I loved someone, a long time ago and a long time later.
Because I really liked it, I finally couldn't help telling him everything.
A few dazzling words flashed on the screen of the mobile phone: Sorry, we are not from the same world. I know what he means, but I still can't let go. The only thing I can do is not to talk.
Half a year later, I asked him with a faint expectation: Do you hate me?
He said: I don't hate it.
I replied to him: thank you, as long as you don't hate me.
I know he has a girl he likes, and I know he loves her as much as I do. Because later, I read his signature and quietly put down the sentence: it doesn't matter if you don't like me, as long as you don't hate me.
When I saw this sentence, a raging flood surged in my heart, and the waves rolled over. But no matter how we collide, I can't find the gate. Finally, I seem to have lost my strength.
I think he probably shares my feelings. I know I love you, but I also know we can't be together. This kind of denial, which doesn't even require hard work, is probably the most uncomfortable injury in our hearts.
I was young, naive and romantic that year;
That year, you were also very young and naive, very sunny and warm;
When have I ever liked you? It slipped my mind. I don't think you know. But one thing I know, every boy I like is like you; But I also know that none of them are you.
In summer, you change a T-shirt every day, from white to gray to green and blue, which is very suitable for you. Every dress can be refreshed and felt by you.
In spring and autumn, you will change a suit every four or five days, and the clothes will not be repeated for one month. What I remember most is the green coat, and the yellow coat is very bright. The contrast of neckline is very obvious, but you are not ugly, but a bright and dazzling young man.
Your winter clothes change time is not so sure, because you have a white down jacket. You always take the plaid cover in class and take it off after class, so go back and forth. I peeked at your handcuffs on purpose. They are really spotless. In fact, I especially want to reach out and pull your sleeve, but I dare not, and there is no reason. You also have a short down jacket with a fur collar, which is very elegant to wear. I think you probably like it, because in my impression, you wear it the most.
You are really white, clean and refreshing, and you have a square head all the year round. Last time I saw you, you were short. Somehow, I was interested in long white boys. I think it's because of you. Later, I saw from your photo album that you changed your hairstyle and wore a handsome little suit jacket. That was the most popular oblique bangs hairstyle for boys and the coat that attracted girls' attention. The only thing that hasn't changed is probably your eyebrows.
I have kept that photo until now, together with many of my youth, and set it to be seen only by myself.
Later, I met a particularly handsome boy and said that he would exchange QQ passwords with me. I refused, because at the first moment in my mind, I thought of your photo in the space album that only I could see. I was extremely nervous, as if the secret I had hidden for years was about to be discovered.
Maybe because I don't want to know more about him, maybe because he is not as important as you, or maybe because my heart is too small to live with another person.
I will still think of you, and I will often think of seeing you again. Although this may be because the most precious thing is gone, although this may be because it has not been seen for a long time.
Later, because we were busy studying, we sat far away. But I will go back once every class just to see what you are doing and whether you have studied hard.
Every time I choose a seat, I especially hope that when you pass by, don't just look at me and find a seat next to me, but you never do that. You probably think we are not so suitable when discussing problems in our group. You didn't say anything.
Your silent walk away says it all.
In fact, when I counted the steps you left, I felt uneasy and uneasy. I have a hunch that when you leave, we will never be the same again.
At that time, I especially liked several people to form a group to answer questions together. Students who are prepared say that they can only start to answer when they clap the book as a button at first, but often after they finish speaking, many people clap their hands instantly, one pressing the other.
I like this game because I really want your hand to cover mine and feel the temperature of your palm. I don't know if anyone has told you that you have a pair of particularly beautiful hands, with slender fingers, well-proportioned joints and smooth touch.
I imagine if you wear a silver ring, your fingers will be more beautiful. It's a pity that I don't know what kind of girl you will wear a shiny ring. I didn't know it then, and I may never know it again.
In fact, what we have been arguing about is the only dispute, and it is also the last time before breaking up. I remember drawing a pair of particularly beautiful and smart eyes when I was studying by myself, and I am very happy to share them with you and my deskmate. After you take the picture, turn around and draw with your head down. No matter how much I make trouble and rob you, you won't give it to me. When you finished painting, I grabbed the painting. But the picture is not just an eye, but a complete face.
At that time, I was so angry that I wrote the words "I hate you" on the paper because you ruined my painting. You took the note and looked back at me silently, as if a star had quietly fallen into the sea. Your deskmate inserted a sentence that read "I love you". After listening to it, I found that you were even more annoying and felt that you were being teased.
In fact, I know that you painted me in that painting, with short hair and a small mole on the side of my nose. At that time, I especially hated that mole, and thought that its existence affected my appearance, so there is no doubt that I was angry with your graffiti and thought that you were teasing me by drawing that mole. When people are angry, it seems that they can only see what they don't like. At that time, I completely ignored my own eyes, smart and beautiful eyes.
You painted me, and that painting is naturally my eyes you saw. Clear and agile eyes, you clicked a symbolic mole to let me know who you drew. But you got the sad result that I hate you, and then we all felt embarrassed, and then we never talked again.
Until the exams again and again pulled us farther and farther apart, and the connection between each of us changed beyond recognition. It seems that everything is insignificant in front of exams and further studies, and we rarely meet again afterwards.
Later, I saw that you were familiar with a boy with a sloppy hairstyle, and suddenly realized where we were different and what you changed. But I still want to be close to you and be in a similar state with you.
I met many female gangsters at school, then went out to play with them, and learned to smoke and drink karaoke and surf the Internet. What I hope is that the distance between us can be closer. I don't want to keep the distance between the top students and the poor students forever, and I don't want you to think that we are different people. I want you to know that I am not high flyers in my bones, and I can mix.
Of course, the price of these is that my grades have dropped rapidly, from the previous few to more than 30. Outside the world of top students, I thought I was closer to you.
However, this is not the case. Some things can't be changed even if I try hard.
That time, I went to the skating rink with a group of friends I knew who were mixed with society. A girl with heavy makeup asked me where I lived and when I would go home. I said nine o'clock. She said she went back early, and I was right. Otherwise, you will be scolded, she said with a smile. How can you play with them?
I replied, why not?
She said, you look like a good student.
I immediately retorted with a smile that I just looked like a good student.
I suddenly fell silent in laughter and realized that I really hated the status quo in my bones. For example, I don't like going to Internet cafes, and I especially hate smoking. I don't like men and women who dye their hair colorful every day and fix it high with hair gel. I always like clean and simple life and sunny people.
Just like, just like I like you, fresh and warm.
Although it may just look like it.
I realize that I can't keep forcing myself to do things I hate. I got rid of them slowly and got back on track. I didn't go home late, I didn't sneak into the Internet cafe, and I completely dressed up as a well-behaved top student. I seem to have retired from the world you touched, but you haven't moved a cent from my heart. What makes me throb is still the light in my heart.
Because of further studies, everyone became busy, and the gap between classes was even used to discuss problems. The papers on the desk quickly piled up into a thick pile, and people who were not close could not even say a few words. It seems that I have completely lost my qualification and status to talk to you.
I look back at the clock hanging on the wall in almost every class, and then at you on my desk. I really don't expect anything to happen to us. I just want to see you more, so that I can have more happiness in my boring life and more motivation in my endless study.
In fact, I know which floor of the apartment building your family lives on. I've seen it. I also know which way you learned at school, because every morning after that, I will get up early for half an hour and drink soybean milk in a steamed stuffed bun shop on your only way. I sat by the window, waiting for you to appear, and then walked behind you from a distance, describing your walking posture and figure. In fact, you are a little high or low because of your one-shoulder bag. I don't know if you know this. Actually, I also know that you like lemon best. You often buy lemonade, and the smell of lemon laundry detergent will always flow on your clothes.
In fact, I know you very well, but you know nothing.
Later, as you said, we are not from the same world.
Later, we never met again, and there was no later.
Later, just like now, I know what you are doing and that you are really as clean, warm, fresh and uplifting as I hope, but we will never find that graffiti afternoon, our initial mood, or your good way.
I still miss you, but I still miss you.