Unfortunately, there is nothing perfect in the world, and the inevitable difficulties will always pull the once love into the abyss, and then it will become unrecognizable.
The ancients treated love mostly in poetry. Such as "life and death are rich, and children are happy; Holding your hand and growing old with your son looks beautiful, but it is extremely difficult to achieve in real life. "
Throughout the ages, getting married can't be two people's business. In ancient times, there were ethical constraints, parents' orders and matchmakers' words, which young people could not resist. Modern times are not bound by life. If you watch more tragedies, you will have ideas.
As the saying goes, it is better to marry a widow than a wife. What does this mean? Does it still have reference significance today? Today, let's talk about the ancient concept of marriage.
As we all know, it is best to marry a widow. The ancients were biased against women. In a society where men are superior to women, such a situation is not uncommon. In the eyes of the ancients, widows were always regarded as unlucky people.
Under the oppression of feudal ethics, it is more difficult for widows to stand up straight. When it comes to the plight of widows, we have to mention the three obedience and four virtues of women.
Among the three virtues, one says, "The husband dies and the son follows." This principle must be the fundamental reason why widows are in a difficult situation in the future.
"Ethics" stipulates: "A woman should follow others; When you are young, you follow your father and brother, marry your husband, and your husband will follow your son. " In a word, women have been framed in rules all their lives. Followers follow their laws. It means that as a woman, you should obey other people's instructions.
When a girl is young, she should follow the instructions of her father and brother. After marriage, she should obey her husband's instructions. After the death of her husband, a woman should not only observe the festival for her husband, but also obey the discipline of her eldest son, and leave any important matters at home to her son to make decisions.
It is worth mentioning that there is a mention of "respecting the mother and filial piety" in Confucian ethics, but it seems to stop there without specifying what rights the mother has. Instead, it describes in detail what rights the eldest son has.
During the Spring and Autumn Period, there was a widow on the border of Lu State who gave birth to nine sons. She brought them up with great pains. Mother wants to visit her family after all her sons get married.
However, due to the ethical code of "the husband dies and the son follows", the mother needs to seek the opinions of her sons. The sons all agreed, and the mother told her daughters-in-law to look after the house and said that she would come back at night.
As a result, before dawn, my mother went home, and Dr. Lu specially praised her. At this point in the story, you may wonder, why did Dr. Lu know this little thing? Of course, it is because people are sent to monitor, and the strictness of ethical codes can be seen.
Therefore, widow's remarriage is generally regarded as disloyalty. However, with the change of the world, people always need to survive and change. Some widows secretly remarried and were gradually acquiesced. Public opinion is unfriendly to widows and even more cruel to "having a wife".
The original meaning of "not marrying a wife" refers to a young wife. Because of the popular word, "having a wife" has many other meanings. To understand this proverb, let's first interpret the two meanings of "having a wife".
First, a young wife, whose husband is still alive, has remarried. The most famous story is the story of Su Wu, as Han Shu said: Your wife is young, and I heard that she married more. Su Wu's wife is very young. I heard that she has remarried. At that time, Su Wu was trapped by the Huns and kept a festival of herding sheep.
Because the news was blocked, there was no news of Su Wu at home, thinking that Su Wu was dead, and his wife took the initiative to remarry.
At that time, Su Wu's wife was placed on the back of the ethical code. Even if God Su Wu dies, my wife will be widowed for her husband's family. However, she remarried because she didn't get the news, which is not allowed by the world.
From this perspective, it makes sense not to get married and have a wife. It is against the rules for a young wife to remarry while her husband is still alive. If you become a widow, it is understandable to remarry.
However, when the husband was alive, he married someone else, which is no different from what modern people call "cheating". Generally speaking, women who dare to do this are not allowed in both modern and ancient times.
Second, divorced women. Although men were superior to women in ancient times, ordinary people would not divorce their wives easily, because ancient times standardized their wives' behavior and formulated "seven endings." As long as the woman does not violate the "seven out", the husband has no reason to divorce his wife.
Seven points: disobedience to parents, childless, fornication, jealousy, poor health, talkative, stealing. Therefore, once a woman is divorced by her husband's family, most people think that a woman will commit one of them and will not accept any of them, so there is a saying of "not marrying a wife".
Conclusion Proverbs summed up by ancient people's experience are, after all, limited by the times, so they are credible to today's people, but they can't be trusted completely.
As the saying goes, it is better to marry a widow than a wife. As long as two people really love each other, it doesn't matter whether the other person is a widow or not.
"Having a wife" needs more attention. For some people, "childless" probably won't have any influence, but other "sextuplets" are not accepted even in modern times.