It's a little embarrassing to say, and it's not self-disciplined enough.
However, if you have a similar experience with me, you must have an experience: if you can be vigilant, you can basically resist those factors that will obviously interfere with the plan, and those seemingly insignificant things are often the key to the problem. For example, if you have to study for 2 hours at night, you can put it off even if you have a friend party, but watching a video may be a waste of time.
Why is this happening?
We usually think that a rational decision is the result of rational analysis, but whether it is rational or perceptual, it is a contest between emotions in the process of making a decision. Rationality only awakens some emotions, such as fear, worry, desire, responsibility and so on.
When choosing between friends gathering and studying, the relaxed and happy feeling of friends gathering, drinking and chatting is easy to come to mind, but rationality will soon awaken another feeling-the desire for achievement and fight against it.
However, in the face of some seemingly inconspicuous interference, it often does not arouse vigilance. I thought watching video chat would not affect my study as long as I controlled my time, but I didn't know that without emotional confrontation, the power of sensibility would be one-sided.
Speaking of this, we must understand a feeling-loss, which is a perceptual force that often overcomes reason. When we lose something, we feel uncomfortable, irritable and unwilling. We don't like this feeling, but it is very common in our daily life. Even if we really haven't lost anything, it will happen in some cases.
For example, the company originally planned to pay 6,543,800 yuan per person at the end of the year. But for some reason, I only paid 5000 yuan, the same as last year. Therefore, the company leaders gave a reasonable explanation. Although everyone understands it, it is still uncomfortable, because everyone regards the 5000 yuan that has not been handed down as their own. Maybe they have already figured out how to use it. Now it is gone, and the sense of loss arises spontaneously.
A sense of loss can make people lose patience and often drive us to act accordingly.
For example, discounts on goods will attract us into shopping malls, not because the goods themselves are attractive, but because we don't want to lose the opportunity to shop at low prices; As long as I have time, I will take out my mobile phone and brush it. On the surface, I am killing time because I am bored. In fact, I want to see something new to get pleasure or excitement. If I have time not to brush, I will lose the feeling I could have got.
Losing will reduce the ability to resist temptation, and the temptation of instant enjoyment is the greatest enemy of hard will.
Walter Mitchell, a famous American psychologist, made a very influential psychological experiment in the 1960s, called the marshmallow experiment. The experiment requires kindergarten children to wait alone for 20 minutes, and then they can get two marshmallows. If they don't want to wait, they can only get 1 marshmallow. This is very similar to the real life scene. If you work hard and study hard, you will definitely lose many opportunities to enjoy it, but you will definitely be rewarded in the future.
Everyone understands this truth, but the difficulty is that the feeling of enjoyment is fresh and immediate, while the reward is future and uncertain. Obviously, leisurely fishing is more comfortable than working overtime on weekends, and watching movies with your girlfriend is more passionate than studying in the library. Although hard work and study are related to promotion, salary increase and exam results, if you try to stop hedonism, you will immediately feel uncomfortable, unwilling and irritable. The more afraid you are of losing the chance to enjoy yourself, the more eager you are to get it, which will drive you to convince yourself to continue to enjoy yourself.
So what should we do?
1. Rationality also needs the help of feelings, linking things that should not be done with some bad feelings.
For example, quitting smoking is undoubtedly a rational decision, but many people still can't quit. When you are eager to smoke and don't smoke enough, it will be very painful. If you just tell yourself that "persistence is victory", nine times out of ten you will fail. If you visualize the harm of smoking, imagine yourself coughing with a weak body and lying in a hospital bed with a catheter inserted, and your lungs are getting darker and darker? This will produce a feeling of fear, which is much more powerful than the power of reason.
2. Reduce expectations. If you want to do something in a certain situation, you can adjust the environment or time to reduce your inner expectations.
For example, my reading plan, the original plan was to start reading at eight o'clock in the evening and lasted for two hours. Before that, there will always be some spare time, so I just watch the news, watch the news, always want to see something new, so I often can't help working overtime, and then I will take out my mobile phone to brush it at this time, otherwise I will feel uncomfortable. My solution is: read books in advance instead of starting at 8 pm. Although it is only a small change, it has broken the expectation of "reading at 8 o'clock and relaxing first", and I think the effect is quite good.
3. Delaying satisfaction, that is, delaying one's desire until the task is completed or the appropriate time is satisfied, is a kind of learning ability.
For example, in the cotton candy experiment, those children who can persist to the end and get double rewards all use some skills to resist the temptation of cotton candy. Some people play games with themselves, some people move their chairs far away so that they can't reach them, and some people are slowly studying the bells on the table? They all have one thing in common-shifting their attention from bait to another thing.
Of course, any method needs to be actively done to be useful.