Text/Zhaxin Research Room - Ideological Fashion Brands on Your Mobile Phone

Total number of words: 2757; Reading time: 9 minutes

Strange stories about BBking The night finally came to an end, and Baby Rujing was still the uncrowned king. But the debate topic in the last issue is really heart-breaking - "I don't fit in with the crowd, should I change it?"

When it comes to the issue of fitting in with the crowd, there is a saying that was once popular on various social software, He has long dominated the signatures, friend circles, and dynamics of various people - "The circles are different, not as strong as the strong integration."

This sentence comes from the 100,00 explosive article some time ago (maybe Uncle Zha has been doing it all his life) goals that cannot be achieved), generally speaking of some circles or social barriers in social circles.

This sentence actually refers to "social circle", which is your social resources and the value you can bring to the other party. Sometimes it is capital wealth, sometimes it is ideas, sometimes it is background, and sometimes it is your means and abilities. But more often than not, it’s a combination of these.

However, many people feel that this is actually talking about one of the most self-doubtful issues in society - being gregarious.

?01?

You play King of Glory, but I want to eat chicken, so you say I am unsociable?

In fact, the reason why I was accused of being unsociable is really very simple.

A group of people got together to play games. Everyone clicked on Honor of Kings at the same time, but you chose to play chicken. It just so happened that there were five of you. At this time, someone might suddenly say: "Hey, stop playing chicken, why don't you always play black with us?" At this time, you who play chicken will be much more in the eyes of the other party. Shao has become a bit unsociable.

Wait a minute, I just want to eat a chicken, you play with yours, I play with mine, is this unsociable? So, what exactly does it mean to be gregarious?

Being gregarious is a human instinct, which represents a tendency to be with others and even groups.

When we are babies, we will cling to our mothers. This earliest attachment state is actually the instinctive gregarious response of humans.

As humans, in addition to our natural attributes, that is, we have to eat, drink, have sex, and have sex, we also have our own social attributes, and human social attributes are the most complete among all known species on the earth (unknown I don’t know, I dare not think about it outside the earth).

The social attributes of human beings themselves have actually required people to live in groups to a certain extent. For example, from division of labor to social role playing, all these links cannot be completed by one person.

Of course, there are also some people who have unsociable personality, which is what we call "non-social personality" in psychology.

Asocial personality. It is characterized by dislike of interpersonal communication, trying to avoid all kinds of social activities, being relatively withdrawn, unwilling to communicate emotionally with others, and unwilling to accept help and guidance from others.

Under normal circumstances, this kind of personality attribute is a bit self-righteous or overly self-aware, but in extreme cases, these people are either geniuses or madmen.

In daily social interaction, we will meet some people who seem not to like interpersonal communication, or who are relatively withdrawn, but in real social activities, we will consciously and deliberately avoid them. Drive these people. Of course it’s not that these people are bad, but we prefer to be with people who are easy to get along with.

Therefore, strictly speaking, being unsociable is a concept that does not exist at all in daily social interactions. Because being gregarious is an instinct for all of us, true unsociability rarely exists.

What we call unsociable means that when an individual acts according to his or her own consciousness and has an impact on the group goals, making the group goals unable to be effectively achieved, the individual will be considered a marginal role in the group.

In other words, if the little sisters hold hands to go to the toilet and you don't go, the little sisters will think that you are pretending to be aloof and unsociable.

This kind of lack of gregariousness is very common, so of course the next question arises, who decides whether I am gregarious or not?

?02?

If I say I don’t fit in with the crowd, does that mean I don’t fit in with your crowd, or does it mean I don’t fit in with everyone else?

In your life, the drama that you are not in tune with others will actually happen every day.

Everyone had lunch, and you chose your favorite spicy hotpot, while everyone else went to eat braised chicken;

Everyone played games, and you chose your favorite food and went home to catch up. Internet dramas, while others go to Internet cafes to cheat;

Once you make a choice that does not meet the requirements of the group, you will be marginalized by the group consciously or unconsciously.

In fact, people are not particularly unsociable in the first place.

From a sociological perspective, individuals must rely on groups for production and life.

There is a famous saying that has hit the circle of friends - "Beasts are destined to walk alone, only cattle and sheep can travel in groups." The profound meaning of this sentence is to illustrate the difference between the weak and the strong, but in In the elite class, no one can say that he can exist independently. There is only the difference between the leader and the flock.

Then why do some people always say that they are not gregarious?

Sometimes, we even wonder: Am I out of tune? It seems like everyone doesn’t like me?

However, the first person who said you were unsociable was actually not you. The label of being unsociable is not something we put on ourselves.

I just didn’t choose to eat braised chicken with you, so I became unsociable in your eyes. I didn’t go to play black games with you, so you thought I was cold and cold. Want to play with you. If that's the case, then I can't eat Malatang? Or can’t I just watch a drama at home?

And to be honest, if I don’t fit in with your group, does that mean I don’t fit in with you? Then in order to cater to you and change one of my own thoughts, why do I have to live so tiredly?

What are these operations?

Therefore, the real unsociability does not mean that we do not take the initiative to be gregarious, but that for some reasons, I have become unsociable.

As students or young people, the problem of "circles" mentioned at the beginning does not exist in social networking. There are no barriers to social interaction. Who we hang out with depends entirely on our personal preferences. However, due to different preferences, we will always have conflicts in our social behaviors.

Being unsociable is not your own problem, but that we may not be suitable for this group. Whether it is due to disagreement with values ??or our preferences, I found that in this group I I can only dive, and I can accept what everyone else is doing, but I don’t like it, so why should I waste my time trying to get along with others? I can definitely start a group myself, or find a group that is more suitable for me.

Just like you follow Uncle Zha’s official account, you may follow it for various reasons, but if you don’t unsubscribe, it means that to some extent, our views are the same, then I start a group chat and everyone joins in. Isn’t this just being a group?

Therefore, being gregarious or not is more often due to differences in standpoints and opinions. There will always be some people in the world who have the same position as me and have similar values. Therefore, not being gregarious is not my own problem. It's not something I can control, but it's just that I don't fit in with this group.

Being unsociable is normal, not that I am a weirdo with a withdrawn personality.

?03?

I am just a gregarious person, but why do you ask me to change to be gregarious?

I may be an unsociable person in your eyes, but why should I change?

I remember when I first entered college, I was a little different from my roommates. I seemed to have been busy with clubs, studies, and my career growth. I always go in and out alone. One time my teacher noticed me after class and asked, "Why don't you go back to the dormitory with your roommate?"

I said at that time: "They left first."

But I was actually a little confused. Yes, why didn't I go back to the dormitory with them?

And sometimes I find that when they go out to eat and drink, I am usually not there. Even sometimes, I found that when they were smiling happily, everyone was very calm as soon as I appeared, and I was never in the real group chat in our dormitory.

In fact, this group of people is very cute, but under the circumstances, I doubted myself a little. I know that I am not very gregarious at this stage, but in the process of getting along, I found that in fact I've always been a bit out of touch with my cute group of roommates.

Maybe I pay special attention to training my skills, or learning English, and participating in competitions, but in the eyes of everyone, I feel ordinary.

I asked a senior with whom I have a good relationship. The senior told me something at the time: "If you can't make everyone like you now, or if you are so awesome that you are completely different from others, you have to join the group."

I still can’t judge whether this sentence is right or wrong, but I know one thing. There are some things that I cannot or even cannot change. All I can do is adapt and adapt. coordination.

Because in order to join the group, I may have to give up some values ??or behaviors that I think are right. In this case, even if I join the group, will I definitely be happy?

I have been told more than once that "being gregarious is a social skill." But in my opinion, social skills are not gregariousness.

The true ability to be gregarious is actually that we can adapt to the environment around us, that is, the groups we have to join, so as to help yourself or the group you belong to accomplish a certain goal, rather than In order to blend in with everyone, I must change some of the things I already have.

If so, aren’t you tired of living?

I can get along well with everyone or all groups, but this does not mean that I have to be with groups or people that I don’t like. Getting along well is for better cooperation, and not being gregarious is to maintain the personality of "I am who I am".

If you ask me to change or force myself to be gregarious because I am not gregarious, then I can only say one thing:

Fuck You!