Once upon a time, the story of Liz Murray was a bright light in my life. Whenever I encounter setbacks or failures, I will think of Liz's legendary story. She inspired me to be brave and fearless. But now, my role has changed and I have become a novice mother. Reading this book again, Liz's family story, gave me more inspiration in parenting.
Over the years, the theory of "family origin" has swept the world, affecting countless parents and academic coffee in the education sector. The so-called family background refers to the influence of family living environment on children. Most people have the idea that in a knowledgeable and cultured family, most children are also knowledgeable and attractive. In a family where parents often quarrel, most children will have emotional defects, whether this view is correct or not, but I believe most people have such psychological hints.
In fact, this argument is a typical stereotype. The public habitually transplant the impression of parents to children, thinking that the quality of children must be related to parents. Therefore, the "birth theory" has gradually been deified and become a dogma for parents to restrain their personal behavior. This is a good thing, but at the same time, many parents in China have become more and more anxious, fearing that their imperfections will affect their children's lives.
So, is the influence of "coming from a family" on children really that serious? In a positive sense, it will definitely have an impact. A harmonious and relaxed family will bring up optimistic, positive and brave children who may not have a bad personality at first, but whether their success can be 100% decided is another matter.
In The Storm on Harvard Road, Liz Murray, a slum girl, became addicted to drugs when her mother was pregnant with her. Her father was imprisoned for drug trafficking, and the whole family lived on the monthly government relief from Liz's mother. Every time her mother received money, she would "get carried away" with it, and eventually her mother died of AIDS, but Liz's father seldom took care of her, so Liz was homeless and wandering around when she was 15 years old. It is common to sleep on the subway and use a friend's living room. For ordinary people, such a family should belong to the worst "family of origin". However, no one expected that Liz, who grew up in this environment, did not succumb to her fate, and finally passed her own efforts to enter Harvard and live in her apartment.
Liz Murray is not limited by her family background, but she can still maintain a positive, optimistic and brave personality. In modern China, parents always exaggerate the influence of family background on their children, and like to impose their own set of survival standards and moral concepts on their children, for example, to create a reading atmosphere. In Little Joy, Eiko's mother, Song Qian, strongly used her own standards to force her children to study, which eventually led to Eiko's depression.
Modern parents' love for their children is mainly manifested in meeting their material living conditions, which they think is for their own good. Although there is no shortage in life, parents often miss their children's lives because of their busy work, which makes more and more children lack their parents' care since childhood. In fact, this is a taboo in the process of parenting.
Liz Murray has an imperfect mother. She said in her autobiography, "I always thought she would take care of me, but she didn't take care of me until I died." I take care of her. " However, no matter who Liz's parents are, whether they are drug addicts or AIDS patients, the only thing they can do right is to "love" their children with what little extra energy they have. This kind of love is not expressed by matter, but by heart.
Liz's mother made many unfulfilled wishes. Although none of them came true, at least she could feel her mother's love. Liz's father, although he seldom cared about her, led her to the road of literature, and once stole books from the library to show her, cultivating her love for literature.
In fact, parents don't have to force themselves to be perfect, and there are no really perfect parents in this world. Parents only need to do three things well to bring good family education to their children:
0 1
Bring positive energy
Liz's mother has a famous saying: "One day, life will get better". Although Liz's parents never got better, they gave Liz a bright future. After her success in her career, Liz has been encouraging young people not to use childhood sufferings as an excuse not to seize opportunities. Young people must resist the temptation of gangs and drugs. Therefore, positive energy is a very valuable thing for a child.
02
Try to cultivate their interest in learning.
The training process must be measured, not forced. We can try to have an in-depth communication with our children and explain why everyone should study, because only learning can change fate, and only learning is the lowest threshold for success. Maybe there are people who can succeed by luck in this world, but for most ordinary people, only learning is the shortcut to get out of the family difficulties.
There are still some children who really don't like learning. No matter how you train them, it's useless. What should you do? Take time to explore children's interests and advantages and guide them to learn from their interests. Of course, parents must control their children's interests and have correct values, otherwise once they deviate from the direction, the future will be out of control.
In The Storm on Harvard Road, Liz's father has a high IQ. If someone gave him positive guidance when he was young, maybe his father would have a completely different life, so he should also respond to that sentence: genius and madness are in the same strain, and Liz inherited her father's intelligence, but fortunately, she met a teacher who helped her study, so she got rid of her poor family and made extraordinary achievements.
03
Carry out moderate frustration education
Frustration education pays attention to skills, especially the scale must be controlled well, because once the frustration education is crossed, it will not be worth the loss. Why is it recommended that children receive frustration education? Because if a person is used to smooth sailing, then when setbacks break in without saying hello, children may not be able to bear the psychological torture caused by setbacks.
Children receive frustration education when they are young, combined with parents' psychological explanation, can make their hearts stronger, know where to fall and get up from there, learn to find their weaknesses and advantages from repeated setbacks, and let them face difficulties calmly and accurately again, and at the same time cultivate their independence.
So when does frustration education start? It is recommended to start exercising at the age of 2~3, because the younger you are, the higher your acceptance of frustration education is. Parents can try these simple methods, such as: