What determines a person's fate? Born, what kind of family were you born in? What genes are you born with? The education, ideas, wealth of family background, as well as the natural attributes of your genes, such as intelligence and appearance, will naturally guide a person's life direction.
The way people "change their destiny" is to make up for the defects caused by family background and genes at birth, thus changing the direction of life: studying (as a student), getting married and changing themselves.
One of the most important changes is "marriage". Whether you are married now or not, "marriage" is a problem that everyone will face and is facing now.
If you seriously think about the problem of "marriage", you will find that everything in this world can be solved, but "marriage" can't be solved.
Why do you say that? Because once the "marriage" goes wrong, you will find that your career, family, parenting, social life, etc., that is, your whole life, will become overwhelmed, even walking on thin ice.
If your "marriage" can't nourish your energy, then your life will definitely continue to decline, because the quality of "life" depends on whether a person has enough energy and painstaking efforts to deal with all the "uncertainties" in "life".
A person who leaves home like a frosted eggplant and a person who leaves home full of vigor and vitality will definitely have different development directions in "career".
To measure whether a person's marriage is successful, there is a yardstick to see whether his marriage is a kind of consumption or a kind of nourishment.
Teacher Qian Zhongshu once had a famous saying in his Fortress Besieged: "Marriage is a besieged city. People outside want to go in and people inside want to come out. " Why don't many young people want to get married now? And why is the national divorce rate rising year after year?
Home should be a "safe haven", but more people have turned home into "purgatory", which is a more realistic portrayal of life. Some seemingly happy marriages are actually just the tip of the iceberg of the contemporary "marriage" that the other party wants you to see. The unhappiness of "marriage" is a huge invisible "ice body" hidden under the iceberg.
"Marriage is to share a person's rights and interests equally and assume two obligations" is a sentence said by philosopher Schopenhauer, and more people's idea is to get more rights and interests in marriage and share obligations equally, which also reveals the essence of more people's "unhappy marriage"-the degree of mental maturity.
If a person does not reach a certain degree of "mental maturity", I suggest that we should be extra cautious on the issue of "marriage". You say that your brain is a "child" and the other half is also a "child", and then have another child. What will your married life be like? You can imagine.
A person's "mental maturity" and "independence" are inseparable. The most important thing is whether your thoughts are independent. You grew up listening to your parents? Listen to the teacher? Listen to your classmates? From a friend? Unable to make up your mind to "listen to others" on such an important issue as "marriage" shows its "weak mind"
If people can't "make a decision" when they are about to get married and have children, it can only prove that you are still a child, and the "married" life will only become a kind of oppression that you can't bear.
Many people ask me, "Why don't you get married in your thirties?" To tell the truth, I am not afraid of marriage at all, but I have absolute awe of marriage, because I know that if I am not careful about marriage, I will be irresponsible to myself, to the other party, to both families and even to the next three generations.
The older people get married, the easier it is to feel the oppression brought by "married" life. I have seen too many people whose lives are messed up by marriage and children, people who are trapped in the dilemma of "can't live without it", and too many men and women who are on the verge of collapse with their children and cry while being strong after divorce. This is the real marriage siege, and it can even be said that it is an unspeakable pain for a person to accompany him for a lifetime.
At the beginning of the article, it is said that there are three ways for people to "change their destiny": reading, getting married and changing themselves. If you didn't study hard when you were a student, and if your marriage failed, please make good use of the third chance to change your destiny.
Don't lose heart when the first two cards are broken. Please look back at yourself and see if your "skills" are too hard to play well. The reason why people are not smooth and hit a wall everywhere is because their thoughts are wrong from the beginning and their minds are not mature enough. Admitting your weaknesses is the beginning of an "upward" life.
Change the wrong concept of life given by the influence of family background, subvert yourself from the outside to the inside and reshuffle. What is waiting for you after experiencing "nirvana" must be "rebirth". It really takes courage. Don't care what others think of you, let yourself be your own master, and your life can only be decided by yourself.
Take the steering wheel back to your own hands and step on the accelerator, so as not to waste your life, make yourself blameless and have no regrets.