Q: "Failure is the mother of success". Who is the father of success?

Answer: Transfer 10 yuan to me, and you have successfully "paid".

When I heard that "failure is the mother of success" when I was a child, I also had this question, and I couldn't figure out why at that time.

If you answer seriously, who should be the father of success? After thinking for a long time, a word flashed through my mind: persistence.

Like "failure is the mother of success", "persistence is the only way to succeed" is a wise saying, which has been lingering in our ears since childhood, so it is not an exaggeration to insist on being "the father of success" and it is also "suitable for failure".

The whole family is here. I want to discuss how a person can succeed from the perspective of family background.

Some domestic scholars have concluded that there is an equation in China's problem families: absent father+anxious mother = disobedient child. I will use this equation to interpret the successful Origin and Death.

What is it like to succeed without persistence?

The experiences of the three people are very similar, but they all became famous when they were young. From the perspective of family and society, all three entered the university illegally. Although the IQ is superior, but the mind is not yet mature, interpersonal relationship and mental health are lacking. Xie Yanbo and Politics is a tragedy caused by interpersonal relationship, while Ningbo was forced to study theoretical physics that he didn't like, which damaged his interest and self-confidence.

From their own point of view, many honors in their youth can be easily obtained, which makes them mistakenly think that this is success, but they don't know that temporary success can't represent anything. They only know that at this moment, you are very strong, but later, if you don't persist, the result is obvious.

In addition, according to a long-term follow-up survey by American sociologists, there are few "happy endings" in winning the lottery in the world. The best ending is to return to the original shape after many years. This kind of "good ending" is still rare.

Without experiencing wind and rain, there would be no rainbow. For Conan, seeing the rainbow directly is probably just a dream.

Like most families, if a child grows up without his father, it will have a great influence on the child. Those successes that are readily available and don't need persistence can only be fruitless.

Persistence is the most practical supervision and witness to success, just as a father needs to participate and pay in the growth of his children.

Failure is the carrier of anxiety. Many people are too worried about failure. In the face of anxious failure "mother", success is often avoided.

However, persistence alone is not enough. We should also pay enough attention and care to the frustrated "mother" who failed, and treat the gains and losses caused by failure seriously and correctly.

Mao Mu, an English novelist, once said, "If a person loses confidence after being hit, he will always be a loser".

The general psychological course when people experience failure is: denying avoidance-admitting failure-reflecting and summarizing.

Denial and avoidance: Denial and avoidance are especially obvious in children. The 5-year-old child lost chess with his mother, crying, unwilling to admit losing, and angry with his mother for several days; Nine-year-old pupils with excellent academic performance don't want to go to school because they didn't do well in an exam, because they can't face teachers and classmates anymore.

It is worth noting that many adults still stay at this stage. In the face of failure, they always take the practice of denial and avoidance, and use some means of "splashing and rolling". However, in front of "mom", the role of splashing water and rolling around can only be temporary.

Admit failure: To get rid of the negative impact of failure, the first step is to admit failure and accept the fact that you have not succeeded for the time being, so that you can have the motivation to continue working hard.

Reflection and summary: Only with motivation can we reflect and summarize the experience of the last failure. Didn't Edison use more than 1600 kinds of heat-resistant materials and more than 6000 kinds of plant fiber materials to finally improve the electric lamp and invent the tungsten filament incandescent lamp?

So failure itself is meaningless, but the interpretation of failure is meaningful. Success is not a simple accumulation of failure, but a summary and transcendence of failure. If you don't know this, you will come to the absurd conclusion that "the more failures, the more successes".

Don't be careless, thinking that as long as you persist, you will succeed. Only by facing up to failure and interpreting it correctly can we gain something. For mothers, fathers, as husbands, should pay enough attention and affirmation, and don't patronize work to make money.

No persistence+anxiety about failure = no success. Like family relationships, success requires persistence and failure. Nothing is that simple, let alone raising a child.

The establishment of every newborn family is inseparable from the joint efforts of both parents. For children, the tenderness of parents will become the source of motivation for children to forge ahead. On the contrary, neglect and violence against children will cause trauma that will affect children's life.

Edward Tronick, a professor of psychology at Manchester University, did a very famous experiment-the still face experiment.

At the beginning of the experiment, the mother and the one-year-old baby interacted enthusiastically and used different expressions to match the baby's intentions. The baby pointed to different places, and the mother looked in that direction. The baby is very happy.

Then, the mother began to stop giving any feedback to the baby and her face was expressionless. The baby found her mother's abnormality and wanted to attract her attention.

The baby continued to try to interact with his mother, smiling at her and pointing away, but her mother still didn't respond.

In less than 2 minutes, the baby didn't get feedback, began to be impatient, seemed to be under great pressure, and finally collapsed and cried.

Through this experiment, we can clearly see that different reactions have completely different effects on children. Positive interaction, children also have fun with you; Regardless of the deadpan, the child soon began to cry.

Children who are often neglected or even abused will form another way of comforting themselves after a long time-sucking their fingers, hitting things, ignoring their parents and so on. And these behaviors are "disobedient children" in the eyes of us adults. Some adults still keep this way, which is the only way for them to feel calm under the attack of fear.

Now many parents are beginning to learn about parenting and psychology, which is good, but many parents report that after learning so much knowledge, their children are still disobedient.

Just like many people have not successfully listened to what they have learned, the reason is that knowledge is always just knowledge, it is just a tool, and it can't do anything for you. Whether it is their own or children's, they are independent individuals. Besides exams, we learn knowledge to change ourselves, not to emulate success or change our children.

Maybe you will ask: I have never given up, and I am not afraid of failure, but I have not succeeded. Why?

Judging from the standard normal distribution of IQ, true genius only accounts for 2. 14%, that is to say, most of us and most children are ordinary people after all.

It is not easy for Mao to sing in the song: "How many people in the world don't want to be as ordinary as me?"

Sometimes we refuse to be ordinary instead of failing.

In order to get rid of the ordinary, everyone tries their best to be afraid of being caught up by others, because no progress is retrogression.

In order to let children get rid of the ordinary, plan their own learning courses and goals from an early age, because they can't lose at the "starting line".

Why should we be afraid of the ordinary and finally accept it? Why should we give our children extraordinary expectations?

Pay attention and praise to children when they behave well. On the contrary, this is undeniable disappointment and urgent demand.

Children can keenly feel this "prejudice". In order to get affirmation and praise, children will be desperate, but it is easy for them to form a cognition that my value comes from the affirmation of others. This is not a good thing.

However, who says that ordinary people are mediocre and have no achievements?

Even if we live a normal life, we can still condemn Fang Qiu and make some differences within the scope of operation.

When we devote ourselves wholeheartedly to what we like, we release our charm and ability to the extreme;

When we enjoy loving and being loved and are nourished in our relationship;

When we accept our own commonness and look for our true self. ...

These moments will make our ordinary life full of extraordinary experiences.

When Ningbo participated in Tell the Truth, it criticized the "child prodigy education" and expressed a completely negative attitude. I heard that he later turned to the secular world and began to do psychological counseling. In fact, whether it is a child prodigy, becoming a monk or doing psychological counseling, it is a different experience for him.

No matter ordinary or extraordinary, the future will only be an unknown adventure.

Ignite fireworks of different colors on your ordinary road, that is success.

PS: Regarding who is the father of success, I hesitated between "persistence" and "diligence", and finally thought that the scope of persistence was wider, so I chose it. what do you think? Is the father of success "persistent" or "diligent" or has his own opinions? Welcome to discuss with me in the comments section.

About the author: With dreams as horses, post-90s psychological counselors share their own thoughts and feelings from a psychological perspective.