Drinking with the leader and others, I raised my glass and shouted loudly: "Let us die together!" My brain was too hot at the time...

There was an old lady in the mental hospital. .

Wearing black clothes and holding a black umbrella every day.

Squatting at the door of the mental hospital.

The doctor thought: He must cure her. We need to start by getting to know her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, held a black umbrella, and squatted there with her.

The two of them were silent. I squatted for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-------

You- --Is it also a mushroom------?

When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked the translator Who is this man?

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless

A man riding a motorcycle liked to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buttoning them at the back to block the wind. One day he was driving drunk, overturned, and fell on the side of the road.

When the police arrived...

Police Officer A: What a serious car accident.

Police Officer B: Yes, my head was hit in the back.

Police Officer A: Well, he’s still breathing. Let’s help him turn his head back.

Police Officer B: Okay... One or two times, I tried hard and turned back.

Police Officer A: Well, I’m not breathing...

A mentally ill man caught a passerby on the street, pointed a gun at his head and asked: "What is one plus one?" The passerby thought carefully for a long time and said, "Two!" The patient quickly fired the gun and blew on the gun smoke: "You know too much,"

One In the afternoon, I felt very sleepy. So I went to the water room to wash my face. As soon as I entered the water room, I saw my friend Monkey fighting fiercely with a basin of clothes. Seeing that he was washing so seriously, I said hello and started washing my face under the faucet on his left.

After I finished, I looked up, Damn it! At some point this guy came to my left and started washing another basin of clothes. At that time, I was so impressed that I even had to wash two basins of clothes!

I looked at him in surprise. Just when I was about to speak, he suddenly turned his head and said with a sad face: "I washed the wrong clothes just now!"

Xiaojuan accidentally let go of the self-study class. Shit. The classmates all turned their heads. At this time, A Tian, ??who had a crush on her, said hurriedly: I'm sorry, it was me who let her go. After a while, Xiaojuan couldn't help but let it go again. Xiao Du, who also had a crush on her, hurriedly defended her and said: Since everyone is so happy, I will let it go and join in the fun. However, Xiaojuan released another one after a while. At this time, someone asked: Who released this? At the same time, A Peng, who also had a crush on her and liked her better, stood up and said: I released it. Then he pointed at Xiaojuan and said: All the farts she lets out in the future belong to me!

Geography has taught me that Fushun, Liaoning Province, is the place that produces the most coal, and Anshan, Liaoning Province, produces the most iron. Therefore, Fushun is called China's "Coal City" and Anshan is called the "Iron City." In a certain exam, the test paper said: All coal in China is (black), and all iron in China is (hard). After the exam, he said: Why did the teacher give such a simple question?

2. An additional question in a Chinese language test asked what kind of literary work Prometheus is a character. A student answered: Harry Potter. Another time, when I asked Zuo Zhongyigong his name, a classmate wrote: Zuo Lengchan.

3. A political topic: my country’s research ship _____ went to the Arctic for inspection. My answer: Titanic.

4. Chinese language test. Explain the word "pass away". I answered: "Go to death" (I originally wanted to write "die") and the teacher was furious...

5. In elementary school, a classmate recited a poem, and it was so difficult to recite the first three sentences. The last sentence: "A line of egrets ascending to the west." The whole class was stunned!

6. In the first-grade Chinese language proficiency test, fill in the following sentence: "Why should *** cut off the candle from the west window?" I answered: "The couple sit together until dawn." The correct answer: "But it's raining at night in Bashan."

7. In a Chinese language test, the poem that fills in the blank is a sentence from Bai Juyi's "Inscribed on the Peach Blossoms of Dalin Temple" "_____, I don't know where to turn into this". The correct answer should be "I often hate that I can't find a place to return in spring." , one of my classmates in the front row blankly wrote "I often hate the village girl who has no place to look for".

8. There was a picture-filling question in the biology exam, which asked what organism a cell diagram is from. The correct answer was "female fruit fly". One person in my class answered: "female fruit fly". The biology team teacher held a meeting to study for a long time and decided to give 0 points.

9. When I was in high school, I also wrote the next sentence of poetry. The previous sentence is: "Friends and relatives in Luoyang are like asking each other"; one of my classmates filled in: "Just say I am in Yueyang Tower."

10. In a Chinese language test in high school, I also filled in the following sentence: "A fly can shake a big tree, _____". One of my classmates filled in: Not moving at all. Very factual.

11. In high school, during the biology exam, I was asked: What type of digestion does a chicken have? I can’t, answer: Chicken type! As a result, the teacher named and criticized the whole class!

12. The previous sentence was: "Egrets are flying in front of Xisai Mountain." The classmate couldn't hold it in for a long time, so he wrote blindly: "Black turtles are crawling by the river in East Village"!

13. For the high school Chinese language test, write the next sentence of an ancient poem. The previous sentence is: "When the mountain flowers are in full bloom," one person in our class actually filled in: I then worked hard to pick the flowers.

14. In the Chinese language test in junior high school, the question asked about the name of Mr. Lao She’s famous work. One classmate couldn't remember it, so I told him: teahouse. The person heard it as: teapot lid. Being scolded by the teacher!

15. When my classmates read the text, there was a sentence: Take out the banana fan and fan it. The original pause was to take out the banana fan and fan it. The student read it directly as: Take out the bananas and fan them!

16. When I was in junior high school, I once read the word "Dou" in Dou E's injustice in class as "selling" Dou'e's injustice. The whole class burst into laughter and I still don’t know why!

17. There was another math test. The last big question was to determine which of the two solutions was correct. I thought about it for a long time and didn't come up with it, so I mentioned a few words by the way: It's fair to say it's fair! My mother-in-law is right! Look at it and ignore it! It all makes sense when you think about it... As a result, after the math teacher read my solution to the four classes she taught in the entire grade, I became famous!

18. In the high school Chinese class, ******'s "Yong Mei" is being taught, and I am required to recite it in my early self-study. The teacher asked someone to answer: "——She was laughing in the bush, XX answered!" XX was eating and couldn't speak for a long time. He choked out "I can't even laugh!" The whole class burst into laughter!

20. For the exam, write the following sentence: "I am born to be useful." A genius student replied: "The son of a mouse can dig holes." All the Chinese teachers in our office laughed wildly without any image!

21. English test: HOW ARE YOU? Translated like this? Answer-Why is it you? HOW OLD ARE YOU? How to translate? Answer - Why is it always you?

22. Question: If a Chinese student witnesses a traffic accident in California, and the police officer comes and asks you if you know what happened, what should you tell him? One person answered: one car come one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.

23. When Mr. A was doing the Chinese test paper, he was stumped by a fill-in-the-blank question: "Who is the author of "The Dawns Here Are Quiet"?" After thinking hard for a long time, Mr. A decided to write "Holyfield" in the empty column.

The invigilator on the side smiled and asked: "Why not write Tyson?"

Jun A said: "His name is too short, it doesn't look like it!"

24. Mr. B wanted to describe a person's appearance in his composition, but he didn't know a word, so he quietly asked his deskmate: "How do you write the word 'vice' for a pair of glasses?"

Same The table told him: "It's the 'pair' of a pair of checkers."

After the teacher reviewed Mr. B's composition, he saw that it read: "There is a pair of checkers on his high bridge of nose.

”

When I was taking FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher started to count how many people we had in class,

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 , Hook... (Suddenly stopped)

When our high school office director once again angrily scolded us for not paying attention in class, he said: "If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for turning against me!" "

The English teacher taught grammar and asked everyone before get out of class: "I have finished speaking, does anyone still understand?" "We replied in unison: "No more!" ”

I bought WSJ for LP, but after looking at the store for a long time I didn’t know what to buy, so I just took a pack and asked the store owner: “Boss, is this useful?” "The boss (male) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I've never used this before! ”

There was a time when there was a rat problem at home, so my mother bought rat poison to maintain the peace of the family, but not a single mouse was killed by the medicine. One day, very early in the morning, my mother got up and looked at the corner of the door. There was rat poison in it, and he said to himself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~~~" The whole family fainted...

In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girl behind him took an extra sheet and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it." But the girl sitting next to him The boy said, "It's mine, it's mine." The whole class was shocked~~~

Little Mosquito came home crying, and her mother asked what happened. Little Mosquito: Dad is dead! Mother Mosquito: He didn't bring it with him! Did you go to the show? Little Mosquito: Yes, but when the audience applauded, my father did not hide.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Joanina who fell in love with a man named Shad. They watched together. Star. When the meteor streaked across the sky, they named it: Jonina Shad Star

Judge: Why did you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently: Because I can’t print real money?

I went to school to get my diploma today. I was so excited that I grabbed a friend who was passing by and asked, "Hey, what is the name of this school?" "

The guy gave me a hard look and said, "How do I know? I'm only a freshman!" ”

A certain brother likes to eat fish. The sea bass at Wal-Mart is 9 yuan per pound, and if it is dead, it is 7 yuan for two pieces, which are just as fresh. When a certain brother gets off work, he rushes to buy it, and he still often buys it. When someone bought it, a certain brother would stand in front of the fish tank and wait. Sometimes, no fish would die. So a certain brother would go in with a net and hit the fish's head with his handle. The waiter couldn't stand it any longer, so he came over and told the brother. : "Sir, passing out does not count..." .

A man and a woman were having an affair. The husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away without putting on his clothes. Passers-by watched as he walked on the street. Pretending to be calm and looking at the sky: Ah, this is the earth. A passerby said: Cao, pretending to be an alien.

At night, one person fell asleep in the four-person dormitory, and three people were discussing chasing a girl for the first time. How to confess, the discussion was lively, and the one who was sleeping woke up: Don’t say anything, let’s go to sleep...

School just started, and a new English teacher came, and he asked that in the future When we answered the questions, we had to answer them in English. Then he started to call the roll: NO.1. He shouted. No. 1 of our class stood up and shouted: Here! The teacher said: Please in English! (Please answer in English) I The classmate scratched his head, held it in for a long time and answered: Dao~~~ (pronounce the second sound).

A:I'm sorry! B:I'm sorry, too. A:I 'm sorry three. B:What are you sorry for? A:I'm sorry five. .

——When I took the bus yesterday, the bus driver kept staring at me, as if I didn't buy it. Like a ticket. ——What do you do? ——It’s very simple. I kept staring at him, as if I bought a ticket.