60 carefully selected jokes are sent to you! Hope you will adopt it~

1. Gift to Wang Lun (revised version)

Li Baicheng went to poop when he suddenly remembered that he didn’t bring any paper.

The water of Peach Blossom Pond is three thousand feet,

It is not as good as the paper Wang Lun gave me.

2. I will follow my dad, so what?

A girl friend had very small breasts, and we kept chasing her every day. One day, she finally couldn't bear it anymore, so she shouted to us: "I have small breasts, so I can do whatever I want with my dad!"

3. Causes of constipation

A construction worker went to the doctor for severe constipation. After the examination, the doctor said: "This is easy, just lie down on the bed!" Then the doctor took out a wooden stick and gave the construction worker a hard blow on the butt with all his strength. Grab the builder again and throw him into the toilet! The construction worker wailed for a long time, then gradually became quieter and laughed happily. The satisfied builder walked out of the toilet and thanked the doctor. The doctor wrote a prescription and asked the construction worker to collect the medicine. As a result, he received a large package of toilet paper. The female pharmacist told him kindly: "The doctor wants me to tell you to use toilet paper after going to the toilet and stop using cement bags, okay?

4. Question: Look

Teacher’s comment: Don’t be too arrogant

5. Title: Thriving

Children write: Xinxinxiang Rongrong confesses.

Teacher’s comment: Don’t watch too many TV series!

6. Topic: Delicious

Children write: It’s so delicious. < /p>

Teacher:.........

7. Topic: Innocence

Children write: It’s really hot today.

Teacher’s comment: You are so naive

8. Question: First...and then... Example: Eat first, then take a bath.

Children: Sir, Goodbye!

Teacher’s comment:........................

9. Topic: Sure enough

The child said : Yesterday I ate fruit and then drank cold water

Teacher’s comment: They are phrases and cannot be separated

10. Question: Besides

Children: A train passed by. Moreover, besides, besides, besides, besides

Teacher’s comment: I’ll just die

11.A: SB!

B: Are you introducing yourself?

p>

12. Female: Do you like my angelic face or my devilish figure?

Male: I just like your sense of humor

13.A. Two girls, A, are slimmer than B, but shorter than B.

A whispered to C: B is so fat.

B said faintly: Being fat is temporary. Being short is a lifelong thing.

14.A: I wish your future wife will not be a virgin!

B: I wish your wife will always be a virgin~

15.A: You really can’t spit out ivory from your dog’s mouth!

B: Spit one out for me~~

16.A: Look at it Ah!

B: I’m looking at you.

17. A: Are you saying this to me like a jingle bell? p>

B: You're a blessing in disguise, you're making a fool of yourself, and you're making the hero burst into tears. Damn it!

18. Female: Are you a man?

p>

Male, put your legs aside: come and try and you will know~

19.A: You can’t offend me even if you provoke a dragon or a tiger!

B: I can’t stand you even if you pee!

20.A: You bastard!

B: Which one are you calling bastard?

A: I’m a bastard! I scold you!

B: Oh, you scold me~~

21.A: Don’t stare at me like a fly~~

B: Who is staring at you, you think you are shit!

22.A: Does my avatar look like a cow?

B: Like.

23. Teacher: I have never seen a student like you!

Student: I have seen many teachers like you!

24.A: There are so many pimples on your face that the tractor will overturn if you drive on it!

B: If the pimples on my face are as few as the hair on your head, So satisfied!

25.A: I saw you doing business on XX Road yesterday, but unfortunately no one came to see you?

B: Yes, yes, so every time I go and take a look, I come back. It’s not like your business is so good that you stay up all night.

26. Male: I can’t win the argument. You, you women have two mouths.

Female: Our two mouths are no match for yours. You open your mouth with a "microphone"!

27.A: Your mind is full of shit!

B: Yes. It's all you.

28. A just came out of the toilet at noon, and B came towards me

B: Have you eaten?

A: It has just been made and is waiting for you.

29.A: You eat S!

B: Be good, I don’t want to eat you.

30. Girl: When I marry you, I am like a flower stuck in cow dung!

Male: If you were a flower, no cow would dare to poop in the future!

31. If she (he) says to you: "Forget me."

You tell the other person: "I never remember."

32.Have you eaten? Please receive text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Ya La Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

33. I said: "You are a pig." You said: "I am a pig!" From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you couldn't help but yelled at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!"

34. Could it be that you are the one who was unparalleled in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts at Mount Huashan? The little novice monk adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple whose pear blossoms overwhelm the begonias, the imbecile pet dog Wangcai, the cockroach that was crushed by Xiaoqiang, and a ball of dung that Xiaoqiang once rolled?

35. Fish said: I never close my eyes because I want you to be able to see you in my eyes at any time! Water says: I keep flowing so that you can feel me hugging you at any time! The pot said: It’s almost ripe and it’s still damn poor!

36. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the poop of the gibbon. The gibbon gently and carefully cleaned it and they fell in love. People ask how they got together? The chimpanzee said with emotion: Ape dung! It’s all ape dung!

37. I will build your happiness; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will make concessions to your willfulness; I am the one who loves and protects you. Let me be a professional pig farmer.

38. An old lady loved to play mahjong during her lifetime. After her death, her children suggested that she send mahjong to be buried with her, but one woman was worried: What if she calls us if there are not enough people?

39. An elephant asked the camel: ‘Why does your breast grow on your back? ’ The camel said: ‘Stay away, I won’t talk to the thing with a cock on my face!

40. I saw a penny on the side of the road. I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who vomited it so roundly?

41. I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was taken away by the waves; so I wrote your name in every corner of the street Write your name... Holy shit, I got taken away by the police!

42. It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal; it’s just a dream, but it’s so real; you lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down, and finally I can’t help but say to you: You Don’t even say it before you fart!

43. After Tang Monk drove away Wukong, he encountered a monster again. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: Sorry, the user you are calling is not in the service area, please wait. Try again.

44. A student was learning violin. One day he opened the piano case and found a submachine gun inside. He was shocked: It was broken. My dad took my violin to the bank!

45. A man saved his lover’s number in his phone and wrote his name as 10086.

Every time I receive a text message, my wife has to read it. Every time I read it, she says: 10086 is too disgusting. Send all these insults...

46. I just registered a user name online." "Dad", it sent me an email, and I was dumbfounded: "Hello, Dad, your username has been successfully registered!"

47. A very fat woman got on the bus. , couldn't find a seat, so I had to pull the pull tab on the car. Unexpectedly, the driver braked suddenly, and the fat woman broke the pull tab and rushed in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull tab in her hand and said angrily: "If you collect three, I will give it to the driver to sign." Take a photo!”

48. A woman said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry that young goblin, I will marry the goblin’s father. From now on, your son will call you brother-in-law. Gotta call me mom! My husband fainted on the spot and behaved himself from then on.

49. Three little rabbits pooped. The first one is long. The second one is round. The third one is actually triangular. Asked the third little rabbit, it answered: pinched with hands.

50. A man had a cold and went to the hospital to get a drip needle. The nurse quickly inserted the needle and hung up the saline solution for the gentleman. More than an hour later, the saline bottle was filled with water, and the nurse came over. Immediately replaced with another bottle. The gentleman was puzzled and asked the nurse: "Miss, didn't the prescription only prescribe one bottle?" The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap that had been filled with saline and said, "Sir, you are so lucky. This bottle has won the prize. Come on." One bottle~!

51. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. There was a bastard who passed by and thought I was electrocuted. , he picked up the wooden sticks and gave me two sticks!

52. In the biology class, the teacher asked: How can I correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? The student answered: Let it smell the fart, and it will cover it. The one holding the nose is the hand, and the rest is the foot.

53. Someone was riding a bicycle and heard a passerby yelling: go, go, go... I thought, damn me. He can also sing: Olai, Olai... Before he finished speaking, he fell into the ditch. A passerby cursed: Damn it! I told you Gougougou, you still ride? You deserve to die!

54. The nature class teacher asked: “Why is the body cold after death? "No one answered. The teacher asked again: "No one knows? At this time, someone from the back of the classroom said: "That's because the mind is naturally cool when you are calm." "

55. A Chinese teacher read an ancient poem by Lu You titled "Wo Chun" to the students and asked the students to dictate it. The Chinese teacher read it as follows, and one student dictated it as follows,

"Wo Chun" ("I'm Stupid")

The dark plum blossoms and the faint smell of flowers (I have no culture), the lying branches with sadness (my IQ is very low), the distant smells lying like water ( Ask me who I am), Yi Tuoda is spring green (a big stupid donkey), the bank is like green (I am a donkey), the bank is like green (I am a donkey), the bank is like dark green (I am a stupid donkey) !

56. Li Wei takes the bus...?

Pregnant woman: Can't you see that I'm pregnant? (The pregnant woman wants Li Wei to give up her seat...)?

57. One day... Wei Chen went to the boys' dormitory to visit the fast boys... got up to leave...?

Chen Xiang: Senior brother... let's go after dinner...?

Wei Chen: No... I still have something to do...?

Chen Xiang : What's so urgent... You don't even want to eat...?

Wei Chen: Eat

58. Li Wei: One night a group of fireflies were flying in the sky... Suddenly there was one It doesn’t shine. Why do you think it doesn’t shine?

Chen Xiang: Because it’s dead..?

Li Wei: Wrong!

Chen Xiang: Why is that...?

Li Wei: Because that firefly didn’t pay the electricity bill last month

59. Martial arts: The mouse that walks on two legs is What? ?

Chen Xiang: I don’t know. ?

Wu Yi: It’s Mickey Mouse. What is that duck that walks on two legs? p>Chen Xiang: Donald Duck.

?

(Wu Junyu secretly ate Chen Xiang’s snacks and said: Stupid, ducks all walk on two feet

60. Girl: (blushing) Brother Wu Yi... Actually... I have liked you for a long time..?

Wu Yi: Haha..Really?

Girl: Hmm..What do you think...?

Martial Arts: (Shy) Actually...I am...I am pretty...?

Girl: (Excited) How about you...?

Martial Arts : (Sorry) I like myself quite a lot too

Carefully selected 60 jokes to send to you~