Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho has this description in the novel "Veronica Decides to Die": "At some point, she began to hate her mother who loved her most in the world. She She hates the love her mother gives her, because her mother's love does not ask for anything in return, and this is absurd, distorted and contrary to the laws of nature. Love that does not ask for anything in return fills her with a sense of responsibility and a need to conform to her mother's expectations. Will, even if it means she has to give up everything she dreams of."
This is reminiscent of the mothers in China today. When it comes to raising children, most of them are anxious. They not only provide nanny-like care to their children, but also consider everything they eat and drink; At the same time, they have placed extremely high expectations on their children and are eager to achieve success. From cultivating their children's interests and hobbies to not being left behind in their studies at school, almost all aspects of their children's growth are under control. As soon as children are born, they are almost set by a predetermined script. This script makes their lives meaningful, but it also limits the power of the self to a certain extent.
On the surface, the maternal love that children receive seems to be a lot, but the quality is often worrying, and there is a certain degree of engulfing trauma. Some mothers do not have a good family relationship and have a poor relationship with their husbands. The "husband-wife relationship" has not become the first and core relationship in the family. Mothers often transfer their energy to their children and make up for it by controlling their children. Discord in the relationship between husband and wife. This kind of unconscious emotional transfer has a devastating impact on the child. It is difficult to maintain a balance in the mother-child relationship, and the child will be in a passive position. Over time, a biological relationship is established between mother and child, and it is difficult for the child to learn from the mother. The child is freed from the emotional constraints and the self is swallowed up step by step. It is difficult to educate children under this premise to cultivate a freely stretched and powerful soul.
Some mothers’ own careers have not reached expectations, and they are at a lower level of understanding of life, society, and the world. They will blindly transfer their ideals to their children, allowing them to continue to interpret themselves. The life of hope. To this end, they can do whatever it takes, some are frugal, some are stay-at-home mothers, and they give all their energy without thinking of anything in return. It sounds like a paradox for a mother without self to raise a child with a sound self. Children are often held captive by their mothers, unable to breathe, unable to express themselves, and even have to give up their own ideas and pursuits.
Therefore, possessive and airtight maternal love is not great, on the contrary, it is selfish and overbearing. And selfless maternal love contains a kind of ruthlessness, which represents the appropriate distance and mutual respect between mother and child. You are you, I am me, and you are not my private property. Under this premise, mother's love and dedication are given. Even sacrifice.