Episode 5

Cai Lixu's speech? February 2005

Dear friends, hello everyone! Last class, we mentioned that family has two very important axes, one is economy, that is, material life; The other is spiritual life, children's education. Just mentioned that the current family situation is that husband and wife make money together, and most of the children are left to their parents' classes, or left to servants and left to grandparents to take care of. Where can I see the wisdom of life? In weighing, you will get what you give up. Earn less money and educate children more; Still want to make more money and ignore children's education, the result is different.

Let's look at people in their fifties and sixties and compare them with people in their twenties and thirties. The previous generation was very responsible and filial to their parents. Our generation? Dear friends, welcome to speak directly. Do you have these attitudes towards the life of the previous generation? Is it progress or retrogression? Take a step back. Is the previous generation rich or our generation rich? This generation. Yes! Why does the attitude towards life decline when you have money? So having money may not solve the problem.

My father's generation is basically poor. Because they are poor, they are frugal. Remember when I was a child, who picked up the leftovers from dinner? It's all mom and dad, because they are used to not spoiling food. Therefore, life is relatively tight, the first one has developed the habit of thrift, and the second one, the more difficult life is, the more grateful people are to their parents and love their brothers and sisters. Therefore, in my father's generation, their parents did not urge them to study, but were very active, because they hoped that their parents could live a better life in the future through their academic achievements. You see, poverty and hardship in life make a person more ambitious and filial. So poverty, we have to thank it.

Because this generation has been generous since childhood, they have everything they want, so they are used to spending money, don't know filial piety, and have no life experience and commitment. So now in our generation, we have not only spent the money we earned, but whose money are we going to spend? Parents' money. How did you know? How many young people already like to spend and enjoy? How about going as soon as you get a month's salary? Come on, let's go shopping! The first fifteen days may have cost me a month's salary. How should I spend the rest of my life? Buy instant noodles and eat them slowly in the later days. Then I couldn't watch it anymore, so I went back to his father and said, Dad, I have no money. His father was very angry: "I told you not to spend money indiscriminately, but you didn't listen." Come on! " ! how much is it? "Still give it to him. Therefore, a generous life may not bring children a correct attitude towards life.

Many scholars in ancient times saw this clearly. When the Han Dynasty was founded, Liu Bang laid the foundation for the world and enfeoffed more than 100 heroes. These heroes all had fiefs and gave them many families. After a hundred years, the historian of the Han Dynasty suddenly wanted to say, "I'll go and have a look. What will happen to the descendants of this 100 hero in a hundred years? " ? As a result, historians are very surprised. /kloc-the descendants of more than 0/00 heroes have basically declined, and many have been begging on the streets. Only their descendants are still outstanding, and one of them is Xiao He. When the land was enfeoffed, Xiao He asked for a very barren land. Because the land is barren, as long as you don't farm, you can't eat. He is far-sighted and hopes that his children will know how to be thrifty in the future. Other well-enclosed land is too lazy to cook delicious food, and if you like good land and others like it, it will attract many people to covet it, and many people's designs will be framed. Therefore, Xiao He can see that instead of leaving money to future generations, it is better to leave wisdom to future generations and set an example for them.

Mr. Sima Guang once said: "Leave money to future generations, and future generations may not be able to keep it;" Leave the book to future generations, and future generations may not understand it; It is better to leave hidden virtues in the dark, thinking that future generations will have a long-term plan. "There is a very important teaching in the Book of Changes,' If there is a good family, there must be one'", and the virtue of Yin can certainly protect future generations. Indra can not only protect future generations, but also set a best example for the next generation when we do good deeds and stand on the road. Therefore, this is what wise parents will choose.

Well, my father's generation had five brothers and sisters because they were poor. They don't have to be urged by their parents to study, and their feelings are also very harmonious. Therefore, as long as the life is passable and the children's wisdom and spiritual life are well improved, this family can still run well.

Let's take a look again. Is it true that if a person earns more, he will earn less? Do two people earn much? Many couples make money together, but there is not much money left; My friend fell over there again, and I bought it here and was cheated again. We need to understand where the real reason for wealth lies. What kind of life can gain wealth? Make this clear, or you may make money all your life, but there is not much money left in this life.

The ancient god of wealth in China was Fan Li, commonly known as Tao Zhugong. He came from the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period. Fan Li assisted Gou Jian, the king of Yue, and he and Wen Zi assisted Gou Jian, the king of Yue, to restore the state of Yue. Later, Fan Li told Wen Zi that Gou Jian, the King of Yue, could suffer, but he could not use wealth. Fan Li is good at reading people, so reading people is very important. If you don't look at people, you may be badly influenced all your life. You see, Wen Zi can't judge people. He saw that splendor was coming. How can I put it down now? I won't! Later, Gou Jian, the king of Yue, committed suicide to Wen Zhong. And left together, began to do business in Jiangnan area, starting from a small business. It didn't take long to make a fortune, and Fan Li immediately donated all this wealth; Not long after, he made a fortune again a few years later. He donated all his money to these poor people and started a small business. In history, it is recorded that "three gathers and three finances are scattered".

So, why can people have wealth? The real reason is that he knows how to send money. Fan Li's practice is also to follow the teachings of sages. "University" mentioned that "when wealth is scattered, people gather". What do we gather when we spread our wealth? Everyone loves you, and everyone's heart is towards you. No matter what business you do, they will come to buy it for you and support you because you have won the hearts of the people. Money is not gone, it is invisible, and its invisible influence will take effect as long as it meets fate. Therefore, we analyze that wealth has a cause, and fate will have fruit. The "cause" lies in giving money, "life" plus your efforts, the help of nobles, and the opportunity will naturally bear the "fruit" of wealth. Therefore, to manage a family's wealth, you must manage it as it is, otherwise your lifelong efforts may be in vain.

My sister resigned from public office after she got pregnant. How do many relatives and friends feel? What a pity. Even her mother-in-law often tells her: You go to work, and I will help you with your children. However, there are some things in life. She resigned from public office and waited for labor in our family. After that, she sat for a month. After that, the children were brought up by themselves. After my sister resigned, it was my brother-in-law who made money, but the more he earned, the more he earned. Why do you earn more? Because of the money my brother-in-law gave my sister, my sister said it was useless for me to take care of the children at home alone, and she often gave it to me. She said that you would help me print the scriptures and do something good. My sister knows how to give money to her husband, so the more he earns, the more he earns. Once they went out shopping together and happened to meet the opening of the supermarket. They can draw a lottery. The first grand prize was a car. My sister wrote it down and put it in. Not long after, the supermarket called and he said, Ms. Cai, you drew a car. So, if you know how to give, "sometimes you have to have it in your life." Not many people earn more when they earn more. You need to know why you want to grow money for charity.

Many friends said: I have no money, how can I grow money for charity? This wealth is definitely not just money. Giving money includes "internal wealth" and "external wealth". We work hard, this is the internal wealth, labor, and your experience and wisdom, which belong to the internal wealth; Foreign currency is money and property, not goods, which can be repaired and given. Is it true that the more donations, the greater the reward? Not necessarily! I remember reading a report that there was a pair of very old farmers who had saved money all their lives. It happened that a hospital was built near them. It was a very good hospital, and the husband and wife donated their life savings to buy an ambulance. Donate hundreds of thousands to big entrepreneurs, and they also donate hundreds of thousands. Which reward is bigger? The farmer donated his life savings. How many lives can his love benefit? And what are the hundreds of thousands of entrepreneurs just for him? Just a fraction. Therefore, Fukuda is cultivated by the heart, and the blessing is also born by the heart. When we can do our best, no matter how much money we have, we can plant countless blessings.

In ancient times, there was a lady who happened to pass by a Buddhist temple and entered the door to worship Buddha. It happened that she only had two pence on her, so she gave it all. The abbot was very moved when he saw it. He personally came out to help her recite the Buddha and help her return. Later, I really married into the palace and became rich. I came to this Buddhist temple with thousands of taels to give away. As a result, the abbot didn't come out, so he asked one of his disciples to come out and help her recite the scriptures. This lady is very curious. I just donated two pence before, and this time I took several thousand taels. The abbot personally helped me repent and come back, and now he donates several thousand taels, only asking the disciples to give it out. This lady is also very intelligent. She knows how to seek advice and solve problems. She took the initiative to go to the abbot and asked why. The abbot told her that your two pence came from the heart, so I'm sorry I didn't come out to help you pay it back. Although you took thousands of taels this time, your heart is not as real as that time. Just ask my apprentice.

Therefore, a person's Fukuda is rooted in his heart. As long as we have this distraction, we often know how to give up money to help others, and our blessings are accumulated bit by bit. Well, if you have a correct understanding of wealth, you won't be swayed by considerations of gain and loss. What will happen to your heart when you see others making big money? Just nervous, no need! If we get the money done in a down-to-earth way, the natural result will be in front of us.

The economy has been solved. Next, we should educate our children about this problem, and couples should acquire good knowledge. Of course, education should first set an example. In ancient times, "three obedience and four virtues" and "a husband should listen to a woman" meant that a husband should be kind, affectionate and virtuous; Only by being kind, affectionate and moral can we set a good example for our children. If you have "kindness" to parents, children will know how to be filial to their parents. It is not easy to be "good" to your wife. It is difficult for her to manage this family with us. We should always remember her kindness. Madam, there is a kindness that we can never repay in this life. How about helping us? Carry on the family line. This task is very important, otherwise can we finish it ourselves? No way! No one can replace it, and we should be grateful. So every time I think of being a husband, I have this wife to help me carry on the family line. When we always take this kind of kindness to heart, will couples get along badly? No way! Then we must "talk about morality" to our children and must teach them well. This is the responsibility and obligation of parents.

A wife should have "four virtues": female virtue, female speech, female merit and female appearance. A wife should have virtue. If she has no virtue, what will happen if she marries someone else Chicken and dog are restless. How did you know? Yes, the family was fine, but it was a mess when we got married, so "virtue" is very important. Therefore, the filial piety of a son is not as good as that of a daughter-in-law. In ancient times, it was said that if you marry a good daughter-in-law, your family can prosper for three generations. What will happen at home if you marry a bad daughter-in-law? Will be defeated for three generations. So what is the first criterion for marrying a wife? Virtue, marry a wife and marry a virtue. Do many men know this now? Not much. Therefore, it is necessary to educate children, pay attention to virtue in finding a partner in the future, and have "women's virtue."

And this woman's virtue, naturally, is the mother's words and deeds have a subtle influence on the children. My mother often says "you are just too soft-hearted" when talking about my father, and then says "you are all the same". I was talking about my father, but she finally told me everything. I have to add: so do you. I remember when I was a child, I just went back to my grandmother's house and took a taxi. Taxi drivers are not very skilled. While driving the lane, a tire ran into the ditch. When I fell, the exhaust pipe was loose because it hit the cement, so the exhaust pipe knocked on it in the second half and arrived at my grandmother's house. As a result, my mother gave him the fare and the extra 500 yuan.

At that time, I was still young Did my mother tell me what she was doing when she took out the money? She didn't. She didn't even know her son was watching. But there are a few lines in my mind, which shows that my mother thinks they are people who earn money by labor. It's not easy. The cost of repairing the car will definitely put a burden on his family. Our life is relatively rich. Give him some help. I was very moved by my mother's actions, so her mother's words and deeds had a subtle influence on the children. Afterwards, because I suddenly recalled this scene during the lecture, I called my mother to tell her about it. How is she? This matter has been forgotten for a long time, and she didn't even know that the child was studying, so she was moved. Therefore, "women's morality" is really affecting children in every word and deed.

It's the same "woman's words". When did the mother's words start to affect the children? During prenatal education. If the mother's words are soft, the child will feel very comfortable in the womb; If the mother speaks loudly and meanly, the child learns it from the womb. So we often go to some friends' houses and feel that they are all talking. It's like quarreling, everyone is loud, that's a habit. So you talk too loudly and mean, and the child is learning. If we are gentle and tolerant of others, children will learn well. It suddenly occurred to me that my parents never talked about any of his friends in front of our children. This is very important! When parents tell their children that this person is bad and that person is bad, what did your children learn? Learning to look down on others everywhere and criticize others everywhere will be arrogant. Therefore, we should also be careful with our words.

Next is "women's work". In ancient times, women would knit clothes and do a lot of housework. It's called a woman's job. Do women still want to knit sweaters in modern times? Not really, because the textile industry is more developed now. The situation of the whole family in ancient times is different from that in modern times, but a mother still needs a lot of good abilities to maintain a good family. Like home? Clean it up When children grow up in a clean and tidy environment, they will feel that things will be wiped clean and things will be placed neatly. If he sees a mess, he can't help sorting it out by himself.

Besides cleaning up the house, you should also be able to cook some good dishes, because what happens when children and husbands eat out? Everyone eats out, the family atmosphere is not harmonious, and they seldom get together. Then I often eat out. How's the food outside? It's oily and salty, so what is the most common disease now? Cardiovascular disease, a cardiovascular disease, is not easy to find, and it takes half a day to wait for a hospital bed. Therefore, many people suffer from stroke and myocardial infarction. If you often cook some light dishes at home, everyone in the family will be happy to go home for dinner. I remember when I was a child, there was a good slogan called "Dad came home for dinner", and the family atmosphere was very good.

In addition, the "woman's face", a woman's appearance, is certainly not painted the same as the wedding day. But women's looks are very dignified and simple, and they can't give up on themselves after giving birth. Many women think that I am destined to look like an old lady after giving birth, so I am not sloppy. It is very likely that Mr. Wang was startled when he entered the door, and then ran out quickly, which is not good; Let Mr. Wang look pleasing to the eye And who does your dignified appearance set a good example to? Kid. Yes, we need to look further. So women's appearance is also very important.

Well, both husband and wife can correct their own conduct, words and deeds, and will certainly educate their children well. Now it is said that men and women should be equal, so these "four virtues" are needed by both men and women! Husbands should also be virtuous, teach by example, and always be lotus flowers to set a good example for their children. "Husband's job", men can't afford it, how can they maintain their families! Again, "husband's face", your father wears it at home, which will have a bad influence on children; Moreover, it is also a husband's ability to put his feet up on the table when dad sits! What do children learn? Therefore, it is very important to always remind yourself to set a good example for children and set an example.

Let's teach our children to combine kindness with kindness. In other words, some people want to be the bad COP, while others want to be the bad COP. Gentle and honest, both rigid and soft, China people speak the golden mean, not too much, not less. If there is only grace today and it is extremely good for him, what will happen to the child? He is not afraid of his parents and will ride on their heads. If only Wei is mean to children, children will have a sense of distance from us. Therefore, Wayne should master it.

It happens that my pregnant nephew still has a lot of time in our house, and my brother-in-law is busy at work. When I was in our house, I was also responsible for educating this nephew. Do you think I'm suitable to play the bad COP or the bad COP? what do you think? Black face! How can you see right through me? I remember in my first year of teaching, I scolded a student for breaking the rules. Walking from the second floor to the first floor and entering the office, my colleagues at school looked at me and said, will you still lose your temper? They were all surprised. In fact, if you don't send it at that time, you can't teach students well. We lost our temper to warn our children that we can't make this mistake again. Life is like a play, how to play it is necessary to play it decently. So, I am a bad face to my nephew, and his mother is a white face. Bad face and white face must cooperate well.

I remember a few years ago, just before the Chinese New Year, we had dinner at our house. The little friend just took chopsticks and put them where he served the dishes. I told him and said, Vivian, there will be bacteria. You must put chopsticks on it. He looked at me and arrested me again. I am very patient. I said, there will be bacteria. Pick it up. He looked at me again. Although he didn't speak, do you know what this means? He said, let me see where your bottom line is. Many children will look at their parents' bottom line. When they cross your bottom line, they can take anything they want from you, and you will lose, so they can threaten you with emotions. I think it's no use trying to persuade him three times. I immediately picked him up and walked to my room. Why are you going to your room? Only by cutting off all his reinforcements will he know that something is wrong. I picked him up, and my mother immediately said, it's almost Chinese New Year, so stop fighting! You want to fight? In the new year, you don't have to be punished for making mistakes. The boy has no idea where the rules are!

Now many parents can sleep until noon every Saturday and Sunday. Is that so? He is normal for five days and abnormal on Saturday and Sunday, so his life is chaotic and irregular. So what are the expressions of the students when they go to school on Monday? Lazy. Therefore, the prescribed rules cannot be changed because of any circumstances, otherwise children will definitely relax, hate work, and will definitely go in the direction of playing, rather than following the rules. I told my sister, even if you take him out to climb mountains for a few days, how about fixing the classics you have to recite every day? Remember it well. So the child's heart will know what his homework will be like, whether at home or outside. Do it. When your principles are more clear, he will feel that this is his duty, he will not take any chances, he will not be: mom, forget it today! Put in a good word for you there. This principle must be firmly grasped.

When I carried him into the room, the most important thing was to let him know that he was wrong. Do we like to punish children? Don't! I told him: it doesn't matter if you cry again. The louder you cry, the heavier my uncle will be punished. What will happen to him when you talk about it? The louder he will cry, hit him at once. In fact, he was still wearing diapers at that time, and it didn't hurt at all, but what did you do to him with that momentum? Shocked. Just tell him that emotions will never achieve your goal, and it's no use crying again today. When you were firm, he stopped crying as soon as he heard that his method would never achieve his goal. When he stops crying, we should tell him and explain the truth to him. "My uncle taught you this way for your own good. You should be taught by your elders." How about from fierce to fierce? I became very friendly after talking to him, so I came out.

Bad cops are over. Who wants to perform? What's with the white face? My sister came over. As soon as he came in, the child immediately came to her and held her in his arms. My sister immediately arrested him and said, what happened to you just now? Speak for yourself! The child didn't speak, and she hugged him again. She still insisted and said to her son, what happened just now? Speak for yourself! Let him remember not to stay in his uncle's punishment, but where? What mistake did you make? After that, my sister said to my nephew, you go and apologize to your uncle. I want him to apologize to me. This is a good opportunity for the end of education. Many parents teach their children to just finish punishment and vent their emotions, and don't do the ending action, so the children think that my father has a bad temper and my mother has a bad temper. Therefore, the combination of kindness and prestige should be cautious.

Does anyone play the bad COP now? Is the present father willing to play the bad COP? Don't! Why doesn't father want to be the bad COP now? Because they are busy at work, what do you think of the children? Guilt. It's rare to get along with children. Everyone wants to see their smiling faces. What do they bring home every time? Gifts and toys Not only did they not play the bad COP, but they all played the bad COP. Then the child ran over and said, Dad, you are so kind! Take the toys away quickly. Time and time again, I give gifts to children like this. After two or three months, the child rushed over and said "Dad". He didn't look at you. What was he looking at? Look at the present, take it and leave. Suddenly one day you didn't bring a gift back. He said, Dad, how did you come back like this? Therefore, it is not good to establish a father-son relationship with material things. You should build a father-son relationship with your love and care.

Father doesn't play the bad COP, who will? Mom plays. Women are naturally more caring and caring for their children, so it is most natural for them to play the bad face. It's not just bad cops now. What could it be? Black face, many women will feel very uncomfortable after playing black face with their children. This end is going to be a bad COP, and it may become a bad COP all at once, okay? It is not easy to play. Just lost his temper, but also to be kind to children, so what is the most serious disease of women now? This is called endocrine disorder, right? It is a great burden on her body and mind to often sing the bad COP and suddenly become the bad COP. Therefore, it is still a gentleman, because men are just soft and women are soft, and the gentleman sings the bad COP, so it is not easy for children to have any expectations. We remember when we were young, as long as our father's eyes stared at us, we would immediately know how to converge.

I often advise fathers now that they don't have to spend a long time with their children because they are busy with work. Before long, the child will think that you care about him. The most important thing is whether you have the heart. If you take out ten minutes every day, what will your mobile phone do? Turn it off. This is the time you spend with your children. Just take out sage books and moral education stories and tell him two stories every day. If you keep doing this, the child will think that you care about him. After listening to the story, he will tell his classmates when he goes to school: My father tells me two stories every day. What about the reunion? Give him an envious look, and then he will say "Come, I will tell you these two stories" and train him how to share the stories of these sages with others. So, the most important thing is that you have this heart. Ok, this can educate children well.

Just now we mentioned the five-ethics relationship, that is, the relationship between husband and wife is the most important, and the husband and wife are right, and the five ethics are right. Therefore, once "in-depth", this one has mastered the moral program, and "Disciples Rules" has also mastered the moral program, so it is necessary to learn "Disciples Rules" first. How to go deep? It is necessary to make in-depth efforts to "understand the correspondence" and implement it after understanding. If you practice, it will help you better understand the truth of sages. The deeper you understand, the deeper you understand, the more solid you will be. Solve the help line, and the line will help solve it. Therefore, when learning a sentence, we must know how to act quickly. "Long-term training" means all the time. I often tell many friends that as long as you keep reading Disciples Rules every morning and evening, you will feel that you have made great progress in morality and study after three months. This medicine has a good effect on people who are taking it at present. Are you willing to accept it?

When I was in Haikou, a teacher really did it. I was deeply impressed when this teacher came to class for the first time. It was the Lantern Festival last year. He can't take his eyes off me when he is listening to the class. I'm telling many stories about the sages, and he will write them down with a pen. After studying for more than three months, he came up to me and said, Teacher Cai, such a good sage education can not only benefit my family. I hope to go back to the old tutor rules. Because of his determination, because he insisted on reading it every morning and evening for a long time, without interruption, he improved quickly. When you read in the morning, remind yourself that you should abide by the teachings in the Disciple's Code today. When reading at night, we should reflect on what we did today and give ourselves some encouragement. We should be more vigilant about what we haven't done, and we won't do it again or again in the future. Only in this way can we achieve good results and smoke for a long time.

And repair is correction. Always remind yourself to correct your thoughts, opinions, statements and practices. Modifications are often made when dealing with people, and mistakes cannot be corrected. I have a friend who shared it with me. He said that the most difficult thing for him to correct is that "everyone has shortcomings, so don't expose them." Accustomed to gossip for decades, he also worked hard and read it every morning and evening. As a result, every time he wanted to gossip, suddenly what happened to the scripture Disciples Rules? It appeared. The phrase "everyone has shortcomings, don't expose them" entered his mind. What happened to his mouth right away? It's covered. This is called the experience of refining the heart. After experiencing these things, we constantly revise our ideas and opinions, and revise them in our own statements and practices.

We mentioned the whole learning attitude, including the first one to be determined; The second is practice; The third learning order is very important. Before reading other classics, we must first increase our moral foundation. Fourth, the method of learning should be thorough and long-term.

We have the right attitude, and then we will enter the study of disciple rules. When people learn the rules of disciples, when they hear disciples, they will have a wrong understanding. Who do they think learned it? Children learn it. In fact, this "disciple" is not a child, but a saint. Students are called apprentices. "Governance" is also a knowing word, with "husband" on the left and "see" on the right, which is called a gentleman's opinion. Of course, the gentleman's opinion must be to follow the teachings of sages, that is, the truth of life, to do things and treat others. Disciples' Rules Only by studying can we teach our children well. "Teach children to learn by themselves first." To teach children well, we must first improve ourselves and learn well by ourselves, so as to set an example.

Let's turn to page 60. Let's look at the "overview" first:

Disciple rules, saint training. The first filial brother. I trust you again. A person with universal love. And kindness. There is spare capacity. Then study literature.

Dear friends, what will your children do to you if you go back and sit at your desk and study energetically? Awe. Your good study will touch your children. Let's stop here for this class. Thank you.