Because I have a strong personality, my parents are afraid to talk about me, because I always quarrel, but I still have regrets. Although they didn't force me later, they left with regret. I have never seen my daughter get married in my lifetime, and I can't have grandchildren myself. My brother was stolen when he was a child and his whereabouts are still unknown.
Since they left, I have been confused, empty and deeply thinking. Is it right or wrong for me to persist for so many years? Why don't I try to find a good man and have a baby to bring joy and vitality to this family? At least, I have family. I have a family of seventy or eighty years old.
As a result, I have no family, no family, no family, no family, no family. Do you understand this deep loneliness? When I was young, I was very independent. I dare to come to Shenzhen with my fellow villagers, not at home. Loneliness is only temporary loneliness. When you get used to it in this city, you get used to it, because at that time, there were parents in your hometown and you still expected to go home every year. Strangely, up to now, this loneliness of just coming to Shenzhen has come one after another. I didn't leave because there was no family to help me disperse it, so I couldn't go home.
It turns out that the reason why I didn't get married for so many years was not that I was independent and strong, but that my family and my parents were here, and they gave me confidence not to get married.
Some people say that you can be free without children and travel wherever you want. But how many of them really like traveling? Willing to travel all the time? Those who think that traveling is so good all day long are just tired from work and stressed. Traveling is just relaxing. I have been to many places, even tired of traveling, and I really want to go home, but now I have no home. I'm afraid to travel now, and I feel like I'm wandering.
Avoid losing your freedom when you are young, and you will pay the price when you are middle-aged and old. You are either free or lonely. There are not so many in the world.
Taking travel photos in space will be envied by relatives and friends, saying that I wish I were as free as I am now. They are going to take care of their children, or some are going to take care of their grandchildren soon, but they also say that they don't want to really change my old life. They still think that family is the most important thing.
A home without a family is not a home, but a residence, even if the house is yours. Some people are lucky. They may be 50 or 60 years old, but by that time, their parents will be 80 or 90, and they will not be far away. I will face this day sooner or later.
When I am in a bad mood and lonely, I will ask my friends to go out to play. Because I am in a city, it is not convenient to get together. They all have to work. Either they are busy with their work, or I am not available or they are not available. They take care of their children, accompany their husbands, or ask other friends out. The time often does not match. I always feel that there are fewer and fewer friends now.
I'm not worried about providing for the aged. After all, I have savings, and I will also have social security and pension in the future. I am also worried about providing for the aged and inflation. I am afraid that my social security pension will be used up in the future, and my money will not be wasted. It's wonderful to say that one can spend what one wants. At my age, I have no children or daughters, and I dare not spend money indiscriminately. Anyone who dares to spend money indiscriminately is either really rich in mines at home or stupid. Anyway, at my age, I dare not spend money on this income. Dare not invest indiscriminately, for fear of losing everything. I lost more than 200,000 in P2P before. Inflation is inflation. Being in the bank is more reliable than any investment.
Before 2008, I saved more than 400,000 yuan in my own pension. At that time, I naively thought that this was enough. At that time, it was equivalent to more than 654.38+0 million now, but the inflation was too severe. Now 400 thousand is only enough for me to spend six years. I don't know whether the money saved now will be spent in 10 years or 20 years.
I was sick before, so I have to worry about money. I have insurance and savings. My mother took care of me when she was still here. Now that she is gone, I can only take care of myself. I had an operation on a uterine tumor, and I didn't know who to look for. Finally, I had no choice but to call my cousin to help take care of me, but she was obviously not very happy. After all, I didn't raise her. She also has her own life and family. Of course, there are nurses, but some of them.
When I get old, there will be much more diseases. I can still sign my name in this minor operation, but I don't know what to do if I can't sign my name in the future. I am also afraid that I will suddenly have Alzheimer's disease, and I will be at the mercy of others. I really hope they don't torture me. Just give me a good time and I can make a contribution.
I found that I actually like children, the grandchildren of friends and the children of relatives. I asked them to take it out, so I took it out. That maternal instinct just broke out at this time. Maybe I'm the kind of grandmother who doesn't love her son and daughter but loves her grandson. Although my friend didn't say anything, I feel that she can see my loneliness and may pity me in private. At this time, it is ridiculous not to get married because I didn't like children when I was young.
I used to feel very independent and didn't want to do that kind of pension. Now I think those who say that raising children is really just for someone to support the elderly? Not necessarily, maybe some just want to leave a home for themselves in their lifetime. With family, there is motivation and hope.
After seeing a nursing home, I haven't lived to 80 years old, and I can't afford the expensive nursing home before taking into account inflation, rising costs and other factors. Ordinary nursing homes are not that good. Most nursing homes are lifeless. They seem to have only one purpose left, and that is to wait for death. I'm afraid to see them. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life there.
It's quiet at home now. It's terribly quiet. Only dogs bark, no one talks, no midnight snack when I go back, no sugar water to eat, and I used to talk when my parents were around. It's terribly quiet now. I can only work overtime tomorrow, and I will sleep when I come back. Hearing the laughter of the children in the neighborhood, I feel a little lonely again. Having a dog at home is my only hope, but I really want to give it up now, not because I am cruel, because in two years, she will be ten years old and will leave, which is another heavy blow. I don't want a dog anymore.
I haven't eaten home-cooked food for a long time. I've always wanted to work overtime to earn more money, order a takeaway and go out for dinner with my colleagues. My parents are going to cook, and I will never go back to eat when I go back. I don't want to cook now What's the difference between a meal without temperature and a takeaway? Always know how to cherish when you lose it.
Chinese New Year is the most terrible. My relatives asked me to spend the New Year together. I didn't want to go for the first time. I just stay in contrast and have to travel to escape, or wander around for the New Year.
Between the ages of 30 and 40, happiness overwhelms pain. Because I have a high income and am young, it is beautiful to play. My peers who are married and have children envy me.
But I am in my forties, my parents are old, and I am old. I can't compete with young people myself, and I dare not tell them that pain begins to outweigh happiness. More and more lonely, more and more painful, but I still can't tell my friends, afraid of their jokes, afraid of their pity, I can only pretend that I am handsome, I am free, no one can tell me, I can only find a friend with few friends.
Before my parents died, I was an independent strong woman and didn't depend on them. I always thought they couldn't live without me, but now I know that I can't live without them and my children.
I lived in the sunshine before they died, and I knew what kind of children I wanted to marry. I don't know the reason why I don't get married is because they are still around, but I almost forgot that they will leave one day, and I will face loneliness after they leave.
After the death of parents, it is endless pain, because you have no family, only relatives, but relatives are relatives after all. I always thought that I would face this situation after I was 60 years old, but I didn't expect it to come early. I go home every day. When I was a child, I was never afraid to go to Shenzhen and live alone, because at that time I knew that my hometown still had my parents.
Now I finally understand why my peers are not afraid to choose my path, because they have long foreseen my present pain, and would rather sacrifice more freedom and more pain when they are young than have no family and be unable to control the world when they are old. Still a habit.
Whichever way you choose, you will regret it. You will regret it when you get married and have children, and you will always pay the price for your choice when you are unmarried and infertile. Most of Zhihu are young people, with double income and no children, and they are not as big as I am now. I don't want to mislead young people, making you feel that the unmarried and infertile dink is all kinds of freedom, all kinds of beauty and all kinds of chic. I will only lie to my friends, not to you. There is beauty, but also regret and pain, but I also believe that you will not be stupid enough to think that there is only happiness.
People in the same situation as me are a little worse than those without money and a little better than those with money.
When I am old, especially the only child, my parents will be old, just like me. You may be lucky. My parents won't try my pain until they are 80 or 90, and you are over 60. But I think the blow I will face will be even greater.
I always thought I was strong, but now I wish my brother were here. At least I have a family, but it's useless and I don't want to find it. It's no use my heartless brother coming.
Some things can't go back, I don't have the motivation to struggle, for myself, for myself, for living? Pursuing freedom? The price of freedom is endless pain, ending the family early and becoming a loner. If a normal family, this day may never come. There are either children or an old couple.
Now I have been thinking about getting my brother back, but I feel nothing. I don't think it's any use getting it back. Without parents, can our feelings be cultivated again? Let's just pretend he doesn't exist. It's not like always having a brother.
Envy is envy, but I want to go out inside the besieged city and you want to come in outside. Everyone thinks it's nice outside.
It's okay to have a job now, just like an overtime freak. I will go home as late as possible. There was still sugar water to drink when I went home the year before last. Now I don't have it. After retirement, I may adopt a relative's child. They will bring it down for me during the summer vacation and invite them to come to Shenzhen to make up lessons.
It is unrealistic to adopt a child now. First of all, I have no time to look after him and take care of her. Seriously, I must earn more money while I can still work. Money is very important to me now, and it is work that eases my mood.
Now I don't know why I began to like children, and I don't know if I would like them if I really had children. Just like now, I may feel that kind of vigorous vitality. I didn't think my children were cute until I was old. Now I often invite my cousin's grandson to play and buy him a lot of things, hoping to help bring up a grandson or granddaughter after retirement. Maybe it will be less lonely. I don't want anything, and I won't let her support the elderly. I just hope they can remember my kindness and come to see me more often in the future.
I just kept looking at Zhihu and didn't answer. I'm a little surprised. Why am I suddenly angry? Zhihu, who was originally silent these days, has become so restless. Thank you for your advice. In fact, I also read some answers from many girls who don't want to get married. I had a quarrel with my parents when I was urging marriage. Because of the influence of some things around me, I suddenly felt deeply and wrote this answer. To tell you the truth, I'm not that pessimistic. After all, I still have a job, but I am just a kind of loneliness that goes deep into the bone marrow. I have worked hard in Shenzhen for more than 30 years, and I am back. Everything is like returning to the confusion and helplessness when I first arrived in Shenzhen decades ago. I have no shortage of friends, but I don't have a home.
I mainly want to say that either you have a partner or you have children, and you don't want anything. You are confident now, but your family is here. You should also spend time with your family. Friends at work are more important, but family is more important. Now I feel that I still spend too little time with them. There was no condition to take care of them before. Now I have the conditions to take care of them, but they left without enjoying long-term happiness.
Those who urge marriage, please understand their parents well, don't argue with them like I did before, have a cold war, sit down and talk it over, don't break their hearts, they are also doing you good. They can't talk big, or you don't listen to them, just like the ignorance of youth. Don't be rebellious like adolescence and hurt your parents' hearts. Only when you grow up will you regret your teenage impulse.
From Zhihu, the author is anonymous. Listen to a story!