A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June. Many parents, as adults, understand the harm of export, but when they form an alliance with their children, many codes of conduct in interpersonal communication fail and they are cynical about this child.

But I forgot that children will be hurt by an adult's words.

Li Meijin once said: The tone of your voice to your child determines the child's attitude towards you. In short, children's behavior and cognition are the projection of parents' behavior. The tone of parents unconsciously speaking to their children will determine what kind of attitude and emotion children have towards their parents.

Jimmy, a classic cartoonist, once said that a child would rather be stabbed by the fiercest cactus than accept the cynicism of adults.

Children's hearts are fragile, but close contact day and night often makes many parents forget how to talk to their children well. Hysterical instruments and scolding tone often hurt children unconsciously.

This year's film "Spring Tide" is a film with a female theme, which explores the relationship between a mother and a daughter and cruelly reveals the lifelong influence of parents' behaviors and ways on their children in "family of origin".

Our mother is kind, but she shows a very disgusting side to her daughter: sharp words, cynicism, and often swearing at her because of a little thing. Although she is extremely unstable, she loves her granddaughter, but she also turns her face from time to time.

As a daughter and mother, Guo Jianbo is always angry with herself, but her picky mother can do nothing about it. Outstanding ability to work outside, but also full of sense of justice, when I get home, I can only submit to humiliation and resist my mother's tyranny in a silent way:

I hate it when my mother gathers a large group of people to make a hullabaloo about in the room, so she can only hide on the balcony and destroy the dumpling skin that Ji has just driven out with cigarettes. When I came home injured, I had to face my mother's constant criticism and cynicism. She painfully grasped the cactus on the balcony with her palm.

Also influenced by Ji Lan, there is her granddaughter Guo Wanting: Grandma's sarcastic way of speaking makes her helpless, and her easily angry emotional state makes her more cautious. As a primary school student, she had to observe the words and deeds of her grandmother and mother in the war.

At the end of the film, in the face of Ji Lan, who is unconscious, Guo Jianbo dares to express his grievances for many years: "It's so quiet. If you are quiet, the world will be quiet."

"But when you wake up, you will still scold me with the most vicious and dirty words." "I want to lie in my mother's arms. What you are destroying is my impression of my mother. "

As the movie poster said, "Your relationship with your mother determines your relationship with the world."

There are too many parents like Ji who are outspoken about their children and say the most cruel words in the world with the most unbearable attitude.

And this way of speaking and attitude brings children a lifetime of depression and resentment.

Many parents understand the lifelong influence of speaking attitude on their children, but it is often difficult to detect it in real life.

These three common parents express bad attitudes towards their children and need to attract their attention.

1. command

Strict father Shuoyang in "Where's Dad?" frequently made hot searches and was bombarded by netizens. Combing the daily life of him and his son, the reason why his attitude towards his son is not satisfactory is that he often uses a commanding tone to his son.

When his son walked eight feet, he shouted to his son, "Run from that slope again!" " "

The child climbed the front stairs with trepidation. He was behind, obviously worried that the child would fall, but he still adopted the tone of command: "If you don't climb faster, I will kick your back!" " "

Such a commanding tone will make children feel oppressive and alienate their parents, which will lead to children's lack of security and seriously undermine the parent-child relationship.

entreat

Some parents often communicate with their children in a pleading tone: "Baby, will you help your mother?" "Don't rob the child of this toy, will mom buy you a new one?"

The seemingly gentle pleading tone actually implies that parents will give rewards as long as the baby compromises.

Although this tone is mild, it is a disguised form of doting, which also has a certain degree of adverse effects on children's growth: over time, parents will lose their prestige in their children's hearts; If the conditions are exchanged, the child will not be satisfied and naturally will not compromise.

impatient

In the weekend park, a lovely little girl and her partner are running and playing happily on the grass. Maybe this is too interesting. The little girl accidentally fell to the ground. Dewdrops on the grass wet the little girl's brand-new skirt in the morning, and some mud stuck on it.

The little girl stood up, ready to continue playing, but when she saw her mother coming, she cried in fear. Mother came over and patted the dirt on the girl angrily and said, "A heart that can't be used up in a day! Look at the clothes just washed for you. "

Many parents are familiar with this scene, so it is not difficult to understand the reason why children cry when their mothers come over: the impatient speaking state makes children accustomed to it and knows that they will be scolded.

This brings more to the children: the sense of loss that I made my mother unhappy and the sense of loss of "I am really useless".

Talking about the influence of so many parents' incorrect tone on their children, what attitude should parents use to speak correctly?

No matter what attitude you take, it should be based on equal communication. The following three ways may be helpful to parents.

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Parents' encouragement to their children plays a very important role in their growth.

Similarly, in Where Is Dad Going, Huang Lei's attitude towards his daughter Huang Duoduo is also worth learning from parents.

When children need to complete tasks, the oldest Huang Duoduo needs to lead his younger brothers and sisters to carry out activities. In the face of sudden leadership tasks, Duo Duo obviously lacks confidence.

Huang Lei crouched down and said to Huang Duoduo, "Sister, I believe you! You can definitely find vegetables with your children and meet their father! "

This is the best embodiment of encouragement and trust. Parents express their trust in their children, and the tone of encouragement can make children full of confidence.

Respect and praise

Huo Siyan and his son's daily life, uh-huh, also taught their parents a good lesson.

No matter how well his son is, Huo Siyan can always find something worthy of praise:

My son understands that "many hands make light work" is unity, and she will praise: "Mm-hmm, you are smarter than me!"

Her son has prepared a small gift for her, and she will hold her son in her arms happily with a happy face;

Before going out, my son helped him choose cosmetics. No matter how strange the collocation of sons is, Huo Siyan will proudly use them.

Learning to praise will make children more confident.

discuss

In addition to positive praise and encouragement, when faced with problems that need to be solved, parents should adopt a negotiating tone: "Baby, we can only watch TV for one hour today!" " Instead of "turn off the TV for me!"

"Should we go to bed?" Instead of "go to bed now!"

The tone of discussion is easier for children to accept and it is easier to promote the solution of problems.

After reading above, what do you think parents should say to their children? Welcome to express your views in the comments section!