With the popularity of the TV series "Only Thirty", the topic of marriage and divorce has been rising steadily. It seems that the whole people are sympathizing with Gu Jia and Zhong Xiaoqin, hoping that they will divorce quickly and get out of the hot marriage as soon as possible.

In the play, Gu Jiaren, as her name suggests, is very caring about her family. She works hard for her family and pays enough for her husband. First, she becomes a full-time wife so that her husband has no worries, and then she goes into battle for the sake of her family and scores many goals. The wife circle started a business.

It can be said that she is a perfect woman who is perfect in both the hall and the kitchen.

On the other hand, her husband Xu Huanshan is not doing very well in his career and he is not keeping himself clean. Now he is unclearly involved with the opposite sex and walks on stilts on the edge of the cliff every day.

Both the couple are not on the same level in terms of loyalty to marriage or contribution to the family, so netizens hope that Gu Jia will discover her husband's tricks early and divorce as soon as possible.

Where is Zhong Xiaoqin on the other side? She has a simple mind and a warm personality. When she meets Chen Yu, who is cold-faced and cold-hearted, she begins to pursue an increasingly boring family life.

Chen Yu is a man who doesn’t understand romance and often ignores his wife’s needs, so small details determine the ending. On Zhong Xiaoqin’s birthday, the two broke out because of why the door hasn’t been repaired yet. They decided to Divorce completely ends a trouble-free marriage.

Through film and television works, we seem to be able to see what the ideal state of modern netizens is towards their husbands or families. Both husband and wife must be loyal, responsive to requests, and good at communication.

These requirements, taken individually, are not wrong, and ideal marriage should indeed be like this.

But what I want to talk about today is that even if the other party cannot meet these requirements and is still far from the ideal state except for issues of principle, divorce should not be filed casually. Divorce is the worst possible outcome? It has almost become a mantra among young people nowadays. In fact, this is very naive, because divorce is never the goal. The goal is to find the most suitable way for two people to get along in marriage.

02

Divorce cannot solve the problem, it will also bring about other problems

I wrote an article before, which was about a man’s attitude towards his family and his decision-making How to live the rest of your life.

One of the paragraphs was praised by many netizens. The theme of that paragraph is:

Even if the wife and children are separated, life cannot be restarted, because people who cannot swim cannot change to another swimming pool. Can swim

In fact, this sentence is not limited to men, but also applies to women.

If a woman is not tolerant, considerate, and communicative, and is unwilling to seek solutions for a healthy marriage, then even if she is divorced, it will be difficult to live a happy life.

What's more, for women, divorce is not as beautiful as imagined.

I have a friend who was pursued by four boys at the same time before getting married. Because she is beautiful and has a good family background, no matter how you look at it, she should have so many suitors. .

She understands her own excellence and her own advantages, so after getting married, she treats her husband arrogantly, thinking that her husband should pamper her in everything, and threatens divorce if she doesn't go as well.

At first, her husband didn't care about her little temper, but as time went by, he felt more and more unhappy in the marriage because he was marrying his wife to live a life instead of marrying a princess to take home and provide for her.

Of course, this sentence may be seen as a "straight man" expression in the eyes of many girls. It is exactly the same as Chen Yu's sentence in "Only Thirty": "Marrying is just to relax and save worry."

But the fact is that men also have emotions and desires, and they also want to be cared for, but girls act unscrupulously, making him more and more impatient.

So the two decided to divorce during a quarrel. The girl thought that she would have many choices after the divorce, but there were only four words waiting for her: no one cares.

Yes, one of the first problems caused by divorce is the prejudice from society. The influence of the first failed marriage will last for a long time, even for life.

This is not an irreconcilable problem, but it is also a real problem. After all, it is difficult for people to completely escape the gaze of others in society.

03

Mature women don’t act on impulse

Many divorces are the product of impulse, and divorced women are also very naive.

Because they always want to get rid of the current situation, but forget that life after divorce is not as beautiful as they imagined. The so-called naivety means that they have no long-term thinking and only care about the immediate comfort.

I have received many letters from readers in the past. The one who impressed me most was a middle-aged mother. She is 37 years old and has been considering divorce for many years, but has never made up her mind.

There are several reasons for tying her up. One is that her parents are old and can't stand the excitement; the other is that the child is in the rebellious period and is worried about affecting his studies; the third is the eyes of relatives and friends. After all, Divorce is not a glamorous thing.

When these three reasons come out, I answer in the most official tone:?

You should live for yourself and follow your inner choices. Parents, children, relatives and friends, you Neither should be a priority.

?

Then, her words made me enlightened: ?

But they are not others, they are all a part of me, and they are also the most precious people in my life, my parents, How could my children, my relatives and friends, be someone else? No matter how independent a person is, he still has to be supported by his parents, make friends, and have children. ?

Yes, usually we always say "live for yourself", hold high the banner of "follow your heart and please yourself" and do something, but we forget that no one in this world really Can exist independently.

This is also the responsibility of adults. They must take into account the thoughts of those around them. This is not selfless, but making the best choice maturely.

The same goes for marriage. Divorce is very easy. Two agreements and one signature. At worst, you don’t need a house or money. In exchange, you will be free for the rest of your life.

But will divorce really make you happy? Do you really not care about the eyes of people around you? Maybe it’s hard to say.

We often regard a woman’s courage to divorce as her “confidence”, but we ignore that divorce itself is not a good thing.

It represents an unhappy marriage, a broken family, and a hasty escape from all trivial matters without finding a suitable solution.

Perhaps there is no need for couples who are at odds to stay entangled, but divorcing casually is not a rule for mature women.

As the saying goes: A hundred years of cultivation can lead to a boat trip, and a thousand years of cultivation can lead to sleeping on the same pillow? It is better to give each other one more chance to resolve conflicts in marriage.