A man who worships heaven and earth has suffered from his wife's anger since then; Second, worship Gaotang and invite your mother-in-law; Husband and wife respect each other as guests, and then tighten their belts; Into the bridal chamber, I knelt on the ground and she slept in the bed; Alas, I am a sheep, she is a wolf, and my wife has a long sentence.
My friend's civil servant has a physical examination, and there are many items to check, one of which is chrysanthemum inspection (I don't know what the professional name is) ... that is, I poked my chrysanthemum with a cotton swab and then checked that ... several bosses have corrected it.
After the knot, they took out their cotton swabs and gave them to the doctor. GC showed that only one buddy took out the bamboo stick, and everyone was petrified ~ ~ ~ In everyone's tangled eyes of internal injuries, the buddy silently went to the corner to pick up cotton.
..... The doctor later told my brother not to poke too deep ... too deep ... too deep. ...
When a male colleague of a company was joking with a female colleague, the male accidentally sprayed perfume into the female's eyes, and the female burst into tears. The man said nobly, "Nothing, I will support you for life if I am blind!" " It happened that the man's girlfriend came to pick him up from work and heard this sentence at the door. Without waiting for his girlfriend to speak, the man decisively pulled his female colleague to his girlfriend and said, "Come, call mom!" " "
One day, on the bus, I took out my newly bought mobile phone and looked at it. I'm so happy! Suddenly, a woman in the front seat was holding the same mobile phone. Hehe, it's a couple's mobile phone, which is more proud. Before getting off the bus, I waved my cell phone at her. The woman paused and suddenly shouted: Stop thief! I was pushed to the ground before I knew it. Damn it! !
The senior said, "The ratio of male to female is 3 1!" We replied, "A couple and a gay couple." The senior said, "Wrong! All wet! ! Look at the rotten girl in a threesome. "
Lying in bed playing computer with my husband, my husband said, put the mouse on the flattest place on your body, and I prepared my stomach, indicating that this place is the flattest place, but this bitch silently put the mouse on my chest! ! !
Today, I gave my three-year-old daughter a bath. Just after I put her in the bathtub, my daughter shouted, "Mom, look, dad is picking up girls!" " "
When the Buddhist scriptures team arrived in the poverty-stricken areas, they could not lend them out in a few days. Wukong had to send Friar Sand and Bajie to distant cities to find food because he wanted to protect his master. On the first day, everyone returned empty-handed because there was no money. Go the next day, still empty-handed,
Because there is no money. Wukong was furious: "If you can't find food, don't come back!" On the third night, Friar Sand happily carried a big bag of rice with a lot of money left. Wukong was overjoyed and asked, "Where's Bajie?" Friar Sand was suddenly injured.
He said tearfully, "Brother, forgive me. There are so many of us, only the second brother can sell for 16 yuan a catty.
A penguin went to steal something, but was found. After calling the police, he was surrounded by police. Penguin picked up a yellow round shield and walked in front of the police aboveboard, resulting in a pile.
The police rounded up the penguin and beat it. The penguin cried innocently, Why can you see me? Why are you looking at me? I'm fucking invisible, right?
The white mother is breastfeeding, and the black mother who is also breastfeeding passes by. The white child cried and said, "Mom, I want to drink chocolate, too."
Are they all homophones?
A short message for help from a friend just now: It was very cold in Beijing this morning. Peng and I went to the ATM to withdraw money, and happened to meet Zhenyuan cash truck to add money. In desperation, we had to wait shivering, when Peng asked me: Are your hands frozen? I coldly replied to him: frozen hands! As a result, we almost had a tragedy, and four guns were aimed at us in an instant.
When my female colleague was eating ice cream, I said to her, "Can you take a picture of yourself and send it to Weibo?" She said, "All right! But remember to mosaic ... "The next day, she found me angrily:" Who told you to embed ice cream! ! ! "
In the evening, a couple lay in bed. The husband patted his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm. The wife turned around and said, honey, I'm sorry. I'm going to see a gynecologist tomorrow. I want to keep clean. The husband was rejected.
Never, helplessly turned to get ready for bed. But after a few minutes, the husband turned around and started patting his wife on the shoulder. This time, he leaned close to her ear and asked softly, "Are you going to see the dentist tomorrow, too?"
According to Pockmarked Sun of Sixth Street, his favorite TV series "Palace" is going to be prequeled, and this time it focuses on the story of a brother in the palace when he was a child. ""what's that name? " "Youth Palace. "Later, they made a sequel, about the descendants of a brother named Purple Palace.
During the afternoon recess, a petite beauty in the class is cleaning the blackboard. Because he is not tall, he can't wipe a large area on tiptoe. The way she worked hard greatly aroused my desire for protection!
Without saying anything, I went up to her and said kindly, "I'll help you." She was very moved and said, "Thank you." Then I put my arm around her waist and picked her up.
General Guan Yu is instructing three beauties to practice fencing. Guan Yu: Da Qiao drew his sword! Da Qiao: Drink it! Guan Yu: Xiao Qiao draws his sword! Xiao Qiao: Drink! Guan Yu: Xiangxiang drew her sword! Xiangxiang: Drink! Guan Yu: The story of Diusim drawing his sword! The story of diusim: drink! Guan Yu: Yue Ying drew his sword! Yue Ying: Drink it! Guan Yu: Zhu Rong draws his sword! Zhu Rong: Drink! Guan Yu: Zhen Ji drew his sword! Zhen Ji: You are the real J8 bitch!
Once several colleagues went to the United States and went to the supermarket to discuss things in Jinan dialect. An American came up and said in standard Jinan words, "Are you from Jinan?" ! "Sweating violently, it turns out that this foreigner is an American descendant and stayed in China during the war. His colleague asked him, "How is your English?" The foreigner patted his thigh and said, "English is so fucking difficult to learn!" " !"
I just saw a signature: you can't afford to raise your son without hard work, because if one day your son says, "Mom, I hit my classmate, and his parents want 50 thousand medical expenses." I can say, "What! Fifty thousand! Give you 200,000 and call again three times! " In order to be such a great mother, I must work hard! Come on!
After class at noon, I went to the dining hall with a dinosaur MM, maybe it was raining in Mao Mao. She stopped suddenly and looked at me affectionately. "Would you like to be my prince?" Looking at her sad face, I really can't bear to break her heart, but for the sake of future happiness, I must refuse. So, I put on a silly and naive expression and asked her, "So-I have to call you mom in the future?"
It suddenly occurred to me that when I was selling flowers on Valentine's Day last year, I saw a couple who had just kissed, so I went up and asked the man if he wanted flowers. A man said shyly; No, he gave me chrysanthemums.
By plane, a father and daughter. Father is 30 years old and daughter is 6 years old. The stewardess is very beautiful, and my father can't help looking at her a few more times. Daughter: "What are you looking at? Do you find it interesting? Why did you do this when my mother was away? " Father blushed: "eat quickly and cut the crap, or I won't take you out in the future!" " "Daughter murmured," it is said that my daughter is my father's lover in a previous life, so I don't understand. How did I like you in my last life? "
A woman said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry a young lady, I will marry her father. From now on, my son calls you "brother-in-law" and you have to call me "mother"! It's too difficult!
One day, my father told the children the story of Cinderella. My father said, "Cinderella lost a glass slipper in her panic ..." At this moment, the little girl asked, "Didn't I say that magic will disappear in 12? Why do you still have glass shoes? " Dad thought for a moment and said, "Human beings can tolerate logical mistakes for the sake of beautiful love ..."
The son said, Dad, it's jiaozi. Please eat me! So my husband is very devoted to his son's stomach. His mouth giggled, making the child giggle. The son smiled and asked, Dad, am I delicious?
Husband said: delicious! It's much better than jiaozi wrapped by mom. Oh, baby, what are you, jiaozi? My son suddenly stopped laughing, thought about it, and said seriously, Dad, I'm stuffed with shit!
I happen to have a few at hand, so I'll send them to you for your appreciation.