Cai Kangyong said in his concluding remarks:
"When someone asked me to sign, do you know what three words most people asked me to write? They asked me to write about myself. After I wrote about being myself too many times, I finally wrote a book about it. It's just that I've been thinking, how are you going to be yourselves?
I think many people feel that others are hell when they ask me to write about myself. That other person, whether it is a family member, a couple, a classmate or a colleague, can easily cause us stress and trouble. So when I write down these three words of being myself, it seems that I am free and I am not bound by others.
But you can't be yourself without others. The whole process of life, in fact, is to try your best to achieve mutual fulfillment with others you meet. "
Sister Anne was really moved at the moment she heard this sentence. It evokes the past that everyone of us has experienced, those who insist on being themselves:
When I was a student, I didn't play games, join clubs or fall in love. I'd rather be a different person than follow the crowd.
At work, leaders are difficult to serve, colleagues are difficult to get along with, and it is difficult to give full play to their talents, so I casually wrote "The world is so big, I want to see it";
In life, bickering with your partner, three views disagree, unable to change, had to break up happily;
Interpersonal, make trouble with friends, insist that you are right, don't want to bow your head, disappear without seeing it;
The Spring Festival is over, and I don't want to go home to face my parents' short-term questioning, and I don't want to be compared by my elders, so I don't go home and wander alone in the empty city.
How familiar these scenes are and how vivid they were in those days. They all proudly displayed "I am me, different fireworks". After many years, when I think of myself, do I laugh or cry? Dear, get rid of those people and things that make us feel pain. Are you really yourself?
British poet john donne said: "No one is an island, living alone in the sea;" Everyone is like a small piece of soil, connected into a whole piece of land. "
1.
My friend Xiao is an independent person with strong working ability, but she has always been confused about not being able to establish close relationships with others. She said that she once saw a girl sitting on her best friend's lap and chatting with everyone at a friend's party. Her best friend is not only not disgusted, but also very happy. She was surprised because she couldn't imagine that the same sex could be so close. She envies those girlfriends whose feelings are better than sisters. On the other hand, she said that no matter whether she is a friend of the same sex or a friend of the opposite sex, she does not take the initiative to contact her, and few people take the initiative to find her.
When I was in college, it was normal for my roommate to buy me a meal and a drink, but when I was young, I didn't do it once in four years. Even if others offered to help her, she would refuse decisively.
At work, she never complains that she is tired. Even if the task is arduous, she will bite her teeth. She seldom complains to the leaders, and will not ask for a promotion and salary increase.
In life, she left the family expenses and children's study and education alone, because she didn't want to be spit out by her husband and look at her mother-in-law's face.
Small is undoubtedly excellent and independent. She doesn't want to disturb others or look at people's faces. After all these years, she has no close friends. Colleagues and friends around her think she is nice, but she is not very approachable.
My career development is not smooth. I once met a good job opportunity, the interview hit it off, and I was about to jump ship successfully. I received a devastating reply: your back tone is not very good. I've always been so confident. I feel incredible. She thinks that she works hard, is friendly to others, encourages the team, cooperates with the organization, and has no problem with her back tone. Who would have thought that the headhunting consultant actually gave a bunch of reasons to make Xiao Xiao incredible. My former colleagues reported that she was cold, irresponsible and unmanageable, and Xiao was very surprised.
In fact, she is not a willful person. She has always longed for good friends and colleagues, who can remind herself when she is confused and help herself when she is confused. I didn't expect to know herself in this way this time.
"People don't know you, and you don't like to take the initiative. You are absorbed in your work. Even if others have any suggestions, they dare not ask you. Without the support of allies, how can we open up a stage for ourselves and realize our own value? Besides, your friendship is just so-so, there is really no need for others to put in a good word for you. This experience can let you see your own shortcomings. " The little leader told her.
I was so sad that I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night and made a circle of friends. Am I really a failure as a person? Because of strong personality, because I don't want to be labeled, because I have been living in a self-defense circle, do these seemingly strong and independent people make Xiao Ai unattractive?
Cai Kangyong said that our life is a circle, others are outside and we are inside. Can you say that I only want the inside, not the outside? If the outside of the circle is uneven and broken, will the inside of the circle be fine?
2.
On the first day of 2020, Sister Anne participated in an activity in the training ground. She was attracted by a woman who talked about Kan Kan. She talked about what she was like when she bravely stepped out of her comfort zone and entered a freelance career.
She said that insisting on doing what makes us feel happy and really love is to be ourselves, bravely jump out of our comfort zone and enter the career of freelancing, that is, to be ourselves, and to be responsible for "blind self-confidence" with positive and sustained actions, that is, to be ourselves.
After working in a Fortune 500 company for 13 years, she finally got up the courage to jump out of the comfort zone in 20 18 and started to engage in her favorite occupation-trainer. Do you think she has been traveling, taking care of children, giving lectures and living her life freely since then? However, this is not the case.
From July 20 18 to February 20 18, I talked about 52 days of off-line classes, recorded two classes and consulted more than 80 customers. In order to keep warm, she organized 7 offline trainer activities and wrote more than 50,000 words of official WeChat account articles.
In 20 19, she taught 1 10 courses under the antenna, developed two special training camps, conducted more than 100 case consultations, and wrote more than 200,000 words ... Eight months later, she has entered the ranks of trainers with an annual income of one million.
Behind these glamorous selves, we rely on the circle of contacts accumulated at ordinary times and the value chain carved by personal good reputation. It is with the help of so many people that she can constantly find herself better. It is with constant contact and mutual benefit with the outside world that she can gain more courage to be herself.
It has been said that those who want to be free actually have to bear the greatest responsibility, and those who choose the path that others take less have to bear the heaviest shackles, because flying with contempt for gravity is never needed.
3.
Actor Sun Li was born in an ordinary family in Shanghai, and spent his childhood in endless quarrels between his parents. /kloc-when he was 0/2 years old, his father left 2000 yuan and a divorce certificate, leaving Sun Li and his mother behind and left.
In order to support the family, Sun's mother works as a shop assistant during the day and a cleaner at night. Watching her mother work and run every day, Sun Li knew from an early age that life was not easy and people needed to stand on their own feet.
Sun Li was an unmarried man until he met Deng Chao. The breakdown of her parents' relationship once made her lose the ability to love, which also led to her few friends in the entertainment circle, and her acting career has been tepid.
It was not until he met Deng Chao that Sun Li's heart slowly opened. Sun Li once said, "I'm never afraid of getting married late, but I have a hunch that I won't get married. I am waiting, the only soul in the world. " Finally, in the tenth year of their love, February 8, 20 10, they entered the marriage hall because of love.
When Sun Li's life became more and more complete, her father and stepmother were laid off and took her daughter to run a grocery store to make a living. Sun Li said that many times I secretly went to see my father, hoping to see his family's life down and out, and thought it was the best revenge for his father's abandonment.
Later, my stepmother became seriously ill and my sister had no money to go to college. Father came to Sun Li to borrow money, but Sun Li didn't want to borrow it. Her family are trying to persuade her, after all, it's your father, and Deng Chao also said, don't forgive him or regret it in the future. But what really made Sun Li forgive his father was his mother's words. Her mother said, "Your father gave you to me, so I can forgive all his mistakes." After obtaining the consent of her mother, Sun Li chose reconciliation. She helped her father and stepmother get out of trouble and let her sister go to school. So far, she has maintained a good close relationship with her father's family.
After reconciliation with the past, Sun Li's career also ushered in the spring. Empresses in classic plays such as The Legend of Mi Yue and A Full Moon Night pushed her to the peak of her career.
Sun Li said that we can't erase the traces of the past. When you really want to live a good life, you must reconcile with your past self, even if this process makes you extremely painful. Only by doing this can your tomorrow really come.
Cai Kangyong said, to be yourself is to supplement others and find your inner belonging.
Being yourself is a long journey and a process of self-creation in life. If you like this topic, please do. Sister Anne can continue to share with you how we should be ourselves in the future.