A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside. Seeing this, the second man stole the meat. Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet. B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? " -Han Weiyuchun's "Laughing Forest" name game Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, is very eloquent, especially good at word games. When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister. Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion, it is similar to call it' lack of talent'. " Hearing this, he immediately laughed at Wang's surname: "The word Wang is added to the left of the word, 呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄2157 On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present. During the dinner, Lu Yuanming made fun of his surname and said, "The word' Xu' means not to enter the people (Wei added' Yu' and' Jin')." Then he mocked Yuan Ming's surname-the word "Lu": "The word" Lu "is the word" An ".Print a public word as" Lu "and match it with a horse to become a donkey." Lu Yuanming was flushed and speechless, and the room was full of laughter. -Old title Sui Hou Bai's "Qi Yan Lu" Bird's Nest and calf Hou Bai later became an official of the Tang Dynasty, often with solve riddles on the lanterns. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "What you guess must be a visible object; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but you can't see this thing, you will be punished. " Then he first came up with a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, the abdomen is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car), and the mouth is as big as a cup. "Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is an object with a mouth as big as a cup and a back as big as a room? "There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us." Hou Bai finished gambling with everyone and explained, "This is the swallow's nest." They burst out laughing. On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet. During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment. What you guess can neither be strange nor difficult to understand, nor can it be abstract and untrue. Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox. What is this? " Everyone has been speculating, some say it's roe deer, others say it's deer, but they are all denied. Let Hou Bai tell the answer. Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf." -The old title "Qi" by Sui Houbai asks for the name of Tianbao. In his early years, the famous secret supervisor He wrote to the court and wanted to retire to his hometown of Wuzhong. Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently. When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears. Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had. Zhang Zhi said: "I know that Zhang Zhang has a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives it a name, I will be honored to return to China. " Xuanzong said: "Faith is the core of Tao. Blessed people have faith. The son of Qing should be named Fu. " Know the chapter and thank humbly. It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me. I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is the word' claw' followed by the word' zi'. He named my son' Fu', didn't he call my son's paw? " -Gao Songyi's "Living in Groups" I don't know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems. One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel. In the evening, he heard someone talking next door: "A song." After a while, he said, "One more song." Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night. Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs. Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He was quietly absorbed in poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respect in his heart. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him. Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her. Soon, a peddler-like man came out of the next room, thin and ill. Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly. He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? " The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is." Has refused to come up with poetry. Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then you said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood. Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands. Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times. The' hand' I said is not the' first' of poetry. " Ai Zi felt ashamed to hear that. -The Word Game of Lao Shi's Essays on Ai Zi Su Dongpo heard that Wang's Essays on Words had just been written, so he went to the office to congratulate him and joked: "In the masterpiece, it is said that' bamboo' whips and' horses' are' Benedict'. But I still have a question: "I don't know what's so funny about whipping dogs with bamboo?" Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "Is there any evidence that the word' pigeon' is changed from' bird' to' nine'? "Dongpo immediately replied:" The Book of Songs says:' The dead pigeon is in mulberry, and his son is seven', plus their parents, it is exactly nine. " Hearing this, Wang nodded happily. It was a long time before I realized that Su Dongpo had played a big joke with him again. -Su Song Wang Shizhen's "Teasing" Three-point Poetry Seven-point Reading Qin once told a story that the poet Guo once passed by Hangzhou and gave Su Dongpo a volume of poetry he wrote for appreciation. Before Dongpo could read the poem, he began to recite it vividly, until he read that his feelings were overflowing. After singing the poems, I asked Dongpo's opinion: "How much can Zheng Xiang comment on these poems?" Dongpo said without thinking, "ten points." Delighted, he asked Guo why he could be very happy. Dongpo smiled and answered, "You just recite poems, seven points come from reading and three points come from poems. Isn't it ten o'clock? " "Stone in the second edition of the banter made it clear that Wang Shizhen is tax-free. When Su Dongpo was demoted to Huangzhou by the imperial court, he supervised the commercial tax work in Huangzhou. A scholar wrote a letter to Dongpo asking for tax relief for his family. The letter said: "I have no goods on board, so I can't pay taxes." "Everything is at your command. Please let me go to Jingnan House to retrieve my dead father's coffin. " The officials laughed their heads off when they saw it. -Su Song, Shi Yuming and Wang Shizhen's "Teasing" is good. You, Su Dongpo, are generous and straightforward, and you must not keep things in your heart. He once said, "If there is a fly in the food, you must spit it out." Every time Chao (Chao Duanyan) goes to see Dongpo, Dongpo always says so. Once, Dongpo said to Uncle Mei, "I was selected by Zhaoling in Xianke. At that time, Wen Kuijun often became bosom friends with Yan. The emperor summoned his ministers to make the right decision in the temporary hall. Every time I talk about current events, I am recognized by the emperor. Soon, I repeatedly brought up what was discussed in the last chapter. Although the words were straightforward, the emperor never complained. If I don't give advice to the court, who can give pertinent advice? What I am worried about now is that the court will kill me. " Mei Shu was speechless. Dongpo sighed and said, "If the imperial court really wants to kill me, what is the pity in my life?" . There is only one thing. It's better for you after killing me. "The two of them then burst into laughter. -Su Song Wang Shizhen's second "Tiaodou" is a poet Shi (Shi Yannian) who is addicted to alcohol and has the genius of Li Chenxian (Taibai). Man Qing is bohemian and good at saying humorous things. On one occasion, Shi rode a horse to visit Baoning Temple. The groom lost control for a while, and the horse jumped off and accidentally fell to the ground. The attendants quickly picked him up and put him in the saddle. When pedestrians saw this, they all gathered to watch, thinking that he would be furious and give Ma Touling a scolding. Unexpectedly, Shi slowly raised his whip and said half jokingly to the man who led the horse, "Fortunately, I am a Shi Bachelor. If I were a bachelor of tile, wouldn't it have been broken long ago? " —— Song Xing layman's "Zhang Zhang Lu" changed sheep book Huang Tingjian jokingly said to Su Shi: "The word of Wang Xizhi, a great calligrapher in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, has been dubbed by the world as the word of changing geese; Today, Han Zongru is insatiable. Every time he gets a picture of you, he will go to Lin Yao, the handsome temple, and ask for ten catties of meat. In this way, you can call your calligraphy a sheep-changing book. "One day, Su Shi was busy writing a story in the Hanlin Academy, when Han Zongru sent a letter asking Su Shi to write back and let him exchange words for meat. Everyone was standing under the door, and the governor was in a hurry. Su Shi smiled and said to him, "Go back and tell your boss that you will cut off his meat today." -Song Xing lay "Notes" The old woman painted the king of Jin people to talk about self-control. Every guest in the family must treat each other with tea. At that time, people jokingly called it "there is a flood today." "Su Dongpo visited a family in his early years. The host is hospitable and urges tea again and again. Dongpo was so embarrassed that he smiled and said to his master, "The so-called old woman painted her face. "The host doesn't understand this meaning-put (tea) and put (tea). -Song Xing layman "Record in the Palm" When Yan Nianshu Pu Chuan was appointed as the Hangzhou satrap, one day, an alchemist came to offer condolences. The alchemist is about ninety years old, but his face is as fresh as a baby. Pu Zheng Chuan entertained him happily, and they had a very speculative talk. Zheng Chuan prayed to him for a long life. The alchemist replied, "My immortality is extremely simple. There's basically nothing to be afraid of. Only one thing must be remembered, sexual desire must be forbidden. Hearing this, Zheng Chuan bowed his head and pondered for a long time, then sighed and said, "If that's the case, what's the use of living a thousand years old? -Song Fan Zheng Min didn't say the word "fall" in "Dunzhai Wandering". Liu Mian was the most taboo scholar in Tang Dynasty. When I took the imperial examination in my early years, the examiner talked to him. I didn't pay attention, so I said the word "fall", but I was angry and rude. If a servant makes a mistake of "falling down", he will be hit with a stick. So when servants talk to him, they often refer to "happiness" as "well-being". On this day, he suddenly heard that the list was posted and quickly sent a servant to see it. After a while, the servant ran back, and Liu Mian hurried forward and asked, "Is my name on the list?" The servant sighed and replied, "The scholar has recovered. -Song Fan "Dunzhai Leisure Tour" Xu's wife Liu, the wife of chastity, often calls herself a decent and chaste person. On one occasion, Xu left for more than a year, while Liu stayed alone in the boudoir at home. One day, Xu came home suddenly after finishing his work and said to his wife, "I have been away for more than a year." It's boring for you to live at home alone. Don't you often walk around with your neighbors and relatives? Liu told him: "Since I left, I feel that I have lost my mind and soul. I just close the door every day and never go out. " Hearing this, Xu Fangyi repeatedly sighed. Asked his wife what fun she usually has, Liu replied, "Where is the fun? It's just that I often write small poems to express my feelings. Fang Yi was so happy that he asked his wife to take this poem with him. I don't know if I didn't read it, but I was shocked when I read it-the title of the first poem I opened was: "Gossiping about neighbors on a moonlit night." -Fan Song Zheng Min's "Dunzhai Wandering" Huiji Sun Zhang Huiji has a grandson who is in his teens and is lazy and stubborn. He does not like reading. Ai Zi hates him very much and often beats him with eucalyptus sticks, but he never changes. Ai Zi's son has only one child, and he is often worried that the child can't help but kill him with a stick. So whenever a father hits a child with a stick, he pleads with tears in his eyes. Ai Zi became more and more angry when he saw his son's miserable face. "Why don't I discipline the child for you?" As he spoke, he played harder and his son knew nothing. One winter morning, it snowed heavily, and my grandson was playing with snowballs in the yard. Ai Zi appeared, took off his grandson's clothes and made him kneel in the snow. He was shivering with cold, poor thing. The son did not dare to plead again, so he took off his clothes and knelt beside his son. When Ai Zi saw this, he was shocked and asked, "Your son is at fault and deserves this punishment; What crime did you commit, kneeling with him? "The son cried and said," If you freeze my son, I will freeze your son. " Ai Zi couldn't help laughing and forgiving their father and son. In ancient times, an official named Peng Yulin passed by a narrow alley. A woman was hanging clothes with a bamboo pole when the bamboo pole fell and hit Peng Yulin right on the head. He flew into a rage and cursed the woman. When the woman saw it, she recognized the local military commander Peng Yulin, and she couldn't help sweating. But she used her quick wits and said seriously, "You sound like a professional, so rude and unreasonable. You know Peng is with us! He is honest and clean, and loves the people like a son. If I tell him, I am afraid I will cut off your head! " Peng Yulin couldn't help beaming when she heard a woman praising herself, but she also realized her gaffe and left calmly at once. The woman who was hanging clothes accidentally dropped a bamboo pole and hit Peng Yulin on the head. It was unintentional, but it was a coincidence. Fortunately, the clothes hanger can still know him, and she can use her quick wits to praise him with good reputation and admiration. She pretended not to know who the other person was, but scolded him for being rude and unreasonable, and praised Peng Yulin for his honesty and integrity, saying that complaining to Peng Yulin would cure him. This is not a "face-to-face" compliment, but it is better than a face-to-face compliment. This makes Peng Yulin feel flattered: he has such a good reputation as an official among the people, and he should never damage his image for these trivial things. After he suddenly woke up, he turned anger into laughter, and an upcoming quarrel was so skillfully resolved. This move of the clothes dryer is really clever. A proper "top hat" douses the other person's anger. Because it is everyone's instinctive choice to maintain their good image in the eyes of others, who is still angry in the face of some compliments? Everyone wants to have a good reputation in the eyes of others, and often can't believe the praise in person. They are afraid that this kind of praise will take part in accidental amusement and keep whispering in private. At this time, a special means of "flattery" comes in handy, that is, "pretending not to praise each other." "Just like the woman in the above example, this method is well used, which makes parents happy and saves themselves from a disaster. A guest who visited the British portrait painter Sir Godfrey Kneller (1646― 1723) commented on a full-length portrait of Mrs Naylor, saying that some claw marks at the bottom of the portrait greatly damaged the effect of the portrait. Naylor told the guests that it was because of his wife's little bulldog, which often scratched Mrs. Naylor's skirt with its claws, hoping that its owner could catch it. This reminds the guests of the story of Zoxasis: Zoxasis once painted many grapes on the head of a little boy's portrait. The grapes were lifelike and birds came to peck at them. Naylor denigrated this legend: "If children paint as lifelike as grapes, birds will not dare to peck grapes. "Too many, Mencius and Xunzi. . . . . . A famous story. Yang, the son of Sanqian.