I wrote an article about three views in love the other day, and a girl came to ask me how to judge whether two people have three views or not.

She said that she felt that she had some disagreements with her boyfriend recently, and there were always quarrels, which were basically trivial matters.

Actually, quarreling doesn't mean that three views disagree, but couples who don't quarrel are terrible. Running-in doesn't mean that the three views disagree. Two people can't be exactly the same, and there is no problem.

what is the real disagreement between the three views?

Life in my eyes is waste in her eyes.

the beauty in my eyes is the pretense in his eyes.

......

In a word, he can dislike what you like, but he can't denigrate or even insult your personality.

some people will ask, how do you judge the disagreement between the three views? ?

I have sorted out five questions, which may be able to animate the so-called three views and make a simple reference for men and women in mate selection.

As Liu Zhenyun said in "One sentence is worth 1, sentences", "A person's loneliness is not loneliness. A person looking for another person, one sentence looking for another sentence, is the real loneliness."

It seems to be just three simple words when chatting, but it tests the * * * same language composed of two people's cognition, interest, vision, logical thinking and other factors.

it's not easy to talk together, it requires conditions.

first of all, the knowledge reserves should not be too different.

Only by listening to the other person's words and understanding the hidden allusions and jokes can you smile at the subtleties. Chatting actually requires diamond cut diamond.

Secondly, interests and hobbies must overlap.

*** The existence of the same hobby can expand and extend the chat content. Both breadth and depth of conversation can ensure the high quality of getting along.

finally, the thinking angle is roughly the same.

most of the contradictions between people come from different angles. In fact, there is no right or wrong, but the inherent differences in positions often lead to more than half a sentence.

Love mostly comes from "talking", from a hello to what books you like to read, what kinds of movies you like, and what your views on a hot event are.

These conversations seem to be rambling, but they convey an important signal of being human.

We can measure the matching degree between the other person and ourselves through a person's speaking style and content.

There are several key words around people's life: health, family, emotion, career, money, fame and fortune.

If you want to know a person's outlook on life, you must know what ta thinks is the most important life order.

For example, some people put their career first, and attach great importance to money, fame and fortune. This kind of people will probably want to live a brave and radical life, but they can't compete and take things as they please. Naturally, they can't agree with the slow-paced life and can't adapt to the long-term ease and leisure.

Some people put family first and think that health and emotion are the most valuable things, so such people naturally can't accept people who value fame and wealth.

The attitude towards life determines what attitude a person will take to live his life.

treating people and things is actually a behavior habit.

For example, whether there is courtesy or not; What is the personality and temper at home and what is the personality and temper when going out; What it's like to get along with friends and colleagues, and so on.

to put it simply, it depends on the person's character and whether he can be a man.

if you encounter contradictions, will you handle them better? When encountering difficulties, overcome or escape? Will you be responsible and responsible when you encounter problems? What's the heart, what's the temperament?

Get to know each other's family of origin, carefully observe the relationship between ta and his parents and friends around him, and know what kind of values ta probably has through his manners and living habits.

A person's circle is actually a mirror, which can clearly reflect his life, thoughts and habits.

If you have no affection for his friend, you have subconsciously rejected him.

After all, human beings are gregarious animals, and it is too rare for a marriage to exist independently without social interaction.

Marrying a person is actually the circle and habit of marrying him.

A circle of friends without intersection represents a completely different value pursuit and lifestyle.

these two people will probably be attracted to each other for a while, but they will never be together for life.

Mohammed has a famous saying: "If you have two loaves of bread, you have to exchange one for a daffodil."

However, some people insist that all the daffodils should be exchanged for bread, and the sureness and satisfaction brought by material things should be firmly in their hearts.

If these two people form a family, life will easily become a disaster:

On their wedding anniversary, she longed for a candlelight dinner in a luxurious western restaurant, but he insisted on cooking at home;

After the year-end bonus, he insisted on traveling, but she took a fancy to the fur coat in the shopping mall.

When her child goes to kindergarten, she subscribes to aristocratic bilingualism, but he thinks that private education is very affordable ...

A person's consumption view is the most direct mapping of values.

it's really hard for men and women who have too big differences on spending money to live a smooth life.

Because most things in life are related to spending money, it is related to the quality of life and affects emotions.

Finally, we sorted out 12 questions that we must know before marriage, including the relationship with family, personal space, attitude towards money, and the balance between work and family. See if your three views are consistent?

1. Get married, buy a house or rent a house? Where does the money come from? Whose name is written on the real estate license? Can parents come at will? Live with your parents?

2. Can we respect each other's parents? Will you give enough blessings? If not, how can we face it?

3. How often do you visit your parents? Who are you going to on New Year's Eve?

4. What bothers you most about my family?

5. Do we have to support our parents? Will our married parents give us financial help?

6. How long does it take to have children after marriage? Who will take care of the children? What if you don't want to have children? What about infertility? What is the way to bring up children?

7. opposite sex communication space? The definition of infidelity?

8. Do we like and respect each other's friends? Can I keep my personal interests before marriage?

9. How to distribute their money, who will manage it and how to manage their money? Will there be any conflict between consumption view and saving view?

1. Have we exchanged the disease histories of both sides in detail? Including mental ones.

11. Are our eating habits and tastes similar? (referring to all living habits)

What if the woman mind the man smoking and drinking at home? If one of them snores while sleeping, will the other one mind? One of them likes keeping pets, so will the other one mind?

12. What is the thing about ourselves that we will never give up because of marriage?