There is this thought-provoking sentence in the "Entertainment Chapter" of Cai Gen Tan, a wonderful book on life: "Those who are in trouble are difficult to get together and separated; those who are happy are easy to get close to and easy to separate."
The general meaning is: people with an arrogant personality seem to be very unsociable and difficult to cater to, but once they make friends, it is difficult to separate; people with a cheerful personality seem to be very gregarious and easy to get close to, but they are also separated. Easy, as the saying goes, "it comes in a hurry and goes in a hurry."
Let me ask you this: Would you rather have a stable and reliable relationship, or a fast-food relationship with great variables? It is estimated that many people will choose the former rationally. Unfortunately, people are often more emotional than rational in the process of communication.
For example, we tend to regard people who are eloquent and sweet-tongued as "high emotional intelligence" and are willing to associate with such people; while for those honest people who are dull and talk less and are not good at social interaction, we often regard them as "high emotional intelligence". Think of them as having "low emotional intelligence" and think it's boring to get along with such people.
Get rid of the glitz and look at the essence through the phenomenon. The essence is the most important. As Zeng Guofan, a famous official in the late Qing Dynasty, said: "The way to view people is to be simple and honest." Therefore, people who are unsociable are still kind and good in nature. Please treat them well. Although they are difficult to get along with, they are worthy of our lifelong friendship.
Mr. Lu Xun said: "Wild beasts always walk alone, while cattle and sheep travel in groups." This sentence shows that the strong are often lonely, while the weak lack a sense of security and like to hug together for warmth and follow what others say.
As an adult, if we find that a person often lives alone and has few friends, but can still get along well, it means that this person is as capable as a beast and has extraordinary qualities, so Disdainful of all sentient beings "falling in the same boat".
The ancients paid special attention to "being cautious in making friends", but Confucius told us a standard for making friends - "No friend is as good as yourself." What's the meaning? That is to say: don’t make friends with people who are not as good as yourself. As long as there is something better than yourself, it is worth learning from others.
This is also the principle of making friends advocated by "Zengguang Xianwen": "To make friends, you must be better than yourself. It is better to be like me than to have nothing." When making friends, you should make more friends who are worse than yourself. Otherwise, you will be the same as yourself. If you can't learn anything, it's better not to make friends. Even if we look at the problem from a more utilitarian perspective, we should make more friends with capable people and strangers, and unsociable people often fall into this category.
Mediocre people often have harmonious relationships with the people around them; outstanding people often have tense relationships with the people around them. If you are willing to be mediocre, there will be few blockers around you; but if you want to be outstanding, there will be many blockers, because your excellence will make others appear incompetent.
This is also the main reason why outstanding people who do not fit in with others are often regarded as different by people around them. As the saying goes, "If trees are beautiful in the forest, the wind will destroy them; if they are piled up on the shore, the current will be turbulent." "If your behavior is higher than others, everyone will reject you."
The more outstanding a person is, the more lonely they will be, because there are fewer and fewer people at the same level as them, so they will naturally appear unsociable; if they become gregarious, follow the crowd, and have no independent opinion, they will be further away from excellence and excellence. Come farther and farther.
Just as Zeng Guofan said in his letter to his younger generation: Humble people abide by vulgar rules, like to follow what others say, and follow the crowd. The longer time goes by, the more humble they will be and the more they will fall into the lower class; Learn from the sages and sages of the past. Although they are not gregarious, they will become better and better as time goes by and they will become more popular.
Writer Jiang Fangzhou has a famous saying: "Read more books, otherwise your three views will be determined by your relatives and friends"! This sentence is especially suitable for those young people who are gregarious, because they give up the upward path because they consider their sense of security.
On the contrary, it is a kind of affirmation for people who are not gregarious, because they are independent, have thoughts and opinions, and their lives are determined by themselves, and they will definitely be very different and brilliant. So, please be kind to those who don’t fit in, because they are often good enough and worthy of our deep friendship.
In life, there is a kind of person who is "cool in nature" and gives the impression that he is not gregarious. This kind of people are often very kind. When they are hurt by others, they gain wisdom, treat others more carefully, and no longer give true feelings easily. In fact, behind their cold faces, there is often a sincere and enthusiastic heart.
Just as it is said in "Cai Gen Tan": "It is better to be close to others at the beginning than to be easily estranged from them at the end." When interacting with others, it is better to be close at the beginning than to be easily alienated and break up in the end. Be cautious when getting close.
On the contrary, we should pay more attention to those who are very enthusiastic and sociable. Because we know people but not their hearts, many people hide a cold heart behind their warm faces. As the ancients said: "Those who promise lightly will be trusted by few, and those who praise others will be betrayed." People who promise easily to others must have little integrity; people who praise others in person must speak ill of them behind their backs.
Zhuangzi is the kind of person who has a cold nature and seems to be unsociable, but he is extremely kind in his heart. King Zhuang of Chu sent people to invite Zhuangzi to be the prime minister, but Zhuangzi was indifferent to the temptation of fame and fortune, and even behaved indifferently and unfeelingly, like a lonely tree guarding the moon of the soul late at night. In fact, Zhuangzi's eyes were extremely cold and his heart was extremely warm, because he was afraid that he would be sincere and be hurt by the cruel reality.
Mr. Lu Xun looks very cold, but he sees thoroughly and clearly.
"With cold brows and cold eyes, I bow my head and am willing to be a bully", this sentence is his silent cry to the enemy, and it is also his infinite tenderness to the people. Mr. Lu Xun is also a person who seems to be unsociable, but he is very kind-hearted. Therefore, people who are not gregarious are often kind-hearted and worthy of deep friendship.
Unsociable people have often been hurt before, are afraid of being hurt again, and are unwilling to become bad and hurt others. So they would rather knock out their teeth and swallow their blood, and wrap themselves up tightly. In fact, they are very kind and need to be treated well. A person is strong because of ruthlessness and weak because of passion.
On the contrary, those who are good at social interaction often show hypocrisy, just like Confucius said, "Knowing words and deceiving people, showing benevolence." Although unsociable people are difficult to get along with, they are often excellent and kind enough, so they deserve to be treated well and have deep friendship.
Today’s topic: Are there any unsociable people around you?
Zhuo Maojun—helps personal growth, promotes traditional culture, and spreads the wisdom of Chinese studies