency and willpower.
Think about it, everyone's heart is made of meat, and no one will be an iron man. If you insist on contacting each other, you will be softened one day, unless you are said to be of low value and people don't like you at all. Soft grinding and hard foam method is more suitable for avoiding less serious quarrels, while the method of continuously providing emotional value is suitable for avoiding serious quarrels.
It's just that most of the time, we are evasive people who are in trouble, so we have to apologize and be both hard and soft, right? What if there is no real contact? At this time, you can find your friend's mobile phone and send him a text message.
Eight, secondary attraction method.
Secondary attraction is often used when avoidance has suppressed your disgust and even moved on. Its core is to enhance your attraction.
It's actually quite simple. When you avoid a more beautiful girl and have a good chat with her, you can't save her at this time, because that feeling is too cool for you to prevent. So at this time, only when you and the new girl are at the same level in value, or even surpass her, will your avoidance reconsider you.
Many times, everyone should remember that your value is not lower, but your value is lower than before. For example, you don't pay attention to your figure, or you are more unattractive and unreasonable than before, and so on. Avoidance is often compared with when you don't like your partner. So at this time, we must hold our horses, improve ourselves and let our value shine.